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I have been worrying lately that I might have a mental illness. I display some worrying traits but my friends say that it is probably boredom and frustration with my current situation than anything more serious.I have virtually no empathy for other people whatsoever, I think nothing of using people for my own gain, I can be superficially charming when it suits me to achieve what I want. I have an extremely high intellect and think nothing of using this to get things I want or need. I can't keep a job, I get bored almost instantly and I am constantly reckless. If people hurt, upset or wrong me then I think of devious ways to get my revenge. I have become increasingly aggressive over the past couple of months and now have a very short temper. I feel very depressed at times and wonder what it would be like to just dissapear.How do you explain all of this? I don't feel happy with my situation and I am pretty sure I'm not a nutter. Can this simply be put down to boredom or mild depression or should I worry that I have antisocial personality disorder?
This is not an anonymous internet joke, the forum title says physiology and medicine so I thought I would post here.
My reasons for concern are because I have recognised several of the diagnosis criteria in my behaviour. I am not a criminal and do not commit crime but I am concerned about my other "symptoms".
Whether or not I fit the diagnosis criteria for APD or not is irrelevant because the fact remains that I am unhappy with my behaviour and feelings.
I am not sure whether it is just normal behaviour or related to my temporary depression or maybe a supressed childhood trauma which I cannot remember.
I have heard that depression can really mess about with someone and their emotions and I suspect that this is probably just a side effect of that.
I don't take meds anymore because they make me feel worse but at the same time I don't want to be a soul less shell. I want my emotions back.
I don't know whether it is relevant or not but sometimes I find myself getting teary eyed at completely inappropriate times.