Bad joke

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« on: 08/04/2008 20:13:51 »
Little boy squashes a butterfly. His dad says "No butter for a month!"

Next day, little boy squashes a honeybee. His dad says "No honey for a month!"

Just then the little boy's mother arrives and treads on a cockroach. Little boy turns to his dad and asks "Are you going to tell her or shall I?"
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Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #1 on: 08/04/2008 20:21:00 »
Carolyn

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #2 on: 08/04/2008 20:23:18 »
LOL LOL LOL!!! Hee hee hee!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #3 on: 08/04/2008 20:33:00 »
No Roach for a month....I love that fish!!!
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #4 on: 08/04/2008 20:38:43 »
LOL...

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Seany

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« Reply #5 on: 09/04/2008 00:48:17 »
LOL LOL I get it [;D]
They say that when you die, your life flashes in front of you. Make it worth watching!


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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #6 on: 09/04/2008 02:51:09 »
Glad you got it! LOL..

Bad Doc... Bad doc.. Hee Hee....

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Seany

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« Reply #7 on: 09/04/2008 10:37:12 »
Nope it was good. I shall use it in school [;D]
They say that when you die, your life flashes in front of you. Make it worth watching!


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Offline Nobody's Confidant

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« Reply #8 on: 09/04/2008 13:50:31 »
Little boy squashes a butterfly. His dad says "No butter for a month!"

Next day, little boy squashes a honeybee. His dad says "No honey for a month!"

Just then the little boy's mother arrives and treads on a cockroach. Little boy turns to his dad and asks "Are you going to tell her or shall I?"
*blinks*
Missed it.
Nothing is absolute. It takes a thousand people to make a stereotype, only one to grind it into the dust.

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #9 on: 09/04/2008 18:59:55 »
Read it again Ben!!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Seany

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« Reply #10 on: 09/04/2008 19:26:09 »
LOL do you REALLY not get it?
They say that when you die, your life flashes in front of you. Make it worth watching!


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Offline Nobody's Confidant

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« Reply #11 on: 10/04/2008 13:46:25 »
I get it now. It's bad in more ways than one.
Nothing is absolute. It takes a thousand people to make a stereotype, only one to grind it into the dust.

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #12 on: 10/04/2008 17:50:24 »
Yep. Doctor Beaver does have bad mind - deranges is more to the point.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #13 on: 10/04/2008 23:13:09 »
Yep. Doctor Beaver does have bad mind - deranges is more to the point.

And deranged
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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #14 on: 11/04/2008 01:13:11 »
the "d" key is next to the "s" key on the US keyboard layout. Just a typo.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #15 on: 11/04/2008 08:50:36 »
the "d" key is next to the "s" key on the US keyboard layout.

As is the case with all QWERTY keyboards.
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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Offline Nobody's Confidant

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« Reply #16 on: 11/04/2008 13:12:39 »
the "d" key is next to the "s" key on the US keyboard layout. Just a typo.
Isn't it that way everywhere?
Nothing is absolute. It takes a thousand people to make a stereotype, only one to grind it into the dust.

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #17 on: 11/04/2008 14:50:52 »
the "d" key is next to the "s" key on the US keyboard layout. Just a typo.
Isn't it that way everywhere?

Not, for example, on Arabic, Hebrew, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Russian or Greek keyboards. That's why I said QWERTY keyboards.
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Offline Nobody's Confidant

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« Reply #18 on: 11/04/2008 16:34:08 »
the "d" key is next to the "s" key on the US keyboard layout. Just a typo.
Isn't it that way everywhere?

Not, for example, on Arabic, Hebrew, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Russian or Greek keyboards. That's why I said QWERTY keyboards.
Oh okay.
Nothing is absolute. It takes a thousand people to make a stereotype, only one to grind it into the dust.

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #19 on: 12/04/2008 01:37:13 »
Little Harry was sitting on a park bench, munching on one candy bar after another.

After the 6th bar, a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Little Harry replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time'?

Little Harry answered, 'No, he just minded his own f***in' business.


From another moderator - you know who you are!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #20 on: 12/04/2008 07:47:23 »
 [:0]
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Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #21 on: 12/04/2008 15:33:20 »
Little Harry was sitting on a park bench, munching on one candy bar after another.

After the 6th bar, a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Little Harry replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time'?

Little Harry answered, 'No, he just minded his own f***in' business.


From another moderator - you know who you are!

LOL...something like that actually happened to me a LONG LONG time ago.

I was working as an office manager for a legislative reporting agency and we were in the middle of the legislative session.  I was working long hours and was very stressed.  I went outside to smoke a cigarette and this busy body b**** that I had never met walked up to me and started berating me about smoking!  She gave me hell!  Gave me a long list of reasons why smoking was a terrible and low class thing to do ending with it being bad for my health.  I just glared at her and then very calmly said "Smoking isn't nearly as dangerous as sticking your nose in my f****** business!"  She practically ran away. 

After I got my nicotine fix I felt terrible and wanted to apologize but I never saw her again. 
Carolyn

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #22 on: 12/04/2008 16:33:53 »
Good for you. And you shouoldn't have even considered apologising to her. People who poke unwanted noses into my business get very short shrift from me - "Get your nose out or I'll bite it off!"

I got so sick of "No smoking day", "No drinking day", "Smile day" that I declared a "Mind your own effin' business day".
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Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #23 on: 12/04/2008 17:47:07 »
Good for you. And you shouoldn't have even considered apologising to her. People who poke unwanted noses into my business get very short shrift from me - "Get your nose out or I'll bite it off!"

I got so sick of "No smoking day", "No drinking day", "Smile day" that I declared a "Mind your own effin' business day".

LOVE IT!!!  It should be declared a legal holiday!  We should have T-shirts made!
Carolyn

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Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #24 on: 12/04/2008 17:48:06 »
The Cop and The Drunk!

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches .. 'Can I help you sir?'

'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr,' ... the man replies.

The cop asks . . . . 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?'

'It wasss on the end of thisshh key,' the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, 'Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?'

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out . . . .

'I'll be damned . . . . . . . . My girlfriend's gone, too!!!
Carolyn

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #25 on: 12/04/2008 21:34:07 »
 [:I]
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #26 on: 13/04/2008 04:21:11 »
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Harry.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little Harry says, 'I have a question for YOU Miss Rogers'.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking on the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little Harry replies, 'The correct answer is 'The one with the wedding-ring on, 'but I like your thinking.'

--------------------------------

From the same person as above.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Carolyn

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« Reply #27 on: 13/04/2008 04:43:35 »
LOL...gotta love that little Harry.
Carolyn

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #28 on: 13/04/2008 10:20:35 »
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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Offline Nobody's Confidant

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« Reply #29 on: 14/04/2008 17:34:40 »
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Harry.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little Harry says, 'I have a question for YOU Miss Rogers'.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking on the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little Harry replies, 'The correct answer is 'The one with the wedding-ring on, 'but I like your thinking.'

--------------------------------

From the same person as above.
........................
Nothing is absolute. It takes a thousand people to make a stereotype, only one to grind it into the dust.

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #30 on: 15/04/2008 04:43:41 »
I think ben forgot something - like perhaps a comment on his post, Hum?
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Nobody's Confidant

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« Reply #31 on: 15/04/2008 17:33:50 »
I think ben forgot something - like perhaps a comment on his post, Hum?
that was my comment pervert
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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #32 on: 16/04/2008 05:13:55 »
Pervert? The pot calls the kettle black?
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Nobody's Confidant

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« Reply #33 on: 16/04/2008 13:11:25 »
Pervert? The pot calls the kettle black?
It's time to...
post more song lyrics that go with that sentance!
Who are you to wave your finger?
Ya' must have been out your head.
Eye hole deep in muddy waters.
You practically raised the dead.

Rob the grave, to snow the cradle.
Then burn the evidence down.
Soapbox, house of cards, and glass,
So don't go tossin' your stones around.

You must have been high.
You must have been high.
You must have been.

Foot in mouth, and head up asshole.
Whatcha talkin' 'bout?
Difficult to dance 'round this one
'til you pull it out, boy!

You must have been, so high.
You must have been, so high.

Steal, borrow, refer, save your shady inference.
kangaroo done hung the juror with the innocent.

Now you're weeping shades of cozened indigo
Got lemon juice up in your...EYE!

When you pissed all over my black kettle
You must have been HIGH, HIGH
You must have been HIGH, HIGH

Who are you to wave your finger?
So full of it.
Eyeballs deep in muddy waters
Fuckin' hypocrite.

Liar, lawyer, mirror, show me.
What's the difference?

kangaroo done hung the guilty with the innocent.

NOW!!
You'll weep or, change the cozened indigo.
Got lemon juice up in your high eye.
When you pissed all over my black kettle
You musta been!

So who are you to wave your finger?
Who are you to wave your fatty finger at me?
You must, have been, out your, mind!

Weepin' shades of indigo
Shed without a reason
Weepin' shades of indigo

Liar, lawyer,
Mirror for ya,
What's the difference?
kangaroo be stoned
He's guilty as the government

NOW!!
Will you weep or, change the cozened indigo
Got lemon juice up in your, EYE!!
EYE!!

Now when you pissed all over my black kettle.
You musta been HIGH, HIGH, HIGH, HIGH.
Eyeballs deep in muddy waters
Your balls deep in muddy waters.
Ganja, please, you must have been out your MIND!!!!
Nothing is absolute. It takes a thousand people to make a stereotype, only one to grind it into the dust.