You've gotta love Clarkson!

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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You've gotta love Clarkson!
« on: 16/07/2008 09:48:29 »
The following are from Jeremy Clarkson's columns in The Times.

Recently Annie Robinson and I dreamt up a TV show that would serve as an antidote to the endless parade of hectoring and finger-wagging programmes we get today. Instead of running down the street after a cowboy builder who’d charged an old lady a million quid to build a fireplace, we would go after the victims.

It was to be called Sucker and it would celebrate the ingenious while pointing the finger and howling with laughter at the stupid, the gullible and the fat.


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And only a couple of weeks ago I was “blasted” for enjoying a gin and tonic while at the North Pole.

There’s a constant bombardment for me to sit up straight, eat my greens, comb my hair. It drives me mad. Honestly. Next time James May and I are at a Pole, we’ve decided he’s going to mainline heroin and I’m going to shoot a baby polar bear in the face. For fun.


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Whenever I let my mind wander, I become quivery-lipped and frightened thinking about all the things I could do 10 years ago that I cannot do now. I may not smack my children, for instance, or talk on a mobile telephone while driving or put too much salt on my mashed potato or smoke at home if my cleaning lady objects or give my donkey a tender burial or encourage my dogs to kill rats. And if I put the wrong thing in the wrong-coloured dustbin, I’m likely to spend the next five years digging tunnels.

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Offline RD

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You've gotta love Clarkson!
« Reply #1 on: 16/07/2008 14:43:29 »
So Jeremy says fat people should be ridiculed...
 [attachment=3731]

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« Last Edit: 16/07/2008 14:49:17 by RD »

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blakestyger

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You've gotta love Clarkson!
« Reply #2 on: 16/07/2008 16:16:23 »
Whilst at times he is funny, as he is here, he is overall an overindulged loudmouth.

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #3 on: 16/07/2008 19:05:55 »
Whilst at times he is funny, as he is here, he is overall an overindulged loudmouth.

Of which we need more!
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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #4 on: 16/07/2008 20:20:18 »
I can think of two on this forum. I sent a Clarkson Quotes book to JimBob as I thought they were kindred spirits!
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline that mad man

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« Reply #5 on: 16/07/2008 20:22:51 »
I like his humour and politically incorrect way of speaking as he sums things up well and agree with DoctorBeaver.

That photo shows he's a drinker with a beer belly and not covered in layers of fat from the over consumption of food. The rest of his body profile is fairy lean, cheeks, chin bum and arms show little excess fat..for his age!

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #6 on: 16/07/2008 22:44:53 »
And he lives just up the road from me.
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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #7 on: 16/07/2008 22:49:47 »
Around the bend, by any chance, Doc?

Mad man you are showing a very unhealthy interest in Clarkson's body that will result in snow blindness!

When Clarkson jumped in the sea all the whales sang "we are family!"
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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #8 on: 16/07/2008 22:59:20 »
Around the bend, by any chance, Doc?

Mad man you are showing a very unhealthy interest in Clarkson's body that will result in snow blindness!

When Clarkson jumped in the sea all the whales sang "we are family!"

You lie! Whales don't like Sister Sledge and would never ever sing any of their songs.

It all started when Joni Sledge started cheering the baddies in Free Willy. There just happened to be an Orcan film critic at the back of the cinema and he told other whales all about Joni. After that, anywhere the Sledge sisters went, they were bombarded with Eskimo blubber hurled by cetacean activists.
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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #9 on: 16/07/2008 23:03:53 »
I stand corrected. However, I bet some of that blubber was cultivated on Clarkson's gut. They farm him you know for just that purpose.
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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #10 on: 16/07/2008 23:06:43 »
I stand corrected. However, I bet some of that blubber was cultivated on Clarkson's gut. They farm him you know for just that purpose.

Yes, they do. They sell it to peripatetic chandlers.
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Offline that mad man

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« Reply #11 on: 17/07/2008 00:07:39 »
Hehe.

Why do you think he has a snorkel and mask?










He was looking for Rosanne Barr...


Eek, Id better go sleep.

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Offline RD

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« Reply #12 on: 17/07/2008 01:58:41 »
Jeremy spots a babe approaching

[attachment=3743]

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Offline AllenG

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« Reply #13 on: 17/07/2008 02:21:26 »
Trade ya.
We are getting Adam Carolla as the host of Top Gear US



Clarkson has proven he can write in places other than in the just the snow.

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #14 on: 17/07/2008 09:32:33 »
Hehe.

Why do you think he has a snorkel and mask?


That's not a snorkel. He'd just spotted Kirsten Scott-Thomas  [:D]
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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #15 on: 17/07/2008 09:33:20 »
Jeremy spots a babe approaching

[attachment=3743]

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Offline RD

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« Reply #16 on: 17/07/2008 13:32:51 »
Is a big chin a prerequisite for the Top Gear job ?

[attachment=3749]
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« Last Edit: 17/07/2008 13:35:01 by RD »

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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #17 on: 17/07/2008 18:50:12 »
going to watch Clarkson on Top Gear tonight. I'll see if his ears looklike they are burning. Lets hope he doesn't google himself too much.

OK who am I kidding, he's an egomaniac, I'm sure he does it all the time.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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blakestyger

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You've gotta love Clarkson!
« Reply #18 on: 17/07/2008 19:09:34 »
That photo shows he's a drinker with a beer belly and not covered in layers of fat from the over consumption of food.

It's not muscle wastage then? [^]

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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #19 on: 17/07/2008 20:50:15 »
Clarkson has just told some news readers that his dream is to have lesbians burst into the studio and chain themselves to the desk.

I think a lot of ex-clarkson girlfriends are now lesbians.
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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #20 on: 17/07/2008 22:41:55 »
That photo on the right was when he tested the Ariel Atom. He nearly sh*t himself  [:D]
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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #21 on: 17/07/2008 22:45:11 »
Clarkson has just told some news readers that his dream is to have lesbians burst into the studio and chain themselves to the desk.


Even if they look like these 2?

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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #22 on: 18/07/2008 17:10:40 »
Clarkson also told a Japanese girl that Bill Oddie is good at sniffing out Beavers. Let that me a warning Doc. Man traps at the ready. I hate Bill Oddie.
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Offline RD

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« Reply #23 on: 18/07/2008 17:52:57 »
I hate Bill Oddie.

Bill may be a panurus biarmicus, but "hate" is a bit strong.  You won't get Kate Humble's job with that attitude.
« Last Edit: 18/07/2008 18:00:18 by RD »

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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #24 on: 18/07/2008 20:13:42 »
I'd rather stick pins in my eyes and snog Clarkson!
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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #25 on: 18/07/2008 20:25:04 »
Bill may be a panurus biarmicus...

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #26 on: 18/07/2008 20:27:12 »
Clarkson also told a Japanese girl that Bill Oddie is good at sniffing out Beavers.

I'm ready for him
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