ooh look!

  • 32 Replies
  • 7966 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« on: 02/08/2008 21:13:30 »


HA-HA - bet you didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

*

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #1 on: 02/08/2008 21:40:49 »
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

*

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • 6564
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #2 on: 03/08/2008 01:37:25 »
But this is the Dead Parrot Sketch!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

*

Offline LeeE

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • 3382
    • View Profile
    • Spatial
ooh look!
« Reply #3 on: 03/08/2008 08:54:35 »
Blessed are the cheesemakers.
...And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #4 on: 03/08/2008 10:59:03 »
One of my favourite Python sketches - from The Holy Grail:-

Villager: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
Crowd: BURN!! BUUUURN HER!
Bedevere: But how do you *know* she is a witch?
Villager: She looks like one!
Other Villagers: Yeah! She looks like one!!!
Bedevere: Bring her forward.

(a young woman is pushed through the crowd of villagers to the platform. She is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around her face on top of her nose, and a black paper hat on her head. She talks funny because her nose is closed by the carrot.)
Witch: I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
Bedevere: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
Witch: THEY dressed me up like this.
Villagers: No! nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
Witch: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!

(Bedevere lifts up the carrot to reveal the woman's real nose, which is in
fact rather small.)

Bedevere: Well?
One Villager: Well, we did do the nose.
Bedevere: The nose?
Villager: And the Hat. But she's a witch!
Villagers: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!
B: Did you dress her up like this?
Villagers: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
One Villager: yes.
Villagers: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
Another Villager: (hopefully) She has got a wart...
B: What makes you think she is a witch?
Villager: Well, She turned me into a newt!!

(pause)

Bedevere: a newt?

(long pause)

Villager: I got better...
Villagers: BURN HER anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HER!
B: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIET! There are ways of *telling* whether she is a witch!
Villagers: Are there? What? Tell us, then! Tell us!
B: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
V: BUUUURN!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!! You BURN them!!!! BURN!!
B: And what do you burn apart from witches?
Villager: More Witches!
Other Villager: Wood.
B: So. Why do witches burn?

(long silence)
(shuffling of feet by the villagers)

Villager: (tentatively) Because they're made of.....wood?
B: Goooood!
Other Villagers: oh yeah... oh....
B: So. How do we tell whether she is made of wood?
One Villager: Build a bridge out of 'er!
B: Aah. But can you not also make bridges out of stone?
Villagers: oh yeah. oh. umm...
B: Does wood sink in water?
One Villager: No! No, no, it floats!
Other Villager: Throw her into the pond!
Villagers: yaaaaaa!

(when order is restored)

B: What also floats in water?
Villager: Bread!
Another Villager: Apples!
Another Villager: Uh...very small rocks!
Another Villager: Cider!
Another Villager: Uh...great gravy!
Another Villager: Cherries!
Another Villager: Mud!
Another Villager: Churches! Churches!
Another Villager: Lead! Lead!
King Arthur: A Duck!
Villagers: (in amazement) ooooooh!
B: exACTly!
B: (to a villager) So, *logically*...

Villager: (very slowly, with pauses between each word) If...she...weighs the same as a duck......she's made of wood.
B: and therefore...

(pause)

Villager: A Witch!
All Villagers: A WITCH!


(they do consequently weigh her across from a duck on Bedevere's largest scale, and she does indeed weigh the same as the duck.)
Witch: It's a fair cop.

Copyright Monty Python , from Monty Python's The Holy Grail.
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

*

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • 6564
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #5 on: 03/08/2008 20:14:10 »
And now for something completely different (In memory of Bev - Dr. Beaver, that is. He is the one imitating Cleese)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=nxNyoAMqRXQ&NR=1
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #6 on: 03/08/2008 21:08:45 »
PERV!  [:(!]
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

*

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • 6564
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #7 on: 03/08/2008 22:04:33 »
See - he just got angry. NO DENIAL!

It's him alright!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #8 on: 03/08/2008 22:19:20 »
It's a fair cop, guv.
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

*

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #9 on: 04/08/2008 17:48:33 »
Intercourse is a woody sound.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

*

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • 6564
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #10 on: 05/08/2008 01:49:38 »
Intercourse is a woody sound.

Be careful, the next time it happens you might easily find The Beaver gnawing your bum.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #11 on: 05/08/2008 08:57:50 »
That is extremely unlikely.
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

*

Offline rosalind dna

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • 2019
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #12 on: 05/08/2008 12:07:40 »
good one Doc
Rosalind Franklin was my first cousin and one my life's main regrets is that I never met this brilliant and beautiful lady.
She discovered the Single DNA Helix in 1953, then it was taken by Wilkins without her knowledge or agreeement.

*

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #13 on: 06/08/2008 17:27:25 »
My Butt cheeks are made from the finest mahogany.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

*

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • 6564
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #14 on: 07/08/2008 00:35:53 »
That's sort of flabby; mine are iron wood.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

*

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #15 on: 07/08/2008 17:18:04 »
So you can play golf with them.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

*

Offline LeeE

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • 3382
    • View Profile
    • Spatial
ooh look!
« Reply #16 on: 08/08/2008 00:00:23 »
Hmm...  a few friends and I once tried playing 'nose pool'.  Chalking up was easy enough but mis-cueing could be a bit painful.
...And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #17 on: 08/08/2008 00:13:13 »
Hmm...  a few friends and I once tried playing 'nose pool'.  Chalking up was easy enough but mis-cueing could be a bit painful.


I know you can score a bogie at golf. But pool?
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

*

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • 6564
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #18 on: 08/08/2008 15:08:10 »
Yes, it happens with bad cases of post-nasal drip.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

*

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #19 on: 08/08/2008 18:18:47 »
Thank god it was just your noses you were chalking up.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #20 on: 08/08/2008 22:45:07 »
Thank god it was just your noses you were chalking up.

 [:0]
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

*

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • 6564
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #21 on: 09/08/2008 00:55:15 »
When you live in Dover, there is not much else around.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #22 on: 09/08/2008 08:20:10 »
When you live in Dover, there is not much else around.

Apart from illegal immigrants.
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

*

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #23 on: 09/08/2008 20:29:02 »
And chalk! and blue birds and Vera Lynn.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #24 on: 09/08/2008 20:33:28 »
And a borstal. And cross channel ferries.
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

*

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #25 on: 09/08/2008 20:36:49 »
How do you know about the borstal?
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #26 on: 09/08/2008 20:40:07 »
I used to run the folk club there.
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

*

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #27 on: 09/08/2008 20:43:42 »
They had a folk club in a borstal?
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #28 on: 09/08/2008 20:47:19 »
Yes. It was a good excuse for them to get out of their dorms once a week for a few hours. Oh, and get free ciggies too.

I also wanted to start a madrigal society, but I couldn't be bothered to explain to the governor what a madrigal is.  [:D]
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

*

Offline Make it Lady

  • Neilep Level Member
  • ******
  • 4050
  • Hands-on fun for everyone!
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #29 on: 09/08/2008 20:50:12 »
I do a mad rigal when I need the loo.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #30 on: 09/08/2008 20:51:30 »
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

*

Offline JimBob

  • Global Moderator
  • Neilep Level Member
  • *****
  • 6564
  • Moderator
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #31 on: 10/08/2008 02:07:12 »
Actually, George III was the mad rigal.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

*

Offline DoctorBeaver

  • Naked Science Forum GOD!
  • *******
  • 12656
  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
    • View Profile
ooh look!
« Reply #32 on: 10/08/2008 02:21:32 »
again
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.