Do you Know any science jokes?

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Offline ...lets split up...

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Do you Know any science jokes?
« on: 08/10/2008 13:43:13 »
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar and the one says to the other, "i think i've lost an electron...". The second turned and asked "are you sure?" to which the first replied "yes, i'm positive."



[size=07pt](modified title to be in form of question.. Thanks)[/size]
« Last Edit: 14/10/2008 19:33:15 by Karen W. »
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Offline dentstudent

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #1 on: 08/10/2008 13:45:17 »
Why do computer scientists always confuse Halloween and Christmas?

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #2 on: 08/10/2008 15:29:09 »
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar and the one says to the other, "i think i've lost an electron...". The second turned and asked "are you sure?" to which the first replied "yes, i'm positive."

Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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blakestyger

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #3 on: 08/10/2008 19:05:39 »
A spiral galaxy goes into a pub. The landlord says "I can't serve you, your barred".

I apologise if this joke is only available to those with some astronomy.

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Offline dentstudent

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #4 on: 09/10/2008 07:54:42 »
OK - perhaps mine is less of a joke and more of a logical puzzle. Think of the dates......

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Offline RD

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #5 on: 09/10/2008 11:06:32 »
OK - perhaps mine is less of a joke and more of a logical puzzle. Think of the dates......

Digital Integrated Circuits, a.k.a. "chips"  [?]

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Offline dentstudent

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #6 on: 09/10/2008 11:33:22 »


Digital Integrated Circuits, a.k.a. "chips"  [?]
Like the old piece of string said, I'm a frayed knot.

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Offline BenV

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #7 on: 09/10/2008 13:23:55 »
Ah... I see.  Its all about using base 8 or base 10...  I shan't ruin it though, and let others think it through.  For a while, I was staring at the numbers 3110 and 2512 trying to work it out!

Here's a (slightly adult) one for you:

Why are quantum physicists rubbish at making love?

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Offline dentstudent

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #8 on: 09/10/2008 13:54:22 »
Hah! Yes indeedy! Well played that man.

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Offline dentstudent

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #9 on: 09/10/2008 14:17:01 »

Why are quantum physicists rubbish at making love?

Something to do with the laws of attraction?

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Offline BenV

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #10 on: 09/10/2008 14:18:51 »
'Fraid not, think uncertainty...

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Offline dentstudent

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #11 on: 09/10/2008 14:35:26 »
'Fraid not, think uncertainty...
I was in principle thinking about going that way, but I wasn't sure.....  ;-)

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blakestyger

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #12 on: 09/10/2008 14:38:19 »
This is beginning to sound like Mornington Crescent. [???]

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Offline dentstudent

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #13 on: 09/10/2008 15:11:58 »
Because they don't know whether they're coming or going.

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Offline BenV

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #14 on: 09/10/2008 15:22:41 »
It's due to the Heisenburg uncertainty principle - when they know the position they don't have the momentum, but if they have the momentum they lose the position.

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Offline dentstudent

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #15 on: 09/10/2008 15:27:41 »
Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?

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Offline dentstudent

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #16 on: 09/10/2008 15:28:50 »
It's due to the Heisenburg uncertainty principle - when they know the position they don't have the momentum, but if they have the momentum they lose the position.

Hmmn, does this mean that I'm a quantum physicist all of a sudden?

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #17 on: 09/10/2008 16:00:16 »
This is beginning to sound like Mornington Crescent. [???]

Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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Offline BenV

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #18 on: 09/10/2008 16:17:39 »
This is beginning to sound like Mornington Crescent. [???]
In a sentiment that I'm sure will be echoed here, RIP Humph.  It will be interesting to see who replaces him on ISIHAC.  Did anyone hear 'Chairman Humph' the radio 4 Steven Fry tribute to him?

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Offline rosalind dna

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #19 on: 09/10/2008 16:36:01 »
This is beginning to sound like Mornington Crescent. [???]
In a sentiment that I'm sure will be echoed here, RIP Humph.  It will be interesting to see who replaces him on ISIHAC.  Did anyone hear 'Chairman Humph' the radio 4 Steven Fry tribute to him?

Ben yes I heard the ISIHAC from the start and I heard the Radio
4's Stephen Fry's tribute to Humphrey Lyttleton, he was a talented man and I think that the nearest person to his kind of risque humour might be Stephen Fry.
Rosalind Franklin was my first cousin and one my life's main regrets is that I never met this brilliant and beautiful lady.
She discovered the Single DNA Helix in 1953, then it was taken by Wilkins without her knowledge or agreeement.

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Offline BenV

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #20 on: 09/10/2008 16:54:07 »
I think Steven Fry would be very good at it, but I'm not sure he would want to (he knows more than most that Humph's shoes are big ones to fill).  Jeremy Hardy has also been suggested.

I heard a rumour that they intend to have a series with 'guest' presenters, as they did with "Have I got News for You".

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Offline Evie

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #21 on: 09/10/2008 17:22:56 »
Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?

Yeah, I did!

He stays up all night pondering the existance of DOG!!  [:D]
====================================================
"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
Hamlet
Act I, scene 5

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #22 on: 09/10/2008 17:47:28 »
I think Steven Fry would be very good at it, but I'm not sure he would want to (he knows more than most that Humph's shoes are big ones to fill).  Jeremy Hardy has also been suggested.

I heard a rumour that they intend to have a series with 'guest' presenters, as they did with "Have I got News for You".
I fancy Andy Hamilton......well no, I don't fancy him, but I think he could be a replacement Humph. I doubt Samantha would want to sit on his right hand though!
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #23 on: 09/10/2008 17:52:28 »
When I was teaching some A-level students about sp hybrid orbitals I pointed at the diagram on the board, with my usual teaching gusto, and said "...and so you see this is its s-ness and this is its p-ness."

The lesson was in chaos after that. None of us could stop giggling like girlies.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #24 on: 10/10/2008 05:55:51 »
When I was teaching some A-level students about sp hybrid orbitals I pointed at the diagram on the board, with my usual teaching gusto, and said "...and so you see this is its s-ness and this is its p-ness."

The lesson was in chaos after that. None of us could stop giggling like girlies.

How typical
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #25 on: 10/10/2008 05:56:47 »
This is beginning to sound like Mornington Crescent. [???]
In a sentiment that I'm sure will be echoed here, RIP Humph.  It will be interesting to see who replaces him on ISIHAC. 

Boris Johnson!  [:D]
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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Offline dentstudent

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #26 on: 10/10/2008 07:50:24 »

Yeah, I did!

He stays up all night pondering the existance of DOG!!  [:D]

Top marks for Evie!

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Offline dentstudent

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #27 on: 10/10/2008 07:51:39 »
Why do computer scientists always confuse Halloween and Christmas?

The solution:

Oct31 = Dec25

Is that clear now [?]
« Last Edit: 10/10/2008 10:23:02 by dentstudent »

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Offline BenV

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #28 on: 10/10/2008 10:18:46 »
This is beginning to sound like Mornington Crescent. [???]
In a sentiment that I'm sure will be echoed here, RIP Humph.  It will be interesting to see who replaces him on ISIHAC. 

Boris Johnson!  [:D]

But each episode would need to be 3 hours long!

"Ah, Um, yes, well, um, yes, well, Welcome to, um, I'm sorry I haven't, um, a clue, yes, well, um..."

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #29 on: 10/10/2008 11:32:07 »
Maybe it's because i'm from RSA but i don't know Humph. I do like european comedy though, like "Allo, Allo" and "Faulty Towers". Also that old Goon show, but it was before my years.

"Would you like a seat?"
"No thanks, I'm trying to quit."
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Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #30 on: 10/10/2008 21:53:34 »
This is beginning to sound like Mornington Crescent. [???]
In a sentiment that I'm sure will be echoed here, RIP Humph.  It will be interesting to see who replaces him on ISIHAC. 

Boris Johnson!  [:D]

But each episode would need to be 3 hours long!

"Ah, Um, yes, well, um, yes, well, Welcome to, um, I'm sorry I haven't, um, a clue, yes, well, um..."

WOuld he order an enquiry into whether Mornington Crescent was fair?
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #31 on: 11/10/2008 21:21:20 »
Maybe it's because I'm from RSA but i don't know Humph. I do like European comedy though, like "Allo, Allo" and "Faulty Towers". Also that old Goon show, but it was before my years.

"Would you like a seat?"
"No thanks, I'm trying to quit."
We are talking about a radio 4 show who's jazz man presenter has just died. His comic timing and dry sense of humour will be a very hard act to follow. He hosted a comedy game show for old comedians (the best type.) The show had become an institution just like the goons are.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #32 on: 12/10/2008 12:20:24 »
Thanks for the enlightenment.
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Offline Don_1

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #33 on: 14/10/2008 17:05:56 »
I can now announce that I have concluded my research into birthdays.

Birthdays' appear to be very good for us. There can be no doubting that those who have the most birthdays' will live the longest.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Bored chemist

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #34 on: 14/10/2008 19:02:25 »
Not absolutely guaranteed. Can anyone think why this isn't true for about 1 in 366 people?
Please disregard all previous signatures.

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blakestyger

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Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #35 on: 14/10/2008 19:34:25 »
Leap year.

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #36 on: 15/10/2008 12:45:52 »
Is the sound track to "An Inconvenient Truth" an algorithm?

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Offline rosalind dna

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Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #37 on: 15/10/2008 21:38:47 »
no
Rosalind Franklin was my first cousin and one my life's main regrets is that I never met this brilliant and beautiful lady.
She discovered the Single DNA Helix in 1953, then it was taken by Wilkins without her knowledge or agreeement.

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #38 on: 16/10/2008 07:49:06 »
no
Ah, but yes!

It's an "Al Gore Rythym"  [:o)]

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Offline Make it Lady

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Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #39 on: 16/10/2008 19:48:02 »
What is the capital of Iceland?
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Offline Make it Lady

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Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #40 on: 16/10/2008 19:48:16 »
Ł3.50
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #41 on: 16/10/2008 19:48:57 »
OK I know it isn't a science joke but I like it anyway.
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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #42 on: 17/10/2008 08:03:37 »
What's brown and sounds like radar?

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #43 on: 17/10/2008 08:03:54 »
Poop........poop.........poop.........

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Offline Karen W.

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Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #44 on: 17/10/2008 10:24:29 »
Hee HeeHee.. I like that one.....LOL!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline rosalind dna

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« Reply #45 on: 17/10/2008 12:10:30 »
What is the capital of Iceland?

Reykjavík
Rosalind Franklin was my first cousin and one my life's main regrets is that I never met this brilliant and beautiful lady.
She discovered the Single DNA Helix in 1953, then it was taken by Wilkins without her knowledge or agreeement.

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #46 on: 17/10/2008 14:55:59 »
What is the capital of Iceland?

Reykjavík

I think that MiL was alluding to the current bank situation....or did I just fall for an obvious bluff?

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Offline rosalind dna

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« Reply #47 on: 17/10/2008 15:06:29 »
What is the capital of Iceland?

Reykjavík

I think that MiL was alluding to the current bank situation....or did I just fall for an obvious bluff?


NO and sorry but I did.
Also I am a rather logically thinking person.
Rosalind Franklin was my first cousin and one my life's main regrets is that I never met this brilliant and beautiful lady.
She discovered the Single DNA Helix in 1953, then it was taken by Wilkins without her knowledge or agreeement.

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #48 on: 17/10/2008 15:29:00 »
Did you hear about the person who accidentally swallowed some alpha-L-glucose and discovered that he had no ill effects?



Apparently he was ambidextrose.

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Offline Don_1

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Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #49 on: 17/10/2008 17:24:09 »
What is K9P?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.