Do you Know any science jokes?

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Offline RD

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Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #50 on: 17/10/2008 17:30:27 »
What is K9P?

It's what dogs splash on lamposts.
« Last Edit: 17/10/2008 17:35:14 by RD »

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blakestyger

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« Reply #51 on: 17/10/2008 17:34:29 »
A physicist, a chemist and a biologist go into a pub. The barman says: "Is this some sort of joke?"

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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #52 on: 17/10/2008 18:45:31 »
There was a young lady called Bright
Whose speed was far faster than light
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #53 on: 17/10/2008 20:39:10 »
not a joke, but it has numbers in it:

11 was a racehorse
12 was 12
1111 race
12112!

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Offline opus

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« Reply #54 on: 20/10/2008 22:07:42 »
Why did the mushroom always get invited to parties?

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #55 on: 21/10/2008 09:28:20 »
I'll assume this is about the fungi to be with?

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blakestyger

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« Reply #56 on: 21/10/2008 15:52:56 »
not a joke, but it has numbers in it:

11 was a racehorse
12 was 12
1111 race
12112!

Very funny - but to begin with I thought it was in binary.  [::)]

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Offline Bored chemist

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« Reply #57 on: 21/10/2008 18:38:43 »
There are 10 types of people
Those who understand binary; those who dont, and the ones who understand ternary.
Please disregard all previous signatures.

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blakestyger

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« Reply #58 on: 21/10/2008 18:53:49 »
There are 10 types of people
Those who understand binary; those who dont, and the ones who understand ternary.

That's 11! [;D]

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #59 on: 21/10/2008 19:36:30 »
Anthea Ternary?

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blakestyger

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« Reply #60 on: 21/10/2008 20:03:29 »
Or comic ternary?

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Offline Bored chemist

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« Reply #61 on: 21/10/2008 20:06:07 »
BTW, it seems a pity that Sorin Cosofret and Common sense seeker  haven't contributed to this thread.
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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #62 on: 21/10/2008 20:30:04 »
Bored Chemist you stole a previously posted joke of mine TUT!
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline ...lets split up...

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« Reply #63 on: 21/10/2008 20:31:42 »
Not a science joke, but it makes everyone laugh.

What do you get when you pour boiled water down a rabbit hole?
I love lamp

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« Reply #64 on: 21/10/2008 20:33:39 »
Hot-cross bunnies.

i love that one.
I love lamp

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« Reply #65 on: 21/10/2008 20:37:07 »
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only believes in the element of surprise.
I love lamp

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Offline opus

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« Reply #66 on: 21/10/2008 20:46:05 »
Cos he's a real fungi.

 I'll try again- What's the last thing that goes through a bee's mind when he hits your windscreen?

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #67 on: 21/10/2008 20:48:55 »
Cos he's a real fungi.

 I'll try again- What's the last thing that goes through a bee's mind when he hits your windscreen?

HIS ARSE!

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Offline opus

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« Reply #68 on: 21/10/2008 20:56:16 »
I think his bum is a touch more refined dentstudent, but you get a gold star anyway.

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #69 on: 22/10/2008 07:59:45 »
Thanks....

There was a young girl from Nantucket
Whose head fell off straight in a bucket
with a shrug of dismay
and with her anger awry
She kicked it and shouted "Oh....now, well, that won't do at all...."

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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #70 on: 22/10/2008 22:43:22 »
Dentdtudent you are getting far too rowdy.

On Bee Jokes....What type of bee produces milk????

BOOBEES!
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #71 on: 23/10/2008 09:05:14 »
on animals, what do you get when you cross a primate with a landmine?


A baBOOM!

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #72 on: 23/10/2008 11:21:55 »
Good grief; can it get any worse?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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blakestyger

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« Reply #73 on: 23/10/2008 14:12:10 »
Not a joke per se but something that happened on the Star Wars set.

Actress Carrie Fisher was asked by the director George Cukor not to wear a bra' under her Princess Leia suit. When she asked why not he said "Because there's no underwear in space". [;D]

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Offline Evie

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« Reply #74 on: 23/10/2008 14:32:38 »
George Cukor?  [:D] [:D]

Suddenly I'm envisioning My Fair Lady in space..."The rain in space stays mainly in the....place?" La la la.
====================================================
"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
Hamlet
Act I, scene 5

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Offline peppercorn

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« Reply #75 on: 23/10/2008 15:30:36 »
The best 'science' joke I've heard to date was aired on an American sitcom (I know I'm as surprised as you!) called "The Big Bang Theory":

-There's a chicken farmer whose neighbour is a theoretical physicist.
One day all his chickens suddenly become very ill.

After trying all conventional means, the farmer asks the physicist for an explanation.

The physicist sits down and scribbles a long set of complex equations and sometime later the farmer asks "Can you explain why they are ill?"

And the physicist says triumphantly, "YES! I have an answer, but..."

The farmer says, "Yes? go on!!"

Physicist: "Well, it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum!"

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blakestyger

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« Reply #76 on: 23/10/2008 19:08:43 »
George Cukor?  [:D] [:D]

Suddenly I'm envisioning My Fair Lady in space..."The rain in space stays mainly in the....place?" La la la.

Sorry, you're right, I've been a prat - it's George Lucas. [:I]

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Offline usererror

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« Reply #77 on: 10/11/2008 18:25:36 »
How do you hunt elephants?

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Professors of mathematics will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.

Computer Scientists hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass:
a) catch each animal seen
b) Compare each animal caught to a known elephant
c) Stop when a match is detected.
Experienced programmers modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.

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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #78 on: 10/11/2008 21:42:49 »
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.

"You just won't believe what happened this evening; in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."

"Oh yes dear, what happened?"

"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."

"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them?"

"I charged one and let the other off."

But if you’d already heard that one then try this for size…

November the 5th has come and gone...
But some of the things still linger.
I held a banger in my hand...
Has anyone seen my finger?!


Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline randalf

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« Reply #79 on: 10/03/2009 03:47:02 »
Maybe not too sciencey....and inappropriate....and i guess not really even a joke

Your girlfriend is so fat that when she jumps in the air she gets stuck!!

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Offline Chemistry4me

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« Reply #80 on: 10/03/2009 05:50:07 »
Hmm.....not a very original one I must say.
We used to put mum in the place of girlfriend.

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Offline Raghavendra

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« Reply #81 on: 16/03/2009 10:31:11 »
what happens to technology after recession????????

   Global Recession!!! [;D]

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Offline Madidus_Scientia

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« Reply #82 on: 16/03/2009 19:14:36 »
I don't get it

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Offline Chemistry4me

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« Reply #83 on: 17/03/2009 03:42:06 »
That's not even funny.

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blakestyger

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« Reply #84 on: 17/03/2009 10:32:19 »
I thought of this the other day:

A Snowy Owl goes into a bar, "Tonic water, please"
The bar man says "Would you like mice and lemming?"

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Offline BestScienceJokes

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #85 on: 30/12/2013 14:00:10 »
Hi. I write TONS of math / science / nerdy jokes. One of them was on "The Big Bang Theory," for instance.

Another, a short one liked by Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson, is "Fig Newtons: because Newton and apples had a falling out."


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Offline BestScienceJokes

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« Reply #86 on: 30/12/2013 14:07:50 »
Another of mine. A bit more obscure, I'm afraid:

==

11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 walks into a bar.

Bartender sighs. "No offense, but after a certain point, all you repunit primes start to look more or less the same to me."

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Offline jeffreyH

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #87 on: 21/03/2014 03:10:31 »
 Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? A: An Algorithm

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Offline Bill S

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #88 on: 21/03/2014 18:32:54 »
IT professional’s wife says:

“Would you go to the shop and get a loaf – Oh, and if they have any eggs, get a dozen.”

Husband returns with 12 loaves.

   

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Offline David Cooper

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #89 on: 06/04/2014 21:16:59 »
I've just seen one on Twitter, but don't know if it's new:-

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg!

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Offline Bill S

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #90 on: 11/04/2014 20:11:24 »
What's the world's most dangerous insect?

the hepatitis bee.

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Offline jeffreyH

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Re: Do you Know any science jokes?
« Reply #91 on: 10/07/2014 21:56:37 »
An electron and a proton meet up one night in the Quantum H Bar. The electron says "You know I really don't know why we're different. How do I know I am an electron and you are a proton and not the other way round? Are you sure you are a proton?" The proton replies "I'm positive".