pig incident

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Offline Hadrian

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« on: 11/03/2009 15:23:00 »
MUNICH, Germany - The city has been abuzz about a neighboring
town's pig incident. It seems that two animal rights
protesters broke into a slaughterhouse to free thousands of
pigs before they met their fate. Armed with bolt cutters,
they managed to clear the way for the soon to be liberated
pigs. As the doors opened, a stampede of pork rushed through
the opening, trampling the crusading protesters and crushing
them to their doom.

oink oink

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1 on: 11/03/2009 15:29:11 »
Is someone telling porky pies here?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #2 on: 11/03/2009 15:32:02 »
One of their rasher decisions, I would think.

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Offline Hadrian

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« Reply #3 on: 11/03/2009 15:42:57 »
they made a right pigs ear of it

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Offline LeeE

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« Reply #4 on: 11/03/2009 16:27:54 »
They were a bit ham-fisted.
...And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #5 on: 11/03/2009 16:42:31 »
But they are bacon the right track now.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline LeeE

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« Reply #6 on: 11/03/2009 17:36:41 »
It was sad that they got trampled to death, but I guess it was God swill.
...And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!

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Offline Hadrian

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« Reply #7 on: 11/03/2009 17:58:31 »
one in sty i would say

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #8 on: 11/03/2009 22:30:26 »
What a boar-ing thread!!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Hadrian

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« Reply #9 on: 11/03/2009 23:24:18 »
LOL

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #10 on: 11/03/2009 23:55:09 »
Sow what?

Here's a little pome [sic] what I wrote.

3 little piggies went for a drive,
Out in the country on the A45,
Look out! Too fast! Put the brake on!
Oops, too late. Now they're bacon
« Last Edit: 11/03/2009 23:57:53 by DoctorBeaver »
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Offline RD

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« Reply #11 on: 12/03/2009 02:06:42 »
If Spike Milligan's estate suis you for breach of copyright don't say I didn't warn you ...  [:)]

Quote
A very rash young lady pig
(They say she was a smasher)
Suddenly ran
Under a van
Now she's a gammon rasher.
http://www.dooyoo.co.uk/printed-books/milligan-spike-in-general/336121/
« Last Edit: 12/03/2009 02:08:45 by RD »

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #12 on: 12/03/2009 02:11:56 »
Totally different (although I do draw inspiration from Milligan and Lear)
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Offline Hadrian

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« Reply #13 on: 12/03/2009 09:14:57 »
emmmmmmm plagiarism alert............ LOL

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #14 on: 12/03/2009 10:56:06 »
3 little piggies went for a drive,
Out in the country on the A45,
Look out! Too fast! Put the brake on!
Oops, too late. Now they're bacon

Very good! It even rhind.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #15 on: 12/03/2009 11:06:50 »
That's an offal joke.

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #16 on: 12/03/2009 12:41:12 »
All this chitterling is very verbose.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Fluid_thinker

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« Reply #17 on: 12/03/2009 14:24:08 »
Theres snout wrong with a good pig joke

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #18 on: 12/03/2009 15:29:04 »
Trotter long you silly people!
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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #19 on: 12/03/2009 15:29:57 »
Or, as they say in France, "Porkquoi?"
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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #20 on: 12/03/2009 16:16:24 »
That snort funny.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #21 on: 12/03/2009 16:36:36 »
You can't ride that pig so give me my SADDLEBACK.
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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #22 on: 12/03/2009 20:12:19 »
In a pig's STY I will!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Hadrian

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« Reply #23 on: 12/03/2009 22:39:44 »

There was a little pig
Who like a bit of pokey
Dying for a sig
It made his bacon smoky

Lying on his bed
Looking a little hokey
He pulled his charismas cracker
And got a little rhyming jokey

Bringing home the bacon
Your might become a hostage
So keep away from the mincers
Or you may become a Sausage!

No not very funny
Poking fun at pigs
I will certainly complain
Now where my bloody sigs
 

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #24 on: 13/03/2009 00:21:34 »
Lord Almighty, what HAM-fisted verse!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #25 on: 13/03/2009 04:55:11 »
PARMA chameleon.
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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #26 on: 13/03/2009 10:56:57 »
Anyone have any spare rib ticklers?

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Offline Hadrian

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« Reply #27 on: 13/03/2009 12:29:18 »
i do i them from as talent snout

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #28 on: 13/03/2009 13:50:12 »
OK, come on, KNUCKLE down now and lets get CRACKLING.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Hadrian

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« Reply #29 on: 13/03/2009 16:45:42 »
stop hoging this topic.............  [:I]

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #30 on: 13/03/2009 17:18:51 »
I'm off for to the barber, # 2 all over, so I wont be able to do my hair in PIG TAILS.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #31 on: 13/03/2009 22:01:27 »
Don, P-LEASE !!

Stop HAMing it up! Jeees - you think you so funny and you don't even have hair. You're BALD. 
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline dentstudent

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« Reply #32 on: 13/03/2009 22:07:36 »
Somebody tell him you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. If he's bald, he'll need a piggy wig. From a market, probably. Anyway, I ran all the way home. And had roast, er, beef?

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Offline Fluid_thinker

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« Reply #33 on: 14/03/2009 13:36:00 »
if it is god swill,  the hashing will stop

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #34 on: 14/03/2009 14:53:35 »
I'm listening to some classical music - CHOPin.
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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #35 on: 14/03/2009 15:53:20 »
Then you also need a little Mozart from SALZberg to flavor your CHOPin.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #36 on: 15/03/2009 18:59:52 »
And PEASE pudding be on you too.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #37 on: 15/03/2009 20:35:33 »
We need to get BACH to AU(h) JUS pork, que?
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #38 on: 15/03/2009 20:36:18 »
(The above scores as a triple, I believe)
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline AllenG

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« Reply #39 on: 15/03/2009 21:11:03 »
A little story that happened to us a few years ago:

Yesterday, my sister was at the house with her youngest boy enjoying the pool. What a better way to beat the heat than read a book while watching your child do his best to pop a pool raft by landing on it from the diving board, you ask? Well I though it was an idyllic setting too, until I got a frantic call from my sister, screaming that there was a pig in the house, a huge pig, that she described with many modifiers ending in "ing".
I left work in the middle of a shoot (on a side note; one knows you live in a rural area when your client doesn't even bat an eye at such an excuse, as if hog invasions are a much more common occurrence than I would have thought, "Sure, hun, sounds like you need to hurry home"). I got home expecting to see "Hogzilla" in an easy chair and was not disappointed. What I found was my next door neighbor's grandchildren had accidently let his prize three hundred pound hog out, and the ensuing chase through the woods came to an end when Wilber went head first through my sliding glass door. The door did not break by the way, even after being bashed off its tracks, landing on a stone floor, and I expect being trampled by said pig. Good glass in that door.
My sister was standing on the couch, still yelling into the phone. She had called everyone she knew, the police or animal control were not on that list. My nephew's favorite thing at my house, besides the pool, is my old, single pump Daisy BB gun, which I am proud to say he was diligently using to defend his mother. Sister got a little miffed at me when I complimented him on his accuracy rather than scold him for shooting a gun in the house, but hey, when there is a hog in the house, rules change. The pig, having found the inside of my house not as inviting as he had hoped had already left through the same hole he entered, the neighbor's grandkids still in the woods, afraid to approach my house.
Today, I'm spending at home, cleaning. No real harm done but it does look like I staged a hobbit mud rastling contest. Every where from hip level down there is a hog sized swipe of mud. I think I'm ready for BBQ and will have an oriental rug, slightly soiled, for offer at my next yard sale.
Pork, the other white meat,
--A

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #40 on: 15/03/2009 21:23:23 »
Allen - that's classic
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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #41 on: 15/03/2009 22:52:41 »
If I were to hazard a guess, it would be Tennessee, Arkansas or Kentucky where this occurred. Been to both so it an educated guess. What comes to mind is a place I stopped for a "rest" break in Tennessee. A wide spot on the side of a hill called "Bucksnort" (I am not kidding - it is I-40).

However, as this place didn't have a swimming pool, and most places in KY & TN don't have pools, it must be Arkansas.

Have you considered renaming the place you live Hog Bottom or Hog Ridge, depending on your terrain?

Here we just have feral hogs and javelinas. I just hate Razorbacks - the U of Arkansas mascot - always gave U. Tx hell when there was a Southwest Conference.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline RD

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« Reply #42 on: 16/03/2009 01:58:37 »
« Last Edit: 16/03/2009 12:30:03 by RD »

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #43 on: 16/03/2009 02:06:18 »
RD - that is 1 big porker!

I love this quote from the article:

Quote
Mike Stone is having sausage made from the rest of the animal. "We'll probably get 500 to 700 pounds," he said.

That's a lot of sausage sarnies!
« Last Edit: 16/03/2009 02:14:37 by DoctorBeaver »
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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #44 on: 16/03/2009 02:09:17 »
Jim - May I be so brash as to FOG you?

If I were to hazard a guess, it would be Tennessee, Arkansas or Kentucky where this occurred. Been to both so it an educated guess.

"Both" refers to 2 options, you put 3. You also missed the "is" between "an" and "educated".

Quote
However, as this place didn't have a swimming pool, and most places in KY & TN don't have pools, it must be Arkansas.

It didn't have a swimming pool so it must be the place you did not mention as NOT having swimming pools? That doesn't make a lot of sense.
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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #45 on: 16/03/2009 02:23:53 »
I suspect this to be a fake as the kid is resting his left arm on his knee. The 6th grader (12 year old) would need to be really large to be able to do that while kneeling, or even standing, behind a wild hog that size. But I watched the exhumation of "Hogzilla" on the National Geographic Channel and a skull the size of the one they dug up would easily go with a feral pig weighing 800 pounds.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #46 on: 16/03/2009 02:29:30 »
Jim - May I be so brash as to FOG you?

If I were to hazard a guess, it would be Tennessee, Arkansas or Kentucky where this occurred. Been to both so it an educated guess.

"Both" refers to 2 options, you put 3. You also missed the "is" between "an" and "educated".

Quote
However, as this place didn't have a swimming pool, and most places in KY & TN don't have pools, it must be Arkansas.

It didn't have a swimming pool so it must be the place you did not mention as NOT having swimming pools? That doesn't make a lot of sense.


The first two are agreed to. (I was considering two states only, then realized that a third could also be considered. Failed to amend all of the post.) The last, NO!

The sister's son was in the swimming pool. Kentuk' and Tenn. do not have very many pools in peoples back yards. Thus only Arkansas is left in consideration.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline AllenG

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« Reply #47 on: 16/03/2009 02:55:40 »
Thanks Doc.

If I were to hazard a guess, it would be Tennessee, Arkansas or Kentucky where this occurred. Been to both so it an educated guess. What comes to mind is a place I stopped for a "rest" break in Tennessee. A wide spot on the side of a hill called "Bucksnort" (I am not kidding - it is I-40).

However, as this place didn't have a swimming pool, and most places in KY & TN don't have pools, it must be Arkansas.

Have you considered renaming the place you live Hog Bottom or Hog Ridge, depending on your terrain?

Here we just have feral hogs and javelinas. I just hate Razorbacks - the U of Arkansas mascot - always gave U. Tx hell when there was a Southwest Conference.

Close Jimbob, North Georgia, in the town of Between. 
Goofiest name for a town in history. (town is pushing it, I'd say speed trap but we have to borrow cops from down the way--blink and you'll miss it)

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Offline RD

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« Reply #48 on: 16/03/2009 03:18:54 »
I suspect this to be a fake ...  

[attachment=7491]


Me too.  [:)]

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #49 on: 16/03/2009 03:36:31 »
Thanks Doc.

If I were to hazard a guess, it would be Tennessee, Arkansas or Kentucky where this occurred. Been to both so it an educated guess. What comes to mind is a place I stopped for a "rest" break in Tennessee. A wide spot on the side of a hill called "Bucksnort" (I am not kidding - it is I-40).

However, as this place didn't have a swimming pool, and most places in KY & TN don't have pools, it must be Arkansas.

Have you considered renaming the place you live Hog Bottom or Hog Ridge, depending on your terrain?

Here we just have feral hogs and javelinas. I just hate Razorbacks - the U of Arkansas mascot - always gave U. Tx hell when there was a Southwest Conference.

Close Jimbob, North Georgia, in the town of Between. 
Goofiest name for a town in history. (town is pushing it, I'd say speed trap but we have to borrow cops from down the way--blink and you'll miss it)

I considered Georgia - My sister lives near Trinity, Alabama and Going to Atlanta from there it is easier to go through Chattanooga and then south rather to south Alabama and north.

So, did you get 'er done? The mud cleaning that is.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein