Zoo Jokes

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Offline Make it Lady

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Zoo Jokes
« on: 20/03/2009 19:18:40 »
Come on cheer me up with zoo jokes. Here is one to start you off.

A man starts a new job at a zoo. They tell him to feed the piranhas but to take care as they bite. He feeds them and one jumps out of the water and bites him. In anger he grabs hold of it, whacks it against the tank and kills it. Wondering what to do with the body, he puts it in the lion's cage and the lion eats it.
He is next told to feed the chimpanzees but to take care as they are frisky. Whilst feeding them they pull his jacket and his hair so he gets hold of one round the neck and throttles it. Wondering what to do with the body, he puts it in the lion's cage and the lion eats it.
He is then asked to feed the bees but to take care as they can sting. Sure enough one of the bees stings him and in his anger he tips out the hive and stamps on all the bees. Wondering what to do with the bodies, he shovels them up and puts them in the lion's cage and the lion eats them.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He asks the old lion what the place is like. “It's OK,” says the old lion.
“What's the food like?” says the new lion.
“Oh, very good,” says the old lion, “today we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.”

Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline JimBob

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Zoo Jokes
« Reply #1 on: 20/03/2009 20:43:53 »
This guy goes to the zoo one day. While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "F**k you!" in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge. The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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Zoo Jokes
« Reply #2 on: 20/03/2009 21:51:28 »
HAHA Shazza & Jim. Very good.
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