Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed

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Offline JimBob

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Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« on: 01/04/2009 17:18:54 »
AP - April 1, 2009 – Feral pigs stormed Wall Street and AIG Headquarters in downtown Manhattan, N.Y., USA and bank offices and financial houses in Paternoster Square, Threadneedle Street, and The Dockands in the London, U. K.  In what seemed a coordinated attack, precisely 3:68392 PM GMT, the middle of tea in the UK.

The scientists were organized by a nasty group radical scientist and/or hangers-on who all seem to have frequented the same pseudo-science forum, The Naked Scientist. This forum, allegedly based in Cambridge University, U.K., is a haven for misfits and people who have no lives, as well as ne’er-do-wells from over the whole world.

Scotland Yard, working acrimoniously with the FBI, made a joint statement about their preliminary findings by way of their intermediary, Interpol. In the statement, Inspector Heinrich Himelmann, detailed some of the events leading up to the attacks.

“The Yard received a tip from a woman, known only as ‘The Pox,’ that there had been mutterings among members about violent protests using feral pigs a surrogates in a forum she had recently joined” He went on to describe how she had been approached by members of the forum to participate in the disturbances. Declining, she had acted dumb, not very difficult for her, it seems, according to Inspector Himelmann. But this lack of intelligence was responsible for her failure to act in a timely manner and notify the authorities. “We now have her in remedial potty training,” the inspector said.

Pushed to insolvency by dwindeling funds for pizza, beer, and occasional research, the rogue scientists had organized via personal messages, simplistic codes and passed on their instructions in pig-Latin to the swine. Led by a disgruntled bevy of  bored and outmoded scientists, whose ringleaders in the U.K. seem to have been a very deviant psychologist who believed himself to be a “natural” engineer who delusionally believed he built dams across the Yangtze River, an acoustical engineer that is fond of dressing in wool, garter belt & stockings, and high heels, and a self-styled ‘Mountain Man’ mining geologist from Montana in America but their ringleader escaped the authorities.  The group plotted to implant behavior-controlling microchips in the brains of highly expendable feral pigs. The pigs were chosen, according to the inspector, because the were free, were armed with large tusks, and fed on garbage which thus involve only the cost of the microchips and the neuro-scientist truck-driver from Sweden who was hired only for all the alcohol he could consume.  Also implicated was a chemist from New Zealand who produce explosives for the group and perfected his suicide belt on the massive flocks of sheep, using a Judas goat as the bomber.  


The pigs in their rampage broke out plate glass windows, trampled offices and brutally gored executive, choosing only persons in offices with window views. They dispatched their victims with their tusks, going for the guts and disemboweling any they could find.  Only executives who were “portly” were not mortally wounded. Said one man through his 7 chins, after surgery, “They was brutal, they was. Like some mad ghurka with his khukri slaughtering water buffalo, they were. I had flashbacks to Viet Nam. It was ‘orrible.”

The ringleader, JBS, from hiding, sent out the video comment, linked below.

http://s38.photobucket.com/albums/e111/geezer69/?action=view&current=Capture_20090329_8.flv

To be sure everyone knows, that was "FEK," not the other word.
« Last Edit: 02/04/2009 04:04:33 by JimBob »
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline neilep

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Re: Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #1 on: 01/04/2009 17:36:44 »
LOL !!...well...I'm convinced !!  [;D]

Great link !!...it's all so true !!  [;D]
Men are the same as women, just inside out !

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #2 on: 01/04/2009 18:24:27 »
WOW, that's amazing!  [:o]
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #3 on: 01/04/2009 18:26:12 »
What the hell is that video all about?  [???]
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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Offline neilep

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Re: Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #4 on: 01/04/2009 19:20:03 »
It's scared me...I peed my pants !!
Men are the same as women, just inside out !

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blakestyger

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Re: Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #5 on: 01/04/2009 20:10:36 »
I think it's some sort of hoax.

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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Re: Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #6 on: 01/04/2009 20:22:33 »
I think it's some sort of hoax.

What makes you think that?
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blakestyger

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Re: Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #7 on: 01/04/2009 21:16:20 »
Dunno - just didn't seem right.

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Offline JimBob

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Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #8 on: 02/04/2009 04:27:06 »
April Fools, it isn't true - as if you hadn't guessed by now. Father Jack imitation by some guy I hired.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline neilep

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Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #9 on: 02/04/2009 16:17:42 »
April Fools, it isn't true - as if you hadn't guessed by now. Father Jack imitation by some guy I hired.

I thought he was quite dapper !  [;)] [;)]
Men are the same as women, just inside out !

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Offline Make it Lady

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Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #10 on: 02/04/2009 22:58:09 »
Open up, it's the pigs!
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline JimBob

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Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #11 on: 02/04/2009 23:27:44 »
Hey, that implant you received was for a pleasure doll, not an attack pig. I need to speak to yor_on, er, the neural tech. He may have put in the wrong chip. When do you plan on getting drunk and passing out again????
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Make it Lady

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Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #12 on: 02/04/2009 23:41:34 »
In about five minutes.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline JimBob

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Feral Pigs Attack Bankers, Scientists Blamed
« Reply #13 on: 03/04/2009 00:23:17 »
Keeep us posted. I need to book a flight from Sweden.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein