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Karen, I don't think you have any problem with loving A 'companionship' of any kind implies two (at the very least:) people.When it stopps 'working' although no one abused the other, both need to discuss, the worst way I know of is to hold it inside until it's to late, never getting to know what the other person thinks. In most relations that breaks up there seems to me to be one that is 'actively' doing it and the other one more passively letting it happen, when at this 'stadium' there is small chances of finding a common ground for rebuilding it again. Loyalty and patience is important to me, as to most of us. after that first intoxication But, it's all part of life Karen, there are no guarantees for anything, But remember, as long as you have the capacity for love yourself, love can be found.
Karen, I'm sure there are people around you that loves you, don't give up on them. Life is very much a struggle and people can be amazingly egoistical at times. That doesn't mean that time stops, you have to let it heal, and that will take time. Some 'sores' may never heal totally when the relation have been that long but it will get better, I promise And reach out to your friends for help, talk about it and try to let that anger and disappointment go, it will only sour your life if you allow it to fester. there are other things waiting for you Karen, just outside your door. How was it Bilbo said? something like, 'You may just go out for a little walk but there are a thousand paths waiting for you'?Well, something like it anyway. Talk it off and set some goals for what you want to do. And keep to them, it's routine that works wonder, not the 'seven day miracle cure' We like you Karen.--My spelling is atrocious without my reading glasses.Edit edit edit:)
Do you and your husband still have sex? If yes, how many times a week?
My first wife and I divorced many years ago after struggling with each other over just about everything conceivable. I tried to change for her and I'm sure she also made attempts at it herself. The problem with many marriages is, one or both partners begin their marriage by trying to mold the other to suit their own expectations. Many times, this is a hopeless endeavor and frankly, will almost always ultimately fail. Personal happiness is really the responsibility of the self, nobody else can be responsible for your's or mine. Once I learned this, life became much eaiser for me. Thankfully, I'm presently remarried to a fine lady and we both more or less understand this basic principle. As a result, we are not only partners in co-operation but, good friends to boot. We give each other a lot of space, and believe me, many times in marriage, space and time given to self examination is very necessary.I'm pulling for you Karen and I certainly hope you can work things out within your family. Just remember this however; You are a sovereign individual and you are the first line of defense responsible for securing your own happiness. Determine today that whatever happens, live your life in a manner that brings you the happiness you deserve.........................Ethos
First of all Karen, I'm flattered that you cared.Next thing I want to say is that your counselor is perfectly correct.Life consists of a lot of 'small steps', some of us have a innate feeling of the importance of choosing directions. Most of us don't, as our society becomes more complicated those first steps becomes more important. But nowhere can we avoid experiences. They are on good and bad. When we dress of our neighbors they are very much like ourselves, they too don't know for sure what makes 'life' worthwhile either. You have kids Karen, and you are a good mother, I just know that, remember that all living things are fragile, we all are. So girl, I expect you to do what you are born too, to nourish and care. Love as seen from the male side is very much finding a woman like you and try to hold her near, nothing more, but nothing less either. So take care of yourself and those you love. the guys will recognize you for whom you are. And remember that people are scared of change, most just wants things to be the 'same', that is as we all know that things change, and most of us want life to be 'understandable' and plan-able, but its not, Karen. Life is a mystery, so strange and amazing, in both bad and good ways. You will find new, better, friends if you just dare to open that door. That's a promise Karen. Remember that all healing takes time, and craves you to want it, nothing is free, except love. That we give and take girl, so keep on, Bilbo is correct, there are a thousand paths waiting for you, and there will be someone dreaming of you. Life is a journey and we all die, at that time and place it will be just you and your shaper, you will stand there without any hiding, that is the time when you take that final look at yourself, and I promise, you will find yourself beautiful Karen, Don't worry, you have eternity on your side, and love. Just remember continuity and those 'steps', one at a time, just like a baby. And be yourself, there is nothing wrong with you, you've just been wounded, healing do take time, no one is totally lost, we can all find our way back.----And that I definitely need to buy some glasses, it, or rather I, seems I lose 'letters' all the time.anyone seen a A running past? It's mine.
So... you're saying that your husband has sex with multiple partners?
That's a question between you and eternity Karen. For myself I don't know what to call it/her/him. Something made a very Big Bang at some time Whatever it was it shaped spacetime and us too. What I do know from personal experience is that, at least in my 'mind', there is a silent 'contemplator' sharing none of my emotional modes. I've meet this viewer some times and although it may make me to seem certifiable I think that this is 'me' too. Another 'me' though, as far as I noticed not really understanding the intricacies of living a 'human' life. And I'm sure that I will meet this 'viewer' one final time. We are in a constant sea of sensations and stimuli living giving little time for contemplation, it can be hard on the senses and emotions at times. But that's why we are here I think, to live and experience, good and bad. I think Ethos is correct in that one first need to find some happiness in one self. Companionships seems to consist of a lot of different 'modes' and what I might find as being 'natural' another person might find 'strange'. Still, we can all recognize a good man or woman, have no doubts Karen. You are already a fair part on your way to recovery, looking at your writings, its just that neither life nor we are perfect. We learn as we go
He knows that I would never stray but I do have double the temptation.
Karen, I'm so sorry about all that is going on in your life. The guy lied to you and himself. I have heard of so many men marrying good women, knowing deep down that they are gay. I have always been honest with David about my sexuality. He knows that I would never stray but I do have double the temptation. When he is being a pig, I sometimes think that if I divorced him I would choose a woman next time. Karen, If you think the marriage is damaging your sanity, you have to think about you. Everything else should come second. Staying friends is going to be very hard but steel yourself and try. We are all here if you need us. It is a brave decision.
Karen, I would be wary of seeing your X as Gay, he had a ugly experience forced on him when young. Those things leave scars and as most victims the question may become. 'Did I want this', 'could I have avoided it' etc. Those questions can lead both you and him astray. Neither of you planned for this, I think it's just time and human fragility combined. You may yet become friends, no matter his sexual inclination(s). So take it easy, and btw, I think it's okay to hate/feel extremly angry with him, not forever Karen, just for a little while Anger is there anyway, so you better let it out. After all, he did force a great change upon you both. But one step at a time Karen, and get a routine working for you, those small steps will get you happy again.---------(Sorry Karen, missed your last reply (above mine) before I wrote, but here is a 'update' correcting it, well sort of Karen, you will not sell your land. That is from your mother and not to be used like that. Be honest with him and tell him to move out. Let that anger out so that he will understand. Words may not be enough here, so get angry.He needs to move, not you.Contact the police if nothing else helps. If he cares about you he will move.If it's only himself he cares about, then you use what 'help' you can get. And then what I wrote above will be incorrect, as this guy in my eyes then becomes a conniving manipulating piece of sh**