Does anyone know any funny Sheepy jokes?

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Offline Karen W.

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Does anyone know any funny Sheepy jokes?
« on: 28/04/2009 10:48:26 »
Well I was thinking how much jokes make me smile when I am overrun with work and lifes little worries..so I think of all the funny things in life that make me smile... and I was thinking of our own "Sheepy," funny man of our forum!

You know how he is always bringing us all smiles, well I thought it would be nice to fill a thread full of funny jokes, in an attempt to give smiles back in return for all the lovely ones we have all been given over the years here in the forum.... soooooooo, lets have a Sheepy Roast!
 
Lets keep it fun and nice!

Perhaps.... some funny memoirs of Sheepy posts or favorites that still bring a tear to your eye with laughter! Lol..

Fire away!!!

 

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #1 on: 28/04/2009 16:11:55 »
Two sheep herders are flying the herd to a new farm. Suddenly, the
engine fails and the plane begins to fall quickly to the ground.

SH1: Quick! Grab a parachute and jump!

SH2: What about the sheep ?!?

SH1: F**k the sheep !!!!

SH2: (pause) Do you think we have time?

 
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #2 on: 28/04/2009 16:37:43 »
An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"

Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Doin' all right"

Villager: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Villager: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool"

Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

Villager: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Villager: "The sheep's a liar"
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline dentstudent

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Does anyone know any funny Sheepy jokes?
« Reply #3 on: 28/04/2009 16:45:38 »

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #4 on: 28/04/2009 18:52:09 »
Those are very funny....... Lol...Lol....lol....

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Variola

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Does anyone know any funny Sheepy jokes?
« Reply #5 on: 28/04/2009 20:34:48 »
Mary had little lamb,
She tied it to a plyon
20,00 volts went up its bum
And turned its wool to nylon





Mary had a little lamb
She thought it rather silly,
She threw it up in the air,
and caught it by its.....!!

 [;D] [;D] [;D] [;D] [;D]

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #6 on: 28/04/2009 20:46:46 »
Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep
hole.

"Wow...that looks deep."

"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.

"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks
down there. Those should make a noise."

They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole
and wait... and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his
face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a
railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in,
it's GOTTA make some noise."

The two men drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a
sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a sheep appears, running like the
wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them,
running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air
and into the hole.

The two men are astonished with what they've just seen...
Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over.

Hey... you two guys seen my sheep out here?

You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy
and just jumped into this hole!

Nah, says the farmer, That couldn't have been MY sheep. My sheep was
chained to a railroad tie.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Chemistry4me

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Does anyone know any funny Sheepy jokes?
« Reply #7 on: 29/04/2009 06:29:41 »
Love it. [:)]

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #8 on: 29/04/2009 10:58:35 »
Love it. [:)]

How's you dog, your horse and that lying bitch of a sheep?
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Chemistry4me

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« Reply #9 on: 29/04/2009 11:01:16 »
Sorry, can't talk mate, a bit busy at the momento.

Hmmm...I was going to say a bit busy shagging Ahhh! shearing the sheep, am I allowed to say that? [:)] The shag**** I mean?   

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #10 on: 29/04/2009 12:22:02 »
you can say shag*** but not shagging
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Don_1

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Does anyone know any funny Sheepy jokes?
« Reply #11 on: 29/04/2009 12:25:25 »
What do you call a Welshman with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.


I hear they have 2 new uses for sheep in New Zealand.

Meat and wool.
« Last Edit: 29/04/2009 12:26:57 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #12 on: 29/04/2009 12:34:15 »
There was this Aussie roustabout named Jake who got himself fired from his job at the station. He was out of work for a while, then started to get hungry. So he swallowed his pride, and went to the other station in those parts to ask for work--it was a sheep station. They hired him, of course, not too many roustabouts wanted to herd sheep. The first night he was there, the other shepherds there woke him up.

"Get up, boy," they said."It's time for your initiation!"

"Initiation! But how bad could it be," he thought to himself. "Afterall, they were a bunch of sheep tenders!"

So they took him out back of the sheep-pen, and he saw all the other guys lined up waiting.

"Go on," they said, "Boy, it's time you showed you were a REAL man!"

"Huh?" he said.

"That's right," they said, pointing at the sheep, "Show us you're a real man."

"Oh, no," he thought, "they couldn't possibly want him to..."but then he really needed the job. So he squared his shoulders and went and picked out a sheep. He led it behind the shed. After a moment, the others were rewarded by the sounds of, "Baaaah BAAAAH..."

A couple of minutes later the roustabout came back out, buttoning his pants, to see the other guys all laughing at him.

"Oh, great," he thought, "now I've really been had." "So, what?" he said, "Was I not supposed do that with the sheep?"

"That's not it," they laughed. "It's just that you picked out an ugly one."
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Chemistry4me

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« Reply #13 on: 29/04/2009 12:42:59 »
What's so funny about that?

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #14 on: 29/04/2009 13:07:26 »
What's so funny about that?

Former station roustabout there, I see.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Chemistry4me

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« Reply #15 on: 29/04/2009 13:10:01 »
Well as a matter of fact...

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #16 on: 29/04/2009 13:21:03 »
I know, I have raised goats, myself .....
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #17 on: 29/04/2009 16:07:18 »
Mary had little lamb,
She tied it to a plyon
20,00 volts went up its bum
And turned its wool to nylon





Mary had a little lamb
She thought it rather silly,
She threw it up in the air,
and caught it by its.....!!

 [;D] [;D] [;D] [;D] [;D]

Lol...Hee Hee Hee.. you're so funny....LOL.....

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #18 on: 29/04/2009 16:14:25 »
Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep
hole.

"Wow...that looks deep."

"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.

"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks
down there. Those should make a noise."

They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole
and wait... and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his
face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a
railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in,
it's GOTTA make some noise."

The two men drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a
sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a sheep appears, running like the
wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them,
running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air
and into the hole.

The two men are astonished with what they've just seen...
Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over.

Hey... you two guys seen my sheep out here?

You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy
and just jumped into this hole!

Nah, says the farmer, That couldn't have been MY sheep. My sheep was
chained to a railroad tie.


LOL...LOL...LOL.....I love this one... Thanks for putting it in Jimbob...its a great one!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #19 on: 29/04/2009 18:45:42 »
A contribution from Dr. Beaver

_______________________________


Two welsh Farmers are rounding up sheep when a ewe goes wild. She runs into a fence and gets her head stuck. The two farmers look at each other, pause, then one says "This is too good an opportunity to pass up."

He unzips his fly and goes to work on the ewe for ten minutes. When he's finished he asks his buddy if he fancies some of that.

"F*****' right I do he says" so he frantically pulls down his trousers and sticks his head in the fence!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Bored chemist

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« Reply #20 on: 29/04/2009 20:11:53 »
Mary had a little lamb,
Full of fun and frolics.
It tried to jump the barbed wire fence,
but got caught by its elbow.

Mary had a little lamb,
she also had a bear.
I've often seen her little lamb,
but I've never seen her bear.

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it; dead.
But still it goes to school with her
Between two bits of bread.

And my favorite.

Mary had a little lamb.
The midwife fainted.




Please disregard all previous signatures.

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blakestyger

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« Reply #21 on: 29/04/2009 22:16:58 »
Seeing Aussies have had a mention already -

Two Aussies come to London, they are amazed at some of the shops - especially when they see a taxidermist.
"What goes on there?" asked one.
"Dunno" says the other "I'll go and ask".
Minutes later he comes out of the shop "Says he stuffs animals".
"Oh, that's all right, he's one of us".
« Last Edit: 29/04/2009 22:20:07 by blakestyger »

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #22 on: 29/04/2009 22:52:35 »
When a tourist coach passed through a small country town in NZ one of the passengers noticed a sheep tied to a lamppost on the corner in the main street.

"What's that?" she said.

"Oh that," said the guide, "that's the Recreation Centre"
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Chemistry4me

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« Reply #23 on: 30/04/2009 06:02:14 »
When a tourist coach passed through a small country town in NZ one of the passengers noticed a sheep tied to a lamppost on the corner in the main street.

"What's that?" she said.

"Oh that," said the guide, "that's the Recreation Centre"
HA!

That must be the best one of the lot.

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #24 on: 30/04/2009 16:50:06 »
Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes.

One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.

She also went out and bought a new convertible.

She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.

She stopped and called the sheepherder over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.

"Well thank you.", said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.

"Okay.", replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure.", said the sheepherder.

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".

"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right.

Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.

Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".

"What is it?", queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #25 on: 02/05/2009 02:54:05 »
Mary had a little sheep,
And with this sheep
She went to sleep.
The sheep turned out
To be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Chemistry4me

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« Reply #26 on: 02/05/2009 02:55:44 »
You make that one up yourself?

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #27 on: 02/05/2009 03:13:57 »
Lol...Lol..hats pretty funny Jimbob....Lol...

As to weather he made it himself...hmmmm yet to be revealed.... for as of yet his lips are sealed!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #28 on: 02/05/2009 04:15:44 »
Ah .... Yeh, YES I DID!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #29 on: 02/05/2009 05:29:33 »
Oh...all that and a poet too!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #30 on: 07/05/2009 04:02:31 »
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial  insemination. The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant. The Man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day serving the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn."
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #31 on: 07/05/2009 04:29:11 »
.......and ones honking the horn....LOL....LOL...LOL..
HEE HEE HEE........THOSE GREEDY LITTLE GIRLS....LOL...LOL...

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #32 on: 07/05/2009 22:26:43 »
A NZ man sees his farmer friend coming down the street with a sheep under each arm. "Are you shearing," he asks his friend.
"No," the friend replies "Get your own F*****g sheep."

It is all in the acsent!

How do sheep keep warm?
Central Bleating!

You know it is time to go to sleep when the sheep you are counting keep hitting the fence.

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a penguin?
A sheep skin dinner jacket!

Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Virginia Sheeep.

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a cow and a goat?
The milky baa kid.

 
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline Chemistry4me

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« Reply #33 on: 08/05/2009 01:48:45 »
Please don't tell me, you made them up yourself, that was why they weren't funny?

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #34 on: 09/05/2009 02:50:50 »
Come on Groucho, be civilized - oh, forgot. You are not Homo sapien.

The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Chemistry4me

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« Reply #35 on: 09/05/2009 03:07:06 »
Oh well, I tried my best.

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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #36 on: 11/05/2009 22:53:13 »
I like Baaaaaad jokes. I got mine from the baaaaaird.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.