Are you having a nice day ?

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Offline Geezer

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« on: 30/08/2009 17:27:49 »
Well, I was.

Got my first mug a freshly brewed coffee and wandered down to my "office" (it's really the spare bedroom) to log on to NSF to see how my latest incendiary posts were coming along.

I was just putting the mug down on its perch above my mouse and keyboard when there was a little "crick" and a neat little 2 cm long chunk of the handle detached itself from the rest of the handle. This initiated a chain reaction. Coffee dumped onto papers (that should not really have been there) mouse, keyboard, floor. Loud expletive! Panic! Immediate inversion of keyboard and mouse.

I was mopping up the mess when I noticed it wasn't only coffee that was being spilled. I was bleedin' bleeding too. The edges left on the remainder of the handle were as sharp as one of those ceramic kitchen knifes they are always flogging on the telly. Didn't even feel it cut me.

The home can be a very dangerous place.

I think I'll go back to bed now.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force æther.

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #1 on: 30/08/2009 17:53:10 »
Oh what a wonderful day! 

All you need now is a snow storm that causes the roof to collapse.

It is on it's way MWAHAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH !
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline neilep

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« Reply #2 on: 30/08/2009 17:54:11 »
Geezer,

email me your address so that I can come over and help ewe tidy up* ......being a sheepy I am of course excellent at mopping up spills, be it hot coffee or blood.

I do hope the rest of the day pans out better for ewe chum....at least ewe don't have have a phone up your bum !







* Please arrange first class return ticket and limousine service
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Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #3 on: 30/08/2009 18:04:07 »

I was bleedin' bleeding too.


Have you counted up all your fingers yet? If there are less than 10 it might be time to start pissin’ pissing yourself!
 

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Offline neilep

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« Reply #4 on: 30/08/2009 18:08:54 »
If ewe of course have more than ten then all is fine.
Men are the same as women, just inside out !

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Offline LeeE

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« Reply #5 on: 30/08/2009 21:56:05 »
I've been having a quite agreeable day, even if it didn't quite go to plan: got up too late to go drinking with the friends I planned to go drinking with and had to make do with the friends who were already where I ended up going for a drink instead.
...And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!

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Offline graham.d

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« Reply #6 on: 30/08/2009 23:18:33 »
Successfully repaired a leaking gutter which involved removing a whole section to increase the slope slightly. It took about 4 hours which was twice as long as I estimated. I always underestimate such jobs so, knowing this, I had already doubled my original estimate. It's just as well I don't do this sort of work for a living.

Knackered as a result I thought I would give myself the rest of the day off so settled down with a glass or two of wine to watch the 20-20 cricket. It got rained off half way through (probably just as well as England looked like losing). Just watched an old film-noir (Farewell My Lovely - 1945). I've seen it before but worth a few viewings.

Not a bad day overall.

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Offline Variola

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« Reply #7 on: 31/08/2009 16:22:15 »
I went shopping with two teenagers and a 3 yr old to get bits for school...


Compares to having ones fingernails pulled out it was pleasurable!  [:o]
  A potty-mouthed, impertinent female who thinks she is God's gift to men" -JimBob

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Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #8 on: 31/08/2009 16:45:59 »
I planned to spend the evening in my garage making biodiesel last night. To cut a long story short I mixed up the pipes and taps on my overcomplicated processor and ruined 300 litres of biodiesel and flooded my garage with the stuff.... AGAIN. I'm sick as a pig. Bum.
 

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Offline Variola

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« Reply #9 on: 31/08/2009 16:51:09 »
Quote
I'm sick as a pig. Bum.

You are as sick as a pig's bum? how sick is that then?  [;)]


Are you sure its the overcomplicated processor at fault, or possibly senility kicking it??  [:D]
  A potty-mouthed, impertinent female who thinks she is God's gift to men" -JimBob

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #10 on: 31/08/2009 17:47:37 »
Well, by comparison, I supposed had a pretty good day!

Queue music.
You got to look on the bright....

Neil
Tix are on the way by FedEx. I'm afraid, because you are sheepy, I was only able to get you a crate in baggage, but they say the crates are sheepskin lined and  really quite comfortable. You'd think an airline called BA would be a bit more bleating sympathetic toward sheeps and let them at least forage around in Tourist, but apparently this is strict BA policy.

Qantas makes allowances for kangaroos, but not sheeps because they are not "natives". You'd think NZ would be sympathetic too, what with all them sheeps going on World tours and the like, but nope. Only kiwis and they have to fly Business.

FMIW (Fly Me I'm Welsh) does accommodate sheeps in Tourist and Business, but they only fly between Swansea and Salford (quite why anyone would want to fly between Swansea and Salford is beyond me, but that's neither here nor there, which I suppose answers the question.)

I'll meet you at the airport with my pickup. It's nice and breezy in the back. Bring goggles!
 
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force æther.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #11 on: 31/08/2009 19:53:48 »
Here's the reply I received from BA.


From:    BA
To:      B A Black
Subject: Sheep

Dear Mr. Black,

Thank you for your enquiry regarding sheep flying in Business Class. We regret that BA has a strict policy that excludes all ruminants from flying in the passenger compartment.

BOAC (a former component of BA) did, for a while, allow ruminants to travel in the passenger compartment, but this policy had to be amended after two Highland Cattle became highly inebriated on a flight from Heathrow to New York. They became quite belligerent and prevented other passengers from using the bathrooms for the latter part of the flight.

Sincerely,

R U Wooly
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force æther.

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #12 on: 31/08/2009 23:21:58 »
That last post ain't real - it is a shaggy beast story!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline neilep

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« Reply #13 on: 01/09/2009 16:28:19 »
Here's the reply I received from BA.


From:    BA
To:      B A Black
Subject: Sheep

Dear Mr. Black,

Thank you for your enquiry regarding sheep flying in Business Class. We regret that BA has a strict policy that excludes all ruminants from flying in the passenger compartment.

BOAC (a former component of BA) did, for a while, allow ruminants to travel in the passenger compartment, but this policy had to be amended after two Highland Cattle became highly inebriated on a flight from Heathrow to New York. They became quite belligerent and prevented other passengers from using the bathrooms for the latter part of the flight.

Sincerely,

R U Wooly


LOL..Geezer is great !  [;D]

Ewe should have spoken to my mate Branson at Virgin...I luff Virgin !

Not only does he upgrade me to First Class but he also lets me fly the airomobile too !...all I need do is do up my shoelaces for 30 seconds ! numerous times !  [;D]
Men are the same as women, just inside out !

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #14 on: 02/09/2009 00:05:30 »
He's Australian! I did not know that.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force æther.

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Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #15 on: 03/09/2009 15:17:58 »
I was in the pub last night when I suddenly realised I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

By the end of the song, I felt much better, but looking round I noticed everybody was staring at me. It was then that I remembered I was listening to my iPod.
 
« Last Edit: 03/09/2009 23:10:31 by John Chapman »

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #16 on: 03/09/2009 16:55:40 »
I thought that was normal behavior for the people of Wales.





Do correct me if I am wrong.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #17 on: 03/09/2009 17:01:03 »
LOL...
I was in the pub last night when I suddenly realised I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

By the end of the song, I felt much better, but looking round I noticed everybody was staring at me. It was then that I remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
 
Thats cute! I bet that was some interesting, I wonder if they could have "Named That Tune!"?

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #18 on: 03/09/2009 17:37:09 »
I was in the pub last night when I suddenly realised I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

By the end of the song, I felt much better, but looking round I noticed everybody was staring at me. It was then that I remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
 

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #19 on: 03/09/2009 21:24:00 »
Trumpet Involuntary?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force æther.

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Offline JimBob

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« Reply #20 on: 03/09/2009 22:48:16 »
I think that was Clarke.

BUTT what came out was not as sweet - more like a trumpeting elephant's breath! (a dung eating elephant)
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #21 on: 12/09/2009 00:52:52 »

...all I need do is do up my shoelaces for 30 seconds ! numerous times !  [;D]


Wahahaha. I've only just got that! I've never been that quick on the uptake.
 

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #22 on: 12/09/2009 06:09:52 »
I Got that one straight way!! I think I deserve a star!! Wheres my Star Sir Neil?

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #23 on: 21/09/2009 02:10:24 »
The next few posts describe a few days in the life of John Chapman. It’s been a particularly challenging week but is not exceptional.

I have five kids but three of them are a little delinquent, one particularly so. We have had a bad year with them involving crime, unwanted pregnancies, hard drug abuse, domestic violence and Social Services intervention. But my wife and I had a couple of days away last weekend so this week started with us being fairly relaxed. Well, relatively speaking, anyway.

MONDAY 14th

On the way home on Monday morning we had a phone call from our daughter to tell us our son had thrown a party and trashed the house. Then my boss phoned me to ‘ask’ me to work a double shift. I already work 50 or 60 hours each week and my wife said that, even though we hadn’t arrived home yet, our week was already filling with sh1t.

We had to come home on Monday because we had been subpoenered to court as a witness in the trial of another one of our sons for tendering counterfeit notes. We were told to expect him to be sent down because he is already working off the tariffs for two previous offences and has not long finished a third. That particular son and his Vicky Pollard soundalike partner have a history of domestic violence, child neglect and drug abuse and their two children are on the social services ‘at risk’ register. We were the ones who originally alerted the Social Services and our relationship with our son and daughter-in-law has never been quite the same since, although their eldest son, the incredibly cute 3 year old Shane, lives with us.

Anyway, as we pulled into our drive their social worker pulled in behind us. Following a report of them fighting over the weekend the social services had called an emergency meeting for Tuesday morning and told us we must attend. We reminded her that the children’s father and us had to be in court the following morning but incredibly she still insisted. Eventually my wife and I decided that she would defend our son in court while I fight for his children next door at the Social Services offices. I then went to work 2 hours late and didn’t get back home until 11 pm.
 

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Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #24 on: 21/09/2009 02:11:31 »
TUESDAY 15th

At the meeting on Tuesday I criticized the social workers for calling a meeting when they knew most of the family had to be at court and could not represent themselves. The meeting degenerated into chaos and the children’s mother (Vicky Pollard) eventually started screaming unintelligible abuse and stormed out. Meanwhile, our son was found not guilty because, due to a technicality, some of the evidence was not admissible. His friend, however, got six months.

We came home to find the phone had been cut off, although our phone bill said that it must be paid by the 22nd. BT said that our account had been closed and it would take 4 weeks to open a new one and we would lose our present phone number. Eventually, I went to work so late that once again I didn’t get home until 11pm.
 

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Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #25 on: 21/09/2009 02:15:35 »
WEDNESDAY 16th

Wednesday’s work day generally goes on for about a gruelling 14 hours, but because of technical problems it lasted about 16. I didn’t even get a proper lunch break although in the afternoon I was passing Sainsburys and called in to buy a bite to eat on the hoof. For environmental reasons I have given up using carrier bags so at the till I paid for my shopping and began stuffing the smaller items into my pockets. On the way out I was spotted by the security attendant who noticed me walking out with items under my arm and pockets bulging. He asked to see my receipt but it had mysteriously vanished. He asked which till I had come from and, looking back, they all seemed identical. The girl who served me was rather plain and I didn’t pay her much attention. I tried to explain that I never buy more than I can carry without a carrier bag but he called his mate for backup, and I went through my story a second time. Then, just as he was asking me to follow him to a back room, an old couple walked past who were in the queue behind me. We had shared a joke in the queue and they confirmed that I paid for my goods and receipt the till I had passed through. I was released without an apology.

My son (the one who escaped prison yesterday) was arrested and charged with stealing a motorbike. He told the police he is living with us and the boys in blue came to our house looking for stolen goods.

Got home from work at 2am. My wife, who is an alcoholic, was very drunk for the third night running. The last few days haven’t been easy for someone trying to control a drinking problem.
 

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Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #26 on: 21/09/2009 02:16:20 »
THURSDAY 17th

I wish I hadn’t upset the social worker on Tuesday. She decided that because we are the primary carers for the incredibly cute Shane and he is on their Child Protection list she should carry out a full surprise home inspection. If she’d done this yesterday she could have joined forces with the police! Apparently she went through everything, looking in our fridge and through our food cupboards. She even inspected our bedroom and looked to see if the toilets were clean.

Unfortunately, we are in the process of knocking two small old fashioned bathrooms into a single large modern en suite one. The new bathroom furniture and all the building/decorating materials are piled high in the spare room (the incredibly cute Shane’s room). All Shane’s clothes, toys and bed are temporarily in our room as are the contents of the two bathrooms (the towels, toiletries, cleaning material, scales, etc) and some of the tools I am using . There are piles of stuff on every surface in our room at the moment. The bathroom itself has looked like a building site for about three weeks.

The social worker told us that she considered the house to be hazardous and untidy and was going to report the matter to her supervisor. Oh, and the fridge was dirty. My wife immediately went into a panic, thinking we were going to lose our grandson and phoned me, almost in tears. She then arranged for builders to come in and finish the bathroom.

Got a phone call from my Mum to tell me that my cousin, who has been fighting cancer for several years, and been told that it is now terminal. I felt guilty for the rest of the day because I’ve been so wrapped up in my busy life that I’ve not given her the attention she deserves.

Got home about 9pm and got nagged into working on the bathroom.
 

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Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #27 on: 21/09/2009 02:17:08 »
FRIDAY 18th

We had a delivery to do to one of our clients but the van battery was flat, and so was the back tyre. One of my sons has borrowed my jump leads and not told me. Another had borrowed my battery charger and neither had returned them. Our computer network went down and we couldn’t print the delivery paperwork and, while I was wondering which problem to address first the builders turned up. It soon became apparent that since the design for our bathroom is in my head only, it would be necessary for me to work with the builders. So we abandoned our delivery and I spent most of the rest of the day in the bathroom.

At four o’clock we took the incredibly cute Shane for his weekly swimming lesson. Because of the bathroom situation I haven’t had a shower for two weeks and strip down washes just aren’t the same. When I was in the swimming pool I realised I was leaving an oil slick wherever I went. Guillemots were drowning, covered in oil behind me. When I got out there was 2 inches of sediment on the bottom of the pool. I did feel nice getting in the showers and I decided to go back to the swimming baths just as soon as I get another spare hour. Maybe sometime in October!

Back home, we (me and the builders) decided to conceal a wastepipe in the wall by channelling the wall with an angle grinder. 15 minutes later I looked like I’d been in an explosion at a flower mill. Unfortunately, because we had many of the floorboards up and had removed part of the ceiling below, so did several rooms downstairs.

I spent the evening making biodiesel in my garage. By bedtime I stunk of chip fat as well as being covered with brick dust.  Another midnight strip down wash.

Must buy a mobile broadband dongle this weekend so I can post this diary on The Naked Scientist forum – if I ever get the time
 

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #28 on: 21/09/2009 05:01:14 »
John,

That is truly horrible. The Social Services people seem to be in need of their own services.

I was hoping this was going to turn out to be one of your jokes, but I fear it is not.

Try to hang in there.
« Last Edit: 21/09/2009 05:07:56 by Geezer »
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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #29 on: 21/09/2009 05:49:59 »
Ditto John.. Keep your head up and I'll keep you and the family in my thoughts and prayers. I hope things start to look up right away!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #30 on: 21/09/2009 08:43:10 »
Ha ha. Not to worry. This is nothing new and has become par for the course. It's amazing what you can get used to in time. Thanks for your best wishes but I've become quite expert at handling adversity!!! I have just become incredibly thick skinned. Anyway, I should be in charge of my own domestic situation more so, to some extent, it must be my fault.

 
« Last Edit: 21/09/2009 10:06:37 by John Chapman »

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #31 on: 21/09/2009 08:51:36 »
 Its still a tough situation.. I wish you my best!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #32 on: 23/09/2009 06:23:42 »
They closed the pool where I have been doing my  senior aqua aerobics... and daily water exercises.. been spending 2 to 4 hours a day in the water...They are resurfacing the pool bottom and also redoing the pool ledge with some easier cleaned surfaces... I have missed 5 days of exercise. I am hurting like crazy and the benefit the pool had on my hips and joints was remarkable.. and it amazes me how much pain I am in without it. I tried to walk on the Hammond trail with a new friend Michelle, But the walk has left me miserable tonight... I took a pain med 2 hours ago and it is not touching the pain... and feel like its out of control..... TheMy legs ankles hip joints have swelled up so badly I can't hardly even turn over in my bed..Everything is hurting and I can't get straightened up to walk into the loo... Having a sharp pain in my front stomach..

I am hoping someone will come in to the forum and talk awhile to keep my mind off this mess and think about something else besides the pain....

Anyone have a good day or do something cool and fun... I had a nice lunch with my senior pool group!
« Last Edit: 23/09/2009 06:25:57 by Karen W. »

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Make it Lady

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« Reply #33 on: 23/09/2009 22:34:35 »
I've had a crap day. I have been doing grant applications all day. Hoop jumping monkey that I am.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #34 on: 24/09/2009 00:48:06 »


I Got that one straight way!! I think I deserve a star!! Wheres my Star Sir Neil?


Neil's on leave, so I'll comply! You deserve it.


                              

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #35 on: 24/09/2009 01:52:36 »
Awwwwwww  and it is a revolving star too!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Demo!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline John Chapman

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« Reply #36 on: 25/09/2009 09:23:03 »

I am hurting like crazy and the benefit the pool had on my hips and joints was remarkable.. and it amazes me how much pain I am in without it.


It must be horrible having pains all over (rather than just several pains in the arse like I have). What you need is a long, lingering, oily all-over body massage. I'll send Neil over.
 

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #37 on: 25/09/2009 09:37:17 »
LOL... Has Sheepy become the forum masseuse? LOL..LOL... You are so funny...LOL... but seriously I am 49 years old and have never had a long lingering oily massage in my life!!! A massage sounds divine after the last few days!!!

Now if I make it through this boring weekend and until the 6th of Oct. The pool will re-open barring there were no troubled construction points that came up during repairs.. and I can still move by then...

I went for another walk today to try to keep my joints moving, and I thought I was good until after the walk, about an hour, but then I was hurting... This time I had a nice dose of pain reliever  before and after the walk, and feel some better tonight.. not pain free but it took the edge off.

I wish she(The Doctor) would change my pain meds to something that works worth a darn, but is not so addictive. I am so afraid of that, that I tend to try to do without it. Then get in trouble, when I let then pain get out of control, and it takes 2 days of regular interval pain meds to get it in hand again!

Hey.. it just occurred to me that they should reimburse my membership fees for the three weeks off at Health sport.. prorate it or something!
« Last Edit: 25/09/2009 14:00:50 by Karen W. »

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #38 on: 25/09/2009 09:48:49 »

I am hurting like crazy and the benefit the pool had on my hips and joints was remarkable.. and it amazes me how much pain I am in without it.


It must be horrible having pains all over (rather than just several pains in the arse like I have). What you need is a long, lingering, oily all-over body massage. I'll send Neil over.
 

You know sometime you should call Neily to come give you a neck and shoulder massage.. That is really good for relieving stress!

I hope your pains are eased also very soon.. I still have my 3 pains and I do love em as you do yours. I must say, Though that my stress was reduced in that sense when my divorce papers were all filed, and the husband became the ex! There is still that lonesomeness from loosing my life long friend and companion not to mention supposed sexual Partner! Thats another story though... seems I am destined to doom in that department.... I am probably too old and decrepit to enjoy sex any more anyways..although *that is just a lie I tell myself to make it easier to accept the realities of the situation..* LOL...
My kids do not want their mom having sex with anyone anyways! LOL.. Makes no difference to them... parents are not supposed to engage in fun sexual play. Period full stop! LOL
« Last Edit: 25/09/2009 14:04:17 by Karen W. »

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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« Reply #39 on: 25/09/2009 13:52:38 »
I've had a crap day. I have been doing grant applications all day. Hoop jumping monkey that I am.

Sorry your day was so crap! Hope the last couple were better!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."