Joke of the day

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Offline omid

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Joke of the day
« on: 02/02/2010 08:53:35 »
Hey guys,
omid is starting this thread to give all of them, a smile of the day, who don't smile a lot. omid'll post a funny joke (at least according to omid) everyday.
Most of omid's jokes would about a funny man named Tom
if any of u find omid's jokes boring and repetitive plz stop omid there [;)]
So here is the starter..............

Tom went to a job interview
Boss: what's your date of birth?
Tom: 11th of October
Boss: 11 Oct in which year?
Tom: in every year [:D] [:D] [:D]
« Last Edit: 02/02/2010 09:00:48 by omid »

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1 on: 03/02/2010 07:45:41 »
Okay before omid leaves for college here's the one for today

Few children were palying a game that the one would utter the biggest lie would be declared the winner, in the mean time a priest was passing through,
He asked the kids
Priest: what are you playing?
one of the kid: the bigger the lie the winner the person
Priest: very bad, when I was of your age I never lied.
Kid: OH NOOOOOOOO priest won the prize [:D] [:D] [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2 on: 04/02/2010 08:17:21 »
Here is todays biggie [:)]

An urgent call was put in for a plumber at noon but he didn’t arrive until 5 hours later. “How is it?” he asked entering the house. “Not so bad,” replied the home owner. “While we were waiting for you to arrive I taught my wife how to swim.”

 

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #3 on: 05/02/2010 18:20:21 »
A man needing a heart transplant is told be his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants that sheep's heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him, 'How are you feeling?' the man replies, 'Not BAAAAAD!"  [:D]

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Offline neilep

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #4 on: 05/02/2010 18:35:35 »
Nice Jokes Omid..

Thank ewe
Men are the same as women, just inside out !

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #5 on: 06/02/2010 10:05:45 »
Nice Jokes Omid..

Thank ewe

Thanks Neil, omid glad you liked them [:)]

here's the one for today [;)]

An inspector went to a school for inspection to find out how the kids are doing?
he went to a class and asked a student


Inspector: imagine you're on the 3rd floor of the building and the building catches fire, what are you gona do?

Student: Very simple; I am gona stop my imagination on that point [:D]

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Offline geo driver

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #6 on: 06/02/2010 11:09:40 »
you heard of the dyslexic Satanist ?

sold his sole to santa
board of ignorance

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Offline Variola

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #7 on: 06/02/2010 12:18:57 »
Two tankers have collided in the English Channel, one carrying red paint the other carrying blue. Both crews are said to be marooned...  [:D]
  A potty-mouthed, impertinent female who thinks she is God's gift to men" -JimBob

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #8 on: 07/02/2010 14:01:31 »
OK! omid heard this one in last night party [:)]

The head teacher of a school, who had just joined the school, was on round of the school to find out how things are going?
after passing by a class he felt that there was too much noise in the class, he entered the class and observed that the tallest student was causing most of the disturbance in the class, he was very annoyed to see that and asked the tallest student to stand on the bench as punishment.
after that the head teacher asked one of the student,

Head teacher: so you tell me where is your teacher [>:(]
Student: Innocently, Sir the guy standing on the bench is our teacher [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #9 on: 08/02/2010 07:57:30 »
Lets start the week with this one [:)]

Santa was thrown out of the bus by some guys
a man asked Santa
man: why did they throw you out?
Santa: I don't know
Man; but what did you do?
Santa: nothing really, actually I was looking at the picture of my wife and due to the strong wind the pic slipped out of my hand and went under the skirt of a lady so all I said to that lady was;

"COULD YOU PLEASE LIFT UP YOUR SKIRT I WANT TO TAKE PICTURE" [:D]
« Last Edit: 08/02/2010 08:01:13 by omid »

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #10 on: 09/02/2010 17:43:35 »
Tom enters the room of his mum and said;

Tom: Do u remember the vase you bought yesterday?
Mum: what about that?
Tom: what if some one broke it?
Mum: I'll break his head
Tom: Quick mum, because daddy has just done so [:D]

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Offline peppercorn

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #11 on: 10/02/2010 12:31:47 »
Little Tom is 5 years old.
One day he notices his mummy has a bulge developing around her middle.

Tom:    "Mummy, mummy - what's that lump in you tummy?"
Mummy: "Well, Tom. Because daddy loves me very much, he has given me a baby."


Little Tom is perplexed by this, so later on Tom sidles up to his father.
Tom:   "Daddy, daddy - did you give mummy a baby?"
Daddy (earnestly): "Yes, Tom.  I did"


Tom:   "Oh, daddy....  I'm so sorry to have to tell on mummy, but....



           well, she's eaten it!"                                            [:o]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #12 on: 10/02/2010 18:04:44 »
Tom's 5 years old and his Mum is Pregnant,
Tom wne to dad ans asked;

Tom: Dad, dad why's mum's tummy so big?
(Since Tom was too young so Dad didnt wanted to tell him about mum being pregnant)
Dad: mum's tummy is filled with water
Tom: OH MY GOD! dad plz do something or the baby will drowned [:D

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #13 on: 12/02/2010 08:25:37 »
OK guys,
omid getting late for college but before omid leaves here is the one for today

Dad asked Tom;
Dad: Tom, when I stop you from playing videos games how do you control it, whats the thing that you do satisfy you
Tom: nothing special Dad! all I do is clean the toilet with you toothbrush [:D]

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Offline peppercorn

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #14 on: 12/02/2010 11:09:25 »
Αn Irishman walks into a pub.
The barman asks him, "I haven't seen you for ages, Tommy.  What'll be havin'?"
Tommy says, "Give me three pints of Stout please."
So the barman pours him three pints and the man takes a seat and proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The barman calls over, "Tommy, If you don't like keep getting up, I'll keep my eye out and bring you a fresh one when you get low."
But Tommy says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Stouts too, and we're drinking together."
The barman thought that was a wonderful tradition and every week the man came in and ordered three beers.

Then one week Tommy came in and ordered only two.
The barman said to him, "Tommy, I'm so sorry - Has something bad happened to one of your brothers?"

Tommy said, "Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."      [;D]

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Offline doppler1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #15 on: 12/02/2010 11:22:03 »
Have any of you heard the one about the logic scientist??? I am askingbecause it is longish but brilliant and too lazy on tis Friday to type it up if you have heard it :p

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #16 on: 13/02/2010 19:20:27 »
Santa enters a store that sell curtains.

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #17 on: 14/02/2010 16:26:27 »
Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives.

"Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa.

"Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"

The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!"

He then points at a rock and says, "And that?"

The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!"

"You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!" [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #18 on: 15/02/2010 20:15:39 »
santa asked banta "why does Gorden Brown go for evening walk?
banta: because he is PM but not a.m  [;)]

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Offline geo driver

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #19 on: 16/02/2010 04:13:37 »
why dont people like gorden brown on sight?

saves time
board of ignorance

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #20 on: 17/02/2010 20:25:01 »
santa's wife: if I die what would u do?
Santa: I'll die too
santa's wife: why is that so?
Santa: sometimes too much joy can kill you too.

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #21 on: 17/02/2010 20:38:09 »
My family were so poor that when the wolf was at the door, we ate it.

We couldn't afford toys. My brothers were lucky, being boys at least they had something to play with.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #22 on: 18/02/2010 17:06:37 »
being boys at least they had something to play with.

Omid didn't actually get this bit
what is it that boys've to play with????????????
omid asked all her friends and papa too but they didn't really answered
what is it Make It Lady?????????

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #23 on: 18/02/2010 17:24:51 »
Why, they're Adams apples of course!
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #24 on: 19/02/2010 11:11:31 »
Santa came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife, Jeeto, with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.

"Was it my friend Banta", he demanded.

"No !" his weeping wife replied.

"Was it my friend Ramta then?" he asked.

"No !!!" she said even more upset.

"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.

"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" Jeeto snapped [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #25 on: 20/02/2010 07:21:25 »
Banta was not home at his usual hour, and his wife, Preeto, was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was Banta, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.

"Do you realize what time it is?" she asked.

He answered, "Don't get excited. I'm late because I bought something for the house."

Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear?"

Banta's answer was, "A round of drinks!" [:)]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #26 on: 23/02/2010 18:15:14 »
Banta walks into a bar for a bar and takes a seat. However, just as the bartender put the beer on the bar, there was a loud disturbance outside. Hey ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer.

When he got back he found his glass empty and a note saying: "Thanks for the beer!"

Banta was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway. Again, just as the bartender put the beer down a loud crash was heard in the street. Thinking that someone ran into his parked car, Banta runs outside to check on things. Seeing that his car was okay he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: "Thanks again, this was as good as the first one."

Well he still hadn't had a beer to quench his thirst, so he ordered another. Just as the bartender put the beer down, a series of shots were heard outside. This time Banta wasn't going to lose his beer to anybody. So he spit into the beer and left a note saying, "Enjoy, I just spit into the beer." He then ran outside to see what had happened.

When Banta returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it.

However this time the note said: "You enjoy, I spit in it too!" [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #27 on: 25/02/2010 16:02:24 »
Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.

The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.

The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?

Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."

The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!"

On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.

The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?

Santa says, "Oh sure."

The boss asks how deep underground he worked.

Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground."

The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?"

Santa says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!" [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #28 on: 26/02/2010 07:52:11 »
Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.

The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"

Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the officer asked.

Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."

"That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."

Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"

Very curious now, the officer says, "O.K. I've got to see this"

Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.

After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"

"Well, What?" Banta says.

The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?"

"Fish! What fish?" Banta responds. [:D]

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Offline doppler1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #29 on: 26/02/2010 08:32:57 »
Did you hear the one about the South African Ventriloquist in the Australian outback???? Well he goes into a bar in the outback and has a few beers with the local farmers. After a couple he decides to have some fun by applying his trade as nobody knows his skill. He sees a dog sitting at the base of the bar and asks loudly, whose dog is that? one of the farmers replies that it is his so he asks if he can have a talk to the dog so they all say "come on mate, we all know dogs can not talk". So the ventriloquist asks the dog how his day is going and then responds for the dog in his best Aussie accent. The bar is stunned into complete silence and the patrons cannot believe what has just happened. Anyway to cut the story short, the ventriloquist then asks who's sheep were grazing outside and if he can have a quick chat to them and one of the farmers quickly pipes up "No point mate....they are all bloody liars" :)(Maybe a bit local but the Aussies will get it)

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #30 on: 27/02/2010 19:05:34 »
Did you hear the one about the South African Ventriloquist in the Australian outback???? Well he goes into a bar in the outback and has a few beers with the local farmers. After a couple he decides to have some fun by applying his trade as nobody knows his skill. He sees a dog sitting at the base of the bar and asks loudly, whose dog is that? one of the farmers replies that it is his so he asks if he can have a talk to the dog so they all say "come on mate, we all know dogs can not talk". So the ventriloquist asks the dog how his day is going and then responds for the dog in his best Aussie accent. The bar is stunned into complete silence and the patrons cannot believe what has just happened. Anyway to cut the story short, the ventriloquist then asks who's sheep were grazing outside and if he can have a quick chat to them and one of the farmers quickly pipes up "No point mate....they are all bloody liars" :)(Maybe a bit local but the Aussies will get it)

Good one Doppler1 [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #31 on: 27/02/2010 19:20:16 »
Banta has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things. He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem.

The vet says, "I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls' eyes will straighten out."

The vet - a 70 year old man - inserts the pipe and blows. The bulls' eyes begin to straighten, but the vet soon looses his breath and the bulls' eyes are crossed again. The vet gives it another try, but looses his breath again.

The vet looks at Banta and says, "You look like a strong man, why don't you give it a try."

Banta agrees. He then takes the pipe out of the bulls' ass, turns it around, and sticks it back in. He then begins to blow.

"sh1t!!!" says the vet. "What in the hell did you do that for?"

Banta replies, "You don't think I am going to put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on." [:D]

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Offline Ethos

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #32 on: 27/02/2010 23:28:08 »
A Moron went to a Psychiatrist to seek help for his intellect. The Psychiatrist judging this individaul to be an easy mark, gave him rabbit dropings and suggested he take one a day until his mental ability started to improve. After two weeks the Moron came back and the Psychiatrist tested his IQ again. After the test, the Moron's IQ hadn't improved so he was sent back home for another month with another helping of rabbit dropings to injest. This went on for several months until the Moron became suspicious and returned to the Psychiatrist earlier than his next appointment specified. He then cornered the Psychiatrist and demanded, "Why have you been feeding rabbit sh1t to me over the past several months and calling them smart pills?" The Psychiatrist becoming very amused at the Moron then anounced very bluntly, "Now you're getting smart aren't you?"

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #33 on: 28/02/2010 18:05:03 »
A Moron went to a Psychiatrist to seek help for his intellect. The Psychiatrist judging this individaul to be an easy mark, gave him rabbit dropings and suggested he take one a day until his mental ability started to improve. After two weeks the Moron came back and the Psychiatrist tested his IQ again. After the test, the Moron's IQ hadn't improved so he was sent back home for another month with another helping of rabbit dropings to injest. This went on for several months until the Moron became suspicious and returned to the Psychiatrist earlier than his next appointment specified. He then cornered the Psychiatrist and demanded, "Why have you been feeding rabbit sh1t to me over the past several months and calling them smart pills?" The Psychiatrist becoming very amused at the Moron then anounced very bluntly, "Now you're getting smart aren't you?"

Nice one Infy [;D]


Once Santa kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.

Doctor: What was your dream about?
Santa: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Santa: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Santa: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Santa: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Santa: It said "Pull" [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #34 on: 02/03/2010 18:34:57 »
Santa had 6 kids and 5of them were lookalikes whiles the 6th one was different.
he used to ask his wife all the time that "please tell me who is the father to the 6th one" and his wife alwasy used to say "YOU are the father to the 6th one"
one day when hiw wife was dying he asked again "at least tell me now" and his wife responds "trust me you're the father to the 6th one" then he asked "then why does he look different from the rest?"
his wife replied " because only the 6th one is yours" [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #35 on: 03/03/2010 12:08:48 »
OK Omid about to leave for psychology's class but before that here's the one for today

Santa's father asked Santa

Papa: my son what do you wana become when you grow up?

Santa: Father! I wana become pilot

Papa: Very pleasantly very good but how would we know that you flying the airplane

Santa: don't worry Father, when I'll crossing my house in plane I'll throw a BOMB at my house and then you'll know that its Me [:D]

Omid off for class [;)]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #36 on: 04/03/2010 07:42:00 »
Omid about to leave for college in next few minutes but here's the one for today [;)]

Santa was sleeping with his mum and felt thirsty in mid night
he asked mum

Santa: i am thirsty, get me a glass of water please.
Mum: stop it, and go to sleep
Santa: Mum! m thirsty please
Mum: i said go sleep
Santa: But I need to drink water
Mum: Go sleep or I'll go and bring a stick to thrash u with
Santa: OK mum! but while bringing the stick make sure you DO get me a glass of water too [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #37 on: 07/03/2010 13:50:38 »
Santa was standing outside of the class
and passin teacher asked him;

Teacher: why are you standing out of the class?
Santa: teacher asked me a question which I answered correctly
Teacher: So????????????
Santa: teacher said OUTSTANDING!!!!!!!!!!!! [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #38 on: 08/03/2010 17:26:20 »
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" [:-X]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #39 on: 09/03/2010 08:18:21 »
Santa and Banta, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant.

While looking at the menu, Banta noticed Santa looking at the vegetarian section of the menu.

"What would you like Santa?" he asked.

"I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish," Santa replied.

"Santa, you like meat and potatoes. You won’t like that dish," Banta said.

"What do you know," answered Santa, "I'm getting it."

"Santa, I'm telling you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won’t like it!" Banta exclaimed.

"I’m getting it and that is the last word!" says Santa.

A short while later the meals arrive at the table.

Santa looks down and his dish and says to Banta, “Where are my eggs?” [:D] [:D] [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #40 on: 12/03/2010 07:03:09 »
Banta was driving back home when there was a terrible hailstorm. Huge hailstones the size of tennis balls pelted his car leaving it full of dents.

He drove to the nearby automotive center and asked what he should do. The mechanic explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least 50pounds to repair. Banta said that was too much and asked if there was some other way to fix it.

He decided to have a little fun and said, "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out."

Banta decided to give it a try before spending that much money. He drove home and was in the garage with his lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when his neighbour Santa came over to visit.

"What are you doing?" asked Santa.

"I'm blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car," explained Banta.

"Well silly, it's not going to work," replied Santa.

"Why not?" asked Banta.

"Because you've got to roll up the windows first." [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #41 on: 13/03/2010 13:44:43 »
Two drunks, Santa and Banta, enter a hotel late at night. They approach the clerk, and Santa says, "Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms?"

"You mean a room with two beds?" asks the clerk.

"Whatever, whatever you shay."

So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open. As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fall on the bed closest to the door.

"Ahh," says Santa, "Now we can get some sleep at last."

As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed.

"Hey! There's somebody in my bed!" says Banta.

"There's somebody in my bed too!" says Santa.

"Let's get rid of them. We paid for this room and we're going to sleep in the beds!" says Banta.

They start a tremendous struggle. They heave and push until eventually Santa throws Banta on the floor.

"ALL RIGHT!!" Santa shouts, "I've thrown mine off the bed."

"You're lucky," says Banta, "I got thrown off and I'm too tired to fight any more."

"Well, never mind," says Santa, "Why don't you just come and share my bed. Let's get some sleep round here." [:D] [:D] [:D]

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Offline Bored chemist

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #42 on: 14/03/2010 13:07:14 »
"Apparently a hotel in the UK uses real live human bedwarmers. "
At least, that was the excuse they gave when prosecuted for running a brothel.
Please disregard all previous signatures.

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #43 on: 14/03/2010 14:24:13 »
Santa went to doctor with two red ears
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."[:D] [:D] [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #44 on: 16/03/2010 20:22:01 »
Banta noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner. As he was getting up to talk to her.
Bartender : "Hey don't worry about her, She is lesbian!"
Banta : "Lesbian or no lesbian, I get them all"
....and he stylishly holding his whiskey in his left hand walked to her table. Then leaping forward in a very sexy voice he says.
"Honey where exactly in Lesbia, you from?" [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #45 on: 18/03/2010 15:16:03 »
A doctor traveling by car along a country road collides with an attorney who happens to be driving in the opposite direction. The attorney, seeing that the doctor is a bit shaken up, helps him from the car and offers him a drink of Scotch from his hip flask. The doctor accepts, took a long drink and hands the flask back to the attorney, who closes it and puts it away. "Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asks the doctor.
The attorney replies, "Sure — as soon as the police leave." [:D]

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Offline Andrew K Fletcher

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #46 on: 19/03/2010 17:20:43 »
Following a recent news item, couldn't resist having a scribble :)

Council linked to terrorist wheely bin tactics, "refusing" to take a bin if the lid don't close because there is too much rubbish in it? Wheely? Yes, when questioned, an official said: "O some are bin laden"
Science is continually evolving. Nothing is set in stone. Question everything and everyone. Always consider vested interests as a reason for miss-direction. But most of all explore and find answers that you are comfortable with

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #47 on: 19/03/2010 18:12:06 »
A man walks into a bar and asks the barman, 'Was I in here last night?'
'You certainly were,' replies the barman.
'And did I spend a lot of money?'
'You spent over £100', replies the barman.
'Thank god for that,' says the man, 'I thought I'd wasted it. [:)]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #48 on: 21/03/2010 12:13:40 »
a little boy was plucking fruits from a tree in garden, as the watchman saw the boy he was freaked out and shouted at boy

Watchman: you plucking fruit here without permission, I'll just go to your house and complaint your dad about it

Boy: but there's no use of going to my house because my dad is not home

Watchman: so where's your dad?

Boy: *giggling* he is plucking fruit from the other tree [:D]

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Offline omid

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #49 on: 22/03/2010 06:55:02 »
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce." [:D]