[omid (OP)]

santa's wife: if I die what would u do?
Santa: I'll die too
santa's wife: why is that so?
Santa: sometimes too much joy can kill you too.

[Make it Lady]

My family were so poor that when the wolf was at the door, we ate it.

We couldn't afford toys. My brothers were lucky, being boys at least they had something to play with.

[omid (OP)]

being boys at least they had something to play with.

Omid didn't actually get this bit
what is it that boys've to play with???
omid asked all her friends and papa too but they didn't really answered
what is it Make It Lady???

[Make it Lady]

Why, they're Adams apples of course!

[omid (OP)]

Santa came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife, Jeeto, with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.

"Was it my friend Banta", he demanded.

"No !" his weeping wife replied.

"Was it my friend Ramta then?" he asked.

"No !!!" she said even more upset.

"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.

"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" Jeeto snapped []

[omid (OP)]

Banta was not home at his usual hour, and his wife, Preeto, was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was Banta, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.

"Do you realize what time it is?" she asked.

He answered, "Don't get excited. I'm late because I bought something for the house."

Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear?"

Banta's answer was, "A round of drinks!" []

[omid (OP)]

Banta walks into a bar for a bar and takes a seat. However, just as the bartender put the beer on the bar, there was a loud disturbance outside. Hey ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer.

When he got back he found his glass empty and a note saying: "Thanks for the beer!"

Banta was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway. Again, just as the bartender put the beer down a loud crash was heard in the street. Thinking that someone ran into his parked car, Banta runs outside to check on things. Seeing that his car was okay he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: "Thanks again, this was as good as the first one."

Well he still hadn't had a beer to quench his thirst, so he ordered another. Just as the bartender put the beer down, a series of shots were heard outside. This time Banta wasn't going to lose his beer to anybody. So he spit into the beer and left a note saying, "Enjoy, I just spit into the beer." He then ran outside to see what had happened.

When Banta returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it.

However this time the note said: "You enjoy, I spit in it too!" []

[omid (OP)]

Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.

The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.

The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?

Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."

The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!"

On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.

The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?

Santa says, "Oh sure."

The boss asks how deep underground he worked.

Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground."

The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?"

Santa says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!" []

[omid (OP)]

Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.

The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"

Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the officer asked.

Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."

"That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."

Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"

Very curious now, the officer says, "O.K. I've got to see this"

Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.

After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"

"Well, What?" Banta says.

The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?"

"Fish! What fish?" Banta responds. []

[doppler1]

Did you hear the one about the South African Ventriloquist in the Australian outback? Well he goes into a bar in the outback and has a few beers with the local farmers. After a couple he decides to have some fun by applying his trade as nobody knows his skill. He sees a dog sitting at the base of the bar and asks loudly, whose dog is that? one of the farmers replies that it is his so he asks if he can have a talk to the dog so they all say "come on mate, we all know dogs can not talk". So the ventriloquist asks the dog how his day is going and then responds for the dog in his best Aussie accent. The bar is stunned into complete silence and the patrons cannot believe what has just happened. Anyway to cut the story short, the ventriloquist then asks who's sheep were grazing outside and if he can have a quick chat to them and one of the farmers quickly pipes up "No point mate....they are all bloody liars" (Maybe a bit local but the Aussies will get it)

[omid (OP)]

Did you hear the one about the South African Ventriloquist in the Australian outback? Well he goes into a bar in the outback and has a few beers with the local farmers. After a couple he decides to have some fun by applying his trade as nobody knows his skill. He sees a dog sitting at the base of the bar and asks loudly, whose dog is that? one of the farmers replies that it is his so he asks if he can have a talk to the dog so they all say "come on mate, we all know dogs can not talk". So the ventriloquist asks the dog how his day is going and then responds for the dog in his best Aussie accent. The bar is stunned into complete silence and the patrons cannot believe what has just happened. Anyway to cut the story short, the ventriloquist then asks who's sheep were grazing outside and if he can have a quick chat to them and one of the farmers quickly pipes up "No point mate....they are all bloody liars" (Maybe a bit local but the Aussies will get it)

Good one Doppler1 []

[omid (OP)]

Banta has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things. He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem.

The vet says, "I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls' eyes will straighten out."

The vet - a 70 year old man - inserts the pipe and blows. The bulls' eyes begin to straighten, but the vet soon looses his breath and the bulls' eyes are crossed again. The vet gives it another try, but looses his breath again.

The vet looks at Banta and says, "You look like a strong man, why don't you give it a try."

Banta agrees. He then takes the pipe out of the bulls' ass, turns it around, and sticks it back in. He then begins to blow.

"sh1t!!!" says the vet. "What in the hell did you do that for?"

Banta replies, "You don't think I am going to put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on." []

[Ethos]

A Moron went to a Psychiatrist to seek help for his intellect. The Psychiatrist judging this individaul to be an easy mark, gave him rabbit dropings and suggested he take one a day until his mental ability started to improve. After two weeks the Moron came back and the Psychiatrist tested his IQ again. After the test, the Moron's IQ hadn't improved so he was sent back home for another month with another helping of rabbit dropings to injest. This went on for several months until the Moron became suspicious and returned to the Psychiatrist earlier than his next appointment specified. He then cornered the Psychiatrist and demanded, "Why have you been feeding rabbit sh1t to me over the past several months and calling them smart pills?" The Psychiatrist becoming very amused at the Moron then anounced very bluntly, "Now you're getting smart aren't you?"

[omid (OP)]

A Moron went to a Psychiatrist to seek help for his intellect. The Psychiatrist judging this individaul to be an easy mark, gave him rabbit dropings and suggested he take one a day until his mental ability started to improve. After two weeks the Moron came back and the Psychiatrist tested his IQ again. After the test, the Moron's IQ hadn't improved so he was sent back home for another month with another helping of rabbit dropings to injest. This went on for several months until the Moron became suspicious and returned to the Psychiatrist earlier than his next appointment specified. He then cornered the Psychiatrist and demanded, "Why have you been feeding rabbit sh1t to me over the past several months and calling them smart pills?" The Psychiatrist becoming very amused at the Moron then anounced very bluntly, "Now you're getting smart aren't you?"

Nice one Infy []


Once Santa kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.

Doctor: What was your dream about?
Santa: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Santa: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Santa: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Santa: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Santa: It said "Pull" []

[omid (OP)]

Santa had 6 kids and 5of them were lookalikes whiles the 6th one was different.
he used to ask his wife all the time that "please tell me who is the father to the 6th one" and his wife alwasy used to say "YOU are the father to the 6th one"
one day when hiw wife was dying he asked again "at least tell me now" and his wife responds "trust me you're the father to the 6th one" then he asked "then why does he look different from the rest?"
his wife replied " because only the 6th one is yours" []

[omid (OP)]

OK Omid about to leave for psychology's class but before that here's the one for today

Santa's father asked Santa

Papa: my son what do you wana become when you grow up?

Santa: Father! I wana become pilot

Papa: Very pleasantly very good but how would we know that you flying the airplane

Santa: don't worry Father, when I'll crossing my house in plane I'll throw a BOMB at my house and then you'll know that its Me []

Omid off for class []

[omid (OP)]

Omid about to leave for college in next few minutes but here's the one for today []

Santa was sleeping with his mum and felt thirsty in mid night
he asked mum

Santa: i am thirsty, get me a glass of water please.
Mum: stop it, and go to sleep
Santa: Mum! m thirsty please
Mum: i said go sleep
Santa: But I need to drink water
Mum: Go sleep or I'll go and bring a stick to thrash u with
Santa: OK mum! but while bringing the stick make sure you DO get me a glass of water too []

[omid (OP)]

Santa was standing outside of the class
and passin teacher asked him;

Teacher: why are you standing out of the class?
Santa: teacher asked me a question which I answered correctly
Teacher: So???
Santa: teacher said OUTSTANDING!!!!!!!!!!!! []

[omid (OP)]

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" []

[omid (OP)]

Santa and Banta, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant.

While looking at the menu, Banta noticed Santa looking at the vegetarian section of the menu.

"What would you like Santa?" he asked.

"I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish," Santa replied.

"Santa, you like meat and potatoes. You won’t like that dish," Banta said.

"What do you know," answered Santa, "I'm getting it."

"Santa, I'm telling you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won’t like it!" Banta exclaimed.

"I’m getting it and that is the last word!" says Santa.

A short while later the meals arrive at the table.

Santa looks down and his dish and says to Banta, “Where are my eggs?” [] [] []