Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1050 on: 01/01/2011 21:19:28 »

We certainly got a good flocking.


A flock of doves decided to stage a coo.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1051 on: 04/01/2011 14:42:02 »
I think the ring leader's name was coobler kahn.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Airthumbs

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« Reply #1052 on: 04/01/2011 14:50:16 »
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. (Einstein)

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1053 on: 04/01/2011 15:56:04 »
Oh dear, you shouldn't have said that. you have invited a cornucopia of farming puns to be ploughed up by the combined harvesters of puns on this forum.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Airthumbs

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« Reply #1054 on: 04/01/2011 18:05:47 »
Wheat else do you suggest?
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. (Einstein)

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1055 on: 04/01/2011 22:36:47 »
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dung can...

Duncan who?

Dung can make the grass grow.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Airthumbs

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« Reply #1056 on: 05/01/2011 03:01:09 »
What do you call a farmer with a spade in his head?

Doug!
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. (Einstein)

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1057 on: 05/01/2011 04:49:35 »

Did you know he's also a master magician?


Yes! People have even watched in awe as he walks down the street and turns into a drugstore!!


A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!


Similar strokes for similar folks?
« Last Edit: 05/01/2011 04:56:57 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1058 on: 05/01/2011 04:55:06 »
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dung can...

Duncan who?

Dung can make the grass grow.


Really? No sh - - !!

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1059 on: 05/01/2011 05:04:36 »

We certainly got a good flocking.


A flock of doves decided to stage a coo.


I think the ring leader's name was coobler kahn.


Not sam t. cooleridge???

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Offline Airthumbs

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« Reply #1060 on: 05/01/2011 05:30:34 »
A flock of crows flew over the farm yesterday... it was murder!
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. (Einstein)

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1061 on: 05/01/2011 05:30:58 »

Oh dear, you shouldn't have said that. you have invited a cornucopia of farming puns to be ploughed up by the combined harvesters of puns on this forum.


I think this one deserves a prize:



Sorry, Don, I couldn't find one in your gender...

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1062 on: 05/01/2011 05:34:26 »
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dung can...

Duncan who?

Dung can make the grass grow.


Really? No sh - - !!

No. Quite a lot really.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1063 on: 05/01/2011 09:02:03 »


They don't look like corns to me. Is something afoot here?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1064 on: 05/01/2011 15:37:43 »
Defeat stared us in the face, so did de toes and de ankles.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1065 on: 05/01/2011 16:41:15 »
Well, we were under a tack at the time.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1066 on: 05/01/2011 16:56:07 »
I would go so far as to say we were well and truly screwed. But we turned the tables and gave them a good hammering.
« Last Edit: 05/01/2011 16:57:58 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1067 on: 05/01/2011 17:48:06 »
Pretty much a nailated I'd call it. Just as well we were able to get three-and-fourpence.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1068 on: 05/01/2011 21:14:50 »


They don't look like corns to me. Is something afoot here?


Aw, shucks, Don, it was my Consultant's fault, below, Princess Husk!



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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1069 on: 05/01/2011 21:33:14 »
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dung can...

Duncan who?

Dung can make the grass grow.


Really? No sh - - !!

No. Quite a lot really.


Whew! For a sec there, I thought you were feeding me a buncha crap...

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1070 on: 05/01/2011 21:42:42 »
I would go so far as to say we were well and truly screwed. But we turned the tables and gave them a good hammering.

It's just as well Brad brought all those staples with him, or we might have starved to death. Just as well too, cause some of the men were going a bit nuts and getting ready to bolt.
« Last Edit: 05/01/2011 21:45:29 by Geezer »
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1071 on: 05/01/2011 22:01:32 »


Seems like Brad nailed it, even though he didn't bring a hammer.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1072 on: 06/01/2011 10:29:54 »
Brad? I'd pitt my wits against him any time. It would be plane sailing. I shall file my report for all to saw ---- Oops, wrong tense, I mean 'see'.

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1073 on: 07/01/2011 01:43:49 »

Don't be too harsh, I heard from the buzz that he's a sensitive gay blade.  And don't chisel him out of his due respect. There's room for many of us to grind out our unique contribution. Weld, I have to go now.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1074 on: 07/01/2011 02:20:31 »
Weld there's no need to be so brazing about it. I suppose we'll just have to solder on without you.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1075 on: 07/01/2011 07:27:25 »

Weld there's no need to be so brazing about it. I suppose we'll just have to solder on without you.


OK, then solder on if you must. As long as you're not gunning for me. We can always iron things out later!

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1076 on: 07/01/2011 11:25:36 »
There goes Demo, showing his metal. Could he be a retired copper? I don't know what lead me to say that.

Oooo, Owch, my plumbago is playing up.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1077 on: 07/01/2011 15:22:03 »
OK, then solder on if you must.

We shall. And we will ensure that the metal gets fluxed.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1078 on: 07/01/2011 17:27:22 »

This whole thread is in a state of flux. Hasta lumbago, guys, I'm going to the coppers' retirement ball. Hm, Don is so perceptive I wonder how he knew I was a copper, I'm usually so off-beat.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1079 on: 07/01/2011 18:04:25 »
Just what planished are you living on?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1080 on: 07/01/2011 18:10:12 »
I wouldn't say I was exactly planished, but I am getting slightly peckish.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline SeanB

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« Reply #1081 on: 07/01/2011 19:17:01 »
Peckish, like Gregory or like Silky?

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1082 on: 07/01/2011 20:13:21 »


Just what planished are you living on?


This chat is making me phamished, gotta eat sump'n now.
« Last Edit: 07/01/2011 21:58:58 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1083 on: 07/01/2011 21:55:19 »

I wouldn't say I was exactly planished, but I am getting slightly peckish.


Not to worry, Geezer, we have no pecking order here.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1084 on: 08/01/2011 12:24:11 »
But you could end up with a hefty bill.

If you refuse to pay, you will find yourself up in front of the beak.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1085 on: 08/01/2011 21:57:51 »

Well, I'm standing my ground, so I will just bea kourageous!

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1086 on: 09/01/2011 05:55:40 »
Like my mum used to say, "If you can't be good, bea kareful."

So there, beak!
« Last Edit: 09/01/2011 06:05:10 by Geezer »
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline SeanB

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« Reply #1087 on: 09/01/2011 10:42:26 »
And if you can't be careful , make sure you don't do it where there are non witless witnesses.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1088 on: 10/01/2011 00:25:20 »

It paste to be careful with glue.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1089 on: 10/01/2011 07:00:13 »
Q: Why do they call him Charles Atlas?

A: Because 'e never wears an 'at.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1090 on: 10/01/2011 10:07:53 »
You bowlered me over with that, I just can't topper it.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1091 on: 10/01/2011 20:28:37 »
Q: Why do they call him Charles Atlas?

A: Because 'e never wears an 'at.

For the above pun, Geezer gets the Charles Atlas Demografx Award!




(Geezer will receive this recent picture of me - autographed! )

Framed, too!
« Last Edit: 11/01/2011 01:45:33 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1092 on: 10/01/2011 21:44:29 »


Q: Why do they call him Charles Atlas?

A: Because 'e never wears an 'at.


You bowlered me over with that, I just can't topper it.


Hmm. Ya know, you two bowlers bear a striking resemblance!


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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1093 on: 10/01/2011 22:29:13 »




Can you turn around? I think it looks more like Gregory's pecks.

« Last Edit: 10/01/2011 22:30:53 by Geezer »
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1094 on: 10/01/2011 23:40:54 »




Can you turn around? I think it looks more like Gregory's pecks.


Harrrumph, ok, Geezer, but your request is absolutely infuriating, let me tell ya!!


« Last Edit: 10/01/2011 23:51:37 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1095 on: 13/01/2011 12:42:37 »
So, you think you can post a picture of me here with impunity eh!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1096 on: 13/01/2011 18:40:04 »


So, you think you can post a picture of me here with impunity eh!


Uh-oh! Why do I feel that my picture-posting will now lead to my punishment??? (I hope I won't get punched out!!)

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1097 on: 15/01/2011 16:01:08 »
After much puntification, the court has ruled that you be immersed in a stagnant fishpund, whereupon your odour will become extremely pungent.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1098 on: 15/01/2011 16:48:48 »

I accept said punishment deservedly and will not be punacious or repunant in any manner.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1099 on: 15/01/2011 21:12:27 »
Will you punctilious punters please pole your punt punctually to the place for puny punks?
« Last Edit: 15/01/2011 22:37:06 by Geezer »
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.