Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline Geezer

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1100 on: 16/01/2011 01:48:20 »
Pardon me dude, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?
« Last Edit: 16/01/2011 02:42:15 by Geezer »
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1101 on: 16/01/2011 03:01:33 »

Will you punctilious punters please pole your punt punctually to the place for puny punks?


Geezer, Geewhiz, what in Geeziz name would make Gearz like ours spin like Whirling Geervishez and defy Laws of Geezravity???
« Last Edit: 16/01/2011 06:26:23 by demografx »

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1102 on: 19/01/2011 18:12:14 »
Is a counteroffensive French for somebody that can't do arithmetic?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1103 on: 19/01/2011 21:01:33 »
No, the counteroffensive is really just the aftermath of the teacher grading his arithmetic.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1104 on: 20/01/2011 00:44:45 »
Is it true that the fresh air accused the smog of acting like a complete aerosol?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1105 on: 20/01/2011 04:19:33 »

Is it true that the fresh air accused the smog of acting like a complete aerosol?


When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1106 on: 20/01/2011 15:37:27 »
I think you have mist the point.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1107 on: 20/01/2011 15:56:27 »
Is it true that the fresh air accused the smog of acting like a complete aerosol?

need a pair of shoes?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1108 on: 20/01/2011 21:40:40 »

Don, is that the sole place they can be found?

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1109 on: 20/01/2011 21:45:09 »

I think you have mist the point.


True. I usually don't have the foggiest notion.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1110 on: 21/01/2011 00:16:09 »

Don, is that the sole place they can be found?

I understand they also franchise them to "Cobblers At Last"
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1111 on: 21/01/2011 00:50:43 »


Of course! They even supplied the old-time rockers when they performed "Blue Suede Shoes".

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1112 on: 21/01/2011 04:30:40 »
I didn't know they did that one. I thought it was "Glue Made Hooves"
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1113 on: 21/01/2011 07:29:39 »


No,you're confusing it with "Johnny B. Glued". The publishing rights were recently bought by Bill Gaits. And did he ever pony up a small fortune to buy it!

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1114 on: 21/01/2011 12:50:52 »
........ "Glue Made Hooves"

I'll bet you're knackered after working that one out.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1115 on: 21/01/2011 13:11:52 »
'Er indoors broke the heel off her shoe the other day, so she took it to the cobblers to be healed.

Over the door was a royal crest and the legend 'By Appointment, Cobblers to the Queen'. Would that constitute treason? Could he have his tongue cut out for not being in step with popular notions? Has he reached the upper limit? Should we take out his eyes for not toeing the line? Would he realise if he were first laced with vodka? What would be the last thing he would ever see? Call the police, quickly, to deal with this man, get that famous detective Slipper of the Yard to investigate.

Does this very nearly cap it all? I hope you can read it all, I should hate to have to revamp it.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1116 on: 21/01/2011 13:16:58 »


.... The publishing rights were recently bought by Bill Gaits. And did he ever pony up a small fortune to buy it!


He took it in his stride.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1117 on: 21/01/2011 14:13:32 »
Alternative soliloquy to Shookarrow's mild cigar.

To b, or not to b, wasp's dilemma.

To c, or not to c, optician's dilemma.

To d, or not to d, tomorrow's dilemma.

To e, or not to e, Fosters dilemma.

To f, or not to f, dentist's dilemma.

To g, or not to g, horse's dilemma.

To h, or not to h, another dentist's dilemma.

To i, or not to i, upper class footballer's dilemma.

To j, or not to j, pedestrian's dilemma.

To k, or not to k, Gecko's dilemma.

To l, or not to l, St Peter's dilemma.

To m, or not to m, grave digger's dilemma.

To n, or not to n, composer's dilemma.

To o, or to it, owl's dilemma.

To p, or not to p,

To q, or not to q, bus passengers' dilemma.

To r, or not to r, guide's dilemma.

To s, or not to s, chiropodist's dilemma.

To t, or not to t, fruit's dilemma.

To u, or not to u, Ram's dilemma.

To v, or not to v, auctioneer's dilemma.

To w, or not to w, mathematician's dilemma.

To x, or not to x, breakfast's dilemma.

To y, or not to y, inquisitor's dilemma.

I've z and I shall zay no more.
« Last Edit: 22/01/2011 13:16:45 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1118 on: 21/01/2011 19:21:00 »
'Er indoors broke the heel off her shoe the other day, so she took it to the cobblers to be healed.

Over the door was a royal crest and the legend 'By Appointment, Cobblers to the Queen'. Would that constitute treason? Could he have his tongue cut out for not being in step with popular notions? Has he reached the upper limit? Should we take out his eyes for not toeing the line? Would he realise if he were first laced with vodka? What would be the last thing he would ever see? Call the police, quickly, to deal with this man, get that famous detective Slipper of the Yard to investigate.

Does this very nearly cap it all? I hope you can read it all, I should hate to have to revamp it.

Wow! I hereby nominate Don as a shoe-in for this award below!

« Last Edit: 21/01/2011 22:07:52 by demografx »

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1119 on: 21/01/2011 19:24:21 »
Maybe he should get the boot  [;D]
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1120 on: 21/01/2011 22:04:12 »

Maybe he should get the boot  [;D]


And for Geezer's pun above, he gets THIS award!



(Sorry, Geezer, but I could only find 2 left feet [;D] )
« Last Edit: 22/01/2011 00:39:43 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1121 on: 21/01/2011 22:20:31 »

To p, or not to p,


oooooooo...urine trouble now!

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1122 on: 22/01/2011 04:55:17 »


(Sorry, Geezer, but I could only find 2 left feet [;D] )

Canadians wouldn't care aboot that.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1123 on: 22/01/2011 05:15:45 »

Eh?

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1124 on: 22/01/2011 06:19:30 »
Did you know the UK has the eh, eh, while the US has the eh, eh, eh, eh?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1125 on: 22/01/2011 06:29:02 »

Did you know the UK has the eh, eh, while the US has the eh, eh, eh, eh?


hee hee

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1126 on: 22/01/2011 13:14:18 »

Did you know the UK has the eh, eh, while the US has the eh, eh, eh, eh?


hee hee

No, eh eh, are you dyslek dislecks dissleksyc Oh bugger it!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1127 on: 22/01/2011 18:11:50 »

Have you heard The Dyslexics Battle Cry?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Dyslexics Untie!!"

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1128 on: 22/01/2011 18:50:34 »
They always fly on Untidy Airlines too.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1129 on: 22/01/2011 21:04:20 »

They always fly on Untidy Airlines too.


Still better than GWA (Geezer World Airways)...(flight attendant required training as exemplified below)



No doubt they're all on their way to Tahiti...(island owned by Geezer & Co.)
« Last Edit: 23/01/2011 05:36:23 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1130 on: 24/01/2011 05:32:20 »

Take heart. Valentine's Day is coming soon.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1131 on: 24/01/2011 12:10:57 »

Take heart. Valentine's Day is coming soon.

I suppose ay orta know that.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Donnah

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« Reply #1132 on: 25/01/2011 04:29:15 »
That's bloody pumping it!
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1133 on: 25/01/2011 04:34:07 »
That's bloody pumping it!

Most appropriate for the St Valentine's Day (massacre).
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1134 on: 25/01/2011 08:55:28 »
I always get a stack of bloody cards on Valentines day, no really, I'm not just being vein.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1135 on: 25/01/2011 09:05:41 »
I always get a stack of bloody cards on Valentines day, no really, I'm not just being vein.

Its true, I tell you, I am so handsome I am know locally as Papillon. When I was younger I was known as caterpillary.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1136 on: 25/01/2011 17:29:54 »
Its true, I tell you, I am so handsome I am know locally as Papillon. When I was younger I was known as caterpillary.

I didn't think you were that vein. Artery, I thought you were quite modest.
« Last Edit: 25/01/2011 17:31:42 by Geezer »
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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1137 on: 25/01/2011 23:06:29 »
I wish I could've bypassed my surgery last year. Five different ways! But at least they were open about it. And they rushed me to politely and diplomatically, er, ignored me when I said, "Have a heart! Where's the emergency???"

People need to make more room for differences of opinion.
« Last Edit: 26/01/2011 02:21:09 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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« Reply #1138 on: 26/01/2011 06:25:52 »
I always get a stack of bloody cards on Valentines day, no really, I'm not just being vein.

Perhaps people thought they were sending cards to Don_1 DeMarco.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1139 on: 26/01/2011 10:05:44 »
You may have hit de marc on target there!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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« Reply #1140 on: 26/01/2011 10:10:26 »
There's a murmur going around you had heart problems in the past Demo. I hope you'll be OK in the suture.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1141 on: 26/01/2011 10:20:25 »
Its true, I tell you, I am so handsome I am know locally as Papillon. When I was younger I was known as caterpillary.

I didn't think you were that vein. Artery, I thought you were quite modest.

Have you been hacking in to my e-cards? (Card e hack).
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1142 on: 26/01/2011 16:58:53 »

Card e hack??? Why,  <sputter>  that's illegal!! It could lead to an arrest!!

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« Reply #1143 on: 26/01/2011 17:00:59 »
Arrest???? Yes, actually I could do with a rest.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1144 on: 26/01/2011 17:03:40 »

There's a murmur going around you had heart problems in the past Demo. I hope you'll be OK in the suture.


Thanks, Don! These days it's no more than heartburn for me!

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« Reply #1145 on: 26/01/2011 17:05:52 »

Arrest???? Yes, actually I could do with a rest.


And a rest is history.

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« Reply #1146 on: 26/01/2011 17:08:02 »
Oooo, I do like his story at bed time.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1147 on: 26/01/2011 20:43:15 »
Arrest???? Yes, actually I could do with a rest.

NO! Irish stew in the name of the law.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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« Reply #1148 on: 26/01/2011 21:19:26 »

But I thought you were Scottish!

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1149 on: 27/01/2011 01:45:06 »
OK. 

Haggis in the name of the law.

(hmmm???)
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.