Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1200 on: 14/02/2011 20:25:11 »


Hardly a colt, possibly a little hair of the dog will help, if not then I will have to try some other remedy or some other melody.


Careful, Sean, lest the melody keeps on playing until it becomes a strain!


I know it's hard, but will you try to refrain yourself, and refrain from making similar remarks in future.


So, shall we refrain from making this a refrain?


Refrain? Of chorus we will!

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Offline tbarron

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« Reply #1201 on: 15/02/2011 12:34:31 »
Did you hear about the cross-eyed schooteacher?

She had trouble with her pupils.

Every time she cried, the tears ran down the back of her neck.

That gave her bacteria.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1202 on: 15/02/2011 19:51:38 »


Did you hear about the cross-eyed schooteacher?

She had trouble with her pupils.


Yes, one of her pupils was suspended for cheating after eyeing another pupil's exam sheet!

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1203 on: 15/02/2011 20:35:51 »
Did you hear about the cross-eyed schooteacher?

She had trouble with her pupils.

Every time she cried, the tears ran down the back of her neck.

That gave her bacteria.

I bet that got up her humps. Maybe she was a bacterian?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1204 on: 15/02/2011 21:49:51 »


This one?

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1205 on: 16/02/2011 22:47:39 »

Every time she cried, the tears ran down the back of her neck.

That gave her bacteria.


I thought that was the back door to a cafeteria!

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1206 on: 20/02/2011 02:44:11 »
Speaking of doors....there is only one way to open the door and that is the key.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1207 on: 20/02/2011 14:42:42 »
I don't like skinny keys or fat keys, but I don't mind keys which are a little chubby.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1208 on: 20/02/2011 17:36:54 »
I say put the chubby keys on a diet. Fat chance they'll do it?

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1209 on: 21/02/2011 06:04:42 »
These days, I'd be happy with a little chubby.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1210 on: 21/02/2011 11:08:26 »
These days, I'd be happy with a little chubby.

I hope Mrs Geezer doesn't see that, you might have trouble explaining yourself.


I hear Yale University is relockating it's school of carpentry to Florida's Key West. They hope to teach students how to make the perfect mortice and tennon joint.
« Last Edit: 21/02/2011 11:10:03 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1211 on: 21/02/2011 20:53:23 »

These days, I'd be happy with a little chubby.


 [:o] [;D] [::)] [:o] [;D] [::)]

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1212 on: 21/02/2011 21:38:29 »

I hear Yale University is relockating it's school of carpentry to Florida's Key West. They hope to teach students how to make the perfect mortice and tennon joint.


What? Are you operating on all cylinders??? Teaching students how to make a superior combination of mortice and tennon joints will be addressed by Yale University's keynote speaker, who will unlock the secret to the school of carpentry's success, that is, a much more suitable relockation to Woodmere, Long Island, New York! Even the President's Cabinet has approved the idea.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1213 on: 21/02/2011 23:24:05 »
Even the President's Cabinet has approved the idea.


Woody like me to be a guest cabinet speaker?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1214 on: 22/02/2011 06:17:30 »

Woody ever! But you're in enough trouble already with your chubby and now your woody...

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1215 on: 22/02/2011 10:32:59 »
Even the President's Cabinet has approved the idea.


Woody like me to be a guest cabinet speaker?

Yes, indeed e wood.

You must address the chair of the cabinet, whereupon you may table a motion. Be careful not to go against the grain, theses people are knot to be trifled with. They pine for the unaccustomed speaker.

Should your motion be carpeted, you can cushion the effect. you must display unity, but know where to drawer the line.

If your wife wishes to be present, I shall be happy to joiner and will be pleased to furnish you with more tips and help you polish your speach (or spapricot) if required.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1216 on: 22/02/2011 16:43:04 »


Once again, Don walks away with an Excellence Award!

« Last Edit: 25/02/2011 00:29:01 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1217 on: 23/02/2011 13:47:22 »
How kind, nice to know my lunacy does not go unnoticed.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1218 on: 23/02/2011 16:01:53 »

How kind, nice to know my lunacy does not go unnoticed.


This is sick, but the only one I could come up with. The frog went unnoticed in the milkshake because it blended so well.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1219 on: 23/02/2011 16:08:37 »

These days, I'd be happy with a little chubby.


 [:o] [;D] [::)] [:o] [;D] [::)]


And let's not forget The Chubby Award for Geezer!

« Last Edit: 25/02/2011 00:30:25 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1220 on: 23/02/2011 17:47:05 »

How kind, nice to know my lunacy does not go unnoticed.


This is sick, but the only one I could come up with. The frog went unnoticed in the milkshake because it blended so well.


A pun, a pun, my Kingdom for a pun.


Or should that be a horse?

[attachment=14024]

"Horse", I said, deaf head.
« Last Edit: 23/02/2011 17:52:27 by Don_1 »
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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1221 on: 23/02/2011 19:16:04 »
I'm hearse, too, I hope it's not a colt.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1222 on: 24/02/2011 00:16:32 »
I'm hearse, too, I hope it's not a colt.

It could be if you've been coffin a lot. BTW, do undertakers have to go to a lot of rehearsals?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1223 on: 24/02/2011 04:46:16 »
Geezer, that's a terrible cough you've got. Consumption be done about it?

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Offline Donnah

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« Reply #1224 on: 24/02/2011 06:26:32 »
I'm hearse, too, I hope it's not a colt.

If you're manely horse it's a cinch to trot over to the centaur of town and get some colt medication, unless you want to just ride it out.  If you have hayfever you might wish for rein.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1225 on: 24/02/2011 07:51:53 »
How do you know he's not a centaur then?

Because he ain't half hoarse.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1226 on: 24/02/2011 11:38:47 »
Are we to be saddled with a herd of equine puns?

I must be off now, I have a bit of work to do, but first I'm going to have some toast with maple stirrup which I shall ram down my gullet. Hope it doesn't give me the trots!!! The last thing I need is to be constantly going for a pony! I'm looking forward to some unbridled passion tonight.

I do hope it doesn't rein while I'm about my business.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1227 on: 25/02/2011 00:21:51 »

I'm hearse, too, I hope it's not a colt.


If you're manely horse it's a cinch to trot over to the centaur of town and get some colt medication, unless you want to just ride it out.  If you have hayfever you might wish for rein.


Donnah isn't horsing around here, she's serious! Don, Geezer, and Sean are too, but they've just been hogging horsing too many awards, so this one's for Donnah!



Besides, no one is superior here. We're all equus.
« Last Edit: 25/02/2011 23:12:06 by demografx »

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Offline Geezer

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Two posts in a row? Isn't that gelding the lily a bit?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1229 on: 25/02/2011 05:02:34 »
Oi! Where's me post?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1230 on: 25/02/2011 10:01:00 »
Well there's a turn up, Geezer. Looks like Demo has been postnapping. Has he sent you a ransom note?

Quote
Your posts are OK but you will never see them again unless you do as I say. You will get your instructions soon. Do not contact the Fuzz or you will never see them again
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1231 on: 25/02/2011 10:30:18 »
Yep, no doubt about it, you have to hand it to Donnah, she's the main man (well, woman actually).

But I see Demo hoof only given her a bronze award. Hi ho! Silver should have been awarded.

Fetch locks to secure said award until the ceremony. I shall look after the key..... Yup, it will be a Don Key. I shall also arrange the seating so we can all sit our asses down while the town mare presents the award.

I was going to put a piece of ribbon around the award, but can't find my scissors, I cantear some off if that would be OK.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1232 on: 25/02/2011 18:23:34 »


Look! There's Don, bringing Donnah's award to her! Thanks, Don!

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Offline Donnah

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« Reply #1233 on: 25/02/2011 18:45:01 »
Thanks Keemosabies!

The bronze looks manely like my hair.  Silver's mouth is open (appropriate).  I'd like to pack a 6 shooter like my great-grampa (Tom Sawyer) used to.  The mask could hide some of the wrinkles I've earned in my golden years.

Hi ho Silver, I'm going away!
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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1234 on: 26/02/2011 00:28:54 »
Fetch locks to secure said award until the ceremony. I shall look after the key..... Yup, it will be a Don Key. I shall also arrange the seating so we can all sit our asses down while the town mare presents the award.

Is Demo giving out the award in Sam Pam's Disco? Has he arranged to have the award presented by the Bay Mayor?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1235 on: 26/02/2011 01:54:09 »
Geezer, Don is key, so he's been assigned the task of awarding Donnah.

The mare of Sam Pam's Disco will be kept at bay.
« Last Edit: 26/02/2011 19:21:59 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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« Reply #1236 on: 27/02/2011 06:02:05 »
Quote
Is Demo giving out the award in Sam Pam's Disco? Has he arranged to have the award presented by the Bay Mayor?

Well I've herd that the old Bay Mayor, she ain't what she used to be.  Seems she bridles when saddled with too much horsing around.  I realize that's a blanket  statement, but I've got to race, so at the post, I'm off.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1237 on: 27/02/2011 21:59:35 »
Trotting off again, Donnah, such a busy life keeps you racing I bet! But don't rush around too much, and be thorough about the bred you eat. And too much racing around can lead to leg cramps, like a charley horse.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1238 on: 01/03/2011 02:53:33 »

Do undertakers have to go to a lot of rehearsals?


Everyone got plastered for the Beethoven rehearsal. It was the bottom of the Ninth, chorus tight, basses loaded.

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1239 on: 01/03/2011 03:41:13 »
What bar did they start at?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1240 on: 01/03/2011 06:46:02 »
It was in Alaska. A polar bar.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1241 on: 01/03/2011 11:05:04 »
Not the Alaskan Polar Bar! That's a real grizzly place. They only sell brown ale, you can't even get a Coca Koala there!
« Last Edit: 01/03/2011 11:06:53 by Don_1 »
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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1242 on: 01/03/2011 16:47:13 »
Neigh, Neigh, Don, bear with me for just a moment!

The Alaskan Polar Bar has changed. So please get your bearings.

I know what you're thinking: If you saw a bear foot in the woods it would give you paws for concern.

Think instead of the old saw, "If you can't bear the heat, then get the hell out of the kitchen!"
« Last Edit: 01/03/2011 16:59:21 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1243 on: 01/03/2011 17:27:45 »
Oh sbare me the old proverbs please.

Last I herd the place was still so rough you have to sign a disclaimer claws before they'll let you in.

I commented on the originality of sawdust on the floor. "Sawdust! Sawdust?" said the bareman* "That's not sawdust, that's last night's furniture!" The mob then pelted me strawbearies.

*He was in the nude and apparantly suffers from bipolar dissorder.
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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1244 on: 01/03/2011 18:15:05 »
Oh yes, you're right. I do remember Teddy, the Alaskan Polar Bar bareman. He could barely keep his clothes on, but by all accounts a beary nice guy!
« Last Edit: 02/03/2011 03:58:47 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1245 on: 02/03/2011 04:03:18 »
Speaking of clothing, has anyone ever had a Clothes Encounter?

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Offline Geezer

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« Reply #1246 on: 02/03/2011 06:16:53 »
Only once. It was in the Bearing Sea, off Alaska.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1247 on: 02/03/2011 07:18:28 »
That's near the Russian Bear!


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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #1248 on: 02/03/2011 11:36:33 »
I hear tell that was suppossed to be close to where the next asstroid should come down bearing that all the bear facts have been calculated to the most precise asspects of trajectory...

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1249 on: 02/03/2011 15:01:51 »
Karen, that was bearilliant reporting, thank you!!



NewsFlash! Karen gets Reporter Award  for being at an ice cream store getting the scoop.
« Last Edit: 02/03/2011 15:13:51 by demografx »