Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1550 on: 03/08/2011 02:49:00 »

I thought [National Psychic Week] had been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. It seems not though, I suppose it was on the cards.

Let's hope nothing gets stolen at the conference, I just hate nasty little tea leaves, don't you?

Last year there were complaints about the lack of air conditioning at the event. Attendees were heard to complain to the organisers. One said "Bloody phew! t' your air con, its too damn hot in here." His side kick echoed him. But there were few chairs left empty when the event started. During the morning break, medium roast coffee was served. One delegate threw his coffee on the ground in disgust. Another delegate asked "What did you do that for? tell me." Another asked for his beverage to be stirred, the waiter said "Go stir it yourself."

At lunch, a delegate with a cleft lip enquired as to the 'sooth oph the day'. He remarked it was a shame in this day and age that you cannot always tell witch flavour your food is. "Warlocks", Said the chef, who also had a hair lip. Wine was served with the main course. A dinner remarked on the plastic vessel the wine was served in, saying, "I would have expected, considering the price we have paid, the wine to be served in crystal." "Balls! said a rude waiter, "As trolls, oh gee you don't deserve crystal."

Many stars attended the conference. To their horror, scope of the conference was limited due to time constraints.

A satelite event was held just down the road in the 7th house on the left, but there seemed to be little spirit there, despite the main event being relayed to a plasma screen.

Organiser, Sue F Sayer said she can't remember how she coped with the organisation pre dictaphones, let alone laptops.


How does one even begin to respond to such a mesmerizing post?

Don's talents seem to go....well....One Step Beyond!

One would surmise that he does his best creepy thinking and writing in The Twilight Zone, and not on Ken Kesey's Magic Bus which is more likely the case.

What I really don't understand is why he doesn't make his livelihood trading in commodities/futures, where he would certainly fare spooktacularly.

I wonder if The Water Tower Fame Award went to his head? He has become increasingly prophetic since then. A concussion? Or perhaps just a romantic brush with the notion of becoming a Weather Forecaster?

Nah, he doesn't have a ghost of a chance. His resume is filled with mysterious disappearances. Dry spells also bother him, so  his insistence on predicting "rain only" limits his career chances.

But I have faith in Don, ever seance I saw him start his syndicated Radio Show, "Ask The Healer", on The WOOO Radio Network.

I have tried to slyly "borrow" money from him before, but he always seems to know exactly what I want, in advance, and why. Spookily, even before _I_ know it!

« Last Edit: 03/08/2011 03:01:38 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1551 on: 03/08/2011 03:09:46 »
Today, August 3, 2011, is:
National Watermelon Day
http://parkseedjournal.com/2008/08/national-waterm.html

" Watermelons doing here? I told you I wanted oranges! "

Seedy posters wanted to follow this up!

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1552 on: 03/08/2011 09:44:57 »
Ah! Watermelon Day, now this appeels to me, despite the last pithy post. I shall approach the subject with my usual zest and try not to be too segmented. I should not want the fruits of my labour to be spoilt on this auspicious date. Though I must conseed this time it will be challenging. But I shall enlist the assistance of Baby Spice, with Mel on my side it might be easier, though I don't want that Kournikova girl, so I shall get a moderator to ban Anna. She is a bit tasty though, the apple of her fathers eye and she's got a nice pear.

Now, to prepair my speach. I must get a move on, I have to get a bed for my soon to come Grandchild. It will be needed once he/she has grown out of the cot. Something, as the French would say, 'Apres cot'.

Its no good, I can't figure out what to say. I am grapeling in the dark here, I just don't know what to plump for. Oh man, di are in tricky straits here and that's the truth, would I lie; me?

I can usually do this sort of thing with a passion, but its all turned rather ugly this time. There'll be no star for me!

I'm off, cherryo!
« Last Edit: 03/08/2011 09:47:52 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1553 on: 03/08/2011 19:40:47 »
There goes Don again, basketing in the limelight from the fruits of his labors!

You'll never see a band of teenagers cruising past Don's house and pelting it with rotten plums.  (Police describe that as a drive-by fruiting.)

And did you hear about the time Don put an orange in his boxing glove so he could have a fruit punch?

But Don has a sensible plan in life: he will grow fruit trees and live to a ripe old age!



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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1554 on: 04/08/2011 19:29:32 »
Tomorrow, August 5, 2011 is
International Beer Day
http://www.internationalbeerday.com/

So let's get ready! Hop to it! Start brewing trouble and enjoy!


« Last Edit: 04/08/2011 19:31:09 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1555 on: 04/08/2011 21:38:48 »

I shall get a moderator to ban Anna. She is a bit tasty though, the apple of her fathers eye and she's got a nice pear.


 [;D]  [;D]  [;D]

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« Reply #1556 on: 13/08/2011 20:24:54 »

Today, August 13, is
International Left-Handers' Day
http://www.lefthandersday.com/about.html

Celebrate your right to be left-handed!

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Offline SeanB

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« Reply #1557 on: 14/08/2011 12:31:55 »
Well, i Left it to the last moment to know it was this special celebration for us Lefties, who are the only right thinking people around.

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« Reply #1558 on: 14/08/2011 17:21:17 »
Sean, you're right!!

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1559 on: 16/08/2011 09:24:05 »
Tomorrow, August 5, 2011 is
International Beer Day
http://www.internationalbeerday.com/

So let's get ready! Hop to it! Start brewing trouble and enjoy!




Curses! I missed out on that one.  Coors, I’m sure I could have brewed up a cocktail of puns in the spirit of this occasion, bud. Wiser in the art of punning than the average man, I may not be, still, ah, art were my way to punification.
Yeast sir, I would have hopped to it. Some may have been light while some larger, none bitter, I hope, but a pale full could have been forthcoming. I could have been the oast with the most.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1560 on: 20/08/2011 05:31:01 »


Please beer with me and my line of thinking, Don, but aren't you competing for The Alcohol Of Fame?

Or is the ice cold draft from the window sudsenly giving me a head cold and fermenting my thinking?

At least I'm not foaming at the mouth over this!

Well, I have to go now and mug for the camera. I'm sure glad my problems lately are only pint-sized.




« Last Edit: 21/08/2011 02:17:06 by demografx »

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #1561 on: 20/08/2011 07:45:24 »
Well it's been a Hams dinger of a day today and I think I could use a good stiff drink, but seeing that I haven't yet made it to corpse status yet I think I will steer clear of the embalming fluid and stick to the less permanent relaxation plan...and indulge in a bit of the spirits!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1562 on: 21/08/2011 01:49:33 »



Hi, Karen! Come join me by the pool for a drink! If you're in a pickle because of today, then my looks should be reassuring!
« Last Edit: 21/08/2011 03:12:14 by demografx »

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #1563 on: 21/08/2011 02:01:20 »
That sounds cool..where are you located, surely not in the High Sierras? Looks like its, down in warmer area and I would love to thank you..... your looks would be just fine young man...
« Last Edit: 21/08/2011 02:06:39 by Karen W. »

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1564 on: 22/08/2011 21:13:53 »

... your looks would be just fine young man...


Why, flattery will get you everywhere, Young Lady!


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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #1565 on: 23/08/2011 01:28:33 »
Oooooh la la.......

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1566 on: 23/08/2011 03:13:42 »

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #1567 on: 23/08/2011 05:30:43 »
Awe...very pretty penmanship!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1568 on: 23/08/2011 23:32:32 »

Karen, since computers took over my life, my penmanship has gone steadily, steadily downhill!

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« Reply #1569 on: 26/08/2011 05:35:36 »
Yes.. I wrote a friend and sent a letter in my lovely penmanship and he said it was hard to read after all the years on a computer.. .. lol....

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1570 on: 27/08/2011 20:28:48 »

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« Reply #1571 on: 30/08/2011 02:49:01 »
Today, August 30th, 2011 is:
National Toasted Marshmallow Day

They must weigh those marshmallows in GRAHAMs!

I bet there's S'more where that came from!

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1572 on: 30/08/2011 02:52:35 »

Curses! I missed out on that one.  Coors, I’m sure I could have brewed up a cocktail of puns in the spirit of this occasion, bud. Wiser in the art of punning than the average man, I may not be, still, ah, art were my way to punification.
Yeast sir, I would have hopped to it. Some may have been light while some larger, none bitter, I hope, but a pale full could have been forthcoming. I could have been the oast with the most.


While this is far from sad or morose, this post above was specially noted by our BEEReavement Committee.

Certainly not a case of POUR judgement by any means.
« Last Edit: 30/08/2011 02:55:38 by demografx »

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« Reply #1573 on: 30/08/2011 09:50:02 »
Today, August 30th, 2011 is:
National Toasted Marshmallow Day

Verily you jest! Who dreamt up this one?

Do you not think it is too marsh to expect people to fork out on this confection in such hard times? Eating too marsh of this could render one liable to frequent visits to the Lavatera. They ar a bic on the soft side for my liking.

Let us raise our glasses in a toast to the late Malcom McLaren who, I am afraid to say, did not repay his debt to me. Mal owed me just a gahstly amount. We wish him sweet dreams.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1574 on: 31/08/2011 03:49:18 »
Don, that was sweet of you to say.

You never sugar coat the truth.

And you always treat us with fine punnery.

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« Reply #1575 on: 31/08/2011 10:37:26 »
A Punners Lament

As I was browsing through the posts,
Upon the science forum.
I found myself somewhat lacking,
In any sense of decorum.

No matter what was written there,
No matter how serious.
I felt the urge to have to write,
Something quite delirious.

But not for me a simple case,
Of scribing something silly.
Oh no dear reader I had to write
Something cheesy as Caerphilly.

I took the words written there,
And found another meaning.
My puns were ‘oft times very stupid,
My posts quite demeaning.

If only I could be more serious,
Write something educated.
A post of wisdom to make my standing,
Become more inflated.

Alas I fear it never shall be,
I have a nose for a pun.
And so the forum members shout,
'Oi trunky, where’s your bun?'
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #1576 on: 31/08/2011 11:17:30 »


Yes this is much like my writing...By the way while punning away in this thread.. I realized that some peoples handwriting simply makes me feel cursive whoops or like cursing!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #1577 on: 31/08/2011 11:20:10 »
A Punners Lament

As I was browsing through the posts,
Upon the science forum.
I found myself somewhat lacking,
In any sense of decorum.

No matter what was written there,
No matter how serious.
I felt the urge to have to write,
Something quite delirious.

But not for me a simple case,
Of scribing something silly.
Oh no dear reader I had to write
Something cheesy as Caerphilly.

I took the words written there,
And found another meaning.
My puns were ‘oft times very stupid,
My posts quite demeaning.

If only I could be more serious,
Write something educated.
A post of wisdom to make my standing,
Become more inflated.

Alas I fear it never shall be,
I have a nose for a pun.
And so the forum members shout,
'Oi trunky, where’s your bun?'

Lol..LOL...Thats great! by the way the 30th was also my birthday! lol!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1578 on: 01/09/2011 05:33:16 »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1579 on: 01/09/2011 05:45:14 »

A Punners Lament

As I was browsing through the posts,
Upon the science forum.
I found myself somewhat lacking,
In any sense of decorum.

No matter what was written there,
No matter how serious.
I felt the urge to have to write,
Something quite delirious.

But not for me a simple case,
Of scribing something silly.
Oh no dear reader I had to write
Something cheesy as Caerphilly.

I took the words written there,
And found another meaning.
My puns were ‘oft times very stupid,
My posts quite demeaning.

If only I could be more serious,
Write something educated.
A post of wisdom to make my standing,
Become more inflated.

Alas I fear it never shall be,
I have a nose for a pun.
And so the forum members shout,
'Oi trunky, where’s your bun?'



« Last Edit: 01/09/2011 06:00:28 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1580 on: 01/09/2011 05:56:56 »
September is
National Piano Month

Tune in and we can tell you the key to what this month is about.

Play a lot, eat with a fork, and keep your pedal to the metal.

Make note of your surroundings. Be sharp. Don't fall flat on your face, it can be a lot of treble!

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #1581 on: 01/09/2011 06:43:28 »

Thank you Demo... how pretty...sweet!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1582 on: 01/09/2011 14:27:22 »
National Piano Month!?!?!? Oh! How grand. This is great news baby.

I'm sure Einstein, way before he dabbled in physics, enjoyed the piano. "It will be his forté" said his Scottish uncle. "Eeee bonny lad I've o real good feeling aboot this we bairn." He may have been wrong about Albert's future, but he was a good upright man.

So let nobody put a damper on this month, or pedal any daft puns (). Opps, better put a lid on it a bit sharpish, before some stoolpigeon lets on. I don't want to be laid flat by the Pun Police, especially while I'm wearing a G string........ Don't even think about it...

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline neilep

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« Reply #1583 on: 01/09/2011 18:03:08 »
A Punners Lament

As I was browsing through the posts,
Upon the science forum.
I found myself somewhat lacking,
In any sense of decorum.

No matter what was written there,
No matter how serious.
I felt the urge to have to write,
Something quite delirious.

But not for me a simple case,
Of scribing something silly.
Oh no dear reader I had to write
Something cheesy as Caerphilly.

I took the words written there,
And found another meaning.
My puns were ‘oft times very stupid,
My posts quite demeaning.

If only I could be more serious,
Write something educated.
A post of wisdom to make my standing,
Become more inflated.

Alas I fear it never shall be,
I have a nose for a pun.
And so the forum members shout,
'Oi trunky, where’s your bun?'


Wonderful Don...ewe've found your vocation !
Men are the same as women, just inside out !

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #1584 on: 01/09/2011 18:36:11 »
Lol...lol...lol......Now that was completely scaled to fit the appropriate subject...bearing in mind that a note like that could start a crescendo of appropriate punning that would send vibrations through the world of music starting back with Bach and Beethoven...etc....that we would half to take so many rests that. Even a minor note might could start many a new pianist into tickling the ivories!  It would be like a concerto of
unimaginable talent let loose on the
world of music... a grand
performance from every walk of
life....opening new doors with every
press of the keys until even
those bars at the begining are
compiled and added to the many
pages of  sheet music being read by
piano soloists everywhere! Every
chord played with precision and
impeccable timing. It would certainly
set the bench high for anyone just
begining to embark in a carreer of such sustained highs and incredible
lows always keeping their ears alert
so the pieces never sound flat or out
of tune...
« Last Edit: 01/09/2011 18:46:51 by Karen W. »

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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« Reply #1585 on: 01/09/2011 18:39:18 »
A Punners Lament

As I was browsing through the posts,

Upon the science forum.
I found myself somewhat lacking,
In any sense of decorum.

No matter what was written there,
No matter how serious.
I felt the urge to have to write,
Something quite delirious.

But not for me a simple case,
Of scribing something silly.
Oh no dear reader I had to write
Something cheesy as Caerphilly.

I took the words written there,
And found another meaning.
My puns were ‘oft times very stupid,
My posts quite demeaning.

If only I could be more serious,
Write something educated.
A post of wisdom to make my standing,
Become more inflated.

Alas I fear it never shall be,
I have a nose for a pun.
And so the forum members shout,
'Oi trunky, where’s your bun?'


Wonderful Don...ewe've found your vocation !
Yes indeedy he has kind Sir!...lol... precision timing on.    Both of your parts!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1586 on: 01/09/2011 19:12:51 »

At Ye Olde Punning Thread.....




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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #1587 on: 01/09/2011 19:18:27 »
Like an old player piano......rolling out the tunes!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1588 on: 01/09/2011 19:23:26 »

Wow, Karen, you missed your calling! A punny one!

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #1589 on: 01/09/2011 19:56:26 »

Wow, Karen, you missed your calling! A punny one!
Lol...just depends on the topic sand my brain functioning on any given day...you never know when my tune may completely fail as old as I am its hard for me to keep playing the right tune what with wear and tear on the keyboard.. and wires, that time seems to get me rather out of tune and makes
me get a tad off key if you know what I mean?

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1590 on: 02/09/2011 05:32:20 »

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« Reply #1591 on: 03/09/2011 02:34:19 »
Looks like it needs its 100,000 mile tune up!
How does Murphey do it??

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Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1592 on: 03/09/2011 05:35:11 »

You can tune a piano but you can't tuna-fish.

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Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1593 on: 11/09/2011 00:09:16 »
September is
Happy Cat Month!
http://www.littlebigcat.com/blog/its-happy-cat-month/


It's a secret, so don't let the cat outta the bag!

And ask yourself this question: Is your cat finally house broken? Litterly?

« Last Edit: 11/09/2011 07:31:09 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1594 on: 22/09/2011 09:35:42 »
I don't have a cat! Can I put a fur coat on my tortoises and make out I have a cat?

Ever seen a tortoise up a tree?

Sorry, I'm feline a little tired today. Tabby honest, I'm totally s***ed out! I can't pussyfoot around any more, I have work to do, me owd buddies. Last day at ExCeL, purrfect!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1595 on: 24/09/2011 02:37:20 »
Don, we started the poker game, please put more money in the kitty.

And don't drink any whiskery.

Clawing your way to the top may be why you're not feline great.

Glad you could chime in on Happy Cat Month. It's the tail end of September.


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Offline Donnah

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1596 on: 25/09/2011 03:33:44 »
I'm not going to pussyfoot around, I dropped by fur a little nip and found you cats unravelling the purrrfect thread.
« Last Edit: 25/09/2011 03:36:23 by Donnah »
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1597 on: 25/09/2011 21:21:52 »
DONNAH, nice to see you! I'm so glad you don't play cat-and-mouse-games with us. Always direct and straightforward!

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1598 on: 03/10/2011 17:41:19 »
October is
Apple Month!
http://windsor.patch.com/articles/october-is-national-apple-month


I couldn't decide whether or not to make spiced apple cider, so I mulled it over.

The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road.

She was the apple of his eye and he liked to sit down be cider.

If you're looking for oranges on an apple tree you will have a fruitless search.

An apple farmer with poor yields has to get to the core of the problem.



« Last Edit: 03/10/2011 17:48:20 by demografx »

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1599 on: 04/10/2011 16:32:51 »
Now that a peels*** to me. I'm sure a few pithy puns must be lurking around here somewhere.

Will it be easy to find them, or chard. Somer set in my mind, others in the base of my spine or coxis. What a bummer! Ooer, that was a bit strudel.



*** Please note the double pun.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.