Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline Chemistry4me

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1850 on: 18/02/2012 09:23:30 »
But I'm sure your day will go fast.
Oh yes, I winged my way through it, time flies when you're doing nothing!

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1851 on: 18/02/2012 17:04:14 »
February 18, 2012 is
Cow Milked While Flying In An Airplane Day

Rather glad I missed out on this. It must play havoc with the rudder. I'll bet the pilot got into a bit of a flap. If the milking machine stops midflight, check the plug. At altitude, the fuse'll age very quickly.

Moo Mooo MOOOO Oi! Warm your hands before you grab my undercarriage!

Who's ever heard of cows flying anyway?

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1852 on: 18/02/2012 22:40:56 »

But I'm sure your day will go fast.

Oh yes, I winged my way through it...


Me too, when I first got hold of that hang glider.
« Last Edit: 20/02/2012 19:56:06 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1853 on: 19/02/2012 06:02:51 »
Wow, 75 pages of hamming it up with the cream of the crop!
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1854 on: 19/02/2012 11:27:05 »
Wow, 75 pages of hamming it up with the cream of the crop!

I do believe you have inadvertently used the letter “o” here, when you should have used the letter “a”.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1855 on: 19/02/2012 14:46:14 »

Who's ever heard of cows flying anyway?





Don, please try to be just a little more patient.

They only need some help from us. Encouragement even.

But it's worth it: this is a high steaks game!

« Last Edit: 20/02/2012 19:57:47 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1856 on: 19/02/2012 15:04:36 »


Wow, 75 pages of hamming it up with the cream of the crop!


Donnah, that reminds me of the ham who walked out of the hospital and said "I'm cured".


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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1857 on: 19/02/2012 15:08:36 »
My pig has a rash on his snout. Should I put some oinkment on it?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force æther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1858 on: 19/02/2012 20:24:38 »
Good idea. But first, I would get rid of the fly in the oinkment.

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1859 on: 19/02/2012 20:27:53 »


Wow, 75 pages of hamming it up with the cream of the crop!


Donnah, that reminds me of the ham who walked out of the hospital and said "I'm cured".



Was he a smoker?
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1860 on: 19/02/2012 23:15:16 »








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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1861 on: 21/02/2012 10:38:59 »

Was he a smoker?


He claims not to be a smoker, but I think he's telling porkies.

Now, can we please get this thread bac on track. We're getting a bit berhind with the puns. Come on all, I'll race yer (rasher) to the next subject.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1862 on: 22/02/2012 01:57:01 »

Now, can we please get this thread bac on track.


Fine. But then who will bring home the bacon?

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1863 on: 22/02/2012 02:31:47 »
Perhaps we need a razor-back here to cut this thread wide open.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1864 on: 22/02/2012 07:03:44 »
Yeah, then no one can hog it.  Numerous comedic contributors keeps us in stitches.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1865 on: 22/02/2012 09:11:35 »
I see JB & Donnah have cottoned on to my meaning. Sew a little seed and it shall bear fruit.

Should razor-back's be served in restaurants? And after eating would they be given the razor-bill? Would the culinary efforts of the chef raise our expectations and would he braise our beef? Would the menu display cut-throat prices?

Please don't get stroppy with me.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1866 on: 23/02/2012 06:16:41 »
Yes, Don_1 this thread is piggy-backing off of your idea.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1867 on: 23/02/2012 16:11:39 »
Just because I hog the sheets in bed doesn't necessarily mean that I'm all wrapped up in myself!






« Last Edit: 24/02/2012 07:56:18 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1868 on: 23/02/2012 19:07:27 »



Geezer:






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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1869 on: 24/02/2012 03:19:58 »
This is
Justice For Animals Week
http://advocacy.britannica.com/blog/advocacy/2011/02/national-justice-for-animals-week/

Are you courting disaster by not giving your pet(s) competent legal representation?

The Honorable Justice Soxon can be reached for consultation at:
1-800-LET'S-SUE

This really warrants your attention.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1870 on: 24/02/2012 04:12:59 »
Now now, Demo. Don't get too carried away. You wouldn't want me to get all disgruntled?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force æther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1871 on: 24/02/2012 07:39:03 »

Now now, Demo. Don't get too carried away. You wouldn't want me to get all disgruntled?






Geezer! Don't do it!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1872 on: 24/02/2012 07:40:58 »

If a pig loses it's voice is it disgruntled?


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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1873 on: 24/02/2012 14:45:50 »
That's enough of the boaring puns. Trotter long to the sowth hall now.

Would an 'anticemitic' be one who hates concrete?

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1874 on: 24/02/2012 14:49:35 »
My antiemetic hates nausea.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1875 on: 24/02/2012 15:06:51 »

That's enough of the boaring puns.




Ok. Then how about neigh-boar puns??

Friendly looking neigh-boars! (From the same neigh-boar-hood ofk horse)
« Last Edit: 25/02/2012 20:09:45 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1876 on: 24/02/2012 23:03:12 »
Disclosure: "ofk horse" is a Don_1ism

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1877 on: 24/02/2012 23:12:38 »
Neigh-boar; that's brilliant, you're milking this thread for every bit of humour.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1878 on: 24/02/2012 23:22:08 »
It's the Milky.....(all together now..)...Way!!

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1879 on: 26/02/2012 23:57:13 »
Where'd you hear that, on the bo-vine?
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1880 on: 27/02/2012 07:31:06 »
Donnah, yes, a cow once saved my life, so it was bovine intervention.

I've been tuned in to the bo-vine ever since!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1881 on: 27/02/2012 07:50:32 »
Ooh, I bet you're wondering how I knew
About your plans to make me blue
With some other longhorn that you knew before.
Between the two of us
You know I love you heifer-more.

It took me by surprise I must say,
When I found out yesterday.
Don't you know that...
 
(Chorus:)

I heard it through the bo-vine
Not much longer would you be mine.
Oh I heard it through the bo-vine,
Oh and I'm just about to lose my mind.
Honey, honey yeah.
 
I know that a Hereford ain't supposed to cry,
But these tears I can't hold inside.
Losin' you would end my life you see,
'Cause you mean that much to me.

You could have told me yourself
That you love someone else.
Instead...
 
(Chorus)
 
People say believe half of what you see,
Son, and none of what you hear.
I can't help bein' confused
If it's true please tell me dear?
Do you plan to let me go
For the other Angus you loved before?
Don't you know...
 
(Chorus)
 
Honey Honey I know
That you're letting me go
I said, "I heard it through the bo-vine"
Heard it through the bo-vine......
 

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1882 on: 27/02/2012 12:07:42 »
Do I detect a wart on the words of an all time classic, or is just the bumbling of a failed lyicist?

I suppose you'll start horsing around with Roy Rogers 'A Four Legged Friend' next. Or will you go barking mad with the theme to 'Lassie'.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1883 on: 27/02/2012 12:10:14 »
Can you cook a bovine in the ovine?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1884 on: 28/02/2012 05:03:41 »
Surely you must mean "a bun in the oven"?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1885 on: 28/02/2012 05:08:47 »
And no, I didn't call you Shirley.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1886 on: 28/02/2012 08:36:02 »

Can you cook a bovine in the ovine?


Or did you mean kick, not cook?

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1887 on: 28/02/2012 18:13:48 »
Sharp intake of breath - Ooo, the very thought of a kick in the ovines is enough to make your eyes water.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1888 on: 28/02/2012 23:46:00 »

Sharp intake of breath - Ooo, the very thought of a kick in the ovines is enough to make your eyes water.


Water wrong with your eyes? Orange Onion you making a large flock out of a little flocker?


« Last Edit: 28/02/2012 23:58:33 by demografx »

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1889 on: 29/02/2012 03:03:30 »
Is a flocker an animal that causes flockUlation?


What do you get when you cross-breed a donkey with and ONION?

from above ... make your eyes water. - above

--- an ass that will make you cry.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1890 on: 29/02/2012 12:11:10 »
If you cross a donkey with can of lubricant, in outer space, would the result be asstroil?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1891 on: 29/02/2012 13:36:02 »

What do you get when you cross-breed a donkey with an ONION?


A dungeon?

(Silent "g")

« Last Edit: 29/02/2012 19:08:59 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1892 on: 29/02/2012 18:03:55 »
Don, help, I can't find any asstroil Awards!!!

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1893 on: 29/02/2012 18:28:45 »
If you cross a crow with a donkey is that crass?
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1894 on: 29/02/2012 19:11:28 »




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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1895 on: 01/03/2012 02:19:16 »
Today is March 1. March is:
International Mirth Month

You think this is funny? It's not.

Don't people realize that the combination is NOT called "Frankincense and Mirth"?

I'm incensed about this!

And while we're on the subject, is there truly a difference between Heaven and Mirth?

« Last Edit: 01/03/2012 04:32:50 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1896 on: 01/03/2012 02:20:42 »
And if you STILL think this is funny, try saying "Mirth Month" 30X. Rapidly!

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1897 on: 01/03/2012 10:49:28 »
Demo, what on mirth are you talking about?


In a Welsh mining town, after suckling for 10 minutes, a baby is said to have had its mirtha tid fill.

This unsubstantiated claim I have unmirthed needs to be investigated, so I suppose I mirth check up on it. It could just be something handed down in local mirthology.

I was going to buy a vintage car from a chap in the town until I discovered it was mirthless.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1898 on: 01/03/2012 11:05:21 »
Don, help, I can't find any asstroil Awards!!!

I don't mind missing out on an award for first prize, just give me the consellation prize.

Its an asstroil plane.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1899 on: 01/03/2012 12:21:14 »
Hehehe, an astral plane………

Which, by coincidence, brings me to this. I am going to heaven on Saturday.

‘Now what’s the old fool wittering on about?’ I hear you ask. ‘Has he finally cracked? Has he got religion? Is he off to Switzerland at the weekend?’

You didn’t ask! Oh well, I must be hearing things, anyway, I’m going to bore you with the answer.

In fact there is a clue in the fact that I am wittering (or alternatively and the real clue, Wittering).

Yes folks, I’m going up to the heavens in a plane.

‘Has he lost his marbles? Has he never flown before?’ I hear you ask. You didn’t ask! Tough, I’m going to answer again anyway.

No I have not lost my marbles, for to loose one’s marbles, one must have some in the first place. I have none. The only grey matter in my cranial cavity is dense fog. And yes, of course I’ve been up in a plane before, but this time I will be at the wheel, or joystick or whatever it is. I’m having a flying lesson.

Now I would reveal the coordinates of my aerial escapade so that you could avoid the vicinity for safety sake, {YIKES! Look out, RUN!} but to do so might endanger my person. ‘Twould only take a word in the right ear by someone so inclined, to render me in danger of attack by the RAF, USAF, RCAF, RAAF, ALA, Luftwaffe or some such. While in my single engine Piper (or whatever) I would rather not be confronted by a Typhoon or F35.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.