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Award ceremony speech pre-edit:Don_1 is hereby abduc...inducted into The Alcohol Of Fame!!
"I stole an invention and then told patent lies."I hope you don't mind if I copy righting you have already done, but it took me a while to understand this, then it finally registered. Copying is not normally part of my trade, mark my words.
Hmmm...... I seem to crossthreaded myself.........
An elderly gent walked into an ice cream parlour and struggled to the counter. "Give me a chocolate sundae please." He said to the girl serving. She asked him "Crushed nuts Grandpa?" He replied, "No, rheumatism."
Apologies to Christians for poking fun at your beliefs. No malice intended.
Joseph asked the inn keeper if he had a room for the night. "No," said the inn keeper, "all my rooms are taken." Joseph pleaded with inn keeper, "But my wife is pregnant and close to labour, she must have somewhere safe and warm to rest." "I haven't got a room spare." The inn keeper retorted.Mary turned to Joseph and said "See, no rheum, ah toid you to book in advance, but would you? No. 'There'll be plenty of space' you said......(nag, nag, nag, nag)".The inn keeper's son, Arthur, said "Pregnant eh? Desperate eh? Right, you can bed down in the stable for 3 shekels each." Joseph handed over 6 shekels and the inn keeper's son said, "There'll be another 3 shekels to pay if your wife has the baby, 'cause then there'll be 3 of you."The inn keeper said "aths ma boy! Arthur, rit is down in the register."Joseph complained "chor! la rent is high here."Mary, tired and hungry, looked at the stable and said, "A sight for psor ias is that stable."Later that night, the angel Enza descended from heaven and knocked on the stable window. Joseph openned the window and in flew Enza. Joseph said to Enza "I'm charging you a 7 shekel fee ver coming into our stable". Enza paid up and buggered off, shouting at Joseph, "Can sir justify these exorbitant charges?"Mary gave birth to a baby boy and they named him after Grandpa Cohen ...........Manny.Here the story endeth.Apologies to Christians for poking fun at your beliefs. No malice intended.
I just saw gasoline selling for one dollar (£0.63) a gallon, but then I realized it's just an April fuel's joke.
April 1 isApril Fools or All Fools Day
Here in Canada the oil companies play April fuel's jokes on us all year 'round!
--"Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?"
This one really happened:There had been a few scandals involving ministers of one of our State Governments. The then premier went to one of his regular press conferences. After a few questions on more innocuous topics had been dealt with, a young reporter opened with--"Mr Premier, you must be aware of allegations that have been made against ..."He was interrupted with--"Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?"
Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?
Were there crocodile tears in his eyes?
Quote from: damocles on 03/04/2012 13:17:32Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?I could see that one caiman a mile off.
That's another pun gone up in smoke. Ah well! You win ston, you lose some.
Don_1, you can't fool me. Cigars are all smoke .......
Don_1, you can't fool me. Cigars in a washroom are all smoke and mirrors.
Which reminds me of the time I nearly got into trouble with drug squad. All I said to the girl was "I want to marry you Anna."
Quote from: demografx on 04/04/2012 18:16:16Don_1, you can't fool me. Cigars are all smoke .......Sounds like ce gar needs a service if its exhaust is all smoke.
It was even more dangerous for you than you think.The drug squad was suspicious because Anna is a woman of such distinguished courage and ability, and she's widely admired and emulated for her brave deeds and noble qualities. In short, a heroine!
The reporter must have been looking for a snappy story she could sink her teeth into.
There wash room in the washroom until some fools started going in there to stick their cigars up their nasal passages. This resulted in the management putting up a huge sign with the legend 'Nose Moking', which got in everyones' way. I complained, saying "Ash a nuisance." But the boss, a Spaniard, said "Ash tres necessario."
"I want to marry you Anna."
Quote from: damocles on 03/04/2012 13:17:32--"Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?"That's quite a tail.
I'm not bragging, but soon after I join any band as a guitarist, I am instrumental.
Don_1's poignant post is soooooooooo deserving of the INTERNATIONAL WRCNA! (Wash Room Cigar Nose Ashtray) Award Of 2012!
There are many choices in a democracy: we do not live in annarchy.
Walter Raleigh brought cigars to England. Queen Elizabeth declared they were too big after, not realising they should be smoked, had eaten one. So they were made smaller and the cigar eat was born.
See those puns, I just plec trum out of thin air.
Quote from: demografx on 07/04/2012 19:50:24There are many choices in a democracy: we do not live in annarchy.I always thought that annarchy unlocked the door to her bedroom.