Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #200 on: 03/07/2010 04:01:19 »

Geezer, shame! It's NOT a massage parlor.



No - it is full service.

Udderly delightful.


 [:o]  [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o]  [:o]  [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o]  [:o]  [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o]  [:o]  [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o] [:o]

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Offline SeanB

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #201 on: 03/07/2010 20:09:45 »
You are putting it on a bit thick! Is that Jersey you are using?

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #202 on: 04/07/2010 03:31:15 »
No wool, in honor of Sheepy.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline SeanB

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #203 on: 04/07/2010 14:31:32 »
Ah, so must be covering my eyes then!

I hope it is properly carded, or you will be getting a red one then.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #204 on: 04/07/2010 17:34:37 »

I remember Alimony - it is right next to Antimony on the periodic chart.


Are you sure? I thought it was the capital of New York State.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #205 on: 04/07/2010 19:29:32 »
Ah, so must be covering my eyes then!

I hope it is properly carded, or you will be getting a red one then.

I thought you got a yellow one first!  DARN!

 [>:(]
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #206 on: 05/07/2010 02:22:32 »

I remember Alimony - it is right next to Antimony on the periodic chart.


Are you sure? I thought it was the capital of New York State.

What does a metal have to do with rabbit LUV?
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #207 on: 07/07/2010 03:12:56 »
OK you slakers:

Chose one of the two are  get your own.

On the morning of the third day of their honeymoon the bridegroom is reading the TV schedules in the newspaper, but the bride, in the other room, is unaware of that.

He says: "Do you want to see Oliver Twist?"

She says: "If you make that thing do one more trick, I'm outta here."

________________________________________________________________________


There was a small village nestled at the bottom of a hill. It flourished because of the richness of the soil and the abundance of game in its forests. However, one spring the village hunters noticed a sparsity of game. It became increasingly difficult to find birds, small mammals, and other sources of protein. Alarmingly, the farmers noted as the spring progressed that the soil was becoming acidic and the crops were failing bit by bit.

One day the hunters quite by accident stumbled upon the source of their woes. While cautiously exploring one of the many nearby caves they discovered a very large and dangerous carnivore previously unknown in their area. One of them had seen pictures of this animal at a distant market in his youth, and could only recall it being called a Rarie. The foul smell of the beast's excrement immediately told them the source of the soil problems in their gardens, and the piles of bones strewn about the cave provided more than enough evidence for the dwindling meat supplies in their forest.

After much discussion and consultation with the village herb women, the hunters prepared a special "snack" for the dangerous and hungry rarie. They filled a large possum with an herb guaranteed to put their enemy into a deep sleep and left the meal at the mouth of the cave.

Upon awakening the rarie set to and ate possum with all due haste. The herb acted almost immediately, to the villagers' chagrin, since they had hoped to lure the beast to the hill above their village where they could carry out their plan to rid themselves of it by pushing it over the top and down onto the rocks at the edge of the ocean below.

It was necessary to rig a canvas, roll the beast onto it, and pull it with great effort to the village and on up the hill, all the while feeding it more of the herb whenever it threatened to awaken. Finally they had it near the top, when everyone's energy gave out.

More discussion led to a new plan, whereby long sticks would be put under the somnulent beast, and they would lever it up and over the top of the hill.

As they were laboring away at this final plan, a wandering beggar came by and began laughing loudly at their efforts. Offended, they demanded to know what he found so funny.

"Oh, your plan will never work. I cannot believe you are so ignorant," he said. "Everyone knows that that's the wrong way to tip a rarie."
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #208 on: 07/07/2010 03:53:19 »

OMG, I heard that one in 1973!

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #209 on: 07/07/2010 04:07:52 »
He'll be telling us how he "left his arse in Sam Pam's disco" next,
 
or the one about "two lips from hamster jam".
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #210 on: 07/07/2010 04:30:31 »

                             

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #211 on: 07/07/2010 16:56:08 »
Three things -

1.) the rarie's fits well with you two dinosaurs all are old and stale

2.) At least I didn't slack on the thread and got you old coots moving again. 
 
3.) If you do not continue to add to this thread I will tell you the story of how to make a moth ball.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #212 on: 07/07/2010 17:13:52 »

This thread is on its last legs, I can't stand it.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #213 on: 07/07/2010 17:59:38 »

However, Geezer, I must admit to wanting to hear all about the <snicker>  moth ball  [;D]

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #214 on: 07/07/2010 22:56:45 »


This thread is on its last legs, I can't stand it.


Is that a run - on sentence?

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #215 on: 08/07/2010 03:28:43 »
Funny, the moth went out for the track team when he was in middle school. He was a good runner and soon aspired to the Olympics. After days of training he made it to the monthly moth Olympics. (I have made a shaggy dogs story very short.

Just making it to the Olympics was a huge achievement, especially since he was the first moth from his species to ever make the cut for the team.  He made it to the finals of the 50 inch sprint. He was in the middle lane. As they were in the starting block one of the two members of the Birch Tree Moths looked at him and spit at him. Taking this as just a mind game, the little moth set his mind and set himself firmer in the starting block. As the gun went off, the Birch Tree Moth bumped him, setting him off stride. But the little moth was tough. He only missed one step and speed on. But then the moth that bumped him did it again, and the little mouth went down, along with all of his dreams in his pathetically short life.

That is how you make a moth ball.

The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #216 on: 08/07/2010 03:57:15 »
Blimey!

I thought it might at least have had something to do with the one about giant moths (which, I can no longer remember).

There is nothing else for it but a public banning.

JimBob is hereby banned for at least 30 minutes.

(Sorry JB, but you gave me no choice.) 
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #217 on: 08/07/2010 04:50:57 »

JB, you could go to the bank with that one.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #218 on: 08/07/2010 05:19:47 »

JB, you could go to the bank with that one.

I would not recommend it:

They are nothing but a bunch of bankers.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #219 on: 09/07/2010 04:10:23 »


This thread is on its last legs, I can't stand it.


Is that a run - on sentence?


Perhaps JimBob will put his best foot forward and add to this, keeping us on our toes?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #220 on: 09/07/2010 17:27:00 »


Hey, Geezer, I sincerely hope that your Auntie Histamynne's bronchial condition's improved!

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #221 on: 09/07/2010 17:47:12 »
No but his Auntie inflammatory is helping him to sleep at night.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #222 on: 10/07/2010 01:46:31 »
Actually, Geezer is from a very loving Scottish family. His Auntie keeps him awake all night. That is why Geezer has been BANished to the US.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #223 on: 11/07/2010 05:40:05 »

Is that a Scottish roll-on deodorant???

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #224 on: 11/07/2010 05:52:50 »

No but his Auntie inflammatory is helping him to sleep at night.


I'm happy that something was found to Aleveiate the situation!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #225 on: 11/07/2010 05:57:31 »


This thread is on its last legs, I can't stand it.


Is that a run - on sentence?


Perhaps JimBob will put his best foot forward and add to this, keeping us on our toes?


You know, like he gets his foot in the door on great new deals.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #226 on: 11/07/2010 22:08:17 »


This thread is on its last legs, I can't stand it.


Is that a run - on sentence?


Perhaps JimBob will put his best foot forward and add to this, keeping us on our toes?


You know, like he gets his foot in the door on great new deals.


The best thing is to see Geezer when he dresses up in his tights, tutu and toe shoes.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #227 on: 12/07/2010 07:39:26 »

The best thing is to see Geezer when he dresses up in his tights, tutu and toe shoes.

You've got a thing about tutus, don't you? Fess up now. We're all family here. There's no need to be embarrassed about it.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #228 on: 12/07/2010 12:16:54 »


The best thing is to see Geezer...in his...toe shoes.


Hmmm, something's afoot here.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #229 on: 12/07/2010 12:22:26 »

But at least Geezer put his foot down.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #230 on: 13/07/2010 23:23:49 »

C'mon everybody, take the first step, and pun, pun, pun. Hurry, or we'll haveta listen to JimBob's olden tales.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #231 on: 13/07/2010 23:36:32 »

But at least Geezer put his foot down.

Yes he did. And that is what got him in trouble. How do you expect to dance in the ballet in Highland Brogans?

Geeze is now having trouble speaking. After his failure to show up for the performance in toe shoes they gave him the boot.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #232 on: 15/07/2010 01:50:13 »

That's sad. I bet they didn't walk a mile in his shoes.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #233 on: 15/07/2010 15:58:31 »

            


               Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #234 on: 15/07/2010 16:25:19 »


1.) the rarie's fits well with you two dinosaurs all are old and stale

2.) At least I didn't slack on the thread and got you old coots moving again. 



It is why I have worked for myself these last 35 years. 12 years for someone else was all I could take.


Hmmm, do the 2 above add up? 35 + 12 + ... hmmm [;D]


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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #235 on: 15/07/2010 17:55:36 »
I can't get the image of Jimbob in a Tutu out of my head.Geezer what have you done!!!!!!!!!

The best thing is to see Geezer when he dresses up in his tights, tutu and toe shoes.

You've got a thing about tutus, don't you? Fess up now. We're all family here. There's no need to be embarrassed about it.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #236 on: 15/07/2010 19:34:30 »


                             

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #237 on: 15/07/2010 22:15:57 »
It 'tis indeed a fine sight, ye know. You have seen me in Les Trockadero, haven't you, Shazza? (http://www.trockadero.org/)


            


               Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?



Is this the same as Kelly's Blue Book?
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #238 on: 16/07/2010 00:33:37 »

I can't get the image of Jimbob in a Tutu out of my head.Geezer what have you done?


Didn't he tell you he runs the Texarse Bolshoi?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #239 on: 16/07/2010 04:23:08 »
I beg your pardon, (writer snickers at his deceit) but in Texas we have a Bull who runs the showe. It is in the name, fer cryin' out loud!

Wish you would learn to spell, you foreigner - haggis-eating reject of the BRITISH Isles, even counting Bannockburn.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #240 on: 16/07/2010 06:00:38 »
Them Texarns is a right bunch of Bolshies if you arsks me.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #241 on: 16/07/2010 21:22:18 »

Now, now, boise, we don't talk like that in Idy-ho.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #242 on: 16/07/2010 21:24:11 »

Hey, all, best regards from NYC, been visiting my old home turf. Sweltering!!!!!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #243 on: 16/07/2010 23:08:09 »


            


               Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?



Is this the same as Kelly's Blue Book?


Yes. It covers auto-voyeurism.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #244 on: 17/07/2010 03:30:06 »
I am NOT touching that remark - uh-uh!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline SeanB

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #245 on: 17/07/2010 10:41:30 »
You know the old saw of the blonde who was pregnant....... - She asked the doc "Is it mine?"


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #246 on: 17/07/2010 19:32:20 »



Sean...and JimBob.....and Geezer...and Make it Lady.....


                             



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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #247 on: 20/07/2010 16:43:52 »
Do you have stomach problems Demo? You keep posting this picture of holding your stomach. I am a bit worried. Please let us know. We are just one big family here.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #248 on: 20/07/2010 17:51:13 »


Do you have stomach problems Demo? You keep posting this picture of holding your stomach. I am a bit worried. Please let us know. We are just one big family here.


JimBob, you are so prescient! How did you know that this NYC record-breaking heat/humidity has done that to me?? However, I board a big bird in just a few hours back to la-la-land where my troubles will transform once again. [:)]

Thanks so much for your touching compassion!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #249 on: 20/07/2010 17:55:13 »


The best thing is to see Geezer...in his...toe shoes.


Hmmm, something's afoot here.


Almost like having one foot in the grave.