Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2650 on: 23/12/2012 02:07:40 »


I knew a chicken that liked sitting on people's shoulders.

The UN took it to peace talks to demonstrate to warring nations how to lay down their arms.


The UN also demonstrates that trench warfare should always be seen as a last ditch effort.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2651 on: 23/12/2012 06:50:58 »

When someone suggested I quit cold turkey, I told them to get stuffed.


But if you tell a soldier to get stuffed with ice cream he'd be a desserter.
« Last Edit: 23/12/2012 06:54:31 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2652 on: 23/12/2012 20:22:42 »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2653 on: 24/12/2012 05:51:42 »

I've bought the wife a shoe. She'll get the other one next year.


One of those new shoes isn't right.

That's because he left it until next year.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2654 on: 24/12/2012 06:04:16 »

I've bought the wife a shoe. She'll get the other one next year.


One of those new shoes isn't right.


That's because he left it until next year.


As usual, Donnah is...right! [:)]

« Last Edit: 28/12/2012 21:10:13 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2655 on: 28/12/2012 18:44:52 »
Demo, please tell that to my husband.  Whenever I say something, all he hears is "blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah".
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2656 on: 28/12/2012 21:04:37 »
Hmmm...that's what EYE usually hear when my.......ohnevermind [:)]
« Last Edit: 28/12/2012 21:07:11 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2657 on: 30/12/2012 19:48:08 »
It seems our daughter is up the duff again. So I shall tell our son-in-law he is to have parsnips.

Did you mean your son-in-law is to meet with Father Manny Cohen?????


Father Manny Cohen is the priest/rabbi of a bi-religious church/synagogue. He performs confessions, christenings, bar mitzvahs and circumcisions. He is affectionately known as Par Snips.

« Last Edit: 30/12/2012 19:51:02 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2658 on: 31/12/2012 04:50:10 »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2659 on: 31/12/2012 04:59:58 »

China's satellite will go into orbit on January 1st causing a New Year's revolution.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2660 on: 03/01/2013 01:46:29 »
May the thingamajig of whatsisname be among you, behind you, in front of you and....... Oi!!! Get out of there.

'Tis the begining of a new year...... or is it???????????
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2661 on: 03/01/2013 01:48:42 »

China's satellite will go into orbit on January 1st causing a New Year's revolution.

That should be a turn up for the books.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2662 on: 03/01/2013 01:52:37 »

China's satellite will go into orbit on January 1st causing a New Year's revolution.

What happened then? Did they manage it, or bit off more than they could Jimmy chew?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2663 on: 03/01/2013 05:05:34 »
This all revolves around a shady character, Yu Win.

Again.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2664 on: 03/01/2013 10:13:23 »
Mr Yu is standing for election to the Peoples Party.

You can expect a circular through your letter box any day now.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2665 on: 08/01/2013 13:32:45 »
Today is National Bubble Bath Day.


Kindly use a proprietry Bubble Bath solution rather than making your own bubbles.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2666 on: 10/01/2013 20:43:22 »
What is he bubbling on about now?

Unlike me, those who daydream in the bath tub are wishy-washy.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2667 on: 11/01/2013 13:20:10 »
Are you suggesting I am prone to inane clap-trap? I'll have you know I am an upright member of the community, known for being upwardly mobile and would never comprise any such nonsense.

Oh, I don't know though, on the other hand, four fingers and a thumb.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2668 on: 11/01/2013 14:17:40 »
Kindly be prepared for the great event of the year.

I refer, of course, to that celebration of the great Englishman Stan Laurel and his equally great American partner Oliver Hardy.

Yes folks its

National Cuckoo Dancing Week

Are you ready? go

WHOOPEEEEEeeeeee
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2669 on: 11/01/2013 22:29:41 »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2670 on: 11/01/2013 22:40:12 »
Are you suggesting I am prone to inane clap-trap? I'll have you know I am an upright member of the community, known for being upwardly mobile and would never comprise any such nonsense.

Oh, I don't know though, on the other hand, four fingers and a thumb.

The Tallest Building Award To Don_1!

<applause>


« Last Edit: 12/01/2013 08:17:37 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2671 on: 11/01/2013 23:27:56 »
Kindly be prepared for the great event of the year.

I refer, of course, to that celebration of the great Englishman Stan Laurel and his equally great American partner Oliver Hardy.

Yes folks its

National Cuckoo Dancing Week

Are you ready? go

WHOOPEEEEEeeeeee


« Last Edit: 11/01/2013 23:33:41 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2672 on: 12/01/2013 07:52:09 »
This all revolves around a shady character, Yu Win.

Again.


Mr Yu is standing for election to the Peoples Party.

You can expect a circular through your letter box any day now.



Mr. Yu cashed in franchise-like: he sold his name to the Bee Gees!

And sold it cleverly to the Late Hank Williams Estate!

« Last Edit: 12/01/2013 08:06:02 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2673 on: 14/01/2013 13:31:09 »
Are you suggesting I am prone to inane clap-trap? I'll have you know I am an upright member of the community, known for being upwardly mobile and would never comprise any such nonsense.

Oh, I don't know though, on the other hand, four fingers and a thumb.

The Tallest Building Award To Don_1!

<applause>




I suppose you could that's a "Tall storey"

You shard have known that would be my response.
« Last Edit: 14/01/2013 13:41:15 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2674 on: 14/01/2013 15:52:50 »
The shady building contractor wanted to sell me an inferior shard deal, but I could see right through it.
« Last Edit: 15/01/2013 04:30:37 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2675 on: 14/01/2013 16:06:17 »

You shard* have known that would be my response.



The Shard in May 2012
London, England
Tallest in European Union since 2011



*for those of us who are too lazy to click on Don_1's link.
« Last Edit: 15/01/2013 03:37:55 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2676 on: 15/01/2013 00:20:53 »
January, 2013 is:
Apple and Apricots Month
http://www.cdc.gov/nutrition/everyone/fruitsvegetables/index.html

Who is the apple of YOUR eye?
« Last Edit: 15/01/2013 00:22:39 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2677 on: 15/01/2013 03:01:06 »
« Last Edit: 15/01/2013 03:05:17 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2678 on: 15/01/2013 03:57:50 »
Today is National Bubble Bath Day.


Kindly use a proprietary Bubble Bath solution rather than making your own bubbles.


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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2679 on: 15/01/2013 08:56:35 »
January, 2013 is:
Apple and Apricots Month
http://www.cdc.gov/nutrition/everyone/fruitsvegetables/index.html

Who is the apple of YOUR eye?



With reference to the apples:-

M'lud, I can say without fear of contradiction, I have no apples in my eye. Irist my case.

Core...... its enough to give you the pip.


As for the apricots:-

What comes apricots? A childs bed. (Après cots)

I quite like a little fruit mixed in my salad. Apple goes well with either Lettuce or Chard.
« Last Edit: 15/01/2013 09:14:37 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2680 on: 15/01/2013 09:09:33 »


Electric apricots??? Watt is this producer doing plugging these? It's shocking. Wire would anyone want to eat such energy wasting fruit? They must rate very low on the green gage.

Do they have a very low voltage, or range into the higher voltages?

Which reminds me, I was once asked to stand up and sing 'Oh my darling Clemantine'. Everyone boo'ed so I sat suma than I expected.
« Last Edit: 15/01/2013 09:11:53 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2681 on: 15/01/2013 17:26:24 »

Electric apricots??? Watt is this producer doing plugging these? It's shocking. Wire would anyone want to eat such energy wasting fruit? They must rate very low on the green gage.

Do they have a very low voltage, or range into the higher voltages?

Which reminds me, I was once asked to stand up and sing 'Oh my darling Clemantine'. Everyone boo'ed so I sat suma than I expected.
January, 2013 is:
Apple and Apricots Month
http://www.cdc.gov/nutrition/everyone/fruitsvegetables/index.html

Who is the apple of YOUR eye?



With reference to the apples:-

M'lud, I can say without fear of contradiction, I have no apples in my eye. Irist my case.

Core...... its enough to give you the pip.


As for the apricots:-

What comes apricots? A childs bed. (Après cots)

I quite like a little fruit mixed in my salad. Apple goes well with either Lettuce or Chard.



Don_1, my sincerest congratulations: I came up "empty" for  apricot puns, searching high and low on the internet! Dunno how you did it!

My search was fruitless.
« Last Edit: 15/01/2013 17:35:45 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2682 on: 16/01/2013 00:16:45 »
Orange you glad that Don_1 compoted such an electric remark?
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2683 on: 16/01/2013 00:49:14 »
My appologies Donnah, unlike Demo, I do not have any awards to hand out, but you can av a car do.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2684 on: 16/01/2013 00:52:50 »

My search was fruitless.


You should have sought the assistance of a pear of nuts, but all I could hear was you pine, "Apple, I need a fruit PUN, not a fruit BUN".
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2685 on: 16/01/2013 00:56:12 »
Orange you glad that Don_1 compoted such an electric remark?

I too often speak to my kitchen utensils.

"Com pot and you pan, we have pudding to make."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2686 on: 16/01/2013 03:59:03 »
Orange you glad that Don_1 compoted such an electric remark?

Yes, and I am now most berry grapeful.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2687 on: 16/01/2013 09:33:32 »
Right. Now this one is so contrived I can't believe I am going to do it.

A berry from the Antipodes was begining to get on my nerves, so I had to tell it push off. I made it quite clear I didn't want it around saying "Go ose berry".
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2688 on: 16/01/2013 09:37:26 »
I love it! These really are grape fruit puns, in fact I might say they are divine.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2689 on: 16/01/2013 20:16:40 »
Citrus self down and look up at the star (fruit).
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2690 on: 17/01/2013 03:16:16 »
When it comes to drinks, citrus fruit juices are always in the limelight.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2691 on: 17/01/2013 05:03:03 »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2692 on: 17/01/2013 05:03:42 »
Kindly be prepared for the great event of the year.

I refer, of course, to that celebration of the great Englishman Stan Laurel and his equally great American partner Oliver Hardy.

Yes folks its

National Cuckoo Dancing Week

Are you ready? go

WHOOPEEEEEeeeeee

THIS ENDS JANUARY 17, 2013! HURRY!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2693 on: 18/01/2013 21:24:24 »
January 19 - 20, 2013:
Bald Eagle Appreciation Days

I bet Don_1 can pull a pun outta this. Why? Because he's talonted, that's why.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2694 on: 19/01/2013 18:11:29 »


A berry from the Antipodes was begining to get on my nerves, so I had to tell it push off. I made it quite clear I didn't want it around saying "Go ose berry".


Good thing. People may have misunderstood it saying, "Go lose berry" if it occurred on No-L Day!

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2695 on: 21/01/2013 00:18:54 »
No-L Day; Holy Christmas!
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2696 on: 21/01/2013 04:13:03 »

No-L Day; Holy Christmas!


Yes! They could use you as a 4th Angel!

« Last Edit: 22/01/2013 06:48:39 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2697 on: 22/01/2013 16:40:14 »
January 19 - 20, 2013:
Bald Eagle Appreciation Days


A round of raptorous applause for the Bald Eagle.

I bet Don_1 can pull a pun outta this. Why? Because he's talonted, that's why.

I shall see what I can do to honour the claws in my TNS contract.

In the mean time here is a joke for that miserable old sod Perry. With any luck it will make Perry grin.

As I approached the door, I saw a sign which read 'Knocker not working - please use the button & buzz hard.' I reached the conclusion that someone was falcon about.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2698 on: 22/01/2013 16:45:04 »

No-L Day; Holy Christmas!


Yes! They could use you as a 4th Angel!



I'm all for Donnah being the 4th angle, after all, she is a ccutey
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2699 on: 22/01/2013 19:38:19 »

I shall see what I can do to honour the claws in my TNS contract.


There's a clawback in your contract that - as in Bernie Madoff's case - you must pay back TNS every dollar in excess profits that you received from them. Sorry.