Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2900 on: 26/04/2013 08:54:54 »
It was a beautiful day yesterday, I sat in the sun, glasses of cola at hand.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2901 on: 26/04/2013 08:57:25 »
When we are done with these 'eye' puns, perhaps we should turn to puns on tea, coffee, fruit juice and water, we could do with a little aqueous humour. After all, we can't go on with 'eye' puns fo' evea. Mind you, they do make you laugh.
« Last Edit: 26/04/2013 09:02:30 by Don_1 »
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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2902 on: 26/04/2013 14:11:26 »

« Last Edit: 26/04/2013 14:18:21 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2903 on: 26/04/2013 15:01:23 »
E by gum! That's an eye openner, but there's no mention of the fovea, macular, suspensory ligament and aqueous humour, only the vitreous humour. E name all the parts please.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2904 on: 26/04/2013 15:06:00 »
Now I suppose you are going to tell me I've got a nerve and not bo be so sillary.

I shall go sit in the church to take my medication........ a pew pill.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2905 on: 26/04/2013 15:10:16 »
..... only the vitreous humour. E name all the parts please.

Does that give you a sinking feeling?

Oh! Look, I've got to the aqueous humour, a water related pun.
« Last Edit: 26/04/2013 15:12:02 by Don_1 »
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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2906 on: 27/04/2013 02:00:21 »
I only worry about the eyesolation that all this focus on the "I" will bring to Punning Thread!

What if the moderators deem us insufficiently eyessimilated or eyecculturated to be merged in to Western forum socketciety???
« Last Edit: 27/04/2013 02:36:27 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2907 on: 27/04/2013 02:05:36 »
E by gum! That's an eye openner, but there's no mention of the fovea, macular, suspensory ligament and aqueous humour, only the vitreous humour. E name all the parts please.

Is this better?



« Last Edit: 27/04/2013 02:21:34 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2908 on: 27/04/2013 20:26:51 »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2909 on: 27/04/2013 20:33:06 »







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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2910 on: 28/04/2013 11:07:34 »
The Eye-Q test
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2911 on: 28/04/2013 11:41:19 »
The Eye-Q test

It can certainly be a testing time when you have to Q to C an optician.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2912 on: 28/04/2013 11:44:13 »


No wonder that Latvian immigrant walked out of Specsavers in disgust.
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2913 on: 28/04/2013 11:53:01 »
Is there an optician who offers non-invasive home operations and cares for the environment by using a push bike to visit his patients?

Yes, but he only has one eye himself, hence he practices under the trade name "Cycle Ops".
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2914 on: 28/04/2013 19:29:04 »
The Eye-Q test

It can certainly be a testing time when you have to Q to C an optician.

And it's most Nnoying to sit on your S in the waiting room forevear!


« Last Edit: 28/04/2013 20:05:40 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2915 on: 28/04/2013 22:40:52 »
what does the word campabella mean - kind of rings a bell
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2916 on: 29/04/2013 04:53:20 »
what does the word campabella mean - kind of rings a bell

Is it this?

"Campobello is located in northwestern Spartanburg County. Before the Civil War the land was part of a large plantation owned by Joseph Davis. One day, as visitors were leaving on horseback, they stopped and looked back at the rolling farmland and someone in the group exclaimed, "Campa bella" meaning "beautiful field." Because it was such a fitting description, Davis adopted the Italian phrase as the name for his estate.

A room in Mr. Davis' home was designated as the area post office. The change from Campabella to Campobello probably occurred as a result of a postal clerk's poor handwriting."
http://www.sciway.net/city/campobello.html
« Last Edit: 29/04/2013 04:57:45 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2917 on: 29/04/2013 07:20:45 »
Had an eye test the other day, "How far can you read down this?" asked the optician:
[attachment=17698]





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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2918 on: 29/04/2013 07:48:12 »


Eye contact is very important.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2919 on: 29/04/2013 12:30:13 »
what does the word campabella mean - kind of rings a bell

Is it an effeminate ding-dong?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2920 on: 29/04/2013 13:21:53 »

What a wonderful pair of....... erm....... eyes?!
I could play with look into them for hours!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2921 on: 29/04/2013 13:26:00 »
"I think I need glasses Doc."

"Really? Come over to the window. Now, look up there, tell me what you see."

"The Sun."

"So, just how bloody far do you want to see?"
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2922 on: 29/04/2013 13:36:34 »
There is a village in Dorset where the folk all wear glasses.

The village mayor, Leonard is blind and has a guide dog. Asked about the dog's temperament, the mayor said "Len's a pet ure bound to love."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2923 on: 29/04/2013 13:41:13 »
If you want to refresh your wardrobe, you can always re-colour some older faded items. Never do this in the morning, as you will need to hang them out to dry after the sun has gone down. Its always best to dilate.
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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2924 on: 30/04/2013 17:26:16 »
what does the word campabella mean - kind of rings a bell

Doh! I finally "got it"!

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2925 on: 30/04/2013 17:55:33 »
If you want to refresh your wardrobe, you can always re-colour some older faded items. Never do this in the morning, as you will need to hang them out to dry after the sun has gone down. Its always best to dilate.

Good lesson for this pupil!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2926 on: 01/05/2013 08:04:40 »

What a wonderful pair of....... erm....... eyes?!
I could play with look into them for hours!

I am skeptical. Answer only one question I have  -- and 
D O N ' T  you dare sneak a peek at the previous page!

QUESTIONABLE QUESTION PUT TO DON_1: What color are her eyes?

You must reply without looking at "Eye Contact" woman who was dressed appropriately for her (last) interview with you!
« Last Edit: 01/05/2013 08:17:19 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2927 on: 01/05/2013 13:38:42 »
OK, I'll play along with you Demo and I promeyes not to take a sneak peak.

Eye, can de colour be mixed?

I must be honest, I didn't spend too much time looking into her eyes, its rude to stare. After a short while I let my eye drop to other features. I thought that might be a weyes move to make. T'is true I tell you, would I tell a leye

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2928 on: 01/05/2013 13:45:30 »
I think I'll go to the Polar Cafe for lunch today. Their Oriental fruit and camembert entree is famous among polar explorers. Yes, they all love Leye cheese, in fact eyeseecallers on the horeyezon even now.
« Last Edit: 01/05/2013 13:48:35 by Don_1 »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2929 on: 01/05/2013 14:09:00 »
OK, so I just looked at the picture again and still can't see the colour of her eyes. Something seems to be getting in the way. Well, a couple of things actually.

Yes, she might well be described as 'buxom'. That is in that she makes some bucks for displaying her attributes.
« Last Edit: 01/05/2013 14:53:28 by Don_1 »
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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2930 on: 01/05/2013 17:50:51 »
OK, so I just looked at the picture again and still can't see the colour of her eyes. Something seems to be getting in the way. Well, a couple of things actually.

Yes, she might well be described as 'buxom'. That is in that she makes some bucks  [double pun duly noted] for displaying her attributes.

No! No! No! I said to watch out for bugs on her photographs! Possible printing irregularities, you know!

*recent Demo photo
« Last Edit: 02/05/2013 07:00:08 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2931 on: 01/05/2013 18:03:50 »
Getting back to the tantaleyesing bint young lady with the fine pair of ti eyes, I promise, I have not looked at her eyes to give me a clue (no surpeyes there), were they brown?

I haven't a clue, I'd have to look...


*HS = Don_1 High Sign
« Last Edit: 01/05/2013 23:33:28 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2932 on: 01/05/2013 18:41:10 »
OK, I'll play along with you Demo and I promeyes not to take a sneak peak.

This reminds me of the promeyes of some tailors I know: they're pure fabrication.

Eye, can de colour be mixed?

Those who eat can de with both hands are ambi-dextrose

I must be honest, I didn't spend too much time looking into her eyes, its rude to stare.

If you stared at her belly button too much, you'd be promoted demoted to Navel Officer.

After a short while I let my eye drop to other features. I thought that might be a weyes move to make. T'is true I tell you, would I tell a leye

You remind me of all the waterfowl who keep their eyes closed except for one. He is a Peking Duck.
« Last Edit: 01/05/2013 18:56:22 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2933 on: 01/05/2013 18:42:18 »

I think I'll go to the Polar Cafe for lunch today. Their Oriental fruit and camembert entree is famous among polar explorers. Yes, they all love Leye cheese, in fact eyeseecallers on the horeyezon even now.

I hope they're not connected to The Polar Bar. You once said, "Not the Alaskan Polar Bar! That's a real grizzly place. They only sell brown ale, you can't even get a Coca Koala there!"

Eye, for one, would not be pleased there.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2934 on: 01/05/2013 18:52:03 »
"I think I need glasses Doc."

"Really? Come over to the window. Now, look up there, tell me what you see."

"The Sun."

"So, just how bloody far do you want to see?"




"Your invoice is in the mail!"

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2935 on: 02/05/2013 05:23:37 »

[Dorset's] village mayor, Leonard is blind and has a guide dog. Asked about the dog's temperament, the mayor said "Len's a pet ure bound to love."

The mayor had trouble with the fine print on some of Dorset's village documents, so his doctor suggested contract lenses.


« Last Edit: 02/05/2013 06:00:56 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2936 on: 02/05/2013 05:48:33 »

I did notice she has a rather nice and somewhat revealing blouse on.


Don_1, try to expand your vocabulary from a merely generic English/American "blouse" to the more all-encompassing, intriguing, German-origin "platzbluse". Our audience is becoming more world-embracing!

« Last Edit: 02/05/2013 06:10:00 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2937 on: 03/05/2013 13:01:33 »


Oh I say!!! What an ample young lady you are.

Now let Dr Don just check your heart. Hmmm....... Hmmmmmmm.... Opps, I've dropped my stethoscope, not much chance of finding it in here. Not so much a stethoscope I need right now as a periscope!
[attachment=17718]
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2938 on: 03/05/2013 13:09:42 »

You remind me of all the waterfowl who keep their eyes closed except for one. He is a Peking Duck.


Well it was eider that or some other duck.

Man,d you're in good form today.

Just to qualify that pun:

Mandarin Duck

See I can find pictures of pretty birds too!
« Last Edit: 03/05/2013 13:44:29 by Don_1 »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2939 on: 03/05/2013 13:13:45 »

If you stared at her belly button too much, you'd be promoted demoted to Navel Officer.


I used to be an Ordinary $^^&^ First Class. NO, NO, NO. I'm sorry, I'm just not going there!!!
« Last Edit: 03/05/2013 13:15:19 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2940 on: 03/05/2013 13:18:35 »

This reminds me of the promeyes of some tailors I know: they're pure fabrication.


What side do you dress sir?
Inside usually!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2941 on: 03/05/2013 13:23:05 »

Those who eat can de with both hands are ambi-dextrose


Hmm.... Let me see, I need a 'sugar' pun......
Let me see, there's dextrose, sucrose, fructose..... No, I'm not going there either!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2942 on: 03/05/2013 13:24:59 »

This reminds me of the promeyes of some tailors I know: they're pure fabrication.


I see you cottoned on to that old trick.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2943 on: 03/05/2013 13:30:53 »


*recent Demo photo


McTavish has taken the day off of his training Anne to 'La' properly when practicing her scales, so I'm standing in for him.

So, aS i'mon Temp lar training, I can tell you that thiS aint quite all it appears.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2944 on: 03/05/2013 13:37:51 »
Halo all.

STREWTH, after concocting that one I thought 'that's a Rod you're making for your own back', I can't do any Moore.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2945 on: 03/05/2013 19:33:08 »

Man,d you're in good form today.


Yangtze very much!


Just to qualify that pun:

Mandarin Duck

See I can find pictures of pretty birds too!

Yes, and mine flew the coup just as much as yours did!

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2946 on: 03/05/2013 19:40:14 »


*recent Demo photo


I can tell you that thiS aint quite all it appears.


Oh, I can tell you all quite assuredly that Don_1 is simply...slightly envious...of (1) my everlasting youth and (2) my most obvious deeply pious nature -- which he (or I!) shall never hope wish to attain.

 
« Last Edit: 04/05/2013 10:08:46 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2947 on: 03/05/2013 22:57:07 »

Hmm.... Let me see, I need a 'sugar' pun......
Let me see, there's dextrose, sucrose, fructose..... No, I'm not going there either!





I can't make funny scientific circles like Don_1 can (around fructose).
« Last Edit: 03/05/2013 23:13:11 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2948 on: 04/05/2013 15:34:16 »

Yangtze very much!


In Downtown LA the locals sing 'Yangtze doodle went to town, riding on a pony.....'

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2949 on: 04/05/2013 15:40:14 »
........my most obvious deeply pious nature -- 

You're fooling nobody Demo, 'tis I who doth have the most deep pious nature.


Deep pie - game filled.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.