Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3050 on: 04/06/2013 09:05:09 »
Contrary to popular belief, the motor vehicle was concieved in the early days of the Vatican City.
I cite this in support of my claim:-
Jesus want's me for a sunbeam, all pine for me.


Sunbeam Alpine.

It was in 15th c England that the conception came to fruition.
In support of this claim I cite Cardinal Wolsey

Cardinal Wolsey


Cardinal Wolseley 15/60
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3051 on: 04/06/2013 09:11:07 »
Edward had sold me a right lemon, so I took it back to him and said "Ed, sell me another."


Edsel - what a lemon!
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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3052 on: 04/06/2013 14:22:25 »
..."at Carn I've oready seen it!"

African carnivores mainly eat fast food.


Odd, I thought carnivores ate road kill. But I won't be truckulent about it.
To avoid becoming another road kill statistic, wild animals must dodge the traffic.
Contrary to popular belief, the motor vehicle was concieved in the early days of the Vatican City.
I cite this in support of my claim:-
Jesus want's me for a sunbeam, all pine for me.


Sunbeam Alpine.

It was in 15th c England that the conception came to fruition.
In support of this claim I cite Cardinal Wolsey

Cardinal Wolsey

Cardinal Wolseley 15/60
Edward had sold me a right lemon, so I took it back to him and said "Ed, sell me another."


Edsel - what a lemon!
..."at Carn I've oready seen it!"

African carnivores mainly eat fast food.


Odd, I thought carnivores ate road kill. But I won't be truckulent about it.



Very funny, Don_1! [:)]








« Last Edit: 04/06/2013 21:46:13 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3053 on: 04/06/2013 20:08:36 »
Besides, you are a thoughtful and caring man.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3054 on: 04/06/2013 21:42:44 »
Contrary to popular belief, the motor vehicle was concieved in the early days of the Vatican City.

I cite this in support of my claim:-
Jesus want's me for a sunbeam, all pine for me.

It was in 15th c England that the conception came to fruition.
In support of this claim I cite Cardinal Wolsey


So THAT's how this company started!

« Last Edit: 04/06/2013 21:48:52 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3055 on: 06/06/2013 11:43:08 »
It now seems that trucks were around before cars. The first, around 2000 yrs ago, was the idea of a bunch of lads who followed a gang leader by the name of Jesus, causing trouble in the Roman colony of Palestine. Though they all had a hand in the design, Peter bilt it. It was painted white, but had no glass, so the driver had to wear a mack. Perhaps they weren't so daft as we thought. With no glass to get dirty, it was easy to scania the road ahead. At the launch of this vehicle, man sized volvo vants and artic rolls were served. But it was not a good seller because few could afford to buy one. Ken, worth a lot of money, was one of the few, as was Dennis, though being a big man, he found it did not give him much elbow room.
« Last Edit: 06/06/2013 11:45:36 by Don_1 »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3056 on: 06/06/2013 11:49:10 »
"Sic transit gloria mundi", as those Romans used to say.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3057 on: 06/06/2013 12:04:19 »
Speaking of Gloria, I'm sure you are all wondering when the next bit of eye candy will be coming along. Well, wonder and wait no more..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYGQskpYBKU
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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3058 on: 06/06/2013 16:32:54 »
Speaking of Gloria, I'm sure you are all wondering when the next bit of eye candy will be coming along. Well, wonder and wait no more..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYGQskpYBKU

Oh, Don_1, come on, people are just not that patient! You must at least give people a teaser -- a sneak preview -- before they click on YouTube!

« Last Edit: 06/06/2013 16:46:12 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3059 on: 06/06/2013 18:24:15 »



Stone the crows! I don't remember Ginger Rogers like this in 'Singing in the Rain'. No doubt Fred Astair must have felt quite elevated at this site.

You may now escalate or otherwise lift this post to a new level.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3060 on: 06/06/2013 20:23:16 »

Stone the crows! I don't remember Ginger Rogers like this in 'Singing in the Rain'. No doubt Fred Astaire must have felt quite elevated at this site.




We must update Ginger Rogers Singing' graphics!
« Last Edit: 06/06/2013 20:34:16 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3061 on: 06/06/2013 23:15:54 »
........ must have felt quite elevated at this site. XXXXXXXXXXXXX Score F minus.

Well, I feel ashamed. Look at that spelling.

I shall send myself to the bottom of the class. Write one hundred lines of:
"I cite my poor spelling of the notice outside the building site as a sight for sore eyes."
« Last Edit: 06/06/2013 23:23:31 by Don_1 »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3062 on: 07/06/2013 00:12:05 »
........ must have felt quite elevated at this site. XXXXXXXXXXXXX Score F minus.

Well, I feel ashamed. Look at that spelling.

I shall send myself to the bottom of the class. Write one hundred lines of:
"I cite my poor spelling of the notice outside the building site as a [edit] sight site for sore eyes."

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3063 on: 07/06/2013 00:57:00 »
Starts In Only 2 more days!
June 9-16 (Week That has the 12th In It), is:
National Automotive Service Professionals Week

Only 2 more days!! Are we prepared with any CAR puns????
« Last Edit: 07/06/2013 01:10:06 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3064 on: 07/06/2013 01:03:29 »
Starts In Only 2 more days!
June 9-16 (Week That has the 12th In It), is:
National Automotive Service Professionals Week

Only 2 more days!! Are we prepared with any CAR puns????

I shall put my thinking cap on and try not to blow a gasket working out a few. I am sure we will all triumph in the big end.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3065 on: 07/06/2013 01:14:05 »

Thank Card! I KNEW you'd come through, Don_1.

Whew. Just in timer, too.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3066 on: 07/06/2013 02:03:19 »
"Sic transit gloria mundi", as those Romans used to say.

« Last Edit: 07/06/2013 02:16:32 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3067 on: 07/06/2013 03:33:53 »
Contrary to popular belief, the motor vehicle was concieved in the early days of the Vatican City.

I cite this in support of my claim:-
Jesus want's me for a sunbeam, all pine for me.


Of course! NOW I understand why this icon is in almost every church window in Detroit!



And I bet the Japanese carmakers paid Him a fortune to endorse Honda Accord (does it drive on water? Will it make cans of motor oil appear magically whenever needed? If the car dies, will it be resurrected at Easter???) Inquiring minds wanna know.








« Last Edit: 07/06/2013 05:35:37 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3068 on: 07/06/2013 21:58:56 »
I saw a burning moggy trying to put the flames out with its tongue eventually turn into a dog!

It was a cat alit lick converter.
« Last Edit: 07/06/2013 22:00:28 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3069 on: 07/06/2013 22:05:15 »

Of course! NOW I understand why this icon is in almost every church window in Detroit!





I think this is a load of poo, manure, crap, turds, detroitus.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3070 on: 07/06/2013 22:20:45 »

And I bet the Japanese carmakers paid Him a fortune to endorse Honda Accord (does it drive on water? Will it make cans of motor oil appear magically whenever needed? If the car dies, will it be resurrected at Easter???) Inquiring minds wanna know.



Guess what I saw hon da way to church today.


...does it drive on water?


Of course it does. (I am fib ian, of course)


Will it make cans of motor oil appear magically whenever needed?


Better than that: It turns them into saké.


If the car dies, will it be resurrected at Easter???



According to popular belief, yes, but if so I shall be most Impreza.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3071 on: 07/06/2013 22:34:04 »
I bought my wife a Jaguar the other day, it ripped her pieces.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3072 on: 07/06/2013 22:36:31 »

Of course! NOW I understand why this icon is in almost every church window in Detroit!





I think this is a load of poo, manure, crap, turds, detroitus.

Perhaps. But meanwhile, John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.


« Last Edit: 07/06/2013 22:51:57 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3073 on: 07/06/2013 22:48:11 »
I bought my wife a Jaguar the other day, it ripped her pieces.

I would do as Donnah always suggests: check for Contract Claws.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3074 on: 07/06/2013 23:00:29 »

Will it make cans of motor oil appear magically whenever needed?


Better than that: It turns them into saké.


That's right! As He often was quoted, "Oil be your spirit, in flesh (bread) and blood (fer gawd's saké)"

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3075 on: 07/06/2013 23:08:22 »
...does it drive on water?
Of course it does. (I am fib ian, of course)




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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3076 on: 08/06/2013 18:49:55 »
[attachment=17775][attachment=post_tmp_8668_0]
« Last Edit: 08/06/2013 18:53:09 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3077 on: 08/06/2013 18:52:35 »


When I said 'fill her up', this wasn't quite what I had in mind.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3078 on: 08/06/2013 18:56:13 »


Now that's what I call a bubble car.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3079 on: 08/06/2013 19:06:25 »
[attachment=17777][attachment=post_tmp_8668_0]
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3080 on: 08/06/2013 20:15:58 »
[attachment=17779][attachment=post_tmp_8668_0]
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3081 on: 08/06/2013 23:08:25 »

Go, Don_1!
« Last Edit: 08/06/2013 23:21:30 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3082 on: 10/06/2013 12:05:34 »


Now that's what I call a bubble car.

Once, when I worked in the gum factory,  I fell in a vat of bubblegum.

My boss had to chew me out.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3083 on: 10/06/2013 12:13:56 »
[attachment=17777][attachment=post_tmp_8668_0]

I would prefer a less in-depth car wash, personally. Even one as bad as this:

« Last Edit: 11/06/2013 06:05:01 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3084 on: 10/06/2013 12:33:46 »


When I said 'fill her up', this wasn't quite what I had in mind.

I personally prefer more modern methods to "fill her up", including an accurate meter that shows exactly how much gas you purchase @ 22 and 1/2 cents per gallon!






If I had Don_1's graphic skills, I would circle "Fill 'er up!"


edit: "her" or "er" in the phrase "Fill her up" refers to the car.

NOT the woman!



« Last Edit: 12/06/2013 05:38:20 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3085 on: 11/06/2013 01:23:47 »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3086 on: 11/06/2013 03:07:58 »


Why is he looking upward? Do you think his father bought him the car? Or did he just co-sign the loan papers?





« Last Edit: 11/06/2013 05:20:46 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3087 on: 11/06/2013 05:42:08 »
[attachment=17775][attachment=post_tmp_8668_0]

40 years of Nagging Excellence awarded!



« Last Edit: 11/06/2013 05:59:57 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3088 on: 13/06/2013 12:11:25 »
This coming Saturday, June 15, 2013, is:
Queen's [UK] Official Birthday



The queen's favourite chef was knighted Sir Loin.

Many people stand up for royalty, but the queen sits down for royal tea.





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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3089 on: 13/06/2013 12:26:02 »
June, 2013, is:
International Men's Month

Some random thoughts:

Would men who make draperies be called Curt and Rod?

Most males in a men's room are stand-up guys.

Do garbage men mostly talk trash?

Florence Nightingale had many suitors because men liked to go with the Flo.

« Last Edit: 13/06/2013 12:40:03 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3090 on: 18/06/2013 16:55:51 »
Sorry I took a long time to respond to this Demo, I must be one of the men o' pause.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3091 on: 18/06/2013 17:01:22 »
I was about to plant out some seedlings when 'er indoors swiped my dibble.

"Oi!" I exclaimed, "That's mine and women can't use them anyway, bloody cheek."

She retorted, "Since when was this a man dibble?"
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3092 on: 18/06/2013 17:07:00 »
The women stood shoulder to shoulder to stop the G8 meeting from taking place, but they were failing until one large strong man joined them. "Oh look," said Anna* "Now we really are a bloke aid."


*Not her again.
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3093 on: 18/06/2013 17:12:45 »
A quick witted postal worker, trained in first aid, rushed to the assistance of a pregnant woman who's waters broke while she was in a supermarket. Moments later, the postal worker gave the mother her new born baby boy.

Headline reads:

Postal worker delivers male.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3094 on: 23/06/2013 06:34:47 »
Postal worker delivers male.

A slow postal worker would thus deliver male men o' pause.


« Last Edit: 23/06/2013 06:41:36 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3095 on: 23/06/2013 06:50:58 »
Sorry I took a long time to respond to this Demo, I must be one of the men o' pause.

« Last Edit: 23/06/2013 06:55:10 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3096 on: 23/06/2013 13:39:12 »
I was about to plant out some seedlings when 'er indoors swiped my dibble.

"Oi!" I exclaimed, "That's mine and women can't use them anyway, bloody cheek."

She retorted, "Since when was this a man dibble?"


MANDIBLE:“ to be assigned to work at the mechanical bull in a bar ”

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3097 on: 23/06/2013 14:02:44 »
The women stood shoulder to shoulder to stop the G8 meeting from taking place, but they were failing until one large strong man joined them. "Oh look," said Anna* "Now we really are a bloke aid."


*Not her again.

Sadly, my quest for oranges was fruitless.

Why are oranges in short supply?

I believe there’s a navel blockade.

You mean a naval blockade, don’t you?

No, they’re blockading navel oranges on the highways, not on the waterways, so it’s not a naval navel blockade.




from http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/tag/puns/page/5/




« Last Edit: 23/06/2013 15:21:53 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3098 on: 24/06/2013 17:32:28 »
Oranges with belly button's are called navel oranges. Lemons which help them are called lemon aide's.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3099 on: 24/06/2013 17:40:23 »

The queen's favourite chef was knighted Sir Loin.


Not so daft as it sounds..... Arise Sir Loin of Beef.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.