Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3150 on: 28/06/2013 12:19:22 »
The proctologist is...an ass, etc.
But if things go wrong, he'll usually rectify the situation.
You keep away from me........ HELP! Let me outa here!!!!

Don't worry, Don_1, the proctologist finally just now quit his job because it gave him tunnel vision.

« Last Edit: 28/06/2013 12:43:29 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3151 on: 28/06/2013 14:31:58 »
I knew he'd crack up eventually.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3152 on: 28/06/2013 14:47:28 »
Of course you know he had been moonlighting as a croupier in a global drug and hygiene conglomerate's private casino where he was known as 'Proctologist & gamble'.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3153 on: 28/06/2013 15:04:35 »
'Proctologist & gamble'
LOL!

               Proctology
Las Vegas, NV Gaming Board???

« Last Edit: 28/06/2013 17:21:29 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3154 on: 28/06/2013 15:11:33 »
His wife is selling off all his old equipment on eBay:

Item #1

Miners helmet with lamp.

Item #2

Gas Mask

Item #3

Tyre Levers

Item #4
[attachment=17807]
Canary
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3155 on: 28/06/2013 15:23:01 »
I knew [the proctologist would] crack up eventually.

Was that just a wild ass guess?

« Last Edit: 28/06/2013 17:09:03 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3156 on: 28/06/2013 15:30:48 »

Item #4
[attachment=17807]
Canary



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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3157 on: 28/06/2013 15:54:49 »
[attachment=17809][attachment=post_tmp_8668_0]
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3158 on: 28/06/2013 15:59:38 »
I knew [the proctologist would] crack up eventually.

Was that just a wild ass guess?

Oh no, it was written in the stars.
« Last Edit: 28/06/2013 16:01:28 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3159 on: 28/06/2013 17:12:32 »
I knew [the proctologist would] crack up eventually.

Was that just a wild ass guess?

Oh no, it was written in the stars.


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3160 on: 28/06/2013 17:15:35 »
[attachment=17809][attachment=post_tmp_8668_0]

The cat has a code cold?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3161 on: 28/06/2013 17:31:03 »
At the cattle market a farmer was looking for something a little different to give him the edge over his dairy competitors.

When the branding iron was invented cattle were very impressed.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3162 on: 28/06/2013 17:40:46 »
June, 2013, is:
Effective Communications Month

Poor communication...kills!

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3163 on: 29/06/2013 00:37:35 »
One of the most effective communications I know of can be made with just one finger......................



I type slowly with one finger because I know you don't read too quick.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3164 on: 29/06/2013 00:42:59 »
I knew [the proctologist would] crack up eventually.

Was that just a wild ass guess?

Oh no, it was written in the stars.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Tight as a ducks _____.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3165 on: 29/06/2013 01:29:09 »
It is said that Alexander G. Bell made the greatest advance in communications when he made the first telephone. Not so; it was the person who made the second telephone who was really on the ball.

[attachment=17811]
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3166 on: 29/06/2013 03:19:14 »
Wheel keep that in mind.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3167 on: 29/06/2013 10:30:42 »
I knew [the proctologist would] crack up eventually.

Was that just a wild ass guess?

Oh no, it was written in the stars.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Tight as a duck's _____

In my teens, a "DA" (for duck's ass) hairstyle was extremely popular:



« Last Edit: 29/06/2013 15:35:49 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3168 on: 29/06/2013 10:37:31 »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3169 on: 29/06/2013 10:48:41 »
It is said that Alexander G. Bell made the greatest advance in communications when he made the first telephone. Not so; it was the person who made the second telephone who was really on the ball.

[attachment=17811]

Wat's on your mind?

« Last Edit: 30/06/2013 18:18:02 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3170 on: 29/06/2013 20:56:55 »
I'll never tele.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3171 on: 30/06/2013 05:50:49 »
We have ways of making you tele. We know where you post.

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3172 on: 30/06/2013 18:53:10 »
Switched from English to Western riding.  No posting here.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3173 on: 30/06/2013 21:07:05 »
Switched from English to Western riding.  No posting here.

I've planted part of a riding whip. I'm hoping for a nice crop.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3174 on: 01/07/2013 15:24:52 »

Item #3

Tyre Levers

I'm afraid to ask: what are your Tyre Levers for??

« Last Edit: 01/07/2013 20:51:33 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3175 on: 05/07/2013 22:14:53 »
That's en-tyre-ly up to Don_1.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline bizerl

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3176 on: 07/07/2013 23:31:49 »
You'd better tread carefully, you don't want to sound too flat.

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3177 on: 08/07/2013 00:38:11 »
I'll spare the sarcasm; wouldn't want to rubber the wrong way Jack.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3178 on: 08/07/2013 01:34:03 »
This doesn't tire me at all. Please continue.

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3179 on: 16/07/2013 22:51:21 »
I'm not a squealer.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3180 on: 17/07/2013 02:14:49 »
I hope this doesn't come to a screeching halt!

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3181 on: 18/07/2013 01:44:01 »
We seem to be at a crossroad.  Time for a brake.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3182 on: 19/07/2013 01:40:57 »
You're right. You're no squealer, so it's not right to just go race ahead.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3183 on: 23/07/2013 15:33:09 »
I see this tyre pun has become inflated. I shall need to beware of re-treading your steps, because that wheely wont do.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3184 on: 23/07/2013 15:36:44 »
Would someone be so good as to tell me which is the hub pun? I'll need to know if I am to get a grip of the situation
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3185 on: 25/07/2013 13:10:16 »

Damned if I know, Don_1. See how lost and disorganized and fragmented and scattered and frightened and isolated we are without you? [;D]

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3186 on: 25/07/2013 13:16:23 »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3187 on: 27/07/2013 18:30:59 »

Damned if I know, Don_1. See how lost and disorganized and fragmented and scattered and frightened and isolated we are without you? [;D]

Oh come come now, you flatter me.

Or should that read, 'you fatter me'? Not that I'm a pig, or anything like that
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3188 on: 27/07/2013 18:36:27 »
Is a phlebotomist a proctologist who is obsessed by infestations of Pulex irritans?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3189 on: 27/07/2013 18:42:20 »
My uncle suffers from Hay Fever rather badly because he was always too late taking his pills. I told my aunty his timing is just no good at all.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3190 on: 28/07/2013 19:05:48 »
My uncle suffers from Hay Fever rather badly because he was always too late taking his pills. I told my aunty his timing is just no good at all.

Yes, very true. Allergy sufferers are itching to get through the hay fever season.

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Offline bizerl

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3191 on: 29/07/2013 04:22:54 »
My GP told my wife and I about a new hayfever trial. I told him "Sign us up!"

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3192 on: 29/07/2013 16:40:17 »
Sinus problems blow.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3193 on: 29/07/2013 16:56:26 »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3194 on: 30/07/2013 15:37:53 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3195 on: 30/07/2013 16:04:29 »
Taking lunch with an associate of mine in France a while ago, I said to him I had a need to point Percy at the porcelain, water the Pyjama Python, take a leak (whatever you want to call it), before the sweet was served. As he is fluent in French, I followed his instruction; beckoning the waiter, I asked him 'Where is the lavvy?' The waiter looked at me questioningly, as did my associate.

"Lavvy Monsieur?" The waiter enquired.

"Lavvy?" My associate echoed.

"Well, you told me to 'say lavvy'," I retorted.

My associate, dumbfounded, explained, "I commented, in the French colloquialism, 'Such is life', not 'say lavvy'."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3196 on: 30/07/2013 16:10:53 »
Noses run in our family.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3197 on: 31/07/2013 03:15:11 »

Noses run in our family.

The charges of the otolaryngologist were exorbitant, I had to pay through the nose!

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Offline bizerl

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3198 on: 01/08/2013 04:45:33 »
I knew a man who was good at smelling, but he had nose sense.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3199 on: 01/08/2013 21:29:05 »