Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3450 on: 30/11/2013 21:14:22 »
In the jewelery shop:

Which one would Sir care to look at?

That one on the very end, if you please.

Ah! The far ring Don was looking at.
Just looking, not fingering?


« Last Edit: 01/12/2013 14:42:10 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3451 on: 01/12/2013 14:39:29 »
So sorry, that pun was a bit on the cheap side.

Is there an expensive side?
« Last Edit: 01/12/2013 14:51:32 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3452 on: 02/12/2013 18:10:56 »
In the jewelery shop:

Which one would Sir care to look at?

That one on the very end, if you please.

Ah! The far ring Don was looking at.
Just looking, not fingering?




Will you stop hanging teatowels there!!!

« Last Edit: 02/12/2013 18:20:24 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3453 on: 02/12/2013 18:15:32 »
So sorry, that pun was a bit on the cheap side.

Is there an expensive side?

Oh yes, so expensive and snobbish people even put a hat on their Garden

Not to mention dear park
« Last Edit: 02/12/2013 18:24:27 by Don_1 »
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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3454 on: 02/12/2013 22:02:57 »
So sorry, that pun was a bit on the cheap side.

Is there an expensive side?

Oh yes, so expensive and snobbish people even put a hat on their Garden



What do you call the Garden Police?

Lawn and Order.


« Last Edit: 02/12/2013 22:11:12 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3455 on: 03/12/2013 11:59:55 »
I had to call the police to my garden because some of the flowers were stalking me, they just wouldn't leaf me alone. A detective rooted out the offenders and scent them to jail.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3456 on: 04/12/2013 05:56:32 »
I had to call the police to my garden because some of the flowers were stalking me, they just wouldn't leaf me alone. A detective rooted out the offenders and scent them to jail.

Don_1, only thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3457 on: 04/12/2013 10:58:42 »
I had to call the police to my garden because some of the flowers were stalking me, they just wouldn't leaf me alone. A detective rooted out the offenders and scent them to jail.

Don_1, only thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.


No shortage of that around here!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3458 on: 05/12/2013 00:39:55 »




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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3459 on: 05/12/2013 04:51:33 »
December, 2013 is:
National Tie Month





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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3460 on: 05/12/2013 12:36:55 »
Will the President be making an appearance today?

Aye ham shure yoou vill be vlad to hchear zat zer pchreesident vill be hcheer to ansver yoour qveschuns schortlee. Hche iss jusst putin on hchiss tie.




End of part one.     to be continued....
« Last Edit: 05/12/2013 12:42:25 by Don_1 »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3461 on: 05/12/2013 12:41:04 »
Should we bow to this month then? I bet they'll be pleased in Windsor, well, at least half of them might be.
« Last Edit: 05/12/2013 13:01:31 by Don_1 »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3462 on: 05/12/2013 12:45:41 »
Part two......

Is the President coming or not?

Pchleeese be payschunt, hche iss jusst dohing up hchiss boot laces.


End of part two.     to be continued.......
« Last Edit: 05/12/2013 12:49:47 by Don_1 »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3463 on: 05/12/2013 12:47:30 »
I entered a competition to see who could do up their neckwear fastest, but it was a tie.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3464 on: 05/12/2013 12:52:57 »
Part three.


Hchi am veery soorey ghentleemans, za Pchrezident vill noht be ayble to zee yoou tohday hafterhall.


I knew it, we've been stitched up like a kipper.


The End.
« Last Edit: 05/12/2013 13:08:28 by Don_1 »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3465 on: 05/12/2013 13:05:07 »
The big problem with the world these days is nepotism and the 'old school tie' network.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3466 on: 05/12/2013 13:28:03 »
In 2011 in Germany, the tie wearer of the year received a stainless steel tie made by......

ThyssenKrupp.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3467 on: 05/12/2013 14:19:36 »
"How To Tie A Tie" Necktie

« Last Edit: 05/12/2013 14:30:31 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3468 on: 05/12/2013 14:27:35 »
I entered a competition to see who could do up their neckwear fastest, but it was a tie.

Don_1, a visiting dictator was really upset about your neckwear competition tie.

What a tie rant.


« Last Edit: 05/12/2013 21:32:31 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3469 on: 05/12/2013 15:03:34 »

Hche iss jusst putin on hchiss tie.


Or iss hche jusst...



« Last Edit: 05/12/2013 15:07:44 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3470 on: 06/12/2013 03:19:59 »

Is the President coming or not?

Pchleeese be payschunt, hche iss jusst dohing up hchiss boot laces.



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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3471 on: 06/12/2013 05:09:30 »

Hche iss jusst putin on hchiss tie.


Or iss hche jusst...





Well, I can't top that.
« Last Edit: 06/12/2013 05:11:08 by Don_1 »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3472 on: 06/12/2013 05:15:50 »
Ah! Good old Fred Astair, they don't make 'em like that any more, it seems to be escalat or be damned.
« Last Edit: 06/12/2013 05:17:37 by Don_1 »
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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3473 on: 07/12/2013 01:09:06 »
Ah! Good old Fred Astair, they don't make 'em like that any more, it seems to be escalat or be damned.

I had amnesia and couldn't remember how to walk up the stairs, so I had to go back and learn step by step.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3474 on: 07/12/2013 10:08:58 »
I'm surprised you remember that.

Did you ask your therapist "Am knees 'ere the best option when stair climbing?"
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3475 on: 07/12/2013 10:11:11 »
I don't want to bring back painful memories, so I'll take care to tread carefully and try not to stare at you.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3476 on: 07/12/2013 10:15:31 »
I thought we needed a young lad 'ere to help Demo climb, so I rung the hospital.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3477 on: 07/12/2013 18:52:47 »
Ah! Good old Fred Astair, they don't make 'em like that any more, it seems to be escalat or be damned.

I had amnesia and couldn't remember how to walk up the stairs, so I had to go back and learn step by step.
I'm surprised you remember that.

Did you ask your therapist "Am knees 'ere the best option when stair climbing?"

I did.

My therapist's reply:

"Forget it!"



« Last Edit: 07/12/2013 21:42:58 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3478 on: 07/12/2013 19:00:14 »
I thought we needed a young lad 'ere to help Demo climb, so I rung the hospital.

This reminds me of the time when I was up high on a ladder and I saw a beautiful girl below.

I fell for her.


« Last Edit: 07/12/2013 21:05:11 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3479 on: 07/12/2013 22:48:57 »

I fell for her.


I hope you didn't damage your ardour!!!!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3480 on: 07/12/2013 22:50:20 »

I fell for her.


I hope you didn't damage your ardour!!!!

So very sorry, that's got nothing to do with punning, that's just plain & simple smut.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3481 on: 07/12/2013 22:55:58 »
That's perfectly all right.

My ardor is intact [;D]

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3482 on: 07/12/2013 22:58:13 »
Ego: only slightly bruised [:)]

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3483 on: 07/12/2013 23:36:13 »
I thought we needed a young lad 'ere to help Demo climb, so I rung the hospital.

Hmmm. That has a familiar ring to it.

I'm not sure if I've heard that hospital chime before, but it rings a bell.


« Last Edit: 07/12/2013 23:44:59 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3484 on: 07/12/2013 23:54:16 »
Ring Ring!


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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3485 on: 08/12/2013 00:39:44 »
Good gracious! Its a jellyphone. Must be for the hard of hearing............
"Look, you'll have to speak up, I'm a triffle deaf."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3486 on: 08/12/2013 00:42:05 »
That's perfectly all right.

My ardor is intact [;D]

My ardour is in tact too, but it is a tad softer these days.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3487 on: 08/12/2013 05:38:10 »
That's perfectly all right.

My ardor is intact [;D]

My ardour is in tact too, but it is a tad softer these days.

I once got hit in the head with a can of soda.

I was lucky it was a soft drink.


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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3488 on: 08/12/2013 15:26:03 »
So da can be bad for your teeth.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3489 on: 08/12/2013 16:45:27 »
ENGLISH:ENGLISH TRANSLATION 101


That's perfectly all right.

My ardor [US] is intact

My ardour [UK] is in tact...

« Last Edit: 08/12/2013 17:21:49 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3490 on: 08/12/2013 17:10:50 »
So da can be bad for your teeth.



« Last Edit: 08/12/2013 17:14:11 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3491 on: 08/12/2013 23:08:37 »
I had a soft drink while catching up on the ironing.

It was soda pressing.


« Last Edit: 08/12/2013 23:10:20 by demografx »

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Offline bizerl

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3492 on: 08/12/2013 23:25:25 »
Ah! Good old Fred Astair, they don't make 'em like that any more, it seems to be escalat or be damned.

Thanks Don, that pun gave me a real lift.

Did you know if you give a duck soda, they become forever pheasant?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3493 on: 09/12/2013 00:07:45 »


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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3494 on: 09/12/2013 11:23:55 »

Did you know if you give a duck soda, they become forever pheasant?


Yes indeed, but they don't half grouse about it.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3495 on: 09/12/2013 11:36:51 »
I had a soft drink while catching up on the ironing.

It was soda pressing.




I hope you met all the chalanges this requires and when you were done you put it in the airing cupboard. You'd better have made a good job of it, Mrs Demo will not be pleased if there are steel creases in the clothes.

The last time I did some ironing, I was getting it all wrong and began to sweat profusely. The missus hurled expletives at me, saying "You're a tit an' u hum". She then gave a clip around the ear and my arse a nick.

This was blatant husband beating, so I called the coppers.
« Last Edit: 09/12/2013 11:50:17 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3496 on: 09/12/2013 11:53:54 »
Ah! Good old Fred Astair, they don't make 'em like that any more, it seems to be escalat or be damned.

Thanks Don, that pun gave me a real lift.


I see it as my job to elevat or be damned.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3497 on: 09/12/2013 11:55:46 »
I had a soft drink while catching up on the ironing.

It was soda pressing.




Tip for the day.

If you feel depressed you need deep rest.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3498 on: 09/12/2013 17:42:17 »



« Last Edit: 24/01/2014 05:26:57 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3499 on: 09/12/2013 20:34:42 »
I had a soft drink while catching up on the ironing.

It was soda pressing.




I hope you met all the chalanges this requires and when you were done you put it in the airing cupboard. You'd better have made a good job of it, Mrs Demo will not be pleased if there are steel creases in the clothes.

The last time I did some ironing, I was getting it all wrong and began to sweat profusely. The missus hurled expletives at me, saying "You're a tit an' u hum". She then gave a clip around the ear and my arse a nick.

This was blatant husband beating, so I called the coppers.

Don_1 wins yet another Irony Ironing Award!! <applause cue to freebie audience!>

« Last Edit: 10/12/2013 23:49:35 by demografx »