Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3500 on: 10/12/2013 23:52:37 »

Mrs Demo will not be pleased if there are steel creases in the clothes.


Mrs Demo bought this drum for a great price, it was a steel.





« Last Edit: 11/12/2013 00:56:12 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3501 on: 14/12/2013 14:10:23 »
Curses! Mrs Demo beat me to it. Now I feel ensnared into replying. Of course you ket tle sorts of drums down tim pani alley, where I understand Mrs Demo aquired this drum. After some time browsing she said
"I've cym ball the drums available and now, as per cousin Cedric's advice have made my choice."
As she entered the shop, the sales man said,
"Hi, can I help you?"
Mrs Demo said,
"Hi that drum there, I would like to buy it for my old git husband. He will be playing it at a farewell party for his sister before she goes to the West Indies."
The salesman said,
"Jamaica?"
"No," retorted Mrs Demo, "She's going of her own accord."
"How did you find us Mrs Demo?"
"It was easy, I thought oil look you up on my tom-tom."
"Why don't you gar min to the office while wrap the drum?" Better still, I'll put it in a box. We don't the drum to roll away when you put it down.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3502 on: 14/12/2013 21:01:01 »
Curses! Mrs Demo beat me to it. Now I feel ensnared into replying. Of course you ket tle sorts of drums down tim pani alley, where I understand Mrs Demo aquired this drum. After some time browsing she said
"I've cym ball the drums available and now, as per cousin Cedric's advice have made my choice."
As she entered the shop, the sales man said,
"Hi, can I help you?"
Mrs Demo said,
"Hi that drum there, I would like to buy it for my old git husband. He will be playing it at a farewell party for his sister before she goes to the West Indies."
The salesman said,
"Jamaica?"
"No," retorted Mrs Demo, "She's going of her own accord."
"How did you find us Mrs Demo?"
"It was easy, I thought oil look you up on my tom-tom."
"Why don't you gar min to the office while wrap the drum?" Better still, I'll put it in a box. We don't the drum to roll away when you put it down.

Don_1 wins this T-Shirt Award for Punning Excellence in the Drum Banging Dept.!


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3503 on: 17/12/2013 07:03:13 »

As per cousin Cedric's advice I have made my choice."


The consequence of playing drums often is re-percussions.


« Last Edit: 17/12/2013 07:06:35 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3504 on: 17/12/2013 07:22:55 »

"Jamaica?"
"No," retorted Mrs Demo, "She's going of her own accord."








« Last Edit: 24/01/2014 06:07:05 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3505 on: 19/12/2013 22:36:32 »
Tomorrow, December 20, is:
National Sangria Day
http://www.nationalsangriaday.com/

Sangria is a blood color. (Sangre means blood!)

We need math, not Sangria! (That's how to get an A+ blood reading) :)


« Last Edit: 19/12/2013 22:40:07 by demografx »

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Offline bizerl

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3506 on: 19/12/2013 22:58:05 »
If you pass out during a blood transfusion, you need rhesusitation. Then people send you a card(io) and flowers in a vase(cular).

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3507 on: 19/12/2013 23:21:45 »
If you pass out during a blood transfusion, you need rhesusitation. Then people send you a card(io) and flowers in a vase(cular).

Some cardiologists are heartless.


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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3508 on: 23/12/2013 10:43:14 »
My chiropodist is foot loose & fancy free. Alas 'free' does not, however, describe his treatment.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline alancalverd

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3509 on: 23/12/2013 17:01:56 »
Does he play footnotes on a shoehorn? Or is that a load of old cobblers?
helping to stem the tide of ignorance

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3510 on: 23/12/2013 22:27:23 »
My chiropodist is foot loose & fancy free. Alas 'free' does not, however, describe his treatment.

How absurd! He expects you to foot the bill???
[:0]

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3511 on: 24/12/2013 04:30:48 »
Does he play footnotes on a shoehorn? Or is that a load of old cobblers?

A Demonic Cat Cobbler

« Last Edit: 24/12/2013 04:32:49 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3512 on: 24/12/2013 08:08:20 »
My chiropodist is foot loose & fancy free. Alas 'free' does not, however, describe his treatment.

How absurd! He expects you to foot the bill???
[:0]

Not only that, he expects me to toe the line.

I don't want to play ball with him any more, hee'l only let me down.
« Last Edit: 24/12/2013 08:15:33 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3513 on: 24/12/2013 08:09:38 »
Does he play footnotes on a shoehorn? Or is that a load of old cobblers?

No, no, its quite true, and very soleful he plays to boot.

His music can be very toe nail.

He does expect other players to keep in step with him.
« Last Edit: 24/12/2013 08:16:32 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3514 on: 24/12/2013 08:18:55 »
He has always said, his favourite composer is Schubert.

He will always play a piece by him toe cap off a gig.

Yes, he is, without doubt, a very straight laced person.
« Last Edit: 24/12/2013 08:22:20 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3515 on: 24/12/2013 08:38:14 »
Eye let you add to the above puns as you see fit, just don't poke your tongue out at me.

As for myself, I'm off for the Xmas holidays to restock my pun cupboard. Though there may be many a pun lurking in the dark corners, the fact is, they don't last forever.

So I bid you a happy Xmas holiday and a puntificacious new year. May your God(s) be with you.

Hohoho...........
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3516 on: 24/12/2013 21:18:26 »
Arch you putting a stocking up for Santa?
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3517 on: 27/12/2013 07:37:23 »

Arch you putting a stocking up for Santa?


I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil.

All my presents came from Amazon this year.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3518 on: 27/12/2013 21:58:06 »
My chiropodist is foot loose & fancy free. Alas 'free' does not, however, describe his treatment.

How absurd! He expects you to foot the bill???
[:0]

Not only that, he expects me to toe the line.

I don't want to play ball with him any more, hee'l only let me down.

We all kneel to your decision!

« Last Edit: 27/12/2013 21:59:55 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3519 on: 27/12/2013 22:07:39 »
Does he play footnotes on a shoe horn? Or is that a load of old cobblers?


He has always said, his favourite composer is Schubert.


But they say that Schumann is da mann.


« Last Edit: 27/12/2013 22:11:28 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3520 on: 31/12/2013 20:22:01 »
My friend, Diatrist, doesn't have a note to his name.  Po' Diatrist.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3521 on: 02/01/2014 01:46:40 »
My friend, Diatrist, doesn't have a note to his name.  Po' Diatrist.

Po'Diatrist = Convicted Saudi shop lifter who must eat from a gazunder.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3522 on: 02/01/2014 01:49:32 »
Does he play footnotes on a shoe horn? Or is that a load of old cobblers?


He has always said, his favourite composer is Schubert.


But they say that Schumann is da mann.




Schu maker
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3523 on: 02/01/2014 01:53:08 »
Quote from Paris:
"Aye kill his heel".
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3524 on: 02/01/2014 01:54:57 »
Happy new year to one & all.

Now, let's all have a new year punch up!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3525 on: 02/01/2014 02:13:22 »

Happy new year to one & all.

Now, let's all have a new year punch up!


My new year's resolution - -  as a bankrupt gardener - - is  to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia.



« Last Edit: 02/01/2014 02:35:00 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3526 on: 02/01/2014 13:29:09 »

Happy new year to one & all.

Now, let's all have a new year punch up!


My new year's resolution - -  as a bankrupt gardener - - is  to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia.

"Hiya dranger"
"Hiya Cynthia"
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3527 on: 02/01/2014 13:32:33 »
My new year resolution is to make more glue, and I intend on sticking to it.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3528 on: 02/01/2014 21:46:09 »


« Last Edit: 24/01/2014 05:28:08 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3529 on: 02/01/2014 21:48:59 »

My new year resolution is to make more glue, and I intend on sticking to it.


I didn't tell Mrs. Demo that I ate some of that tasty glue you made.

My lips are sealed.





« Last Edit: 04/01/2014 22:59:08 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3530 on: 02/01/2014 22:05:14 »
January, 2014 is:
Get Organized Month

Breaking News - Angry Villagers Organize. Storm White House.



« Last Edit: 03/01/2014 03:03:00 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3531 on: 03/01/2014 03:14:36 »

"Hiya dranger"


Hydrangea quercifolia - - 'Harmony'

 
or


Golden Needle Hydrangea - Hydrangea aspera - - 'Golden Needle'

WHICH ONE?????
[;D]





 
« Last Edit: 04/01/2014 22:57:01 by demografx »

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Offline Aemilius

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3532 on: 15/01/2014 06:29:58 »
Did you hear the one about the Dendrite? It had an Axon to grind!
« Last Edit: 21/01/2014 23:27:12 by Aemilius »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3533 on: 15/01/2014 16:12:19 »

"Hiya dranger"


Hydrangea quercifolia - - 'Harmony'

 
or


Golden Needle Hydrangea - Hydrangea aspera - - 'Golden Needle'

WHICH ONE?????
[;D]


As pera hydrageas go, these two are well suited.

Despite all the rain, walking through the woods, I noticed there's now drops around.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3534 on: 15/01/2014 16:24:27 »
Working in Paris last week at the Musée national de la Marine, I am rué to report that my best pun effort was (looking toward the Eiffel Tower), If that was made of sponge & jelly would it be called the triffel tower?

I think I'm going inSeine.
« Last Edit: 15/01/2014 16:26:52 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3535 on: 15/01/2014 16:29:45 »
By the way, can anyone enlighten me? Why could I find no mention of Trafalgar & Nelson at the Musée national de la Marine???
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3536 on: 16/01/2014 05:20:38 »

I think I'm going inSeine.



If you jump off a Paris bridge, you're in Seine.

« Last Edit: 16/01/2014 05:42:11 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3537 on: 16/01/2014 05:37:58 »

Did you hear the one about the Dendrite? It had an Axon to grind!


Q. What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?

A. "Let's connect!"




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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3538 on: 16/01/2014 08:30:54 »
Good luck celling that line!
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3539 on: 17/01/2014 04:12:24 »


« Last Edit: 24/01/2014 05:28:36 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3540 on: 17/01/2014 04:22:38 »

Despite all the rain, walking through the woods, I noticed there's now drops around.


When I forecast snow in the middle of July, people think I am a bit of a flake.

« Last Edit: 17/01/2014 04:56:14 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3541 on: 18/01/2014 03:10:04 »

As pera hydrageas go, these two are well suited.


As per annoy-ya takes over, these two eventually will come to believe that they are *not* well suited, but are both convinced deep down that each hydragea is diabolically plotting against the other!


« Last Edit: 19/01/2014 23:01:11 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3542 on: 18/01/2014 04:52:58 »

Working in Paris last week at the Musée national de la Marine, I am rué to report that my best pun effort was (looking toward the Eiffel Tower), If that was made of sponge & jelly would it be called the triffel tower?


A jelly truck and a biscuit truck collided yesterday - police are a trifle concerned.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3543 on: 18/01/2014 04:55:57 »

Good luck celling that line!


I was fired from my job selling amplifiers.

I didn't achieve the sufficient volume of sales.

« Last Edit: 19/01/2014 23:01:42 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3544 on: 19/01/2014 19:55:01 »

Working in Paris last week at the Musée national de la Marine, I am rué to report that my best pun effort was (looking toward the Eiffel Tower), If that was made of sponge & jelly would it be called the triffel tower?


A jelly truck and a biscuit truck collided yesterday - police are a trifle concerned.
Which truck creamed the other?
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline bizerl

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3545 on: 19/01/2014 21:19:43 »

Working in Paris last week at the Musée national de la Marine, I am rué to report that my best pun effort was (looking toward the Eiffel Tower), If that was made of sponge & jelly would it be called the triffel tower?


A jelly truck and a biscuit truck collided yesterday - police are a trifle concerned.

I heard it was a bomb, alas. Ka BOOM!

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Offline bizerl

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3546 on: 19/01/2014 21:21:11 »
Did it happen near puddington?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3547 on: 19/01/2014 22:58:54 »

Working in Paris last week at the Musée national de la Marine, I am rué to report that my best pun effort was (looking toward the Eiffel Tower), If that was made of sponge & jelly would it be called the triffel tower?


A jelly truck and a biscuit truck collided yesterday - police are a trifle concerned.
Which truck creamed the other?



« Last Edit: 24/01/2014 06:08:10 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3548 on: 19/01/2014 23:04:15 »
Did it happen near puddington?
Is that in the des(s)ert?
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3549 on: 20/01/2014 13:53:13 »
Sweet thought(s), Donnah! [:)]

« Last Edit: 24/01/2014 06:01:12 by demografx »