Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3850 on: 14/07/2014 13:22:20 »
A local house, said to be haunted, was burnt to the ground. Fire investigators said they had found goul ash in the charred remains.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3851 on: 14/07/2014 13:33:31 »


Looks like a ghoulish wave!


Goulash?

Yes, I do prefer that to steak.

That's tew all over, isn't it! I'm telling you, your for the chop. Come on, I want to hear you tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and no loin.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3852 on: 16/07/2014 05:55:13 »


A local house, said to be  haunted, was burnt to the ground. Fire investigators said they had found goul ash in the charred remains.


But don't forget  that my brother and I collaborated on haunted stories, and he was the ghostwriter.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3853 on: 16/07/2014 06:17:27 »



Looks like a ghoulish wave!


Goulash?

Yes, I do prefer that to steak.


That's tew all over, isn't it! I'm telling you, your for the chop. Come on, I want to hear you tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and no loin.


OK, Don_1, but when it is lumpy I have a  beef with your gravy!

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3854 on: 16/07/2014 10:43:05 »


A local house, said to be  haunted, was burnt to the ground. Fire investigators said they had found goul ash in the charred remains.


But don't forget  that my brother and I collaborated on haunted stories, and he was the ghostwriter.

Ah ha! This explains why you spirited him away.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3855 on: 16/07/2014 10:47:11 »
I wonder, was Phil Specter a ghost writer???
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3856 on: 16/07/2014 10:55:27 »



Looks like a ghoulish wave!


Goulash?

Yes, I do prefer that to steak.


That's tew all over, isn't it! I'm telling you, your for the chop. Come on, I want to hear you tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and no loin.


OK, Don_1, but when it is lumpy I have a  beef with your gravy!

Wow! You've got a sauce.

By the way, was Phil Specter a jeux?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3857 on: 17/07/2014 00:51:30 »


A local house, said to be  haunted, was burnt to the ground. Fire investigators said they had found goul ash in the charred remains.


But don't forget  that my brother and I collaborated on haunted stories, and he was the ghostwriter.

Ah ha! This explains why you spirited him away.


Yes. He was once a depressed exorcist - they're not very good at lifting spirits.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3858 on: 18/07/2014 22:15:55 »

By the way, was Phil Specter a jeux?






« Last Edit: 19/07/2014 05:25:15 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3859 on: 21/07/2014 09:58:55 »
A jeux - Gesundheit!   





That's just a tissue of lies.
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3860 on: 21/07/2014 10:12:41 »
Today is National 'Get out of the Doghouse Day'.

I have increased the font size of that so you ken all see it clearly.

Personally, I see no point in getting out of the dog house today, only to be back in it again tomorrow.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3861 on: 21/07/2014 20:45:53 »
Today is National 'Get out of the Doghouse Day'.

I have increased the font size of that so you ken all see it clearly.

Personally, I see no point in getting out of the dog house today, only to be back in it again tomorrow.



Bell, Bark and Kennel, a novel by Ivan Pavlov, chronicles the growth of the dog house conglomerate known as The Salivation Army.

Dognations accepted.



« Last Edit: 21/07/2014 20:55:13 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3862 on: 21/07/2014 21:16:23 »

A jeux - Gesundheit!   

That's just a tissue of lies.


That accusation is nothing to sneeze at!

« Last Edit: 21/07/2014 22:05:46 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3863 on: 21/07/2014 21:27:02 »
"Ah Chu Gan: Executive Profile & Biography - Businessweek
investing.businessweek.com/.../person.as...
Background*. Mr. Ah Chu Gan serves as Head of financial management of Acoustech Bhd."

He must call special attention to himself when he sneezes!

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3864 on: 22/07/2014 16:21:11 »
Once again, Demo wins the race by a nose.

Join in folks, I'm sure you know the words.......

For sneeze a jolly good fellow, for sneeze a jolly good fellow,
For sneeze a jolly good fellow, and so say all of us.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3865 on: 22/07/2014 16:31:49 »
In Spanish, a sneeze might be described as a storm you dah out of your nose.

Sneeze (Eng) = Estornudar (Esp)

In Germany they say "I'm sniesen."

Norwegians quite like it, describing it as "Quite nyse."

The Swedes are even more keen, describing it as "Much nysa."

Ah ha! Multilingual puns a go-go.
« Last Edit: 22/07/2014 16:48:28 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3866 on: 22/07/2014 16:43:28 »
The Salivation Army.

That's aslobbering a thought as I can think of.
« Last Edit: 22/07/2014 16:50:09 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3867 on: 22/07/2014 16:54:47 »

Yes. He was once a depressed exorcist - they're not very good at lifting spirits.


I slipped as I tried to take the top off my breakfast boiled egg this morning. Now I have an egg saw cist.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3868 on: 22/07/2014 17:01:12 »
Today is National Hammock Day.

I tried to get my neighbours to use the hammock I'd set up in their garden, but they couldn't get in to it and just ended up running hamok.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3869 on: 22/07/2014 17:12:08 »
I am very critical of the pet trade. Just the other day I felt it necessary to admonish a pet shop owner for the state of the rabbit run. "Just look", I said, "there's hay muck all over the place."
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3870 on: 22/07/2014 17:20:37 »
Out for a spot of lunch, I noticed the unusual starter on the menu and called it to my friend's attention.
"Hey! Mock turtle soup." I exclaimed.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3871 on: 22/07/2014 17:24:26 »
I asked Jock if he liked smoked bacon.
He replied, "Ham! Och aye, its a bonny sandwich filler."
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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3872 on: 23/07/2014 01:59:54 »

Norwegians quite like it, describing it as "Quite nyse


NYSE? Why not Nasdaq ???????

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3873 on: 23/07/2014 02:43:01 »
Today is National Hammock Day.

I tried to get my neighbours to use the hammock  I'd set up in their garden, but they couldn't get in to it and just ended up running hamok.


HAMMOCK: Aren't you simply Making fun of a slice of lunch meat ??????

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3874 on: 23/07/2014 02:50:40 »

I asked Jock if he liked smoked bacon.
He replied, "Ham! Och aye, its a bonny sandwich filler."


My famous bacon soup recipe began as an add hock meal.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3875 on: 23/07/2014 08:22:21 »

HAMMOCK: Aren't you simply “ Making fun of a slice of lunch meat ”??????


Perish the thought........
No, no, I assure you I would never do such a cruel thing to any cut of meat, especially a ham hock.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3876 on: 23/07/2014 08:28:11 »

I asked Jock if he liked smoked bacon.
He replied, "Ham! Och aye, its a bonny sandwich filler."


My famous bacon soup recipe began as an add hock meal.


You could get drunk on Granny's soup because she would add hock to it.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3877 on: 23/07/2014 19:33:58 »

I asked Jock if he liked smoked bacon.
He replied, "Ham! Och aye, its a bonny sandwich filler."


My famous bacon soup recipe began as an add hock meal.


You could get drunk on Granny's soup because she would add hock to it.


When the adamant hockey player came home he gave his wife a puck on the cheek.



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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3878 on: 24/07/2014 10:44:32 »

I asked Jock if he liked smoked bacon.
He replied, "Ham! Och aye, its a bonny sandwich filler."


My famous bacon soup recipe began as an add hock meal.


You could get drunk on Granny's soup because she would add hock to it.


When the adamant hockey player came home he gave his wife a puck on the cheek.




Phew! Glad your spelling's up to scratch, otherwise that could have been an unfortunate and embarrassing post.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3879 on: 24/07/2014 10:51:25 »

......... he gave his wife a puck on the cheek.


That seems fair enough.
« Last Edit: 24/07/2014 10:53:16 by Don_1 »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3880 on: 24/07/2014 11:08:35 »

When the adamant hockey player

Wasn't he some naff pop star of the 70's & 80's? Adam Ant.

No, wait, it was that feeble (hence now cult) BBC rubbish from the 60's Adam Adamant. Gads! I fear I can say I well remember that programme. IT WAS AWFUL!!!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3881 on: 25/07/2014 04:15:13 »

When the adamant hockey player


Altoids made a calculator.

They called it Adamant. (Add-a-mint)




« Last Edit: 27/07/2014 15:31:53 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3882 on: 25/07/2014 06:17:24 »

Today is National Hammock Day.

I tried to get my neighbours to use the hammock I'd set up in their garden, but they couldn't get in to it and just ended up running hamok.




Banana hammock!

« Last Edit: 25/07/2014 06:20:48 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3883 on: 25/07/2014 11:20:04 »
How many times must I tell you, you must ban Anna from the hammock. Besides all else, if she falls out, she will split on you.
In the 'Rear of the Year' competition, Anna, one judge commented, was "of right ass".
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3884 on: 25/07/2014 11:38:15 »
Toady is Talk in an Elevator Day.

Should result in some uplifting conversation, unless you talk out your a***.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3885 on: 27/07/2014 08:35:48 »

Today is Talk in an Elevator Day.

Should result in some uplifting conversation, unless you talk out your a***.




« Last Edit: 27/07/2014 08:39:04 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3886 on: 27/07/2014 08:42:42 »

How many times must I tell you, you must ban Anna from the hammock. Besides all else, if she falls out, she will split on you.
In the 'Rear of the Year' competition, Anna, one judge commented, was "of right ass".


Me? I would only ban Anna if you offered me a free cream pie!




« Last Edit: 27/07/2014 16:06:47 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3887 on: 29/07/2014 17:11:41 »

.......Anna got gelled......


She was so deeply pleased by her experience, she thought it was angelic.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3888 on: 29/07/2014 17:15:55 »
Today is National Lasagna Day.

Because of her diet regime, alas Angna will not be taking part in the celebrations.
« Last Edit: 29/07/2014 17:19:14 by Don_1 »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3889 on: 29/07/2014 23:54:14 »
Today is National Lasagna Day.

Because of her diet regime, alas Angna will not be taking part in the celebrations.


Leftover spaghetti is pasta its prime.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3890 on: 30/07/2014 00:26:29 »
Anna must be protected.

At all costs.

<solemn>

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3891 on: 30/07/2014 04:38:42 »

Today is National Lasagna Day.

Because of her diet regime, alas Angna will not be taking part in the celebrations.


Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian lasagna?

A: Gaelic breath!


« Last Edit: 30/07/2014 04:42:41 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3892 on: 30/07/2014 12:51:23 »

Today is National Lasagna Day.

Because of her diet regime, alas Angna will not be taking part in the celebrations.


Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian lasagna?

A: Gaelic breath!




Phew! For a moment there, I thought you were going to say a carbon arse.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3893 on: 30/07/2014 12:55:33 »
Anna must be protected.

At all costs.

<solemn>

A suspect reptile breeder tried to get Anna to buy a pet, but she turned the tables on the trickster. Oh yes, in the end Anna conned her.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3894 on: 30/07/2014 13:16:11 »
Anna has gone into the ladies undergarment business with a friend. She can now be referred to as a co bra business woman.

I went to visit them and yes naked women were all around.

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, I thought, as probably a fitting session I can sea going on.

I made a lewd comment about one woman's bosom, but it didn't rattle 'er. She said, "I tied this ribbon to secure my boobs. I find the bow a constrictor of more comfort than some bras."

I confess I was breathing heavy, she said "Please sir pant no more.

C''mon, let's milk this line of punning as best we can. I don't think anyone will grass on us.

I'm off to lunch now. I'll have some pie then try to think of some more snake puns.

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3895 on: 31/07/2014 01:40:09 »

.......Anna got gelled......


She was so deeply pleased by her experience, she thought it was angelic.


That's why Brad Pitt makes Angelina jolly!


« Last Edit: 31/07/2014 02:05:36 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3896 on: 31/07/2014 01:46:44 »
Anna must be protected.

At all costs.

<solemn>

A suspect reptile breeder tried to get Anna to buy a pet, but she turned the tables on the trickster. Oh yes, in the end Anna conned her.

Anna has gone into the ladies undergarment business with a friend. She can now be referred to as a co bra business woman.

I went to visit them and yes naked women were all around.

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, I thought, as probably a fitting session I can sea going on.

I made a lewd comment about one woman's bosom, but it didn't rattle 'er. She said, "I tied this ribbon to secure my boobs. I find the bow a constrictor of more comfort than some bras."

I confess I was breathing heavy, she said "Please sir pant no more.

C''mon, let's milk this line of punning as best we can. I don't think anyone will grass on us.

I'm off to lunch now. I'll have some pie then try to think of some more snake puns.







« Last Edit: 01/08/2014 16:47:42 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3897 on: 31/07/2014 02:27:36 »


Anna has gone into the ladies undergarment business with a friend. She can now be referred to as a co bra business woman.


Did you hear about Anna's new dyslexic boyfriend?

He just walked into a bra and got drunk!

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3898 on: 31/07/2014 03:55:50 »
Anna has gone into the ladies undergarment business with a friend. She can now be referred to as a co bra business woman.

I went to visit them and yes naked women were all around.

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, I thought, as probably a fitting session I can sea going on.

I made a lewd comment about one woman's bosom, but it didn't rattle 'er. She said, "I tied this ribbon to secure my boobs. I find the bow a constrictor of more comfort than some bras."

I confess I was breathing heavy, she said "Please sir pant no more.

C''mon, let's milk this line of punning as best we can. I don't think anyone will grass on us.

I'm off to lunch now. I'll have some pie then try to think of some more snake puns.



AWARDED TO DON_1 FOR SUPERIOR SNAKE PUNNING!!




« Last Edit: 31/07/2014 03:59:21 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3899 on: 31/07/2014 14:38:13 »
I'm going to try to adder few more puns here. I'll try not to chicken out.

Cor all snakes are slippery creatures. Some are shy, yes Mam ba they'll gopher you and carpet you if you don't watch your step.

You could end up in big trouble, stil e toe up the bum will have them on the run, especially if you are quick enough to tie pans to their tails before they whip round to bite you.

I am always mindful of what Herr Porsche said when driving through a snake pit, "You must make zure zat your vindscreen vipers are vorking, und never sit by zer side vinder, only by zer vindskreen or rhear vinder."

He told how he had gone to lunch with Otto to discuss the battleship which was to bare his name. "Ve vill be haffing ein schnitzel pie fur lunch." Said Otto as he went to check with the cook.
Porsche told me, "After a few moments undt on his glockenspiel, Otto Von Bismarck ringed py thon zer table. Com undt eat it vhile itz hot."

Alright, who doesn't believe me? You are so wrong, there really IS a Bismarck Ringed Python.
« Last Edit: 31/07/2014 15:00:33 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.