Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3950 on: 29/08/2014 10:20:29 »
I must get off to the dry cleaner's now, with all the rain we have had lately, I have had to wear my mac frequently and it got splashed with mud, so now da kot a bit of a mess.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3951 on: 29/08/2014 10:24:02 »
I have a cardboard model of the city of Hartford to assemble. The instructions say that where two pieces connect I cut along the dotted line.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3952 on: 29/08/2014 10:27:24 »
My neighbour has considerable trouble with weeds in his garden. He asked me if he should just dig it all over. I told him I'd a hoe he could borrow.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3953 on: 29/08/2014 10:30:52 »
If you named a mountain after Anna, would it be Mount Anna?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3954 on: 29/08/2014 10:36:37 »
The tin mine was just about depleted. The prospectors cried out "Where has all the ore gon?"
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3955 on: 29/08/2014 10:40:55 »
I couldn't choose which attraction to visit next, so I got a map, closed my eyes and stuck in a pin, thinking the rhode island on will be my next destination.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3956 on: 29/08/2014 10:44:49 »
"I tell you, I sent one dozen rolls to you." Said the baker. I replied, "Well, ten I see, but no more."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3957 on: 29/08/2014 10:47:14 »
East is east and west is west and neva da twain shall meet.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3958 on: 29/08/2014 10:53:13 »
Before I make you all ill I nois  what you want.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3959 on: 29/08/2014 14:14:21 »

That's only a toy ota, I'm going to get a real ota.


You're right. I ota know more about these things!

But I haven't an iota of a clue how to learn.


Then I shall give you a clue - 3.

If you need some iota, take letter 3 and add 3, thus:
t + 3 = w. Therefore iota - t + w = Iowa

You must enrol at the Iowa State University department for the clueless, just as I did.
Do yourself a favour (US = favour), don't mention my name to the bursar, because I owe 'er some money.

I am thinking of getting all new teeth implants. I have chosen a dental practice in Boston to fit this new mass of chew sets.

I have laid a new multi coloured random pattern carpet. this helps the flor 'ide a heap of sins.

The wife has starched my shirt. I asked her not to do it again because it makes the collar 'ard, o.

The father of the bride thought he would give his daughter one last chance to change her mind. He thought 'As we walk down the aisle ask 'er if she is doing the right thing'.

The current state of affairs around the world seems to bring nothing but Missouri to innocent defenceless people.

Walking around the antique shop, my eye was caught by a large ceramic pot. "Why o ming vase!" I exclaimed.


Now I get Don_1's drift: I'll enroll at Io[t+3]a State, take ten classes 'e sees fit for me to attend, then buy a new jersey to wear to class.

Who knows? Maybe I'll meet a high tech sassy one to guide me through.

And my friend Mary may land me a teaching position there some day!



« Last Edit: 30/08/2014 04:31:30 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3960 on: 29/08/2014 14:32:15 »
The train conductor was impatient with this woman who was dawdling around the entrance to the train, so he blew his whistle and shouted, "All aboard, ma'am!"

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3961 on: 29/08/2014 15:15:06 »
The train conductor was impatient with this woman who was dawdling around the entrance to the train, so he blew his whistle and shouted, "All aboard, ma'am!"

Ha! waii do some people always dither? They seem to always want to be the maine attraction.

What sort of trouble might she cause if she were going by car o' liner?

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3962 on: 29/08/2014 15:16:39 »
I've got my coat back from the cleaners. They've been washing tons of mud off it.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3963 on: 29/08/2014 15:20:53 »
I realised it was an unholy scam and told the trickster I was wise to con sinners.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3964 on: 29/08/2014 15:24:09 »
The Polish girl seem about right for the job, so I decided to pencil Vania in for it.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3965 on: 29/08/2014 15:32:06 »
As I walked by the ladies intimate apparel shop, a garment flew out of the door and struck me on the leg.

"OUCH!!!" I cried out, "My knee, bras kan hurt when travelling at speed."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3966 on: 29/08/2014 15:34:19 »
Kenneth always dressed like a slob, I don't know how many times I've said, "Ken tucky in your shirt."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3967 on: 29/08/2014 15:36:52 »
Demo asked me to contact him, so I said, "Call, I fone ya tomorrow.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3968 on: 29/08/2014 15:38:47 »
Who ate my porridge?

Its in d Anna.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3969 on: 29/08/2014 15:42:32 »
Kenneth was once again dressed like a slob. "Why don't you wear something stylish?" I asked. He said, "This shirt is brand new."
"NEW???" I quizzed, "New yor kidding me."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3970 on: 29/08/2014 15:52:50 »
Right, let's see if yar kan sas out which states are left while I do some cleaning.

WOA!!!! There I was cleaning the WC when I looked up and on the loo I see Anna.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3971 on: 29/08/2014 16:07:27 »
Well, I hope I don't get hauled up before Judge Perry because of my WC encounter. But even if I do, I'll just say 'Look Judge,' or perhaps be more friendly with him and say 'Look Mitch I can explain'.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3972 on: 29/08/2014 19:54:36 »

I've got my coat back from the cleaners. They've been washing tons of mud off it.


I bet you had red skins from all that hardened mud!





« Last Edit: 30/08/2014 23:49:12 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3973 on: 29/08/2014 20:05:10 »

What sort of trouble might she cause if she were going by car o' liner?


The type of trouble she might cause depends on whether she goes North or South!

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3974 on: 29/08/2014 20:25:17 »

Demo asked me to contact him, so I said, "Call, I fone ya tomorrow.


Skip it. You always reverse the charges!


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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3975 on: 30/08/2014 02:21:22 »



WOA!!!! There I was cleaning the WC when I looked up and on the loo I see Anna.


Sign in the bar -- over the loo:

   WE AIM TO PLEASE
YOU AIM TOO, PLEASE!


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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3976 on: 30/08/2014 04:28:32 »


WOA!!!! There I was cleaning the WC when I looked up and on the loo I see Anna.


Are you sure it isn't Lucy you see?

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3977 on: 31/08/2014 13:21:34 »


WOA!!!! There I was cleaning the WC when I looked up and on the loo I see Anna.


Are you sure it isn't Lucy you see?

Oh no! I kan sas out who I was looking at, but I have now explained to her that I didn't mean to pek at all.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3978 on: 31/08/2014 13:23:48 »
As Mary landed, Anna polised the crowd of onlookers.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3979 on: 31/08/2014 13:25:37 »
Being really hungry, I said to Ken, tucky in to your Frankforta.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3980 on: 31/08/2014 13:33:44 »
The cleaners had not done a very good job on my trousers nor the hat & da kot a had entrusted to them. I took it all back to them to point out their failings. "Just look" I said, "at bis marck here!"
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3981 on: 31/08/2014 13:39:36 »
On the flor I'd a large model of a Giraffe. Demo came to look at it and exclaimed "Tall ah as seen on wild life programmes."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3982 on: 31/08/2014 13:44:33 »
Sometimes you can feel quite ill in oisy situations, such as the spring filled atmosphere of deer rutting.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3983 on: 31/08/2014 13:52:28 »
Abdul didn't know whether to speak to the calif or near imam about sacking all the children working near the harem and if he should sac ra men too.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3984 on: 01/09/2014 03:55:59 »

She thought she was living in a major, cultural "hotspot" American city in Minnesota, but actually my aunt's home city was jokingly known as Minnie no place.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3985 on: 01/09/2014 04:13:35 »

Abdul didn't know whether to speak to the calif or near imam about sacking all the children working near the harem and if he should sac ra men too.

The Globetrotters made the large NYC neighborhood harlem famous.


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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3986 on: 01/09/2014 04:21:42 »
On the flor I'd a large model of a Giraffe. Demo came to look at it and exclaimed "Tall ah as seen on wild life programmes."

I also said, "Oh My!am I ever impressed!"

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3987 on: 01/09/2014 05:27:14 »

As Mary landed, Anna polised the crowd of onlookers.

Then Anna said, "If you're tired carrying on, just pass the ball ti more!"

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3988 on: 05/09/2014 16:31:40 »
If an Australian Stannum prospector digs in Texas, would it be an Aus tin mine? (Fort what its Worth.
« Last Edit: 05/09/2014 16:34:21 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3989 on: 05/09/2014 16:36:02 »
Can't think of any more Texan puns for now, so El Passo it on to you Demo.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3990 on: 05/09/2014 16:38:33 »
I think it would be a good idea to put a large clock tower with a deep resounding bell in it in Big Bend National Reserve.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3991 on: 05/09/2014 16:42:38 »
In a Texas Panhandle High School a young lady was observed running around naked from the waste up. A tutor shouted to her "HEY! Gal, vest on please."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3992 on: 06/09/2014 00:38:20 »


Can't think of any more Texan puns for now, so El Passo it on to you Demo.


Are Hyou stoned, Don_1? You know I dally my ass when there's no pressure, but now I feel the need to get religion so I'll move and pray to Corpus Christi to fill my head with puns!

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3993 on: 06/09/2014 01:03:31 »
SHHHHhhhh, don't let on to Demo, he thinks he is safe from my entrapping him, but I'll lure him into my lare doe.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3994 on: 06/09/2014 01:06:36 »
The garden is looking untidy, al a mow the lawn tomorrow.

I think that's the best plano the day.
« Last Edit: 06/09/2014 01:08:07 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3995 on: 06/09/2014 01:13:49 »
Perhaps the garden might look better if the windows were clean, Another job for tomorrow. I'll buff a low window to start with, but right now I'm going to bed ford a goodley night's sleep.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3996 on: 06/09/2014 03:56:14 »


Can't think of any more Texan puns for now, so El Passo it on to you Demo.


Are Hyou stoned, Don_1?


New Yorkers can't even pronounce it right!

They call it HOUSEton Street!  [:(]




« Last Edit: 06/09/2014 04:23:46 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3997 on: 06/09/2014 13:08:35 »
How do they arrive at that pronunciation?

They should be made aware of what that Biblical chap is alleged to have said. It goes something like "Whoever is without sin, hu stone first."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3998 on: 06/09/2014 13:16:17 »
I understand that in Annapolis, the state governor is to pass environmental laws to bring an end to a lunatic fad in which fishmongers mar eel and shell fish before selling them.

Did Juneau that? Well al ask er what its all about.
« Last Edit: 06/09/2014 13:19:28 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3999 on: 06/09/2014 13:22:31 »
Well I'd a ho, these fishermen eh! Well boise will be boise.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.