Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4050 on: 26/09/2014 21:46:03 »


A spokesbot said "We are being dealt a rw and a lot of the time."


A counter-spokesbot said "We are being dealt a raw deal and a lot of the time.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4051 on: 26/09/2014 22:24:34 »


A spokesbot said "We are being dealt a rw and a lot of the time."


A counter-spokesbot said "We are being dealt a raw deal and a lot of the time.

Its bad enough getting rw and a lot of the time through (thru) being made to do the washing up, but this pair keeping treading on my feet giving me a sore Tutsi.
Don't look at me coming the old innocent and asking hutu? Its you two!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4052 on: 26/09/2014 22:28:47 »


A spokesbot said "We are being dealt a rw and a lot of the time."


A counter-spokesbot said "We are being dealt a raw deal and a lot of the time.

I'd give him a smack on the bottom, that'll give him a raw hide.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4053 on: 27/09/2014 23:19:50 »

I'd give him a smack on the bottom, that'll give him a raw hide.





« Last Edit: 27/09/2014 23:22:09 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4054 on: 27/09/2014 23:26:48 »


A spokesbot said "We are being dealt a rw and a lot of the time."


A counter-spokesbot said "We are being dealt a raw deal and a lot of the time.

Its bad enough getting rw and a lot of the time through (thru) being made to do the washing up, but this pair keeping treading on my feet giving me a sore Tutsi.
Don't look at me coming the old innocent and asking hutu? Its you two!




« Last Edit: 27/09/2014 23:29:39 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4055 on: 29/09/2014 21:26:34 »
Al Jolson made that song famous, and Jerry Lee Lewis, a famous Hutu pianist, did a nice cover version of that song.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4056 on: 30/09/2014 22:08:21 »
Today, September 30, is:
Ask A Stupid Question Day

Huh?

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4057 on: 06/10/2014 16:36:42 »
Today, September 30, is:
Ask A Stupid Question Day

Huh?

Should I ask today?


If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4058 on: 06/10/2014 16:48:04 »
Today is 'Come & Take it Day'.

October

 Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa Su
              1   2  3  4   5
       7    8   9 10  11 12
 13 14  15  16 17 18 19
 20 21  22  23 24 25 26
 27 28  29  30 31   

Looks like I'm too late, somebody already took it.

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4059 on: 06/10/2014 16:53:00 »
......... And to cap it off, today is also 'Mad Hatters Day'.

I wonder if I can get a Bowler made for my ship?!?!?!  I've always wanted a hat for mi lliner.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4060 on: 08/10/2014 02:27:11 »
......... And to cap it off, today is also 'Mad Hatters Day'.

I wonder if I can get a Bowler made for my ship?!?!?!  I've always wanted a hat for mi lliner.








« Last Edit: 08/10/2014 02:33:12 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4061 on: 08/10/2014 02:31:09 »
Today is 'Come & Take it Day'.

October

 Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa Su
              1   2  3  4   5
       7    8   9 10  11 12
 13 14  15  16 17 18 19
 20 21  22  23 24 25 26
 27 28  29  30 31   

Looks like I'm too late, somebody already took it.






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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4062 on: 08/10/2014 02:43:17 »
Today, September 30, is:
Ask A Stupid Question Day

Huh?

Should I ask today?






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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4063 on: 09/10/2014 05:25:19 »
Today, September 30, is:
Ask A Stupid Question Day

Huh?

Should I ask today?




Please re-phrase the question; it was stated too intelligently for a Stupid Question Day.


« Last Edit: 10/10/2014 00:27:44 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4064 on: 13/10/2014 13:21:51 »
"Intelligent"?

Is that a man on the TV? = in telly gent.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4065 on: 14/10/2014 04:19:03 »
No.

It's an agent of Intel.




« Last Edit: 15/10/2014 05:18:00 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4066 on: 14/10/2014 04:30:16 »
"A stupid comment for every occasion."

May I prevail upon your offer as this my 8,000th post ?

Danke Schoen.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4067 on: 14/10/2014 15:25:40 »
***THUD***THUD***THUD***

Mey Lorrds, Laydees and jentlmn. Preeey sylense for 'is nuttiness, Mester Don_whone.

*Cough cough*

Ahem. Meiy Deear friends. Aye schould lieke to say a few werds hupon thes hauspicious hoccasion hoff the heyight thyzandth post maede by hour mozt hadmyred memmber, Meester Demho- grahfex.
E iz, has Iem schore huw har hawhare, ay long standeing memmbher ov thes 'ere fhorum, hand haz meade meny ha contreebhushun to meny ha thread.
Zome 'ave beean most hinformateeve, whhilst others 'ave bheen most hamuuuzing.

*Cough cough* ahem....... aaaa...............aaaaaaaaaaah..................aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh
AHCHOO!


Ahem, beggin youre pardon.

Meestah Grahphex, hor Dhemo, haz e iz knowne to iz friendz 'ere abouet, iz prehaps beast khnowne fer iz hintroduckschun hov thes 'ere puhnning thread.

Ee az mayde meny a pohst hov heightstanding kwalitee, wwhich az ad us hall in steetches and hintoo the bhargin, az brouuhght meny a celebrhatory hoccasion to houre hattenschun.

Zo, Hy wwhould esk hou to rhaize your glarsses, hor contact lenzez, haz happroprihat.

Haha, haha, hahar

JJust mey lettle quwhip thare, in hay tohst to Meester Dehmo Grahphix. Mae 'eh puhnn lhong hintoo the fewtuare.

Haye thenk hewe.

« Last Edit: 14/10/2014 15:32:33 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4068 on: 14/10/2014 15:36:38 »
8000 eh!!!

Well, I ate hundreds & thousands.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4069 on: 15/10/2014 04:52:50 »
***THUD***THUD***THUD***

Mey Lorrds, Laydees and jentlmn. Preeey sylense for 'is nuttiness, Mester Don_whone.

*Cough cough*

Ahem. Meiy Deear friends. Aye schould lieke to say a few werds hupon thes hauspicious hoccasion hoff the heyight thyzandth post maede by hour mozt hadmyred memmber, Meester Demho- grahfex.
E iz, has Iem schore huw har hawhare, ay long standeing memmbher ov thes 'ere fhorum, hand haz meade meny ha contreebhushun to meny ha thread.
Zome 'ave beean most hinformateeve, whhilst others 'ave bheen most hamuuuzing.

*Cough cough* ahem....... aaaa...............aaaaaaaaaaah..................aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh
AHCHOO!


Ahem, beggin youre pardon.

Meestah Grahphex, hor Dhemo, haz e iz knowne to iz friendz 'ere abouet, iz prehaps beast khnowne fer iz hintroduckschun hov thes 'ere puhnning thread.

Ee az mayde meny a pohst hov heightstanding kwalitee, wwhich az ad us hall in steetches and hintoo the bhargin, az brouuhght meny a celebrhatory hoccasion to houre hattenschun.

Zo, Hy wwhould esk hou to rhaize your glarsses, hor contact lenzez, haz happroprihat.

Haha, haha, hahar

JJust mey lettle quwhip thare, in hay tohst to Meester Dehmo Grahphix. Mae 'eh puhnn lhong hintoo the fewtuare.

Haye thenk hewe.




8000 eh!!!

Well, I ate hundreds & thousands.






« Last Edit: 15/10/2014 05:27:27 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4070 on: 15/10/2014 17:20:45 »
***THUD***THUD***THUD***

Mey Lorrds, Laydees and jentlmn. Preeey sylense for 'is nuttiness, Mester Don_whone.

*Cough cough*

Ahem. Meiy Deear friends. Aye schould lieke to say a few werds hupon thes hauspicious hoccasion hoff the heyight thyzandth post maede by hour mozt hadmyred memmber, Meester Demho- grahfex.
E iz, has Iem schore huw har hawhare, ay long standeing memmbher ov thes 'ere fhorum, hand haz meade meny ha contreebhushun to meny ha thread.
Zome 'ave beean most hinformateeve, whhilst others 'ave bheen most hamuuuzing.

*Cough cough* ahem....... aaaa...............aaaaaaaaaaah..................aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh
AHCHOO!


Ahem, beggin youre pardon.

Meestah Grahphex, hor Dhemo, haz e iz knowne to iz friendz 'ere abouet, iz prehaps beast khnowne fer iz hintroduckschun hov thes 'ere puhnning thread.

Ee az mayde meny a pohst hov heightstanding kwalitee, wwhich az ad us hall in steetches and hintoo the bhargin, az brouuhght meny a celebrhatory hoccasion to houre hattenschun.

Zo, Hy wwhould esk hou to rhaize your glarsses, hor contact lenzez, haz happroprihat.

Haha, haha, hahar

JJust mey lettle quwhip thare, in hay tohst to Meester Dehmo Grahphix. Mae 'eh puhnn lhong hintoo the fewtuare.

Haye thenk hewe.



I have never been so honored!

I must not weep tears of gratitude.

Or is that a sneeze coming on??

Never mind it's MOMENTOUS whatever it is !

THANK YOU, Mester Don_whone!



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Offline Karen W.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4071 on: 21/10/2014 11:21:36 »
Tankyou bouys very much..you have well and truely helped to keep me ship floating with your comedic banter and arsonal of verbatum punningness fun..lol..... and some of these jokes have become like floating islands of unsinkable....laughter and when in need, a rescuing asylum for me to rest my brain.... and run to, knowing its a safe haven of friends here...I miss you guys...I love you guys..Thanks for the laughter.......()()()()() xxxxx :-)  Karen

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4072 on: 21/10/2014 14:34:50 »
Today is Count Your Buttons Day.

Errrrr.......... Ummmmmm..........

NONE. Well that didn't take long, what shall I do for the rest of the day???

AH! Just moment..... I'll sit down here. Now I have one button.

??????????

I have one butt on this chair.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4073 on: 21/10/2014 14:41:47 »
Today is also Reptile Awareness Day.

......and quite rightly so, after all, reptiles have tort us a great deal about telling the truth. Liz ardly ever leave their lips (or beaks).
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4074 on: 21/10/2014 14:45:31 »
My rather ancient car needs a new speedometer, so I shall have to get the old croc a dial if I am to be able to monitor my speed.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4075 on: 21/10/2014 14:49:33 »
Total strangers keep walking along the path behind my garden. I shall have to get a new alley gate or put up with it.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4076 on: 21/10/2014 14:52:35 »
Forgive me if I start now, but tomorrow is International St........st............st........................ st........................stu........................st.......................stu............................................st.................
« Last Edit: 21/10/2014 14:58:25 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4077 on: 21/10/2014 20:40:31 »
Tankyou bouys very much..you have well and truely helped to keep me ship floating with your comedic banter and arsonal of verbatum punningness fun..lol..... and some of these jokes have become like floating islands of unsinkable....laughter and when in need, a rescuing asylum for me to rest my brain.... and run to, knowing its a safe haven of friends here...I miss you guys...I love you guys..Thanks for the laughter.......()()()()() xxxxx :-)  Karen

Thank you so much Karen!
Demo

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4078 on: 22/10/2014 00:33:24 »
Today is Count Your Buttons Day.

Errrrr.......... Ummmmmm..........

NONE. Well that didn't take long, what shall I do for the rest of the day???

AH! Just moment..... I'll sit down here. Now I have one button.

??????????

I have one butt on this chair.

I stared at my belly butt on so much, I was promoted to navel officer.


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4079 on: 22/10/2014 05:46:34 »
Total strangers keep walking along the path behind my garden. I shall have to get a new alley gate or put up with it.




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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4080 on: 22/10/2014 09:05:06 »
Forgive me if I start now, but tomorrow is International St........st............st........................ st........................stu........................st.......................stu............................................st.................

....................... uttering Awareness Day.

[attachment=19213]
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4081 on: 22/10/2014 09:25:04 »
Total strangers keep walking along the path behind my garden. I shall have to get a new alley gate or put up with it.





As I watched the gators in the everglades, suddenly one with a long thin snout appeared. I thought to myself,
"Hello, sign o' genes gone wrong."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4082 on: 22/10/2014 09:28:43 »
Today is Count Your Buttons Day.

Errrrr.......... Ummmmmm..........

NONE. Well that didn't take long, what shall I do for the rest of the day???

AH! Just moment..... I'll sit down here. Now I have one button.

??????????

I have one butt on this chair.

I stared at my belly butt on so much, I was promoted to navel officer.



Ummm, Billy, call the naval officer in for his medication please.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4083 on: 22/10/2014 09:33:25 »
Mary wondered why she was no longer receiving information from the fertility clinic. She was unaware that they had relocated to new premises until the new place sent her their new address and explaining they had run out of womb at the old offices.


Oh vary funny I'm sure.
« Last Edit: 22/10/2014 17:06:38 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4084 on: 22/10/2014 09:41:48 »
Billy's boss had offered him a posting overseas. Bill's wife, Mary, said to him, "you tear us apart and we'll never have a baby.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4085 on: 22/10/2014 17:10:45 »
Suddenly I heard someone call out,
"Phil, open Ian's tubes.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4086 on: 22/10/2014 21:01:44 »
Forgive me if I start now, but tomorrow is International St........st............st........................ st........................stu........................st.......................stu............................................st.................

....................... uttering Awareness Day.

[attachment=19213]

Whew!!! Just in time!! Congrats!!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4087 on: 22/10/2014 21:10:35 »
Suddenly I heard someone call out,
"Phil, open Ian's tubes.

No, you misheard: someone called out, "pizza delivery is here!"

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4088 on: 22/10/2014 23:43:16 »
Ummm, Billy, call the naval officer in for his medication please.
Mary wondered why she was no longer receiving information from the fertility clinic. She was unaware that they had relocated to new premises until the new place sent her their new address and explaining they had run out of womb at the old offices.


Oh vary funny I'm sure.
Billy's boss had offered him a posting overseas. Bill's wife, Mary, said to him, "you tear us apart and we'll never have a baby.
Suddenly I heard someone call out,
"Phil, open Ian's tubes.



Don_1 female punatomy explained.




« Last Edit: 23/10/2014 03:04:14 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4089 on: 23/10/2014 00:30:09 »
Today is also Reptile Awareness Day.

......and quite rightly so, after all, reptiles have tort us a great deal about telling the truth. Liz ardly ever leave their lips (or beaks).





« Last Edit: 23/10/2014 00:31:58 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4090 on: 23/10/2014 02:45:23 »
My rather ancient car needs a new speedometer, so I shall have to get the old croc a dial if I am to be able to monitor my speed.



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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4091 on: 23/10/2014 13:03:02 »
My rather ancient car needs a new speedometer, so I shall have to get the old croc a dial if I am to be able to monitor my speed.




On seeing this spectacle, a police officer approached the woman and told her that taking such an animal walkies in public was far too dangerous. He told her to pick it up and take it home. The woman said it was far too heavy for her to carry all the way home.
The police officer said "OK men will have to do it for you".
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4092 on: 23/10/2014 13:08:46 »


I am much obliged to Demo for this brief diagram of the female reproductive system and would like to thank him for showing his tour direct to me.
« Last Edit: 23/10/2014 13:11:48 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4093 on: 23/10/2014 14:35:52 »


Meshelle, who owned the tortoise, asked her mann to take her pet to the horse field for it to forage for food. How could he resist such a request from a woman who radiated such beauty. And, after all, there was a promise of pancakes when they returned home. The tortoise was getting somewhat agitated, so he had to carry a pace faster. Meshelle declared him to be a star.

When they got to the horse field, they found a man with a tractor there. He said he could plough & share the field with the tortoise, so there was no need to sulk at a crossing of their paths. The ploughman had a cut on his finger, so Meshelle put a plaster on it for him.

While the ploughman ploughed the middle of the field, the tortoise kept to the margin, ated his fill and then thought he had better go for a wee wee, before being taken home.

As they went home, they put on a spurt high on the hill because it turned a little cold. When they got home, Meshelle thought to herslf, 'I'll dab the mud off the shell before bedtime'. Bed, for the tortoise, was cosy cardboard box on which the lid would hinge back for easy access.

Meshelle thanked her mann for all his help and said he deserved his pancakes but first she said "I want to test you though on all you learnt about tortoises today". With one leap hard into the test, he came out with flying colours.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4094 on: 24/10/2014 00:09:06 »
My rather ancient car needs a new speedometer, so I shall have to get the old croc a dial if I am to be able to monitor my speed.




On seeing this spectacle, a police officer approached the woman and told her that taking such an animal walkies in public was far too dangerous. He told her to pick it up and take it home. The woman said it was far too heavy for her to carry all the way home.
The police officer said "OK men will have to do it for you".

If I have the right chordata, we could compose a nice song around this!




« Last Edit: 24/10/2014 02:16:33 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4095 on: 24/10/2014 14:22:01 »
Cor! data good idea.

[attachment=19217]
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4096 on: 24/10/2014 17:25:06 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4097 on: 25/10/2014 02:01:56 »


No, please don't turn around!

No!

Don't listen to Don_1!

I'll PAY you to turn around!

 [;D]



« Last Edit: 25/10/2014 02:03:42 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4098 on: 25/10/2014 10:45:52 »

Don't listen to Don_1!

I'll PAY you to turn around!

 [;D]


NOoooooooo!!!

[attachment=19219]

Phew!!! You had me worried there.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4099 on: 25/10/2014 19:55:32 »