Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #500 on: 19/08/2010 18:53:53 »
A pox in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.

Whose bush? George WWWWWWWW?
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #501 on: 19/08/2010 21:51:12 »

No. Since they are from Texas, she must be referring to JimBob's!  [:o]

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #502 on: 20/08/2010 01:42:03 »


A pox in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.


 [:o] [:o] [:o]


But Var, then you gave up the bird!


See? Even (First) Lady Bird Johnson was from Texas! This PROVES that all fingers point to JimBob Bush.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #503 on: 20/08/2010 02:47:14 »

This is nerve wracking.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #504 on: 20/08/2010 02:57:34 »

No. Since they are from Texas, she must be referring to JimBob's!  [:o]

And obviously Demo is wracking his brain (if that is what hydrocephalics have) to make that far of a stretch.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #505 on: 20/08/2010 05:00:34 »

Highly inaccurate. No stretch marks whatsoever.

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Offline Variola

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #506 on: 20/08/2010 14:35:50 »


A pox in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.


 [:o] [:o] [:o]


But Var, then you gave up the bird!


See? Even (First) Lady Bird Johnson was from Texas! This PROVES that all fingers point to JimBob Bush.



If Jimbob has a bush how can he be a man? And if he has got one I am not pointing my finger anywhere near it...!
  A potty-mouthed, impertinent female who thinks she is God's gift to men" -JimBob

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #507 on: 20/08/2010 20:32:07 »
                   


(sorry about the shoes, Var, but I did order a new pair off-the-RACK)

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #508 on: 21/08/2010 01:07:00 »

Highly inaccurate. No stretch marks whatsoever.

See? a wrinkle-less brain.

And Var, we need to be charitable to the retard.

OOOHH, I am sooo politically incorrect.

And I certainly have no bush or rack.

Unless the 12-point one on the dead deer on the wall counts.

The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #509 on: 21/08/2010 02:32:10 »
My rack is




( I actually have a T-shirt very similar to that)  [:)]


Variola, if this is true, then you must conform to international rules and convention, which stipulate frequent examination and inspection.

But don't worry, you're in good hands!  [:)]

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #510 on: 22/08/2010 18:47:30 »
What does Allstate Insurance have to do with it??

For the non-American see http://www.allstate.com/   (Company Motto "You are in good hands with Allstate" - see logo)
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #511 on: 22/08/2010 20:40:16 »


It's Variola's insurance policy against excessive hanky panky during required inspection. [:)]

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #512 on: 23/08/2010 23:05:25 »
I am certain I replied to this post. Where has that reply gone?
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #513 on: 23/08/2010 23:43:07 »

I didn't see it, JB.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #514 on: 24/08/2010 05:12:10 »

Could Geezer have made off with it for posting to a secret Scottish forum??? [:o] [:o] [:o]

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #515 on: 24/08/2010 19:37:38 »
Speaking of "made off", have I got an investment for you! Yes! Guaranteed annual returns!

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #516 on: 24/08/2010 20:18:20 »

Could Geezer have made off with it for posting to a secret Scottish forum??? [:o] [:o] [:o]

They are doing a play, which shall remain nameless.

Here Spot, good dogie -  Now - Out, out, damned Spot!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #517 on: 24/08/2010 20:36:59 »

Highly inaccurate. No stretch marks whatsoever.

See? a wrinkle-less brain.

And Var, we need to be charitable to the retard.

OOOHH, I am sooo politically incorrect.

And I certainly have no bush or rack.

Unless the 12-point one on the dead deer on the wall counts.


Apparently the street use Remtard as it is a combination of retard and remedial. I guess trying to make you politically correct would be a backward move!!!
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #518 on: 24/08/2010 20:38:32 »
Sheepy has a good rack. Rack of lamb gaaaaaa! droool!
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #519 on: 25/08/2010 00:05:42 »
Mutton mess with Sheepy. Underneath the wool he carries an assault rifle.

 
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #520 on: 25/08/2010 20:17:34 »
(Re-posted due to inordinate lack of creativity today!)

                         

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #521 on: 25/08/2010 20:19:52 »

Sheepy has a good rack. Rack of lamb gaaaaaa! droool!


We prefer yours.
.
.
.
.
.
.
 [:o]
« Last Edit: 25/08/2010 20:22:19 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #522 on: 25/08/2010 20:25:45 »

(Originating drooling duly noted and reciprocated)
« Last Edit: 25/08/2010 22:59:34 by demografx »

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #523 on: 26/08/2010 22:44:55 »
I'm trying to reduce my waistline by dieting but sadly it is going from my boobs first!
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #524 on: 27/08/2010 01:15:13 »
I'm trying to reduce my waistline by dieting but sadly it is going from my boobs first!

I will help you hold them up. JimBob's Hand Bra Service available at nominal costs. Write for details.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #525 on: 27/08/2010 01:26:24 »

I'm trying to reduce my waistline by dieting but sadly it is going from my boobs first!


I will help you hold them up. JimBob's Hand Bra Service available at nominal costs. Write for details.


Don't do it, Make it Lady, I heard complaints from all over that the service just doesn't hold up under pressure!!

Even more laid back than California businesses!

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Offline Variola

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #526 on: 27/08/2010 08:35:17 »
I'm trying to reduce my waistline by dieting but sadly it is going from my boobs first!

I wish it would go from mine!!!!! My waistline doesn't appear to be reducing either. Feck knows where it is going from, maybe it is because I shaved my armpits rather than plaiting the hair!
  A potty-mouthed, impertinent female who thinks she is God's gift to men" -JimBob

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #527 on: 27/08/2010 09:37:04 »
My Mrs said she would help me loose weight. So far I’ve put on 7lbs and she’s lost 12lbs. A net loss of 5lbs, I thought that was a good result, she does not share my opinion and has made an appointment for me with a French surgeon. Apparently from a long line of practioners in her family, she will help me loose 10lbs of ugly fat in one session.

Sounds like a real ‘chip off the old block’ this Madame Le Guillotine.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #528 on: 28/08/2010 04:03:33 »
My Mrs said she would help me loose weight. So far I’ve put on 7lbs and she’s lost 12lbs. A net loss of 5lbs, I thought that was a good result, she does not share my opinion and has made an appointment for me with a French surgeon. Apparently from a long line of practioners in her family, she will help me loose 10lbs of ugly fat in one session.

Sounds like a real ‘chip off the old block’ this Madame Le Guillotine.


Perhaps Don, it is more like a cut of the old ham. (Or mutton??????????????????????? Neil)

The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #529 on: 28/08/2010 04:58:17 »
I'm trying to reduce my waistline by dieting but sadly it is going from my boobs first!

I will help you hold them up. JimBob's Hand Bra Service available at nominal costs. Write for details.


Be warned. JimBob's service requires that he weighs them first.

Wwaaahhhhhaaaaaayyyy!
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #530 on: 28/08/2010 17:41:14 »
That is fine, I am adept at heavy lifting.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #531 on: 28/08/2010 19:44:47 »

I'm trying to reduce my waistline by dieting but sadly it is going from my boobs first!


I wish it would go from mine!!!!!


Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #532 on: 28/08/2010 20:01:22 »

   



Be warned. JimBob's service requires that he weighs them first.

Wwaaahhhhhaaaaaayyyy!


This brings up a serious question regarding measurement accuracy!

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Offline Bored chemist

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #533 on: 29/08/2010 10:59:30 »
If she turns round does she get a bit behind with the orders?
Please disregard all previous signatures.

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #534 on: 29/08/2010 18:50:10 »
I hear Jimbob has a "Bit Behind" service as well as "Hand Bra." I have also heard that he offers both services at once for a discount. (When I first typed this I left the O out of Discount....OOOPs)
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #535 on: 29/08/2010 21:50:28 »

MiL, yes! His firm has all angles covered!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #536 on: 30/08/2010 02:13:04 »

If she turns round does she get a bit behind with the orders?


No. Only with the odors.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #537 on: 30/08/2010 02:25:49 »

   



Be warned. JimBob's service requires that he weighs them first.

Wwaaahhhhhaaaaaayyyy!


This brings up a serious question regarding measurement accuracy!


I notice that Don and Bored Chemist have yet to weigh in on the matter.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #538 on: 30/08/2010 03:04:29 »
BEST WISHES TO JIMBOB FOR A SPEEDY-AS-POSSIBLE RECOVERY!

(See new "JimBob" thread)

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #539 on: 01/09/2010 02:56:34 »

         


Is it true women like men who yawn?

No actually. Sighs don’t matter.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #540 on: 02/09/2010 22:47:28 »


Well, as Yogi Berra says,

"There's nothing wrong with a bit of incest, as long as you keep it in the family."


Geezer, the lady bug mated with her ant. It was an insectuous relationship. Is that what you mean?

JimBob:       Would you sleep with one of your relatives?

Geezer:       Only if I had a nap kin.

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Offline SeanB

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #541 on: 06/09/2010 20:20:37 »
A guy is sitting in a pub, staring morosely at the full glass in front of him. His contemplation is rudely interrupted by the arrival at his stool of a garrulous drunk, who proceeds to berate him, before downing his drink and staggering off.

The barkeep comes over, to find the man weeping softly. He says to the guy to cheer up, he will give him a free drink.

The guy looks at the barkeep, and says: " Today I got fired from my job for 15 years. I came home early, to find my wife in bed with the garbage man. She told me to get out, and that she was divorcing me, and our 2 children were the garbage mans. I walked out, to find the repo man there, telling me that the bank was taking the house, the car and freezing my accounts. I had a few bucks in my pocket, and went to the bar, where I am now. I wanted to end it all, but am such a failure, I even had some guy drink the poison I was trying to get the courage to drink."


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #542 on: 08/09/2010 01:49:41 »
Sean, here's the guy.......

         

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Offline SeanB

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #543 on: 08/09/2010 20:16:45 »
Ah, the heady days of our youth, where we had a seemingly unquenchable thirst for alcoholic beverages, a bladder with limitless capacity and an unerring ability to find a source of free booze.............

DARN IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #544 on: 09/09/2010 03:53:46 »
I know, Sean, I too, long for the GOOD OLD DAYS of health, happiness and boundless joy!!!

       

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #545 on: 09/09/2010 13:11:43 »
The best part of it all was trying next to clean the bathroom while contending with the hangover resulting from the previous night's revelry and worship of the Great Porcelain God we worshiped just hours before.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline SeanB

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #546 on: 09/09/2010 20:05:22 »
I was never that bad! Though I did have a bit of trouble with Mulled wine, it kept on exploding.

We solved that one, by the application of some fine engineering - we wired the bottle tops on, like the French use for the sparkling wines. Result was batch 2 had a much reduced probability of popping it's top, though a few of the plastic 2l bottles did detonate, though luckily not when we were around. Was not at all bad, though I did prefer ciders, Woodpecker being the best, not the modern sweet ones. I think I drank a case one night......... The off sales loved us though.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #547 on: 10/09/2010 01:06:40 »
Mead!

Nuff said.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #548 on: 10/09/2010 05:32:48 »

I had to look that up.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #549 on: 10/09/2010 14:25:12 »
Oh the shame of it all. The lack of a decent education in the US again shows through.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein