Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #650 on: 07/10/2010 08:35:19 »
I knew it was just be a matter of time until we bring again two lips from hamster jam.

AGHHhhh! You rotter, damn you for preserving that one.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #651 on: 07/10/2010 22:03:48 »


Forbidden fruit causes many jams.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #652 on: 07/10/2010 22:07:38 »

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #653 on: 08/10/2010 08:17:48 »
Sammy met a tram and the tram met Sammy.
The tram was jammy.
The jam was Sammy.

Oh, what a mess!

(No pun intended, or even present, but I thought it was relevant. BTW, for Demo's benefit, a "tram" is a streetcar.)

(There are similar tales concerning Algie and Bessie)
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #654 on: 08/10/2010 08:24:41 »
Here is a reverse pun that is related in a certain way to the prior post. What's the connection, and what was the original line?

"We're sliding a gong on the breast of a slave."
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #655 on: 08/10/2010 17:45:40 »
Here is a reverse pun that is related in a certain way to the prior post. What's the connection, and what was the original line?

"We're sliding a gong on the breast of a slave."
I think this is the pun ch line to a joke.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #656 on: 09/10/2010 18:43:23 »


The galley slaves were taking a rest after a full day rowing under merciless sun with the sound of the slave driver's gong still ringing in their ears.

"It's not the captain's waterskiing that bothers me so much" said one slave to his shipmate. "It's that gong, gong, gong every two seconds. I'm going to get rid of it"
The slaves decide that under cover of darkness, they would lift the gong from its chains and throw it overboard.

"We can't do it like that" suggested one of the plotters "They would be sure to hear us - we'll have to find a way to slip it quietly into the water".
So that night, six of the slaves lifted the heavy gong and carried it carefully to the stern of the galley - but there was no way to slip the gong into the water without banging it noisily on the boat.

"I have it! - I'll slip under the rail and hold on with my back to the stern, then I will act as a slide for you to ease the gong over my body and quietly into the water", said the brightest of the slaves.

This was working perfectly, when suddenly the slave driver appeared behind the plotters. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he shouted. To a man, the men sprang to attention, and burst into song ...

One, two, three -

"We're sliding a gong on the chest of a slave ...."

 
« Last Edit: 09/10/2010 18:49:28 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #657 on: 09/10/2010 18:48:49 »






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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #658 on: 09/10/2010 19:12:08 »
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #659 on: 09/10/2010 23:18:34 »
daw-gone-it, I wish I had a gong joke.



Or is this the Gong Show??
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #660 on: 10/10/2010 01:15:56 »

Ha!! You just gave away your AGE, JimBob!

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #661 on: 10/10/2010 15:16:52 »

Ha!! You just gave away your AGE, JimBob!

And since you got the reference, SO DID YOU!   [;D]
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #662 on: 10/10/2010 15:19:02 »
Teddie bares - Love them!
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #663 on: 11/10/2010 06:44:44 »

Ha!! You just gave away your AGE, JimBob!


And since you got the reference, SO DID YOU!   [;D]


Hmm....yes...true...but....but....I had to....er....LOOK IT UP! YES! THAT'S WHAT I HAD TO DO!! HONEST!!!!


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #664 on: 11/10/2010 06:49:15 »



           1976

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #665 on: 11/10/2010 06:58:15 »

Teddie bares - Love them!


At one time, we had our beary own Teddie as a President.


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #666 on: 13/10/2010 00:19:16 »


I think Iowa 'bout five dollars in sales Texas.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #667 on: 13/10/2010 12:32:21 »
Oh dear, we're not going to go through the song are we???

What did Delaware boy what did Delaware? She wore a brand New Jersey.
What did Missisip blah blah She sipped a Mini soda.
Where has Oregon - gone to pay her taxes (Texas)
Perry Como
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #668 on: 14/10/2010 04:41:32 »
I think I am going to have a Jersey (a cow) if this goes on and on.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #669 on: 14/10/2010 08:30:51 »
"Stand on thisy here rock 'n you can see it son".

"No need Pa, Arkansas it from here".
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #670 on: 14/10/2010 18:46:26 »
I think I am going to have a Jersey (a cow) if this goes on and on.

I'm not sure the stress would be good for you JB. I think we should see what your nurse thinks. Alaska and let you know.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #671 on: 14/10/2010 21:41:13 »
True, if I had a cow there would be placenta to think and talk about.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #672 on: 15/10/2010 00:17:30 »



I think I am going to have a Jersey (a cow) if this goes on and on.


JimBob is right! Let's broaden our horizons and go....International!

So here's one that will make everyone gag proud!

When you're Hungary, you're nothing Budapest.


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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #673 on: 15/10/2010 03:04:00 »
OK - you asked for it -

Q: How much is a Grecian urn?

A: About two drachmas an hour.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #674 on: 15/10/2010 04:08:10 »



                             



That's almost as funny as "Greeks can't stay out late because they have a Corfu."


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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #675 on: 15/10/2010 14:50:08 »
Man walks in to wine store and ask's

"Can you recommend a good port?"

Sales assistant says

"Yes, Southampton".
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #676 on: 15/10/2010 18:20:19 »
A man is walking along the road with a banana stuck in his ear. Another gent approaches him and asks,

"Hey, do you know you've got a banana in your ear?"

to which the man replies

"I can't hear you. I've got a banana in my ear."

-------------------------------------------------------------


A man is walking along the road with a lemon stuck in his ear. Another gent approaches him and asks,

"Hey, do you know you've got a lemon in your ear?"

to which the man replies

"You've heard of a hearing aid? This is a lemon aid."
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #677 on: 15/10/2010 18:31:33 »


Unfortunately, no one won the lemon eating contest. They all went home with a sour-taste in their mouth.


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #678 on: 15/10/2010 18:36:40 »

Man walks in to wine store and ask's

"Can you recommend a good port?"

Sales assistant says

"Yes, Southampton".


Funny : - )

The wine store manager locks up his best wine in a cabernet.
« Last Edit: 15/10/2010 18:39:44 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #679 on: 16/10/2010 12:41:37 »
A man is walking along the road with a banana stuck in his ear. Another gent approaches him and asks,

"Hey, do you know you've got a banana in your ear?"

to which the man replies

"I can't hear you. I've got a banana in my ear."

-------------------------------------------------------------


A man is walking along the road with a lemon stuck in his ear. Another gent approaches him and asks,

"Hey, do you know you've got a lemon in your ear?"

to which the man replies

"You've heard of a hearing aid? This is a lemon aid."


Another man had a sponge, jelly and fruit in his ear, he was a trifle deaf.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #680 on: 16/10/2010 22:27:06 »


A man walks into a doctor's office.  He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #681 on: 16/10/2010 22:35:17 »


(There are similar tales concerning Algie and Bessie)


Let's hear 'em!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #682 on: 16/10/2010 22:41:34 »


I mean, let's ear 'em.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #683 on: 16/10/2010 22:51:07 »


(There are similar tales concerning Algie and Bessie)


Let's hear 'em!


Ah, well see, Bessie met a bus. Algie, on the other hand, met a bear. You might try to finish 'em.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #684 on: 16/10/2010 23:01:55 »

Bessie met the bus and the bus met Bessie

The bus was messy and the mess was Bessie

Algy met a bear,

A bear met Algy,

The bear was bulgy,

The bulge was Algy.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #685 on: 17/10/2010 00:17:50 »
You got it! The bulgy one is slightly trickier.

There may have been others, but I can't remember. Oh! Wait, there was Mickey too. I think he met a train.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #686 on: 17/10/2010 00:37:43 »

Stumped by Mickey.

But it didn't ruin my train of thought.


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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #687 on: 17/10/2010 00:42:15 »
Wasn't your train of thought a bit sticky?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #688 on: 17/10/2010 02:53:48 »
Wasn't your train of thought a bit sticky?

Depends on what substance has cause Demo to become sticky. Is it Jam? Is it ham? Is it Lemon Curd or is it a brown ****?

I could go on but it would just get more nasty. I'll quit here.
 
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #689 on: 17/10/2010 03:33:42 »
Jam?

Ham?

Green eggs and ham?

I do not like them, Sam-I-Am!!



« Last Edit: 17/10/2010 07:50:03 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #690 on: 17/10/2010 03:36:03 »

Wasn't your train of thought a bit sticky?


Depends on what substance has cause Demo to become sticky. Is it Jam? Is it ham? Is it Lemon Curd or is it a brown ****?

I could go on but it would just get more nasty. I'll quit here.
 

A sticky situation, indeed!


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #691 on: 18/10/2010 07:23:11 »




The science teachers broke up because there was no chemistry between them.



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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #692 on: 19/10/2010 18:38:17 »
A man was walking along the road with a kipper stuck in his ear.

This other guy comes up to him and says,

"Do you know you've got a kipper in your ear?"

To which the man replies,

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak up. I'm a bit hard of herring."
« Last Edit: 19/10/2010 18:42:11 by Geezer »
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #693 on: 19/10/2010 18:41:47 »
A man was walking along the road with a tooth stuck in his ear, no, really....

"In an unusual case, a 47-year old former miner in Britain was finally able get rid of his earache after doctors removed a tooth that had got stuck in his ear"

http://medindia.net/news/Doctors-Remove-Tooth-from-Ear-75535-1.htm
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline RD

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #694 on: 19/10/2010 18:56:10 »
A man was walking along the road with a tooth stuck in his ear, no, really....

"In an unusual case, a 47-year old former miner in Britain was finally able get rid of his earache after doctors removed a tooth that had got stuck in his ear"

http://medindia.net/news/Doctors-Remove-Tooth-from-Ear-75535-1.htm

[attachment=13223]
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/205967/Man-loses-tooth-from-ear

Tooth-fairy related incident ?, (tooth placed under pillow ends up in lughole ?).
« Last Edit: 19/10/2010 19:00:09 by RD »

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Offline SeanB

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #695 on: 19/10/2010 20:02:57 »
Wonder if the tooth fairy will pay interest on the payment, as after all the tooth has been in "storage" for over 40 years.......

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #696 on: 19/10/2010 20:19:50 »
Two old geezers in adjacent beds in a hospital in Brighton, UK.

Geezer1: "Did you come 'ere to die?"

Geezer2: "No mate. I come 'ere yesterdie."
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #697 on: 21/10/2010 03:16:10 »

A man was walking along the road with a tooth stuck in his ear, no, really....

"In an unusual case, a 47-year old former miner in Britain was finally able get rid of his earache after doctors removed a tooth that had got stuck in his ear"

http://medindia.net/news/Doctors-Remove-Tooth-from-Ear-75535-1.htm


Fess up, Geezer, are you really telling the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #698 on: 21/10/2010 03:17:25 »

Wonder if the tooth fairy will pay interest on the payment, as after all the tooth has been in "storage" for over 40 years.......


Interesting, Sean.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #699 on: 21/10/2010 03:21:13 »

A man was walking along the road with a kipper stuck in his ear.

This other guy comes up to him and says,

"Do you know you've got a kipper in your ear?"

To which the man replies,

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak up. I'm a bit hard of herring."


They were going to cancel the fishing season due to red tape, but it turned out to be a red herring.