Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #700 on: 21/10/2010 17:59:33 »
Two old geezers in adjacent beds in a hospital in Brighton, UK.

Geezer1: "Did you come 'ere to die?"

Geezer2: "No mate. I come 'ere yesterdie."

Hey, I thought there was one and only one, i.e., our one and only.......GEEZER!!!!

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #701 on: 22/10/2010 18:28:17 »
I think you are getting us muddled up with Australians, and that would never do cobber
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #702 on: 23/10/2010 04:12:30 »
What do shoes have to do with this?
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #703 on: 23/10/2010 07:08:27 »
Mil, I think that's cobblers.

Next thing you'll be trying to tell us that Cholmondeley is pronounced Chumly.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #704 on: 24/10/2010 00:15:06 »

A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back. 'The doctor said, 'It's old age.'  The woman said, 'I want a second opinion. 'The doctor says, 'OK. you're ugly as well.'

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #705 on: 24/10/2010 00:50:52 »




Mil, I think that's cobblers.

Next thing you'll be trying to tell us that Cholmondeley is pronounced Chumly.


Urban Dictionary: cobber
Australian colloquialism meaning "mate" or "friend", but not necessarily in the literal term.

Oh, and Geezer? I researched it and Cholmondeley is most assuredly pronounced Chumly.




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Offline John Chapman

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #706 on: 24/10/2010 22:43:19 »
Some bloke takes his kids to the zoo. When they get inside there's just one cage with a small scruffy dog sitting inside it. He storms to the office to complain.

"You call this a zoo?! It's just one dog sitting in a cage!" he rants.

The ticket seller calmly replies:

"I know, Sir. It's a shitzu"
 

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #707 on: 25/10/2010 00:32:23 »
Some bloke takes his kids to the zoo. When they get inside there's just one cage with a small scruffy dog sitting inside it. He storms to the office to complain.

"You call this a zoo?! It's just one dog sitting in a cage!" he rants.

The ticket seller calmly replies:

"I know, Sir. It's a shitzu"
 

Sounds like a Chapman original. You might also consider posting it in the "Is this the worst joke ever?" thread.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #708 on: 25/10/2010 03:54:53 »


Geezer, I Shih Tzu not, a dyslexic man walked into a bra...

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #709 on: 26/10/2010 23:04:45 »




'Doc, I can't stop singing the Green Green Grass Of Home.
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.

'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'


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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #710 on: 28/10/2010 10:10:29 »

'Doc, I can't stop singing the Green Green Grass Of Home.
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.

'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'



AGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

That's so old, its very nearly a fossil.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #711 on: 28/10/2010 21:42:59 »


No it's not. I just heard it!  [;D]

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #712 on: 28/10/2010 21:44:05 »
Not through the grapevine by any chance?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #713 on: 29/10/2010 03:52:31 »

                             

That's so funny, Don, that it made me...just about to lose my mind!!

« Last Edit: 29/10/2010 20:53:39 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #714 on: 29/10/2010 10:28:28 »
I hope it didn't make you laugh so much that it brought you to tears, because, you know a man 'aint supposed to cry.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #715 on: 29/10/2010 20:51:13 »

No matter what you colic, a baby crying for hours is a pain!

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #716 on: 30/10/2010 15:14:12 »
Ah yes, colic, they suffer greatly from that in a Burpham, a village on the edge of Guilford, Surrey.


OK, OK, so its pronounced Burfam, not Burp-ham, but call it punetical license.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #717 on: 30/10/2010 16:49:43 »

Don't forget, punsters who want to go hunting have to get a punetical license.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #718 on: 31/10/2010 23:27:54 »





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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #719 on: 01/11/2010 10:45:47 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #720 on: 01/11/2010 21:34:41 »

No, it's a daffynition.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #721 on: 01/11/2010 21:40:08 »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #722 on: 02/11/2010 14:16:23 »
Remember that accursed woman who was always popping up on the adverts flogging gravy cubes, she must have been an Oxomoron.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #723 on: 02/11/2010 18:26:35 »
Is a Spanish hoover El Ectrolux?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #724 on: 02/11/2010 19:03:38 »


I think "si", but I'll tell ya, my new expensive vacuum cleaner really sucks.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #725 on: 03/11/2010 09:44:52 »
When it comes to domestic appliances, I like playing with our oven, its a gas!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #726 on: 06/11/2010 23:58:30 »


Many people think that Edgar Allan Poe was a raven madman.



personal/true aside: I grew up in the same house where Edgar Allan Poe wrote "The Raven". That should answer any of your lingering questions about me - demo [:)]





Photo I took this summer in front of my childhood home
« Last Edit: 07/11/2010 00:16:44 by demografx »

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #727 on: 08/11/2010 03:57:33 »
Which question(s)?

Are you a raven?

Are you a mad man?

The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #728 on: 08/11/2010 05:14:04 »
A Mad Man:

1) I was in advertising



2) I hate the fact that my NSF posts disappear on first try when I use the "Quote" function!

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #729 on: 08/11/2010 12:24:05 »


My word! How you've changed. Sadly, not for the better.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #730 on: 08/11/2010 12:34:22 »
There was a young lady on a bender,
Who sat down to play on her Fender.
The strings turned to keys,
Of ebony and ivories.
And when she stood up,
She'd changed her bloody gender.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #731 on: 08/11/2010 18:05:23 »

Is someone trying to tell me that my hair is mussed??

Or is someone not familiar with Mad Men TV series? [:)]

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #732 on: 08/11/2010 20:43:26 »

There was a young lady on a bender,
Who sat down to play on her Fender.
The strings turned to keys,
Of ebony and ivories.
And when she stood up,
She'd changed her bloody gender.


If you break a string on your guitar don't Fret.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #733 on: 09/11/2010 11:15:33 »
I might have guessed you'd pick up on that.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #734 on: 09/11/2010 23:33:22 »

...
The strings turned to keys,
Of ebony and ivories...


Let me share with you a couple of keys to playing piano.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #735 on: 09/11/2010 23:34:23 »

I might have guessed you'd pick up on that.


Perhaps you can amplify on that statement?

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #736 on: 10/11/2010 00:24:33 »

I might have guessed you'd pick up on that.


Perhaps you can amplify on that statement?

I would, but it's not terribly polite to give unsolicited feedback.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #737 on: 10/11/2010 05:07:09 »

I might have guessed you'd pick up on that.


Perhaps you can amplify on that statement?


I would, but it's not terribly polite to give unsolicited feedback.


I echo your sentiments.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #738 on: 10/11/2010 06:26:27 »

I might have guessed you'd pick up on that.


Perhaps you can amplify on that statement?



I would, but it's not terribly polite to give unsolicited feedback.


I echo your sentiments.

The echo from the sediments is best in a canyon.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #739 on: 10/11/2010 10:12:40 »
Well I know that's what he said he meant.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #740 on: 11/11/2010 04:15:18 »



Finally! A true deserving recipient of The Punning Thread Groanloudly Award!!

Congrats, Don!!!!

<wild applause from millions of our readers>
 
[;D]

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #741 on: 11/11/2010 07:23:59 »
Gimme a frikkin break!

How could he possibly fail with a setup like that?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #742 on: 11/11/2010 10:57:18 »
Thank you fans, thank you.

Unaccustomed as I am to making speeches....... booo hisssss, get off

You're only jealous, 'cause you didn't get in before me. That'll teach you to be more punctual.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #743 on: 11/11/2010 19:57:29 »




Finally! A true deserving recipient of The Punning Thread Groanloudly SETUP Award!!

Congrats, Geezer!!!!

<wild applause from millions of our readers>
 
[;D]

The Groanloudly Award Committee prides itself on unique Awards for unique accomplishment. An Equal Opportunity Scam For All!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #744 on: 11/11/2010 20:32:12 »

I have taken it a pun myself to find a good pun!

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #745 on: 12/11/2010 10:23:33 »
Give me a comma.
Give me a semicolon
Give me a full stop (period)
Give me an exclamation mark
Give me an apsotrophe.

Oooo, I do like a nice bit of punctuation.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #746 on: 12/11/2010 17:19:48 »
I don't think I can take much more of this punishment.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force ćther.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #747 on: 12/11/2010 17:44:42 »
Just like an old boxer, it can make you punchy.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #748 on: 12/11/2010 18:26:56 »

The boxer may be old, Don, but his girlfriend is a knockout.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #749 on: 12/11/2010 18:29:31 »

I don't think I can take much more of this punishment.


That reminds me of the soup that was so bad it was gruel and unusual punishment.