Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #850 on: 03/12/2010 16:46:30 »

...laced up to the eyes...


People who make necklaces may get beady eyes.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #851 on: 03/12/2010 17:15:40 »
Oh pal, is it jewellery puns now?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #852 on: 03/12/2010 17:30:41 »

Pearl, Opal, and Ruby all work in a jewelry store with Grace.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #853 on: 03/12/2010 17:36:02 »

In just one month we'll have a brand new cable channel, OWN: The Opal Winfrey Network!

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #854 on: 03/12/2010 18:01:30 »
Will she dye her hair platinum blonde?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #855 on: 03/12/2010 18:55:37 »

Naw, Don, she's well beyond just being a diamond in the rough these days.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #856 on: 03/12/2010 20:22:19 »
Oh dear, a bit past it eh? I hope she doesn't have trouble with her, eh em, 'sit-upon'. I hear that emeralds can be quite painful. Though you can get cream for the problem, I don't fancy applying it! If her nurse doesn't do it properly for her, she might gets a phired for her error.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #857 on: 03/12/2010 20:34:34 »
Doctor to patient

Come in Mrs Jewel, sit down and tell me qwart zeems to be the trouble?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #858 on: 03/12/2010 20:58:39 »
I hear that emeralds can be quite painful.

I wouldn't worry about it. She's got piles of money.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #859 on: 03/12/2010 21:22:45 »

You guys are being too hasty! Shouldn't we more carefully and deliberately analyze the situation??

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #860 on: 03/12/2010 21:39:37 »


But if you feel that I'm mistaken, then by all means go ahead and correct it all.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #861 on: 03/12/2010 22:05:30 »
Co lon and get on with it then if you must.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #862 on: 04/12/2010 02:06:16 »

A smelly ant was expelled from the colony because he was deodorant.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #863 on: 04/12/2010 02:24:26 »
Did I ever mention that, with hindsight, I could have been a proctologist?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #864 on: 04/12/2010 03:17:30 »
Oh now that, I don't sphinc ter good job.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #865 on: 04/12/2010 04:08:13 »



Did I ever mention that, with hindsight, I could have been a proctologist?


Glad you asked. Maybe now you'll reply!  [;D]


With hindsight, I could have been a proctologist.


And with foresight??


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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #866 on: 04/12/2010 04:12:54 »
.....And with foresight??.......

A Rabbi.....

Oh! foresight, sorry pardon, my mistake.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #867 on: 04/12/2010 04:17:01 »
It was an honest bristake.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #868 on: 04/12/2010 04:24:17 »
Well, its no skin off my nose.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #869 on: 04/12/2010 04:32:00 »

My vote, so far, goes to Geezer for his Proctology Pun. He certainly doesn't make an ass of himself!




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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #870 on: 04/12/2010 04:33:52 »

Well, its no skin off my nose.


The rabbi nose you need an anatomy lesson!

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #871 on: 04/12/2010 04:36:29 »
Make sure you have that cup engraved, I suggest with the legend 'You arsked for it'.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #872 on: 04/12/2010 04:40:04 »

Well, its no skin off my nose.


The rabbi nose you need an anatomy lesson!

Well, under the circumstises.....
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #873 on: 04/12/2010 04:41:21 »
I think I'm just about all punned out for today, so I'm off to bed.

Can you dream in puns? I hope not, I should think its nored funny.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #874 on: 04/12/2010 05:07:30 »

Don, I'd wish you sweet dreams, but I don't know if you're diabetic.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #875 on: 04/12/2010 05:09:34 »

Well, its no skin off my nose.


The rabbi nose you need an anatomy lesson!


Well, under the circumstises.....


Yeah, yeah, I know, and the assisting nurse has a lousy salary but makes up for it in tips....groan....

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #876 on: 04/12/2010 11:30:20 »
The beer served in our local is so cold I find it more comfortable to take along a pair of bar mits for insulation.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #877 on: 04/12/2010 17:03:23 »

Yes, the mitz are vahry important the colder it gets!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #878 on: 04/12/2010 22:13:30 »

Are Santa's helpers subordinate clauses?

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #879 on: 04/12/2010 23:12:54 »
Yes, and they are subject to stringant elf a safety regulations.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #880 on: 04/12/2010 23:43:52 »
So they must conform or elfs?
« Last Edit: 06/12/2010 02:11:43 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #881 on: 04/12/2010 23:58:02 »
Or elfs they wont get the sack!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #882 on: 05/12/2010 00:26:18 »
Good grief.... [attachment=13532]
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #883 on: 05/12/2010 06:04:07 »

Must be someone from The Bored Of Elf.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #884 on: 05/12/2010 06:38:00 »
He got a reprimand for goblin down his breakfast.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline SeanB

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #885 on: 05/12/2010 15:19:25 »
He was not Hobgoblin down his brekkie, he was hobbled for elf violations - he took his boots and would you Rudolpf it put them in front of the fire before Santa Klaus could say Ho Ho NO!


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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #886 on: 05/12/2010 15:25:12 »
That's fairy interesting, Sean.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline SeanB

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #887 on: 05/12/2010 15:27:33 »
Beast I cud drool at snort notice.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #888 on: 06/12/2010 01:47:53 »

Beast I cud drool at snort notice.


I noticed the article about peripheral vision out of the corner of my eye.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #889 on: 06/12/2010 03:14:00 »
Did you also notice the elfphant in the living room?
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #890 on: 06/12/2010 04:34:18 »


Welcome Back Notice to JimBob: WB!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #891 on: 06/12/2010 04:56:35 »

JimBob, thanks for pointing that out. The elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #892 on: 06/12/2010 05:29:29 »
He'd get better MPG if he took all the junk out of his trunk.

(Don - See in the US, we never get a boot in the back because we like to keep a hood up front.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #893 on: 06/12/2010 12:40:41 »
Getting all the junk out of his trunk could prove a very time consuming tusk.

If you put a hat on the engine, would it be a bonnet?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline SeanB

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #894 on: 06/12/2010 17:55:47 »
If it had a bonnet, would you bee able to find which end was the safe side to be on, and which end is a little pointedly unsafe to bee near?

If I could post something completely different here:

A one... two-- A one... two... three... four...
Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee has got to be
Vis a vis, its entity. D'you see?

But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee
When half the bee is not a bee
Due to some ancient injury?

Singing...

La dee dee, one two three,
Eric the half a bee.
A B C D E F G,
Eric the half a bee.

Is this wretched demi-bee,
Half-asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric the half a bee!

Fiddle de dum, Fiddle de dee,
Eric the half a bee.
Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
Eric the half a bee.

I love this hive, employee-ee,
Bisected accidentally,
One summer afternoon by me,
I love him carnally.

He loves him carnally,
Semi-carnally.
The end.

Cyril Connelly?
No; semi-carnally!
Oh.

Cyril Connelly.
[whistling]


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #895 on: 06/12/2010 18:39:46 »

Sean, this is VERY important reading to all those people who have Carnal Tunnel Syndrome!!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #896 on: 06/12/2010 18:43:38 »

He was not Hobgoblin down his brekkie, he was hobbled for elf violations - he took his boots and would you Rudolpf it put them in front of the fire before Santa Klaus could say Ho Ho NO!


That's fairy interesting, Sean.


Yes, I agree that it's fairy interesting, but do reindeer have tails???

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #897 on: 06/12/2010 19:02:34 »


Let's all thank Geezer for his oh-so-generous gesture of paying for _all_ our travel, hotel and ANY miscellaneous expenses (e.g., lavish presents for the special someones) to Tahiti this December, 2010 for The Annual Punning Thread Conference! (He said invite friends and family, too, including mistresses/lovers...even kids' friends and their parents!! It's all on him!! Unlimited, really!)

Hurrah, Geezer!!
« Last Edit: 06/12/2010 19:20:30 by demografx »

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Offline Geezer

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #898 on: 06/12/2010 21:41:10 »
Obviously more WikiLeaks propaganda.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #899 on: 06/12/2010 22:27:00 »
Cable from Scottish Embassy! [;D] :)
« Last Edit: 27/04/2012 01:53:48 by demografx »