How the universe was created gospel of Jaborah

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Offline NaphthenePalmitate

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How the universe was created gospel of Jaborah
« on: 05/01/2012 21:52:33 »
Day 1.
In the beginning there wasn't a whole lot going on. Jaborah Looked around the void and thought the place needed to be spiced up a little bit. So he created a Laptop computer and crunched a few numbers in and worked out a few equations then created a single point of massive energy and named it "THE GREAT SINGULARITY OF EXISTENCE ENCE ENCE Ence ence..."[GSEEEe] This took the better part of the day to get done and Jaborah was pretty tired so he turned in for the night and got some sleep, for the next day there was work to be done.
Day 2.
Jaborah rolled out of his Celestial bed and felt a little cold after getting of his cosmic blanket. The Universe was a pretty cold motherfuckin place Jaborah thought. So, after shower and a cup of cosmo coffee Jaborah set out to warm things up a little bit. He punched in a few numbers on his laptop and went to "THE GREAT SINGULARITY OF EXISTENCE ENCE ENCE Ence ence..." and used it to make an implosion bomb. He set up high explosives around the point and detonated it causing the point to compress resulting in criticallity. The end result was a massive chain reaction. Jaborah called this "The big bang". This generated a lot of heat and now Jaborah's celestial appartment complex wasn't so cold. He went back to bed, for the next day there was work to be done.

Day 3.
Jaborah woke and saw that the big bang had spread very far. But the universe was a messy little place, granted a lot less of a drag then the void that was there before. Jaborah punched in a few numbers in his laptop and got a few art designs and began work on a prototype solar system. He placed a star in the center for warmth. Unfortunately stars have a habbit of exploding. Jaborah said **** it and used it anyway since there weren't many alternatives. The original design had 8 planets circling the star. This looked a little too bland, so Jaborah put a devider inbetween the 4th and 5th planet. He scattered a few big ass rocks for this. Still a little bland, he took the 7th planet and made it "roll around the sun instead of spin, because that's pretty freaking cool and the living creatures will be stumped on that one, lol". Still missing something, He added a 9th planet for a final touch. It was really tiny. Exhausted, He went back to bed, for the next day there was work to be done.
Day 4.
Jaborah woke up and had his morning cup of coffee. Then looked at the prototype solar system and punched in a randomizer equation on his laptop. and began to create many more similar solar systems by organizing all the other stars and rocks around the universe. This is the type of bullshit work most people avoid, think of grinding in an rpg, or doing 2,000 arithmatic problems that only use subtraction and addition. Pretty boring stuff. Extremely tedious. Jaborah worked through the day though, better to get it out of the way. Jaborah worked through most of the night as well. Then Jaborah went to bed, for the next day there was work to be done.
Day 5.
Jaborah woke up and decided to have tea instead of coffee that morning. And some bacon and eggs too. Cosmic bacon and eggs. He looked at the universe and saw what else needed to be done [not a whole lot, just a few final touches]. Then Jaborah wondered why he lived in such a crummy appartment if he's the creator of the universe. So Jaborah decided that after work he'd get himself a nicer place.
Jaborah gave the 3rd planet in the prototype solar system an atmosphere and then added water. Then he grabbed a few rocks from the devider. While doing so he renamed the devider "the asteroid belt" because that flows off the tongue a lot better than devider. Devider is too nerdy. So back to the rocks. Jaborah punched in a few numbers and came up with "THE SEEDS OF LIFE IFE IFE Ife ife..." and sprinkled them on the rocks via seeds of life shaker. And He took a cosmic poolstick and knocked a few of this rocks into the third planet. Then he knocked a few around in other solar systems. And added a few final touches.
While he was doing the Cosmic Cosmotoly a few of his buddies came over. Actually, the famous spot on Jupiter was all Carl's idea. Carl is Jaborah old dorm mate from freshmen year of college.
When it was all done, Jaborah was proud of a job well job started moving into a pimpin' log cabin with the most awesome back yard ever. Tree's everywhere make for a great game of drunken' hide n' go seek. And there's the lake and the fire pit too. Jaborah and Carl called up a few friends and through a wild party.
Everyone was there, Amaterasu, Anubis, RA [Seriously RA will drink you under the table and it's cuddling  awesome when people chant that guys name], Odin, Susano, Orochi [Orochi can't handle his liquor. Knowing this Jaborah told him it was cool to crash], Zeus, The flying spaghetti monster, Optimus Prime, White Jesus [He's great at parties when you run out of booze], seriously a lot of people showed up.
During this party Jehova was gettin' all pissy about people not capitalizing his name on the sign up sheet for beer pong. Then he started telling some girl he loves her unconditionally and listed a bunch of conditions she needs to meet to have his love. He also said that if she doesn't do it he will cuddling  kill her. Poseidon, Djehuty, and Godzilla kicked him out for causing problems.
After a few games of reverse hide n' go seek [it's so much fun, you gotta try it. Everyone but one person's it. That one person goes and hides, then has to sneak back to the base all Metal Gear style. If successful they decide who's not it next. If caught the person who caught them is not it next] the party started to die down a little bit. A lot of god's passed out.
Jaborah went to bed, for the next day there was partying to do.
Day 6.
Jaborah woke up on the roof a little disoriented. Still a little drunk from last night. Fearing a hang over Jaborah got a morning cup of tea and gin, a little "hair of the dog." Last night's party was great, so Jaborah, not having to work decided to through another party. Even more people showed up to this one. The details are a bit foggy since most were to drunk to remember what happened.
All that is known for sure is that at the end of the day Jaborah was worn out and went to bed, for the next day there was recovering from a hangover to do.
Day 7.
Jaborah woke up, in his bed this time, with a few fine girls with him [Venus was one of them, and she was all up on Jaborah's {censored}]. A little hung over Jaborah messed around with the girls for a bit, but then had a morning gallon of orange juice and a bacon and egg burger [delish and good for hangovers]. For the most part Jaborah just chilled with a few friends, some he met at the party. It was a pretty chill day.
At the end of the week Jaborah decided that the beings from the 3rd planet should work 5 days out of the week and after the 5th days work an optional party is highly recomended. The 6th day is reserved for parties and the 7th to recover from all the partying so you can work another 5 days.
Then a few of his buddies were checking out the universe he created. Mars and Venus called dibs on the 4th and 2nd planets. On the thrid planet, life was coming along, slowly but surely. Jaborah figured it was nice that he'd get a vacation for a few billion years before any civilations might need his guidance.
Jehova called and had a bunch of cruel idea's he was trying to impose on Jaborah about how the planet should be run. Jehova's pretty controlling like that, and petty. which is why he got kicked out of the party, no one really likes Jehova.
Jaborah hung up on his ass. Then watched a movie with his friends. Crono's had a few good movies he brought back from the future. They all watched Die hard 3, and then final destination 2.
This was the first week of our universe
« Last Edit: 05/01/2012 22:13:37 by NaphthenePalmitate »


Offline imatfaal

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Re: How the universe was created gospel of Jaborah
« Reply #1 on: 06/01/2012 10:17:49 »
This isn't science.  Topic locked
Thereís no sense in being precise when you donít even know what youíre talking about.  John Von Neumann

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