Is it dangerous to ejaculate whilst sitting on the edge of a sofa?

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Offline spjgriw

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I have heard that if a male is sat upright on the edge of a sofa or chair masturbating there is a chance that he will become unaware of the pressure from the chair building up on the area between his anus and scrotum as a result of the pleasure experienced from the masturbatory act. If the male ejaculates in this position that pressure will result in his ejaculatory muscles tearing due to the pressure obstructing the free movement of these muscles.

Is this true? Has anyone ever sat upright and masturbated in this fashion before?

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Offline syhprum

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My 1912 copy "scouting for boys" recommends a cold bath as an alternative to self abuse
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Offline spjgriw

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Quite, although I'm really looking for views on thoughts on the mechanics of the ejaculatory process being inhibited by the furniture pressure described above and the inevitable tearing and ripping of muscles between the anus and scrotum in this position.

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Offline Semaphore

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There's probably more risk to the keyboard.....

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Offline syhprum

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Surely the idea of ejaculation being so violent that it leads to "the inevitable tearing and ripping of muscles between the anus and scrotum" belongs to realm of fanciful pornography.
syhprum

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Offline spjgriw

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It is the obstruction of the movement of the muscles involved in ejaculation due to sofa pressure focused on the anal-scrotal area at point of orgasm that will cause the tearing apparently. Thoughts?

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Offline alancalverd

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If it's that explosive, a torn muscle is nothing compared with the bashing you'll get from your mum. Not to mention an eternity in Hell. 
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Offline syhprum

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Look up this question on the internet "tearing of anal scrotem area" there is quite an extensive discussion of possible causes of injury with no mention of masturbation.
« Last Edit: 15/09/2016 18:35:30 by syhprum »
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Offline spjgriw

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We're talking about the ripping of muscles and nerves not the skin in between the anus and scrotum. What are your views on this damage?  Do you think any male has ever sat on the edge of the sofa and ejaculated?

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Offline alancalverd

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Not if he has been properly brought up. Sitting on the edge damages the springing and tears the cushion piping. Always sit with your backside against the back of the chair, like your mum said.
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Offline spjgriw

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I don't understand why none of you are taking this seriously. Please I would like to get some serious input from you about this.

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Offline alancalverd

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Why not take it seriously yourself?

Either you have heard the suggestion from an authoritative source, in which case you can study the original publication (The Lancet or the New England Journal of Medicine tend to carry single-case reports - I doubt that there is enough controlled study or epidemiology to make it to JCU or OJAU) or it's a novel hypothesis.

If it's a novel hypothesis, the ethical tradition in experimental medicine is to try it yourself under reasonably controlled conditions. So measure the compressed height of the settee and the reach of your ejaculate and see what happens as you vary the relevant angles. There are a few papers from the Exeter medical physics group in the 1960s who calculated bladder pressure from the filmed arc of their urine, which contain all the maths you need. You can correct for viscosity from other published data or borrow a semen viscometer from a vet.   

Enjoy and publish!
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Offline syhprum

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I have also heard that masturbation leads to hair growing on the palms of your hands and loss of vision, it would be as well to look out for these other symptoms while carrying out your resesrch. 
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Offline syhprum

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Apparently this was seen as a risk in the early part of the twentieth century and special furniture was devised to reduce the risk. 
« Last Edit: 15/09/2016 17:08:44 by syhprum »
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Offline spjgriw

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I was hoping to get some serious answers on this given the scientific nature of these forums. Please let's put the jokes aside and try and understand this issue. Is it not strange that there are at least a billions of men throughout time who have masturbated presumably in many different positions. Why is it that none of them have ever sat on the edge of a sofa and masturbated (or received oral favours on the edge of the sofa) thereby ripping their pelvic floor?

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Offline chiralSPO

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I was hoping to get some serious answers on this given the scientific nature of these forums. Please let's put the jokes aside and try and understand this issue. Is it not strange that there are at least a billions of men throughout time who have masturbated presumably in many different positions. Why is it that none of them have ever sat on the edge of a sofa and masturbated (or received oral favours on the edge of the sofa) thereby ripping their pelvic floor?

Maybe because it isn't a risk? Unless you can point to a source that says that it has happened, or explains why it could happen, we have nothing to go on other than humor...

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Offline alancalverd

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I wasn't joking. At least not in Reply #11. Science is fun, masturbation is an intellectual's substitute for television, so why not have some fun and contribute to the world's knowledge of perineal anatomy?
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Offline spjgriw

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I was hoping to get some serious answers on this given the scientific nature of these forums. Please let's put the jokes aside and try and understand this issue. Is it not strange that there are at least a billions of men throughout time who have masturbated presumably in many different positions. Why is it that none of them have ever sat on the edge of a sofa and masturbated (or received oral favours on the edge of the sofa) thereby ripping their pelvic floor?

Maybe because it isn't a risk? Unless you can point to a source that says that it has happened, or explains why it could happen, we have nothing to go on other than humor...


But I have explained how it could happen. Have you read my posts. I explain very clearly how the pressure of the sofa can interfere with the muscles involved in the process of ejaculation. Please re-read, reflect and let me have your thoughts.

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Offline chiralSPO

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I saw what you posted. I mean do you have a source that discusses this possibility, or are you imagining things that could go wrong (or do you have first hand experience?)

For instance, I can wonder if sneezing while eating Pop RocksŪ could lead to sinus damage... (ouch!) But unless there has been some documented case of this happening, or a study that analyzes the risk, why should I assume that it happens?

(btw, if you google Pop Rocks sneeze, some entries DO come up--not that I'm recommending googling masturbation couch, but maybe do some research?)

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Offline spjgriw

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Ok. Let's take small steps with this. If this isn't an issue then it can easily be proven by hearing from individuals who have sat on the edge of the sofa and ejaculated and have not injured their pelvic floor doing so.

So....has any male here ever sat on the edge of the sofa and ejaculated (and not injured your pelvic floor doing so)?

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Offline jeffreyH

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I hope everyone is going to participate as this is for science. Do we get to do experiments?
Fixation on the Einstein papers is a good definition of OCD.

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Offline spjgriw

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It's not about participating. It's about confirming whether you have ever sat on the edge of a sofa and ejaculated and whether in doing so you have injured your pelvic floor.

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Offline jeffreyH

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That will only give you anecdotal evidence which will in all likelihood be unreliable. So how do you intend to verify your sources?
Fixation on the Einstein papers is a good definition of OCD.

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Offline alancalverd

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Measurement is the key to objectivity. See reply #11 above for suggestions.
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Offline spjgriw

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That will only give you anecdotal evidence which will in all likelihood be unreliable. So how do you intend to verify your sources?

Got to start somewhere. If even 10 people reply and all of them have masturbated safely in this position then there is evidence to suggest that it is not inevitably dangerous. Why don't you try and be the first and let us know whether you have done this and if it was harmful to you?

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Offline syhprum

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May I urge caution the excellent publication by Sir Robert Baden-Powell is available online
syhprum

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Offline chiralSPO

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perhaps looking up the "million dollar spot" might be a place to start... (probably not NSFW)

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Offline spjgriw

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I'll make this as basic and easy as possible. Just yes/no answers to two questions:

1. Have you ever sat on the edge of a sofa and ejaculated?
2. Did you injure your pelvic floor whilst ejaculating?


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Offline alancalverd

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Got to start somewhere. If even 10 people reply and all of them have masturbated safely in this position then there is evidence to suggest that it is not inevitably dangerous.

On the contrary. Allow me to present an expert opinion. I will work through an introduction to clinical trial planning, using published statistics.

Suppose we run the experiment for a week. There are 25,000,000 men in the UK, of whom 90% will not admit to having to resort to this procedure at least once a week ("don't be silly, my wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/butler sees to that sort of thing").

Of 2,500,000, 75% live at home with mum or in shared digs and therefore do not do it on the settee.

Of 625,000 men who might do it on a settee, perhaps 10% will have one with a significantly rigid edge.

Of 62,500 men who might masturbate on the edge of a rigid settee, 80% will be interrupted by the phone/doorbell/kettle/something better on TV/falling asleep.

Half of the remaining 12,500 will suffer from premature ejaculation, failure to ejaculate, or erectile dysfunction

The probability of recruiting volunteers from the remaining 6,250 is about 10%, assuming you can get saturation coverage of newspapers and television. I think there's a joke in there somewhere, but let's keep a straight face for a moment....

We usually expect a 50% dropout rate from a volunteer panel if there is no financial incentive to complete the task, leaving about 312 active participants

Unless you are prepared to interview every active participant (and you won't know who they are, because they will be randomly distributed among the 25,000,000 population) you can expect a 10% return of postal questionnaires - about 32.

So if you get 10 reported survivors from a one-week national survey, you will have killed at least 20 of those who would have completed the task and survey but died in the service of science.

That would not be considered by any ethics committee to be an adequate demonstration of safety. 

The European Union's overriding ethical principle is "precautionary", and this must be applied by controlled escalation, so as I said earlier, do it yourself fiorst. Our a priori estimate, as shown above, is of 75% fatality, so if you survive three sessions you would be justified in revising the risk and escalating to a Phase 1 "in house" trial with a panel of paid "professional" subjects with adequately informed consent. With less than 10% fatalities in the trial group you could then extend to say 1000 desperate men whose life expectancy has been compromised by inadequate masturbation: this is called a Phase 2 trial for which the ethics committee would demand accurate specifications and measurements and a commitment to publish your results.     

Things get more complicated if you want to conduct the trial in the USA. It's a tempting idea because from what we know of gun crime and the popularity of Donald Trump, there are many more lonely wnakers in the States than in the UK. But the Food and Drugs Administration demands not merely proof of safety, but "superiority". And here you have a real problem. What, on God's green earth, can masturbating on the edge of a hard sofa, be superior to? 
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Offline spjgriw

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What part of yes or no don't you understand?

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Offline alancalverd

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If the answer was a simple yes or no, you would have found it by now from the internet or a textbook. Clearly the reason you have posed the question on a science forum is because you aren't satisfied with the textbook answer, or there isn't one. And that's why we have qualified doctors and scientists on hand to help you conduct and evaluate an experiment. 
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Offline Semaphore

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Got to start somewhere. If even 10 people reply and all of them have masturbated safely in this position then there is evidence to suggest that it is not inevitably dangerous.

On the contrary. Allow me to present an expert opinion. I will work through an introduction to clinical trial planning, using published statistics.

Suppose we run the experiment for a week. There are 25,000,000 men in the UK, of whom 90% will not admit to having to resort to this procedure at least once a week ("don't be silly, my wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/butler sees to that sort of thing").

Of 2,500,000, 75% live at home with mum or in shared digs and therefore do not do it on the settee.

Of 625,000 men who might do it on a settee, perhaps 10% will have one with a significantly rigid edge.

Of 62,500 men who might masturbate on the edge of a rigid settee, 80% will be interrupted by the phone/doorbell/kettle/something better on TV/falling asleep.

Half of the remaining 12,500 will suffer from premature ejaculation, failure to ejaculate, or erectile dysfunction

The probability of recruiting volunteers from the remaining 6,250 is about 10%, assuming you can get saturation coverage of newspapers and television. I think there's a joke in there somewhere, but let's keep a straight face for a moment....

We usually expect a 50% dropout rate from a volunteer panel if there is no financial incentive to complete the task, leaving about 312 active participants

Unless you are prepared to interview every active participant (and you won't know who they are, because they will be randomly distributed among the 25,000,000 population) you can expect a 10% return of postal questionnaires - about 32.

So if you get 10 reported survivors from a one-week national survey, you will have killed at least 20 of those who would have completed the task and survey but died in the service of science.

That would not be considered by any ethics committee to be an adequate demonstration of safety. 

The European Union's overriding ethical principle is "precautionary", and this must be applied by controlled escalation, so as I said earlier, do it yourself fiorst. Our a priori estimate, as shown above, is of 75% fatality, so if you survive three sessions you would be justified in revising the risk and escalating to a Phase 1 "in house" trial with a panel of paid "professional" subjects with adequately informed consent. With less than 10% fatalities in the trial group you could then extend to say 1000 desperate men whose life expectancy has been compromised by inadequate masturbation: this is called a Phase 2 trial for which the ethics committee would demand accurate specifications and measurements and a commitment to publish your results.     

Things get more complicated if you want to conduct the trial in the USA. It's a tempting idea because from what we know of gun crime and the popularity of Donald Trump, there are many more lonely wnakers in the States than in the UK. But the Food and Drugs Administration demands not merely proof of safety, but "superiority". And here you have a real problem. What, on God's green earth, can masturbating on the edge of a hard sofa, be superior to?

Alan, that's really very good.

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Offline spjgriw

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If the answer was a simple yes or no, you would have found it by now from the internet or a textbook. Clearly the reason you have posed the question on a science forum is because you aren't satisfied with the textbook answer, or there isn't one. And that's why we have qualified doctors and scientists on hand to help you conduct and evaluate an experiment.

The answer to both my questions are a simply yes or no. Take you for example, if you are unable to answer yes or no to

1. Have you ever sat on the edge of a sofa and ejaculated?
2. Did you injure your pelvic floor whilst ejaculating?


Then you are either mentally ill, possess an incredibly short memory, or you are being purposely facetious.



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Offline chiralSPO

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The answer to both my questions are a simply yes or no. Take you for example, if you are unable to answer yes or no to

1. Have you ever sat on the edge of a sofa and ejaculated?
2. Did you injure your pelvic floor whilst ejaculating?


Then you are either mentally ill, possess an incredibly short memory, or you are being purposely facetious.

Please keep it civil. No one here is beholden to answer your questions. Ultimately, I think you may find that it is somewhat difficult to attract answers to questions about people's masturbation habits, especially in a forum that is open to the public (even if some degree of anonymity is afforded).

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Offline spjgriw

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I am being perfectly civil. It is rather uncivil to continually berate, mock, and make fun of someone who is asking a question to a forum in good faith. I am taking this issue seriously,  I have and continue to ask you to do me the courtesy of doing the same.

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Offline alancalverd

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Simply asking the questions here will not provide a scientifically useful answer. For a start, we are a very small sample of humanity, probably 25% female, and a fair number of contributors hold such weird ideas that they probably watch television or play computer games on their sofas.

Despite the use of noms de plume and pseudonyms, we are not fully anonymised so in many cases the answer to Q1 will be "none of your business".

If there was a significant incidence of survivable injury, however, I expect that at least one man with a social conscience, or a paramedic or casualty nurse, would by now have posted "don't try this at home".

So you would conclude that either it is perfectly safe,  or it is inevitably fatal, or no sane man has ever tried it. I would doubt the reliability of any of these conclusions.

If you  don't have the time or resources to carry out a scientific enquiry as I suggested, try writing to your Member of Parliament. They are renowned for their bizarre sexual proclivities and are required to answer constituents' questions or refer them to Ministers, within two weeks. At worst, you will get an official response from the Department of Health within a month. Though, having drafted some such responses, I must warn you that the phrase "this statistic is not collected centrally" turns up rather often. 
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Offline spjgriw

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Has anyone ever sat of the edge of the sofa and ejaculated? (Just looking for an answer to this). Yes or no answer.

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Offline alancalverd

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Almost certainly.

Will they tell you about it? Almost certainly not.
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Offline spjgriw

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Has anyone ever sat on the edge of the sofa and masturbated?

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Offline alancalverd

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Almost certainly.
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