Make me laugh: Again!!!!!!!!

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Offline Simulated

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« Reply #50 on: 31/07/2007 02:17:09 »
I thought someone would get it.

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #51 on: 31/07/2007 02:18:14 »
It was a good one.. so many I don't get but I like when I get it! LOL

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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« Reply #52 on: 31/07/2007 02:29:52 »
HAHA yeah my uncle sent me and my parents that email. I don't think i forwarded it to anyone
lol

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #53 on: 31/07/2007 23:30:55 »


it was a good one!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Simulated

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« Reply #54 on: 01/08/2007 16:40:12 »
OK! LoL. I'll have to read over it again to see if I can get it. LoL.

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #55 on: 01/08/2007 16:45:40 »
ok!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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« Reply #56 on: 26/11/2007 15:05:53 »
A willy says to 2 testicles "do you wanna come to a party" the testicles say "no! you always go in and leave us outside knocking"

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« Reply #57 on: 16/02/2008 12:36:00 »
Is anyone like me in that when they go to sleep at night, laying in bed with eyes closed, they think

"you've been listening to radio Jolly, its been a fun day really (list things that happened) according to the barometer its gonna be a good day tomorrow" and then you sing something like ´I have a dream´ by ABBA and finish saying "that was I have a dream by ABBA"

Am I allonee?
« Last Edit: 06/03/2008 12:22:07 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #58 on: 16/02/2008 12:43:02 »
Ok ok, a guy walks into a studio with his family and says to the producer "I have this great new act!"

and the producer says "well ok but I haven't got much time be quick"

So anyway the guy injects his wife and kids who then run around crazy style poohing everywhere and throwing it at each other, he joins in, and then they start having some weird sex session, suddenly stop and gos "ter derrr"

The producer says "what do you call that act?" and the guy says "The Elites"

Disgusting? I completely agree.

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« Reply #59 on: 16/02/2008 12:49:53 »
Angel anwsers the door to heaven,

Angel in the back ground says "who is it?"

the Angel who answered the door says "It´s Satan the most stupid"

"Well what does he want?"
"He wants to know if we have a spare set of keys for hell coz hes lost them"
"What again?" says the angel "Ever since that idiot demanded a place for stupid people to live its just been one thing after the next, Anything else, before I go looking?"
the angel at the door replies "Yeah, he wants a lighter"
« Last Edit: 06/03/2008 12:20:25 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #60 on: 10/03/2008 18:51:04 »
So I was down the beach the other day swimming and I saw a dolphin swim pass, I didn't really think much of it at the time, But when I got home that evening I went down the pub with a few friends.
Ad a few bevies, now my friends a surfer and I got the idea that maybe you could surf with dolphins, you know, Dolphin-surfin, but I thought there might be a few problems with it, and it was over those beers that me and Jim came up with the concept, we just had to hammer out a few of the issues and I remember I said to Jim "Jim do you think it would be possible to teach a dolphin, to stand on a surf-bord?"

So we put a shack on the beach and a sign on the door, that read ´dolphin-surfin 5 dollars`.
« Last Edit: 10/03/2008 18:52:54 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #61 on: 10/03/2008 19:01:13 »
                                Ancient Rome [;)]

"Dad, why are we doing this?"

"look son, don't you see, the whole of society is set up, so we can rule as the enlightened few"

"Yeah, but dad I'm an idiot, I mean I got an G on my maths test, and on all my other tests I never got higher than a E"

"What are you talking about? I paid your school a couple of million and they changed all your results to A's"

"well yeah but that doesn't change the fact that I'm an idiot does it"

"Don't worry son, what we're going to do, is make everyone else in society, more stupid than you, that way, you'll be the most cleaver"

"Does mum know?"

"No, we're not gonna tell her"

"Arr, Dad you're a genius"

"No son, you´re the genius"
-----------------------------------------------------------

You do all realise that the moment anyone stands up and says "I'm the most enlightened round here" they just totally show that they're not? You all see that, yeah.

Don't be too hard on them, for inside every Elite, is a human being just trying to get out.
« Last Edit: 11/06/2008 12:46:40 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #62 on: 10/03/2008 19:11:29 »
So anyway I was Rock climbing the other day and I saw a goat, didn't think much of it at the time, but when I got home I went down the pub with me friends, ad a few bevies, and we were on our ninth pint and I said to Jim "Jim what do you think about climbing with goats you know, Goat-climbing?" and Jim said "yyeahh"
and it was over those few beers we came up with the concept and I remember I said to Jim "Jim do you think it would be possible to teach a Goat, to tie knots?"
So we put a shack on the side of the mountain and a sign on the door that read 'Goat-Climbing 5 dollars'

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« Reply #63 on: 10/03/2008 19:16:57 »
A word to the brown hair, in Hitlers world the blond rules. But don't worrie Brown hair you can wait tables and shine shoes and your children and their children can too, the brown haired Nazi fights for his own enslavement.

Just thinking, if anyone still wants to be a Nazi after reading that, I suggest that go to the next rally and at that moment when all that anger and hate is boiling over and they can hold it no longer, they say in a firm steady voice "NO! I want to do the washing up!"

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« Reply #64 on: 10/03/2008 19:26:57 »
So I went fishing the other day, and I saw a bear, didn't think anything of it at the time, but when I got home I went down the pub with a friend- Jim.
Ad a few bevies, and me and Jim started wondering weather it would be possible to fish with bears, you know, Bear-Fishing.
So it was over those few drinks we came up with the concept 'Bear-Fishing' and I remember we were on our fifthteenth pint, I said to Jim "Jim do you think it would be possible to teach a bear, to fly cast?"
Jim didn´t answer he was asleep.
So anyway we put a shack by the river and a little sign on the door that read 'Bear-fishing 5 Dollars'

And its been great for the bears you know, coz before they were dying out but now there are loads of them.
« Last Edit: 18/04/2008 16:51:40 by JOLLY »

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #65 on: 11/03/2008 18:46:33 »
What in the 7 realms is he wittering about?  [???]
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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Offline Andrew K Fletcher

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« Reply #66 on: 11/03/2008 19:13:19 »
Cowboy walks into a bar, "Ouch it was an iron bar" Asks for a whisky and catches it as it slides along the bar, drinking it in one gulp and moseying on out to find his horse has been stolen.

Kicks open the bat wing saloon doors walks up to the bar and bites the top off a glass bottle spitting it angrily at the bar man.

Says if my horse is not outside by the time I have drank this glass of whiskey the same is going to happen here as what happened in El Darado last week. On drinking up he walked out of the saloon and found his horse had been duly returned.

Little cringing guy trembeling with fear says; Sir, I hope you don't mind me asking a qu qu question, "but what did happen in El Darado last week"?

Our hero replies "I had to walk home"
Science is continually evolving. Nothing is set in stone. Question everything and everyone. Always consider vested interests as a reason for miss-direction. But most of all explore and find answers that you are comfortable with

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #67 on: 11/03/2008 19:44:59 »
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #68 on: 11/03/2008 22:29:12 »
Someone emailed this to me.. I thought it was cute!



An older couple is lying in bed one morning.

They had just awakened from a good night's sleep.

He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.'
'Why not?' he asked.
She answered, 'Because I'm dead.'
The husband asked.

'What are you talking about?

We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!'
She said, 'No, I'm definitely dead.'
He insisted, 'You are not dead.

What in the world makes you think you're dead?'


'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.'

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline DoctorBeaver

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« Reply #69 on: 12/03/2008 07:57:51 »
Quote
'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.'

That would be nice  [;D]
Fledgling science site at http://www.sciencefile.org/SF/content/view/54/98/ needs members and original articles. If you can help, please join.

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« Reply #70 on: 16/04/2008 16:59:43 »
What in the 7 realms is he wittering about?  [???]

Don't look at me Beaver, the cheese is insane. Clearly insane, thats where it all comes from.

How about this,

                 I'll call it:- Tragic and Hilarious

"So you'll give me $2,000.00 now and then a $1,000.00 everytime in the future?"

"Yea"

"NO, I don't think so"

"Wait, wait, we'll also let you finish off our Chinese food"

"Soo, you'll give me $2,000.00 now, and a $1,000.00 each time in the future, plus, you'll let me finish off the Chinese...uummm OK OK"  [:D]


I wonder if you'll get it. While you ponder...

I guy said to me a while back

"If a 7ft gorilla walks into your living room, where does he sit?"

"I Don't know" I replied

"Where ever he wants" said the guy

I retorted "Well, that's why he's a gorilla" [:)]
« Last Edit: 21/04/2008 17:38:23 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #71 on: 16/04/2008 17:37:44 »
                                 
                                     Shape Shifting Aliens

According to David Icke, shape shifting aliens run the planet. Now I have said this before and I shall say it again:
Am I the only one that thinks shape shifting alien women sounds kinda cool? I don't know about the rest of you but I'm going with:- Flowers, candy, dinner, show etc etc... [;)]

"Jolly, you idiot! She'll eat you before you get anywhere near the taxi"

"Really, you think?" [:)]

I don't actually know if these alien women exist or not; but, if they do, then really they deserve love and respect like everyone else, so there Mr Icke hardly helps the situation.

"Jolly, how can we respect them they eat people?"

"Well, come-on Dave, if Crocodile Dundee had anything to do with it, they would be on the Bar-B-Q too, that door swings both ways, don't it."

"Jolly we don't know where or who they are!"

"Well again, Mick Dundee could find them, the mans a legend"

"Jolly! These things could have a seriously bad agenda"

"well first, I don't think you should call them things, and really if they do exist, then their agenda is probably the same as everyone elses, you know- make the most out of life. And while we don't know if they exist we do know, Mick Dundee does, so that one for us"

So, you know, really, to me it's about respect, New rule: If you can have a conversation, then there off the menu- simple really. [:P]

So if there are any alien women reading this, I just want you to know, that, I just want you to be happy. In the end, here's one human that'll take you out on the town [:)]  oh yeah baby!

Oh, if any alien women are actually thinking about taking me up on this offer, can I have dibs on how you look? I'm thinking Paz Vega or Selma hyake(think that's how you spell it) but which ever I'm easy. [:)]
That's ofcourse a joke, you can come looking however you want to....

"Tom, Tom, there's a guy in that restaurant eating a salad, with a, giant lizard!"

"AND WHAT"

You may see me in a restaurant with lily yet [;D]   
« Last Edit: 17/06/2008 16:05:32 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #72 on: 17/04/2008 16:21:26 »
                                 Shape Shifting Aliens

So if there are any alien women reading this, I just want you to know, that, I just want you to be happy. In the end, here's one human that'll take you out on the town [:)]  oh yeah baby!

Oh, if any alien women are actually thinking about taking me up on this offer, can I have dibs on how you look? I'm thinking Paz Vega or Selma hyake(think that's how you spell it) but which ever I'm easy. [:)]
That's ofcourse a joke, you can come looking however you want to....

"Tom, Tom, there's a guy in that restaurant eating a salad, with a, giant lizard!" 

"John, Simpson's world, BBC, So did you enjoy you're meal?"

"No, it was terrible, next question"

"Yeah hi, James Whale, Talk Sport, So what did you eat?"

"We had soup, salad, those little cubed bits of fried bread you put..."

"NO, sorry, you´re just boring the crap out of me, now, why was it terrible?"

"Well, to put it frankly, he just spent the whole meal going on about some girl called lily"
« Last Edit: 18/04/2008 16:54:13 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #73 on: 17/04/2008 17:54:32 »
                               BILL HICKS

A female comic said of bill "It was Jesus Bill wanted to be, he wanted to save us all, but he got freeze framed at that moment Jesus walked into the temple and said ´you´ve turn my fathers house into a den of thieves´ and that was it, he was trying to be like Christ, at Christs angriest"

And you look at what Bill Hicks was actually saying and really it boils down to this: ´I love you and I know God loves you´. Really, all his cleaver and silly jokes about porn and everything else, just helped him deliver that message of love, to people that normally wouldn't listen.

So I ask you, could you be anymore Christian?

Anyway it was thinking about that, that I realised, I understood, that what I wanna be, is like Jesus, at his most annoying. [:)]

Some people think I'm cocky.

and I'm not cocky, what I am, is....SEXY  [;)]

No, no, I'm not sexy, I just wrote that, coz I knew it would annoy you.  [:)]

I'm annoying,  [:)] go with your graces.
« Last Edit: 17/04/2008 19:42:06 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #74 on: 18/04/2008 16:38:41 »
                                    THE MATRIX REVISITED

Agent Smith walks into the oval office....

Smith: "Mr President" (that's great isn't it, here I'll post it again)

Smith: "Mr President"

The president: "Oh, Hi Smith"

Smith: "what are you doing, Mr president?"

The president: "Oh I'm going over the speech, I'm going to give to congress about, negative freedom and the steps needed to be taken to preserve a truer form of democracy, and to prevent this trend towards corporate tyranny"

Smith: "I wonder, Mr president"

President: "About what Smith?"

Smith: "I wonder who is going to listen to your speech, when you can't even speak" 

-----------------------------------------------------------

In the joke version they then roll about laughing and the president says "go back out and come back in, but this time when you come in, call me Alice" "ok" replies Smith "but don't put the dress on"

-------------------------------------------------------------
« Last Edit: 11/06/2008 12:50:31 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #75 on: 18/04/2008 16:44:50 »
Had another idea about Bond walking into M's office and the chair spins round

Bond: "BLOWFELT!"

Blowfelt: "Yes 007, interesting file....."

----

Is 007 heading for heaven?

Has the man in a tux, run out of luck?

Is Blowfelt, really in charge?

Will moneypenny actually do some work?

Tune in next week for......

----

Lets face it we all know he´ll end up running everything anyway

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=I71Z_V_pksk&feature=related

Get to it people

http://www.familyguyblueharvestdvd.com/crawl/
« Last Edit: 20/04/2008 19:11:35 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #76 on: 18/04/2008 19:13:15 »
                                        TELE-FAILS
                                   
Oval office

ring ring, ring ring...

"Hello"

"Yes hi (brief pause while he looks through pad) Jim, this is the President, not a social call just a little call of enquiry"

"Oh, what about"

"Well(another brief pause while he turns page on script) as you know, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have almost bankrupted the country, and it appears that quite a substantial amount of the money we spent, actually ended up in a few of your bank accounts, so I was just wondering if you could possibly see your way, to maybe, err, wellll giving some of it back, in the interests of the country ofcourse"

´BBBRRRRRRRRRRR´

"Mr President I thought these people we're your friends?"

"Johnson, they are, maybe they're money is tight too now, given the current crisis? (another silent pause) Ooh, how about text message?"

 
« Last Edit: 18/04/2008 19:29:13 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #77 on: 18/04/2008 19:26:52 »
                             DOC, DOC....

"Here you go, you just need to take these pills for the rest of your life".

"Are there any side-effects to this medication Doctor?"

"No, No side-effects, it's really new stuff you know, oh wait, wait, there is one side-effect"

"Oh, what's that?"

"Nothing really, you'll just become an idiot (short uncomfortable silence) do you have sat nav?"

"No"

"Welll, I suppose it doesn't matter, in a few days you're unlikely to even remember your post code. OK here's your prescription and I'll see you when I see you"

"OH OK"

"Don't forget to shut the door on your way out, I know you won't, ok bye"

 
« Last Edit: 11/06/2008 12:52:48 by JOLLY »

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #78 on: 18/04/2008 20:29:00 »
nice ..jolly.. thanks for keeping it going....

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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« Reply #79 on: 19/04/2008 13:27:28 »
But you could for example have the machines build lots of different realities, to experiment, to see which one works best (which one keeps the most alive and by doing so generates the most electricity), and then have characters that stumble into them, and there, anything is possible.

As a start how about this, Guy running across roof tops with agents chasing him. He gets to the end of the roof looks and there's no where to go, just a huge drop.
One agent says to another "we can't lose the package" they slowly walk towards him and he jumps, falling towards street below, just as he starts to near the ground, it glows yellow, he smacks into it, and suddenly finds himself in water, he swims upwards, gasping for breath on reaching the surface and he´s in a river, he struggles to the river bank, lays his head in the mud; but before he can even think about relaxing he´s hanging upside down looking at an Ogre that's holding his foot.

                                      OOH MY MATRIX

NOBIN:
 "It wasn't so bad you know, I had a nice tree, in a good part of the forest, I had a very decent horse, men and elfs used to come to look at him, I could always say whatever happens, I've got that horse issue covered"

TOBIN:
"Shxt man, now it's all gone"

NOBIN:
"Hey, not funny"

TOBIN:
"Come on at least your free"

Robin jumps in the conversation

ROBIN:
"Free, you call this free? Sorry, ok, my life wasn't great, my wife got step on by a man, I spent most of my time, if not running from cats, hiding from scissor mouths"

NOBIN:
"From what?"

ROBIN:
"Well, I don't know what you call them"

TOBIN:
"He means ants"

ROBIN:
"Whatever! Those gits will eat your dinner, raid your larder and carry off your second wife before you can even saddle a snail.  My life was kinda hard, but it was better than this. And the thing with cats, I occasionally thought about, actually, most of my friends dreamed about it, wouldn't it be great if we we're big, then we could chase them. But what happens, I come to find I am big, not just that, but that I've always been big, everythings a lie and to top off, now I am big I find out, all the cats are dead"

BOBIN:
"Shut up, Pixie boy. oouu the irony"

ROBIN:
"Screw you, you racist"

TOBIN:
"Roobbbin come-on now, you're not a Pixie, you never were a Pixie, Pixies don't even exist"

ROBIN:
"Maybe, I may have spent the first 30 years of my life, thinking I was a pixie, when I was actually a man, and so what, even if I am actually a man, in some ways I will always be a pixie, and when I die, you're dam well gonna give me a pixie funeral!"

TOBIN:
"How we gonna do that?

ROBIN:
"I don't care if it means you've gotta jack-in, if you have to jack-in, then so be it"

NOBIN:
"Robin, why do you want a pixie funeral, I saw one once, it wasn't that special? Elf funerals are far nicer"

ROBIN:
"I don't want an elf funeral, I want a pixie funeral"

TOBIN:
"Robin, if you want a pixie funeral, then you can have one, I just hope you realise, we're gonna have to free a Priest and a choir to do it"

ROBIN:
"So what, according to you, they'll all be well happy. They'll all be free, wont they!"

 [:P]   
« Last Edit: 11/06/2008 12:54:24 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #80 on: 19/04/2008 14:01:13 »
I did promise it, so here it is....

                              NINJA CRICKET

Sadly you have to be a Ninja to either watch or play Ninja Cricket, a normal person trying to view a game, would simply see an empty field with a few trees in it, and nine Ninjas sitting by the tea house sipping tea, and occasionally going woo and clapping.

But with the marvel of digital slow motion replay:

A Ninja appears from somewhere and bowls at the wicket, another batting Ninja appears from somewhere and hits the ball, all the fielding Ninjas at this moment pop up and start firing blow darts, which the batters dodge as they run.

Basically [:)]

« Last Edit: 19/04/2008 15:53:06 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #81 on: 19/04/2008 15:53:13 »

THE BEST OF MY LILY POST MARCH TO JULY 2007!!!!!


OK everyone I just thought I should clarify, Yes I do like lily.

I think she is a good artist, and has a great character... But that is where it ends.

The main reason why, I decided to pick her, as it were, was because I felt that if I annoyed her enough, she might write a ´Shut up Jolly´ song. [;D]

I am of course a fan, and I wish her well, and hope that should she have actually read any of these stupid jokes, that she found them funny.

We live in hope.

HUGS

JOLLY.
« Last Edit: 20/04/2008 15:32:33 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #82 on: 19/04/2008 16:34:37 »
I had a survey done on people that had read this thread, not going to bore you with all the results, but this one is interesting;

62% of people polled who had just finished reading this thread, drank a double espresso and then read it again. [:)]

We will pray for the man that can't stop. [;D]

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« Reply #83 on: 19/04/2008 17:43:00 »
                           OH MY MATRIX CONTINUED........

"Right ok, so let me just get this all straight in my head. Now, I'm not a Pixie high priest, I never was a pixie, I am a man, what it is, is that thousands of years ago humans and machines had a war, am I right so far?"

"Yes"

"OK, the mens lost this war, even though they destroyed the sky, which they did, to stop the machines using solar power, not that I even know what this solar power is. Right and because of that the machines needed a way of getting energy, and to do so they decided to plug all humans into a computer generated world, which I and you have come from. They did that as a way of generating and harvesting our bio-speric.."

"Bio-spheric energy"

"right, bio-spheric energy, so, I am also correct up to here?"

"More or less"

"Ok, and there are lots of different types of these matrices?"

"yes, matrices"

"fine matrices, in my matrix I was a pixie high priest, but this was all just an illusion, because pixies have never existed, what it was, was that the machines used literature and stories from our past, to help them invent these imaginary worlds, and I was induced to believe that I was a Pixie, when in reality I was a man. Am I correct?"

"yes"

"now the only reason you have freed me from this illusory world, this illusory prison, is because, when Robin dies he wants a full Pixie funeral, even though Pixie tradition and everthing that relate to it, are pure fantasy?"

"Basically........Yes"

Robin: "Hey, Gobin don't be down, come-on your free, baby"

Gobin: "Can we chase cats?"

Robin: "No, they all died years ago, that really bummed me out"

« Last Edit: 20/04/2008 16:57:53 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #84 on: 19/04/2008 19:02:22 »
nice ..jolly.. thanks for keeping it going....

Well how could I not lady? If I didn't, then the satanic, sex obsessed idiots, that run this planet would have won. And that can't happen.

"Jolly, we're not all like that"

"Really?"

"Ofcourse not, take Tom for example, a few years back he lost his testicles in a horrific hand-gliding accident, and none of our wives even know about our sexy parties, and take Jim too, the guy hasn't been able to get it up for ages" 

"Maybe, but I bet Jim uses one of those pump devices I've seen on QVC"

"Well, ok yes, Jim has been known to use a pump device, that I'll give you, but he never got from QVC, and Tom completely invalidates your claim, we even made him our leader"

"Well that's alright then, GIZ-MASTER-ZERO runs the planet"

Anyway Karen I think I'll have to hand it over to you; At least for the next 6 months anyway.

Hugs
  
« Last Edit: 22/04/2008 12:35:12 by JOLLY »

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #85 on: 19/04/2008 21:52:42 »
 me... I think not.. I haven't a humorous  bone in my body!!!  .I have to leave that to all you jokesters... i am not a funny person.. hee hee. 

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline neilep

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« Reply #86 on: 19/04/2008 21:58:42 »
me... I think not.. I haven't a humorous  bone in my body!!!  .I have to leave that to all you jokesters... i am not a funny person.. hee hee. 

LOL...that's funny !
Men are the same as women, just inside out !

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #87 on: 19/04/2008 22:45:39 »
....Now just how is that funny.... Sheepy??? lol.. you are the funny Sheepy around here.... you all should be stand up comics.... you truly missed your calling when you turned to a life of crime..... stealing Lo's Prada's and parading around on stage... your a natumral Sheepy!!!!!! Hee.. Hee.. Hee ......Hee .........

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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« Reply #88 on: 20/04/2008 16:32:16 »
me... I think not.. I haven't a humorous  bone in my body!!!  .I have to leave that to all you jokesters... i am not a funny person.. hee hee. 

LOL...that's funny !
....Now just how is that funny.... Sheepy??? lol.. you are the funny Sheepy around here.... you all should be stand up comics.... you truly missed your calling when you turned to a life of crime..... stealing Lo's Prada's and parading around on stage... your a natumral Sheepy!!!!!! Hee.. Hee.. Hee ......Hee .........

Completely disagree Karen, I'm nuts, I try, but since the end of last year my jokes have just got worse and worse, but then looking back the ones before were terrible, which means they may have improved.... It just gets weirder. [:P]

I have always felt that you had a great sense of humor Karen. And really, I suppose if just one person giggles, it's worth it.

Flanagans Law no. 73, 'Dead or alive, the cheese just stinks' I have spoken to him, but he wont listen. [:)]
Flanagans Law no. 75, 'you're in trouble, if everyone but the boss laughs'

How about this:

                            A NEW PARTY

A new party has been born, the 'cowardly sellout party'

Are you easily intimidated by big business, members of the arms industry and or shadowy cults?

Are you prepared to sellout your people, your entire nation?

Are you happy to give up, sacrifice, and destroy, everything your ancestors fought, suffered and died for?

You are, then we need you, your vote, and your silence.

                THAT WAS A BROADCAST ON BEHALF OF THE C.S.P
--------------------

You see, I've just lost it. [:P]

How to make it funny? the answer: Who answered so?

"Yes I do scare myself, Already done that and already done that, OK, what's for breakfast... SALAD! AGAIN!!!"
« Last Edit: 11/06/2008 13:02:36 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #89 on: 20/04/2008 19:43:42 »
strange how jokes change over time, you know I need to post this again


How many idiot´s does it take to change a light bulb?

We don't know, they still haven't managed to change it [;D]
« Last Edit: 21/04/2008 19:25:01 by JOLLY »

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #90 on: 20/04/2008 19:52:57 »
well you are funny always have been.. and if they were bad jokes and made me laugh.. then....whats that say for my sense of humor??? LOL..

 thanks Jolly an Neil.. thats kind of both of you.

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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« Reply #91 on: 21/04/2008 19:22:35 »
well you are funny always have been.. and if they were bad jokes and made me laugh.. then....whats that say for my sense of humor??? LOL..

 thanks Jolly an Neil.. thats kind of both of you.

Thankyou Karen, your the one. [:)] I think it's 1 year and a month since I joined NS. What a year; It has been an adventure, as life is. It's been great, the banning, arguements, laughs etc etc... I truely do love this forum, I think we all owe Chris a big thankyou.

HUGS to you all

JOLLY

Lets start again:

Come one and all and please post your jokes, funny stories from your day or your past, or other peoples days or pasts.(think that makes sense)

KNOCK, KNOCK
Who is there
DOCTOR
Doctor who?
You just said it

And with that he was gone [::)]
« Last Edit: 21/04/2008 19:33:44 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #92 on: 21/04/2008 19:54:32 »
good luck and best wishes Jolly!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Andrew K Fletcher

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« Reply #93 on: 03/06/2008 18:34:54 »
The humorous bone in the body one liner was very funny :) Bows to the American Humour (For once)

Science News Report

Farmer in Devonshire has succeeding in growing his first crop of vibrators. All is not well though as he now has a huge problem with squatters: P
Science is continually evolving. Nothing is set in stone. Question everything and everyone. Always consider vested interests as a reason for miss-direction. But most of all explore and find answers that you are comfortable with

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« Reply #94 on: 03/06/2008 18:49:59 »
A lady is recovering in hospital after having a vaginal tuck, she turned over to see three beautiful bouquets of flowers and reading the first card on the display closest it said; “Thank you for being such a wonderful and understanding wife I love you.

On a high with a smile wider than the Nile she reads on the second impeccable display of expensive flowers. Wishing you a speedy recovery, the operation was a success thanks for being a model patient, Your Surgeon and team.

On a roll she can’t wait to read the card on the last bouquet which says; “Hi, I am Bob from the Burns Unit. Thank you so much for my new ears. 
Science is continually evolving. Nothing is set in stone. Question everything and everyone. Always consider vested interests as a reason for miss-direction. But most of all explore and find answers that you are comfortable with

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« Reply #95 on: 03/06/2008 20:01:42 »
The humorous bone in the body one liner was very funny :) Bows to the American Humour (For once)

Science News Report

Farmer in Devonshire has succeeding in growing his first crop of vibrators. All is not well though as he now has a huge problem with squatters: P


HEE HEE HEE HEE... LOL!! LOL!! Nice one!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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« Reply #96 on: 04/06/2008 18:51:36 »
Mr Joe a teacher who teaches english in a school is a stammerer. On that fateful day he was teaching the students about word pronounciation, but when he got to the word hippopotamus he stammered out the word hip hip hip ... before ha could finish the students shouted hurray

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« Reply #97 on: 05/06/2008 09:27:22 »
                          PORN....

OK so, I mean, I like eating you know, I quite enjoy food, Steak and chips, maybe even a burger or two, but I am not going down the video store and asking the guy behind the counter if he has anything in the way of, 'Guy eating steak or girl eating salad'.

"Yeah you got anything on Mcd's food? Ouu Group eat steak part 7, sounds great!"

A guy said to me once "You know most of the men and women in porn a gay, thats how they last so long"  Well I didn't know that but he did just give me a whole new list of reasons not to watch it.
I don't need a video thankyou, I find out for myself, I cannot see a bigger waste of time than watching porn. Completely unreal rubbish, which some idiots decide to go copy; there's intelligence for you.

I might write to play boy actually:

Yeah I visited room 101 and 30 women and an alien shagged the crap out of me.

Signed
ANON [:P]

----------------------------

PS, It does kinda sound cool, but really it's; "Here you go ladies, do what you want to him"

PPS, that was the nice day, the highlight has to be, being dragged on to an altar with loads of satanist chanting 'die die die'. Not forgetting all the other horrors that sit somewhere in-between the two.

PPPS, So you can see right there who these people are, 'birds of a feather work together'.

PPPPS, by your fruits are you shown. So I just have to say to megatron and your evil minons, the day I'll be finished with you people, is the day you kill me. Gonna annoy you people right to the moment I leave.
« Last Edit: 09/06/2008 12:32:41 by JOLLY »

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« Reply #98 on: 05/06/2008 09:33:40 »
                              SIM PLANET

"You know the problem with the game 'Sim eco-planet?'"

"No Megatron, what is the problem with 'Sim eco-planet' the game?"

"Well Starscream 2, every kid that plays it ends up wanting to get rid of us, so I have decided to make a new game called 'Sim money sphere'. Afterall lets not forget, every time something dies the G.D.P gos up."

"What happened to Starscream 1?" whispers James
"Shh, we don't talk about it" replies Jim

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #99 on: 05/06/2008 10:25:55 »
Funny Jolly! Hee hee hee...

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."