[Jimbee (OP)]

I don't know if this is the appropriate boards to bring up my personal history or past. I know other members don't do it often. But I think this is probably the last time I'll do it here.

Yeah. I don't know if anyone wants to hear about my history. I think I told you once about my personal moral beliefs. And I really think it is my life experiences that led to them. But first my history.

I only found out in 2011, when I was in my 40's, something odd. At age 7 (about 1975) I saw a nice lady psychiatrist. She talked to me for a while, and probably gave me a couple of tests. Then at one point she kept asking me to come in the room and leave and come back in again. That is all I remember. Then at the end the of the visit she had me come in again. She said, allegedly to my parents, I think he is all right. "Perfectly normal" is all I remember her saying for sure. Take him home, he'll be all right. Anyways, in 2011 another doctor said she thought I did have a slight problem. Possibly Schizotypal Personality Disorder. But I guess didn't need therapy or medicine because I was very well behaved.

Then in 8th grade, 1981-2, I started innocently looking at the boy in my class. Just looking. Nothing else. And chaos ensued. He started yelling at me and giving me these pouty looks, like he was about to cry, sometimes. I remember he was intelligent. But very, very immature (maturity and intelligence are not the same thing, you know). Then he started getting me in trouble. For note-passing. At one point, in Miss S's room, I was holding an innocent paper. The boys saw it and tackled me, and wrestled it out of my hand. CK said, well. It's innocent this time. But I'll put it on Miss S's desk. Let her decide for herself IOW (he told me).

Finally Miss S told my mother at the end of the year my three teachers wanted to talk her. For "a little unfinished business" she told my mother. (That woman had such a warped sense of humor. I'm serious.) My mother told me the three teachers said the "note-passing" had got out hand. If I passed just one or two, okay. But I passed several that year. As I said, I suspect boys were just getting me trouble to make the boy I looked at feel better and get revenge (he looked like a model, BTW). My note-passing required therapy now, they told Mom.

Mom was reluctant. But she took me to a nearby hospital where we live. There were two social workers. A nice one and a mean one, we later recalled. I got the mean one. He sounded like he was interrogating me. Actually I think he was making fun of me. Seriously. He asked stupid questions. Mainly do I have a slight degree of OCD. I actually do. I think my teachers may have noticed that early on. I answered no, no, no to all of his questions. Because I was humiliated. "Note passing? Note passing?? Note passing???" I kept telling myself. And plus like I said, he was making fun of me. No one had ever talked to me like that before in my life. Well, he told me at the end of the interview. You answered, no, to everything. And that's good. It's actually a relief to hear that. But that note passing? It's out of control. You need help! Anyways, my mother later told me, yeah. That guy was way too rude. And note passing? My mother agreed. That is ridiculous. Let's just forget about this and move on.

Anyways, so I do have Schizotypal Personality Disorder. And in 2011, a doctor confirmed that I obviously have cerebral palsy. A mild case, probably due to birth trauma he said. I have had a weird way of walking all my life. And weakness, in all four limbs. (You know, children, note passing or not. That handsome boy above could have done some serious damage to me. He was very very angry, that I was looking at him. And note-passing. I cannot defend myself due to my CP. I am very weak physically. And I bruise easily. ["Note passing"?])

Actually, a lady friend told me recently my CP could have caused some other problems too, besides movement and strength. Interesting. My problems have never been severe, BTW.

[alancalverd]

Your biggest problem seems to be living with a medical system that takes 40 years to diagnose cerebral palsy in a man who has

had a weird way of walking all my life. And weakness, in all four limbs.

Sympathy, my friend, and a curse on all the teachers and health visitors who never questioned it.

[Eternal Student]

Hi.

You also have my sympathy and I'm sure the same applies from a great many people.

"Your history" isn't just a collection of medical things that may have happened to you.  You won't be judged (or shouldn't be judged) on your medical history.   You've been involved in several discussions here.   I would have thought you're welcome to continue asking questions or join discussions in this website.

Best Wishes.

[Zer0]

@Jim

You are Always nice n cordial n at times funny.

Much much better than some Others in here who are annoyed & irritated & frustrated all the bloody time.


I obviously will not pass judgements, but imho, everyone seems to have something or the other they would like to change, improve n get better at.
(Human Condition)


ps - grumpy when born.
       grumpy in childhood.
       grumpy as teens.
       grumpy in adulthood.
       grumpy in midlife.
       grumpy in old age.
grumpy six inches above ground, n grumpy six feet under.

Note Passing : -
Grumpiness has got Nothing to do with age,
It is Simply a state of the Mind.
Possible antidotes include deep breaths, frequent hugs & a loadfull of smiles.
: )

[Jimbee (OP)]

Thanks, Zer0 . I just saw your post now.

I think this is probably the last I will post to this thread. But I was going to add about that boy from GS (who will remain nameless of course). I guess he was trying make an issue of the fact I was gay in the 8th grade as I said. It seems obvious I think. I had no problem being gay by the 8th grade. Neither did my mother. Our principal Sr. S seemed to have no problem with it. But this boy told us he was dating another girl from the GS, from the same grade of course, the year before. Before that too, IIRC. There's nothing wrong with being gay. But dating someone at age 11 or 12. That sounds kind of odd to me. Or maybe not. I just bring that up because where I live, everyone seems to think they're an armchair psychologist.

Also, even in the 8th grade, the teachers noticed I was attracted to men's legs. In English class once in the 8th, for example. I also liked this ancient Greek statue with an extended his leg. This was c. 6th grade, and I remember the teacher seemed to notice. Because a doctor told me a couple of years ago legs are usually a fertility thing. IOW, I subconsciously wanted to have their baby. And they would have know that even back then. How odd. As I said, they told me my problems were solely with passing notes, not sexual. But the gay thing obviously had something to do with it all.