[neilep (OP)]

Dear Eaterologists,

See Clarissa here ?

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Nice he ?...look at her there...beckoning us to devour her like the come-hither naked wench that she is !!

....here she is now :

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*le yummy*

I do like my steaks rare though, and Clarissa doesn't seem to mind too !

So, when did we start eating cooked food ?...was it by accident ?..or was it a great idea ?


*sticks another bit of Clarissa on the grill*

Yummy !


Thank ewe for your kind marinating with this food query.


Neil
Eater Of Food

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[Don_1]

Mr & Mrs Ug went out one day just after a fire had swept through the forest. Looking at the damage the fire had done Mr Ug said to Mrs Ug “UG!” Mrs Ug agreed and retorted “Ug ug”.
Then Mrs Ug found one of the small animals known, as an Ug, that scamper around the forest floor. It had been caught in the fire and all it’s fur had been burnt off. Feeling a little peckish, Mrs Ug took a bite out of the Ug, and to her surprise, it tasted better than usual and was more tender. “Ug ugug!” She called to her husband. He sauntered across the ashes to her and took a bite out of the Ug. “Mmm ugug ug ug” He said (He had just invented a new word, “Mmm”, cleaver Mr Ug). He then handed his woman a root which he had pulled out of the scorched earth. “Ug ugug” he said. Mrs Ug took a bite of the root, they were normally bitter and took a lot of chewing, but this one was mushy and had no bitterness at all.
“Ugug ug ugug ug ugug ugug” said Mrs. Ug. So Mr Ug dutifully went off to catch some of the small fury Ug’s that had ventured back into the forest, while Mrs Ug dug up some unburnt Ug roots.
They took their booty back to the settlement and showed them to everyone. “Ug?” asked the tribal elder. Mrs Ug explained, “ugug ugug ug, ug ugugugug ug ugug ug.” Everyone listened in amazement, and Mrs Ug began the demonstration. “Ug ug ug ugug” she told Mr Ug. He looked at her with utter bewilderment. Mr Ug had never made a fire before and, to the best of his knowledge, nobody ever had. “UG UG???” he asked, hoping for some useful direction from his woman on how to start a fire. “Ug *^!*$:*.<^ ug ugug , UG!!!” said Mrs Ug scornfully (She had just invented the first swear word, cleaver Mrs Ug).
Mr Ug found some smouldering embers and managed to get a small fire going. ‘UG’ he thought to himself realising he had just become the first person to harness the power of fire.
Mrs Ug threw in the Ug roots and watched them as they gradually turned colour. Then she hooked them out with a long stick and passed them around. Apart from a few burnt fingers, it was a complete success; everyone enjoyed their roasted Ug root. Mrs Ug then threw into the fire one of the fury little Ug’s. It jumped out of the fire and shot off like grease lightening, never to be seen again. Mr Ug, on seeing this, took the long stick from Mrs Ug and shoved it right up OUCH of another Ug and then put it in the fire. (Mr Ug had invented the skewer and a form of torture that would be utilised many thousands of years later by Count Vladimir Dracula, or Vlad the Impaler as he became known and thus the story of Count Dracula as written by Bram Stoker , Mr Ug received no royalties for this.) The fury little Ug began to cook.
“Ug” said one onlooker, “Ugug” said another. “*&$£@:**<” shouted Mrs Ug. (She had just invented the 2nd swear word) Mrs Ug was having none of this ‘I’ll have mine rare’ or ‘well done’ lark.
When the Ug was cooked, Mr Ug chopped it into pieces with a piece of flint and pushed sticks into the pieces to hand around. (Mr Ug had just invented cutlery, cleaver Mr Ug). The cooked Ug was enjoyed by everyone. All that was missing was a few ice cold cans of beer, but sadly, neither Mr nor Mrs Ug thought of that. It would be many moons later that a chap by the name of Ugh would discover that some fruits leaves and other vegetation could be used to produce ‘Happy Water’.
And so it was that women would cook vegetables while men would stand over the BBQ cremating pieces of meat on a skewer.

What a load of old *$^)@#*, to coin a phrase from the late great Mrs Ug.

[neilep (OP)]

LOL !!

I hope they remembered that certain foods need to be cooked thoroughly else they would have also been ''urrrrghhing... all over the place !

I am sure that Mrs Ug cooking skills are alive and well reincarnated in my wife's fine culinary art ...(I say ' art ' in the loosest possible sense....well...except Jason Pollock)


LOL..THANK EWE DON    
   

[JimBob]

There is another reason - as we changed from Homo erectus to Homo sapien, fueled as most believe, by increased quantities of meat protein in our diets, I feel strongly that the digestive system of the species underwent a change as well. "Fueled by fire - " (please excuse the pun, I usually eschew them) I believe H. sapien's guts lost much of its flora and fauna that allowed for the digestion without problem of "spoiled" meat. As H. erectus were probably scavengers until they started making tools and using fire, they had, by necessity, stronger stomach acids and intestinal parasites that would allow them to eat and digest without problem "road kill." Cooking helped the newly emerging species utilize protein from sources that would have before not been palatable for the new system they had developed.

Anyone for road kill chili?

 

[Don_1]

Well, I just tried some of your suggested 'road kill chili' and I wouldn't reccomend it.

Tastes bloody awful and has an undesireable effect..... i.e. , also my guest was unimpressed when I and the whole affair degenerated into a match

Our displeasure was then made all the worse, I suggest if anyone else tries this, remove the road kill from the middle of the road first.

[RD]

Heat can be used to preserve meat by drying, a.k.a. "Jerky"