[lover454 (OP)]

MY QUESTION AFTER YOU READ EVERYTHING: DO YOU AGREE WITH WHAT I SAID” AND AFTER TODAY’S CONVERSATION CAN DOREEN ACCEPT THE FACT THAT HER MOM ALWAYS THOUGHT DOREEN WAS THIN

UPDATE TWO WEEKS LATER:
Doreen: “Can I ask you something”
Mom: “What”
Doreen: “You always thought I was thin”
Mom: “YES I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE THIN

PART ONE:: OK yesterday Doreen’s mom (in her 80’s) and Doreen (in her 50’s) went to a movie..  Any way as the movie started all of a sudden Doreen got very hot and extremely dizzy.

Mom: “What is wrong”
Doreen: “I feel dizzy”
The dizziness stopped but Doreen was nervous a little bit throughout the movie.  When the movie ended:

Mom: “Just wait until we get into the car I want to talk to you”
Doreen: “Well if we are going to have a fight I don’t want to hear it”
Mom: “Then take the bus”
But Doreen got into the car
Mom: “You have to stop drinking coffee”
Doreen: “I know I am going to stop”
(And Doreen thought that would be the end of the conversation - wrong)
Mom: “I know you drink coffee for weight loss.  You don’t need to lose any more weight”
Doreen: “But I was always skinny”
Mom: “Yes but now you are even skinnier”

This got Doreen mad and they had some fight.  When they came home her mom said nasty things to Doreen and Doreen said nasty things back to her mom. 
Mom: “You need to gain weight”
Doreen: “No I don’t”
Mom: “It isn’t just the coffee but the way you eat”
Doreen: “I like salads“
Mom: “But when you order a salad they give you mostly lettuce and six strips of chicken you leave over two.”

PART TWO; (THE NEXT DAY);
Doreen: “Mom do you want to know why I got mad yesterday it is because you made it sound like I wasn’t always thin”
Mom: “That is how you hear it”

UPDATE (TWO DAYS LATER):
Doreen: "Mom you always thought I was thin"
Mom: "Yes"
Doreen: "What about when we had another fight at home after the fight in the car and you said that I get mad if people call me fat"
Mom: "Who would ever call you fat. I only said that because I was mad"



THEN DOREEN CALLED ME AND I TOLD HER THAT “HER MOM ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS THIN.  HER MOM JUST MEANT YOU WERE ALWAYS THIN BUT NOW YOU ARE EVEN SKINNIER”   MY QUESTION: DO YOU AGREE WITH WHAT I SAID”

[Karen W.]

You told Doreen what you believed her mom meant... were you there when her mom said these things.. did you hear with your ears how it was said.. and the tones and such in the voice when things were said.. or are you just going by what Doreen said?

 I find it very difficult to say I would agree as I don't know the situation only what you said, occurred and wonder if you were there listening to the conversations and fight etc... I believe it would be better that I not remark as to weather I would agree or not since I did not here the actual conversation... do you understand...

Good luck with your friend and it really boils down to what she believes about herself eh?

[Make it Lady]

I think Doreen thinks that her Mom thinks she is imperfect. Daughters like to be loved unconditionally by their parents and perhaps Doreen's Mom has always been over critical of her daughter. Mom has obviously always been jealous of Doreen and therefore undermines her confidence in order to feel good about herself. Doreen must be thicker skinned about her Mom and realise that at 50 she is her own woman and that it is Moms problem not hers. Mothers can often be jealous of their daughters and it usually comes at the menapause for Mom just as daughter is blooming.