Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1600 on: 04/10/2011 21:41:30 »

I'm sure a few pithy [apple] puns must be lurking around here somewhere.


I'm sure, too. It would be a pity otherwise!
« Last Edit: 04/10/2011 21:43:07 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1601 on: 05/10/2011 10:09:58 »
I can't wait for Pear month......













YES???????? And just what picture were you expecting?

I don't know, some people........... always got their minds in the gutter
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Karen W.

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« Reply #1602 on: 05/10/2011 17:02:18 »
A- pear-ant-ly it ap-pears to be pear season here now as my pear tree is losing its pear in pears I mean pairs...!
« Last Edit: 05/10/2011 17:04:07 by Karen W. »

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1603 on: 05/10/2011 17:44:52 »


See, Don? Just say the word and a nice pear walks in to say hi!!!

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1604 on: 07/10/2011 12:37:25 »
Ah yes! And wearing some nice apearal, I'll wager.

Which brings a question to mind; why do I have a shirt but a pair of trousers?

Why not a shirt and a trouser? Or a pair of shirts?

OK, so the trousers go over two legs, but then a bra holds two (eh em, you know what I mean), but its a bra, not a pair of bras.

What's this got to do with punning?????????

Any way, back to the pair pear. A much underrated fruit. Perhaps we should set up a conference to discuss this matter. I'm sure it would be a sensation. Topics could include the use of peartree dishes in biochemical research, pear reviewing scientific research and the application of pearabolas in mathematics. I'm sure the audience would clapp wildly. We could also have a demonstration of how to pare a pair of pears.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1605 on: 08/10/2011 04:23:49 »

Amazing, Don! So things are not always as they appear!

Just my opinion, but I think your exploration of bras and trousers, (NOT to be confused with  _browsers_  that hold up the Internet.) far more compelling for some strange reason. Hm.

Now I hope to pare my waist by eating more of those conference sensations. After all, how can 50 million doctors be wrong???

Thanks for the great education, now maybe we can start a PTA  (Pearent-Teacher Association, too!

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1606 on: 08/10/2011 04:31:04 »
Don's Pear Punning Award!



If you lie it on its side, it can double as a peartree dish!
« Last Edit: 08/10/2011 04:40:58 by demografx »


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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1608 on: 09/10/2011 11:52:34 »


It's in December


Can I wait that long? Who knows? Pearhaps I can, I'm sure it will be treemendous.

But what about Loganberries and goosgogs??? I just lurrrrrrrve them. Just one small problem, I can instantly think of a goosgog pun: The weather was rather inclement, so I gave the order to the bird, 'Goose, berry your eggs'. But a loganberry pun?????


Hmmmmmmm......... Ah yes.......

After the harvest I was logan berries into the truck to take to market when a hijacker of considerable disadvantage in height tried to rob me. Well, I was having none of that, but he was too short for me counter as he drew his pistol from its holster. I put my hands up. I did not want this low gun burying me.
« Last Edit: 09/10/2011 11:55:05 by Don_1 »
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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1609 on: 10/10/2011 05:39:52 »


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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1610 on: 10/10/2011 05:58:41 »
This is
International Newspaper Carrier Day!

Like his counterpart in the postal service, a good carrier always keeps you posted.

(However, the postal service is a mail dominated profession).
« Last Edit: 10/10/2011 06:06:02 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1611 on: 10/10/2011 06:28:48 »

 


This is an invasion of privacy! However did you acquire my official Passport photo?????

Harrrruuuummmmppphhh!!

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1612 on: 10/10/2011 15:52:51 »
This is
International Newspaper Carrier Day!

Sorry, I have to report I have a more pressing engagement.

Edward, bring that 5th columnist over here, now Ed, 'it 'er with this gun, but be sure to eject the magazine first.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1613 on: 10/10/2011 17:59:08 »
Do you think International Punning Chimney Sweep's Day might be super-flue-house here?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1614 on: 11/10/2011 03:42:19 »

Do you think International Punning Chimney Sweep's Day might be super-flue-house here?


No, but extra-vagcant perhaps?

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1615 on: 17/10/2011 22:16:36 »



Halloween's approaching!

Don't forget to pump your kin for any ideas they may have for you!

2 [pumpkin] heads are better than one!


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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1616 on: 20/10/2011 11:47:54 »
If only your name was Ian, I could say 'Hello Ian'.

Its all a load of old warlocks anyway. Witch day does it fall on? I suppose I shall have to enter into the spirit of the event, it gouls without saying really.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1617 on: 21/10/2011 03:58:18 »



"Ghouls without saying"?

I won't fall for that trick or I'll be treated much worse by The Ghostbusters! {fright}


« Last Edit: 21/10/2011 04:17:04 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1618 on: 22/10/2011 13:04:16 »

"Ghouls without saying"?



WHOOOOSHhhhh


"Wow!!! What was that?
"I don't know, it went without saying."

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1619 on: 24/10/2011 16:49:38 »
I would write you a letter, but my pen has run out.

****Come back, pen****


If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1620 on: 24/10/2011 16:53:30 »
On the first day of Xmas,
My true love sent to me.....

A section of a protrusion from a cliff face in a shallow glass dish spread with agar.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline imatfaal

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« Reply #1621 on: 25/10/2011 09:59:05 »
a part-ridge in a petri?
Thereís no sense in being precise when you donít even know what youíre talking about.  John Von Neumann

At the surface, we may appear as intellects, helpful people, friendly staff or protectors of the interwebs. Deep down inside, we're all trolls. CaptainPanic @ sf.n

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1622 on: 25/10/2011 12:39:22 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1623 on: 01/11/2011 01:50:46 »

I would write you a letter, but my pen has run out.

****Come back, pen****





When it returns, don't PENalize it just for taking a beak!
« Last Edit: 01/11/2011 01:52:38 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1624 on: 01/11/2011 15:02:01 »
Have you seen my walking stick?
Yes, it went out for a walk
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1625 on: 02/11/2011 05:23:53 »

Have you seen my walking stick?

Yes, it went out for a walk


Don: stick to your guns, reprimand it as needed, but don't let this become a sticking point in furthering your harmonious relations with the well-intentioned walking stick.



« Last Edit: 02/11/2011 05:56:17 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1626 on: 02/11/2011 05:40:43 »
« Last Edit: 02/11/2011 05:42:34 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1627 on: 02/11/2011 15:50:50 »
You left the tap running
How do you know?
Because its miles away now
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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1628 on: 02/11/2011 15:53:11 »
Senile agitation?

Sounds like stirring up an Egyptian river.
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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1629 on: 02/11/2011 19:52:34 »
Don, the advertising is out already for the movie:

"See Nile Agitation" !!

Starring Crocodile Dundee
              + Cast of 1,000's of Egyptian Military!
« Last Edit: 02/11/2011 19:59:09 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1630 on: 02/11/2011 19:57:51 »

You left the tap running

How do you know?

Because its miles away now


I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1631 on: 03/11/2011 09:42:35 »
I'll thank you not to plug your alternative occupations here. It can be a drain on rescorces to be over flowing with such information.

Anyway, water you talking about, I thought you were in to playing the bass in a group and tending to your crop of plumbs.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1632 on: 06/11/2011 02:48:02 »

I think your ears are clogged. Do you still think I'm flush with cash?

I took a plunge into tap dancing, and I'm lucky I survived!

Also thought you had a better handle on the situation.

My advice:  don't confuse  a "Quintile" (in math) for an Italian ceramic factory.

« Last Edit: 06/11/2011 02:57:27 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1633 on: 06/11/2011 20:35:51 »
November is.....National Novel Writing Month!
http://www.nanowrimo.org/

This may be novel to you, and news to me!

A novelist's career is not written in stone, so c'mon and write, you may just be the next Hemingway!

Paper the walls with all your Great Ideas for that novel!

And once you've made that promise to write,  keep your word!






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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1634 on: 07/11/2011 17:58:48 »
I shall book a date to cover to this event. My page, Alan, will accompany me. I can get him to place my stakes on the horses that day, yes, I shall use Al for bets.

Will I get slated for that contrived pun? Another one for Demo to chalk up. He'll doubtless sentence me to 100 lines for that.

If I were a ship, would I be in decks?

« Last Edit: 07/11/2011 18:01:48 by Don_1 »
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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1635 on: 09/11/2011 05:20:24 »

If I were a ship, would I be in decks?


There goes Don, using his index finger to ask a lot of pointed questions.


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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1636 on: 09/11/2011 14:07:36 »

If I were a ship, would I be in decks?


There goes Don, using his index finger to ask a lot of pointed questions.



Drat & Curses, while thumbing through the book I have been fingered again by the Demo-punster. You've got to hand it to him, most face defeet at his army of puns, they are so far ahead of the rest. Any man, once beaten, well, hel bow to your superior puns if you kneed him to, or will have no option but to leg it, with his feeble puns in toe tow. His puns will have been waisted.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1637 on: 10/11/2011 00:12:51 »
Just like Don, Grey's Anatomy has many humerus remarks.
« Last Edit: 10/11/2011 00:14:46 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1638 on: 10/11/2011 09:28:51 »
...... humerus .........

Isn't that commonly known as the 'funny bone'?


The bone of contention here, is that ulnather bone which can hammer out jokes anvil you with joy and laughter is the scapula, though you would not agree if during WWII you had been in Scapula Flow. I hope I don't get a ribbing for that. Demo can be quite sternum at times.

Must pop off to the shop now, get Mr. Patela to supply me with a table cloth of a radius to fit the kitchen table. It will have tibia a blue one to match the decor. If I don't, I will only stirr up trouble with the Mrs.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1639 on: 10/11/2011 23:34:50 »


...... humerus .........


Isn't that commonly known as the 'funny bone'?


I don't find that the least bit humerus whatsoever.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1640 on: 10/11/2011 23:40:40 »

I hope I don't get a ribbing for that. Demo can be quite sternum at times.


Whew!

I'm sooooooooo glad you got THAT off your chest! [:)]
« Last Edit: 11/11/2011 00:19:19 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1641 on: 10/11/2011 23:57:00 »

"Ghouls without saying"?



WHOOOOSHhhhh


"Wow!!! What was that?
"I don't know, it went without saying."






Mod edit - the above animated-emoticon was brazenly plagiarized from Don_1 November 11, 2011 @ 04:05PM PDT. Scotland Yard advised.



« Last Edit: 11/11/2011 00:14:45 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1642 on: 11/11/2011 16:55:25 »
"Hey!" Said Coropral Ricky, "That's a swizz."
"Are you sure rick?" Retorted Gen Eva, "if so may he Berne in hell. Pvt. Lucy, do your worst on him."
"Yeah Luc earn your wages and set light to his wohlen jumper."



From the above, you may deduce that I am off on my travels again at the weekend. Zurich for a few days. You could say I'm on a roll, ..............
Altogether now........ a...........
Swiss Roll  [::)]
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1643 on: 11/11/2011 23:32:19 »


I will certainly refrain from making any cheesy comments.



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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1644 on: 20/11/2011 13:38:11 »
I wanted to know the best time to see the Dales, so I asked a local 'Wens le dale in full flower?'. He seemed to take umbrage to my query and muttered "Grrr you're just another tourist, there's still tons of flowers in bloom."

Another local said, "Eee dam you, you old codger. I'll tell him. Go down by the medevil fort for a good view. The rock fort is a popular site."

"Thank you Mr?" I queried.

"Just call me Chedwin." He responded.

"Ched, ah an unusual name these days" I said.

"Eee man tell him some other places," piped up another local, "and tell him the whey to brie sure he gets there."
« Last Edit: 20/11/2011 13:40:34 by Don_1 »
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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1645 on: 21/11/2011 19:49:40 »
It was a lovely day at the fair, so I came an' Bert.


Hehehe, I slipped in a krafty one there.
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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1646 on: 23/11/2011 10:15:53 »
Such a lovely day it was, that I sat on the green sward.



"OUCH! Who left this sword lying around?"
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1647 on: 27/11/2011 23:35:20 »

It was a lovely day at the fair, so I came an' Bert.


Hehehe, I slipped in a krafty one there.


Oh, Don, admit it! You are writing all these lovely but cheesy puns so you can brag once again about all your highflying Swiss travels and conquests !


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Offline Don_1

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« Reply #1648 on: 29/11/2011 11:02:48 »
Cheesy puns???? Now there's food for thought.

I wonder if brains would be good food for thought.

Eyeballs good for vision. Pigs trotters good for marathon runners.

Mussels good for weight lifters.

Sausages good for...........
« Last Edit: 29/11/2011 11:05:19 by Don_1 »
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Offline demografx

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« Reply #1649 on: 29/11/2011 15:15:30 »