Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1800 on: 31/01/2012 14:57:09 »
Don, you're clearly a Chelonian expert. But isn't it hard for a depressed turtle to get out of his shell? Please don't snap at me if it's a silly question. Scientific minds wanna know!
« Last Edit: 31/01/2012 17:13:01 by demografx »

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1801 on: 31/01/2012 15:43:06 »
That gives me a frog in my throat
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1802 on: 31/01/2012 16:14:34 »
Well Demo, I could carry on apace, but I don’t want to plaster on these puns too thick.  I’m sure you would not object, but I don’t want to test  u do.

Did I mention that after we had had our fill, Sidney said he was tired, so I said, “Why don’t you have a nap  Sid.” But fearful of his wife’s tongue, he said, “Nah, best not, chel on ian a moan at me.” One day she’ll be the death of him, if not by nagging, by her cooking. Our meal had been very nice but for her peas, which were like bullets. Boy did we all   sulc at ‘er. She thought we couldn’t see her with her face pack on, but we spid ‘er
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1803 on: 31/01/2012 16:19:34 »
That gives me a frog in my throat

Well, it is a leap year.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1804 on: 31/01/2012 17:24:51 »






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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1805 on: 31/01/2012 17:27:10 »



JimBob:





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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1806 on: 01/02/2012 01:47:54 »

Why don’t you have a nap  Sid.”


I'm not Sid, but I once napped in the doorway opening near the Temple.

I almost forgot that event!

But now I'm glad I don't have amniotesia.

« Last Edit: 01/02/2012 05:53:52 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1807 on: 01/02/2012 10:03:09 »

I'm not Sid, but I once napped in the doorway opening near the Temple.


Tch tch, your always up to some sort of skullduggery or another.




But now I'm glad I don't have amniotesia.


Eggselent. I'm glad to know that, because for getting that, I would have to give you the sac and al bu meny people out of work soon enough, the way things are. It is a heavy yolk for some to bare and memn brainier than most are left on the scrap heap of life.

BTW, just to put my mind at rest, am knees yer part of the leg what bends?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1808 on: 01/02/2012 10:15:50 »

I'm not Sid,


Sid want's to be sure of this, so he asked me if there was any way he could confirm the fact using his new smart phone. "Yes," I informed him, "you can probably download an app Sid. Go on, tri apSid. Look at this one, its a sign ap Sid."



Here endeth the plug for smart phones. I wouldn't have one if you paid me. Just what was wrong with two empty baked bean cans and a piece of string?

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1809 on: 01/02/2012 18:33:51 »
They weren't worth beans.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1810 on: 01/02/2012 21:57:04 »

Beans, beans are good for your heart. The more you eat...

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1811 on: 01/02/2012 22:13:00 »

Here endeth the plug for smart phones. I wouldn't have one if you paid me. Just what was wrong with two empty baked bean cans and a piece of string?




This is for those of you(th) who do NOT remember those ANCIENT times of OLD.

« Last Edit: 01/02/2012 22:18:23 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1812 on: 01/02/2012 22:15:52 »

Just to put my mind at rest, am knees yer part of the leg what bends?


Knees?? Bend??

Oh...

I don't know...

I forgot!

« Last Edit: 03/02/2012 06:07:07 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1813 on: 02/02/2012 00:59:40 »
Oldtimer's disease makes you forget.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1814 on: 02/02/2012 02:48:41 »
According to one old timer I saw, it's always 9:15.
« Last Edit: 02/02/2012 05:01:13 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1815 on: 02/02/2012 15:32:34 »
I would like to patella story about my naval adventure in Scapula Flow trying catch a carpal, but I think we kneed to cap off this line of puns before we get a ribbing.

I'd better get down on said knees, vetebrae (for to pray).
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1816 on: 02/02/2012 18:29:35 »

...before we get a ribbing.


1.   What did the skeleton have for supper? Ribs.

2.    What did the skeleton say to the bartender? Gimme a beer and a mop, please.




« Last Edit: 03/02/2012 06:15:23 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1817 on: 02/02/2012 19:59:47 »
The first skeleton must have been male, and the second, female.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1818 on: 03/02/2012 00:30:22 »








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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1819 on: 03/02/2012 00:35:08 »
February is Fabulous Florida Strawberry Month
and also
International Hoof-care Month


Hoof you a care in the world??

« Last Edit: 03/02/2012 00:47:21 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1820 on: 03/02/2012 08:43:30 »

International Hoof-care Month


Ofk horse you had to bring that up. But its only far ears prepared to listen.

Now for a mixed Spoonerism/pun

I must be off at ecloven a leck this morning.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1821 on: 03/02/2012 17:40:02 »

Now for a mixed Spoonerism/pun


When I swallowed the spoon I found that I couldn't stir.



« Last Edit: 04/02/2012 02:40:54 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1822 on: 03/02/2012 17:44:51 »

International Hoof-care Month


Ofk horse you had to bring that up.


Well, you wanted to buy the horse, so now it's time to pony up.
« Last Edit: 03/02/2012 19:06:46 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1823 on: 04/02/2012 00:37:26 »
Aren't you old horse traders a bit long in the tooth for such unbridled performance?  Harness that energy and stick manely to the tail we started to tell instead of saddling us with this other nonsense or you might get shoed away.   
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1824 on: 04/02/2012 01:22:15 »

Aren't you old horse traders a bit long in the tooth for such unbridled performance?  Harness that energy and stick manely to the tail we started to tell instead of saddling us with this other nonsense or you might get shoed away.   




For Donnah's unbridled performance!
« Last Edit: 04/02/2012 01:26:58 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1825 on: 04/02/2012 01:50:57 »

.............But I don't want to be flattened like a pancake.


Ah ha! I spy an opportunity..........


We had no idea how to make a batter until we found a readymade pancake with the ingredients imprinted on it. I suppose you could say the Pancake taught us.



Turtle Award For Don teaching us a batter way!

« Last Edit: 04/02/2012 01:59:08 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1826 on: 04/02/2012 20:30:40 »

Ah ha! I spy an opportunity..........


We had no idea how to make a batter until we found a readymade pancake with the ingredients imprinted on it. I suppose you could say the Pancake taught us.
Or, if said with a British accent, "the pancake tourght us".
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1827 on: 04/02/2012 21:34:37 »
In Rome, an old tortoise named Myrtle
Was in prison for stealing a girdle.
Then the Vatican City
Agreed to have pity
The headlines read: “Pope Springs a Turtle!”

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1828 on: 04/02/2012 22:05:03 »
If it weren't for the pope's pity, Myrtle would have had a slim chance.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1829 on: 05/02/2012 00:37:43 »
My niece was telling me about a trip to the zoo with her grandparents and how she saw a very large turtle who approached them.

She exclaimed, "He was walking right tortoise!"
« Last Edit: 05/02/2012 00:41:17 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1830 on: 05/02/2012 00:54:00 »

If it weren't for the pope's pity, Myrtle would have had a slim chance.


The pope, on his 2008 tour in the United States, skipped Mass.
« Last Edit: 05/02/2012 00:56:36 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1831 on: 05/02/2012 04:36:06 »
Myrtle, the turtle,
the one who stole the girdle
had lost her hope
until the Pope
released her from the cell.
She cried "Thank you,
I will be true,
I was in a real snare,
now I'm out by a hare
so it's time to come out of my shell.

Yeah, okay, so they can't all be good.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1832 on: 06/02/2012 00:00:23 »
Hope springs eternal!

(Pope springs a turtle)
« Last Edit: 06/02/2012 07:35:32 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1833 on: 06/02/2012 05:15:35 »
Where is Hope Springs anyway, I can't find it on a map.  And I can't find a country named Eternal either.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1834 on: 06/02/2012 07:11:42 »
No, No, Donnah! Eternal is a State!!!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1835 on: 06/02/2012 07:15:58 »

Where is Hope Springs anyway, I can't find it on a map.




It's 2 hours from me! (really) Thanks for showing me!
« Last Edit: 06/02/2012 07:33:39 by demografx »

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1836 on: 07/02/2012 06:49:55 »
That looks like Ireland.  Are you sure Eternal isn't a county (yes, I mean county, not country)?
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1837 on: 07/02/2012 08:51:19 »
That looks like Ireland. 


Having managed a Spoonerism pun, I shall now try my hand at an antonym pun.

Hope Springs eh!

Watch out for the leprechaun. He turn all things to despair. dis pair fall's into that category.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1838 on: 07/02/2012 17:07:05 »

That looks like Ireland.  Are you sure Eternal isn't a county (yes, I mean county, not country)?




You must mean Cork.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1839 on: 07/02/2012 17:12:08 »

That looks like Ireland. 


Having managed a Spoonerism pun, I shall now try my hand at an antonym pun.

Hope Springs eh!

Watch out for the leprechaun. He turn all things to despair. dis pair fall's into that category.





Don wins the Antonym Award!
« Last Edit: 07/02/2012 17:17:32 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1840 on: 08/02/2012 12:41:27 »
Where are you finding all these awards? I had no idea they existed.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1841 on: 09/02/2012 01:11:26 »







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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1842 on: 09/02/2012 01:30:40 »
February is also
Responsible Pet Owner's Month
http://www.bikersagainstanimalcruelty.org/RPOM.html

Don't dodge your responsibilities to your pets!

It could be a catastrophe if you do!

Fishing around for more money can wait!

=^..^=

« Last Edit: 09/02/2012 08:03:35 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1843 on: 09/02/2012 05:05:35 »
And don't give/flip your neighbor the bird!
« Last Edit: 09/02/2012 05:57:55 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1844 on: 09/02/2012 05:21:18 »

Myrtle, the turtle,
the one who stole the girdle
had lost her hope
until the Pope
released her from the cell.
She cried "Thank you,
I will be true,
I was in a real snare,
now I'm out by a hare
so it's time to come out of my shell.




« Last Edit: 09/02/2012 05:37:45 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1845 on: 09/02/2012 05:40:54 »

Where are you finding all these awards? I had no idea they existed.




I humbly accept! With tears in my eyes!

I prepared some off-the-cuff remarks:

"To all the Distinguished Members of the Academy....."

Ohnevermind, wrong Award Acceptance Speech....

« Last Edit: 09/02/2012 08:10:19 by demografx »

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1846 on: 09/02/2012 08:48:29 »
February is
Responsible Pet Owner's Month

Your dogged attention to annual events has paid off again.

Will those pets say grace before they tuck into breakfast.......... "For what we are about to receive........" For Spanish pets, would that translate to (here it comes, a Spanish pun) "Para que tu a punto de recibir......" And don't forget to scatter some food for the wild birds too. It doesn't cost much. I bought some wild bird seed and was pleasantly surprised when the shop keeper, Mr. Pratt, said "Here's jer bill".

I took a German Shepherd to the vet a few days ago. We went on a train which called at all stations to London Bridge.

We all love TNS, it has (wait for it...........) taught us many things.


Yippee! The trusty old 'tortoise' pun makes yet another appearance. I wold hate to keep them to myself, it would seem rather shellfish**

**Note the triple barrel pun.

Timmy the tortoise
went out and bought us
a lock for door to his house
not a padlock and chain
he did explain
but a real good mortice.

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1847 on: 09/02/2012 18:59:40 »

Para que tu a punto de recibir......


Careful!

Do you know the poop on parakeets?


...the shop keeper, Mr. Pratt


Shop keeper?

Hell no!

Mr. Pratt is a well known breeder of lab science animals.

So, he is definitely part of the rat race!
« Last Edit: 12/02/2012 03:06:40 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1848 on: 09/02/2012 19:11:28 »

Timmy the tortoise
went out and bought us
a lock for door to his house
not a padlock and chain
he did explain
but a real good mortice.






This is terrific!

But your submission is a hare too late. Donnah walked off with The Turtle Poetry Award For February.

Stick your neck out earlier next time!




But as a Consolation Prize, you get to choose The Lucky Lady who is to receive a kiss from you!

And of course, you can also choose anyone author than Barbara Elsborg!


Barbara Elsborg


« Last Edit: 12/02/2012 03:04:27 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1849 on: 17/02/2012 01:35:43 »
February 18, 2012 is
Cow Milked While Flying In An Airplane Day

You have an entire day to prepair for this. So, no rush.

But I'm sure your day will go fast.

Do we have to tip such a cow? A cow like this has never served me food. This one only serves milk.
« Last Edit: 17/02/2012 02:06:02 by demografx »