[Carolyn (OP)]

I have a big problem.

For the past week or so and for a few hours every day, my yard is flooded with hundreds, maybe thousands of birds. 

The problem is, I'm terrified of them.  To say I'm horrified would not be an exaggeration.  I've had panic attacks.  I become agitated, nervous & jumpy.  Sometimes I can't catch my breath, other times I hyperventilate.  Today, I was alone when the evil demons arrived and I couldn't stop crying, and I broke out into a rash on my neck and chest.  I assume it was hives, it went away within a few hours.  Right off of my kitchen, my deck was covered in them.  Two of them flew into the glass sliding door & I nearly lost the plot.  While driving down my street today, a large flock of them swooped down toward my car and nearly caused me to run off the road.

I know it's crazy and irrational, but I can't get rid of this overwhelming fear of them.  It's debilitating.  I can't leave the house when they're here and I'm even afraid now when they're not here.

I think it would be easier to get rid of the birds than this fear.  Do any of you have any suggestions as to how hubby and my hateful son (he thinks it's funny) can make them leave?  Is it possible to get rid of them? 

[DoctorBeaver]

I find that this works rather well...

[BenV]

Plant some Catnip in your garden.  It has no direct effect on birds, but can have a strong indirect effect!

[JnA]

In once scene of "Steel Magnolias" the character, Drum Eatenton, got rid of birds by loading up a cross bow with fireworks, lighting them and shooting the arrow into the tree.

How's your aim?

[another_someone]

Getting rid of birds is a regular problem for airfields, where birds are a liability to aircraft.  There are no easy options, although a number of partial ones.

One option (possibly not your favourite) is to get yourself a bird of prey (such as a Peregrine Falcon) to frighten them off.

Various load bangs (that sound like powerful gunshots) have been tried.

There is some evidence that birds are sensitive to the microwave radiation emitted by powerful radars, so they have tried using strong pulsed microwave radiation.

Alternatively, if you know what species you are dealing with, you could play recordings of the alarm calls for that species, so the birds believe there is imminent danger, and fly off.

[paul.fr]

Don't you have your own little militia? The target range must be getting expensive...

[Karen W.]

I have a big problem.

For the past week or so and for a few hours every day, my yard is flooded with hundreds, maybe thousands of birds. 

The problem is, I'm terrified of them.  To say I'm horrified would not be an exaggeration.  I've had panic attacks.  I become agitated, nervous & jumpy.  Sometimes I can't catch my breath, other times I hyperventilate.  Today, I was alone when the evil demons arrived and I couldn't stop crying, and I broke out into a rash on my neck and chest.  I assume it was hives, it went away within a few hours.  Right off of my kitchen, my deck was covered in them.  Two of them flew into the glass sliding door & I nearly lost the plot.  While driving down my street today, a large flock of them swooped down toward my car and nearly caused me to run off the road.

I know it's crazy and irrational, but I can't get rid of this overwhelming fear of them.  It's debilitating.  I can't leave the house when they're hear and I'm even afraid now when they're not here.

I think it would be easier to get rid of the birds than this fear.  Do any of you have any suggestions as to how hubby and my hateful son (he thinks it's funny) can make them leave?  Is it possible to get rid of them? 

Ok Carolyn.. put spinning wheels or spinners about your garden and along the top of your deck. Fill some decorative containers with cat litter or such and let the breeze spin them.. birds do not like spinners and whirly gigs!

[Vcoolspice]

Buy a cat. . . that will make disappear real quick !!!

[Carolyn (OP)]

I find that this works rather well...

Don't you have your own little militia? The target range must be getting expensive...

Both excellent ideas...but highly illegal.

LOL..ya know Paul, though we do have plenty of weapons in our home, we are law abiding, they're rarely used outside of hunting season...especially since I live next door to two police officers.

Hubby has gone out a few times with a pellet gun and firecrackers.  It scares them away for a little while, but they just come back later.

[Carolyn (OP)]

Plant some Catnip in your garden.  It has no direct effect on birds, but can have a strong indirect effect!

Thank you Ben.  I'll definately look into planting the catnip!

Buy a cat. . . that will make disappear real quick !!!

I'm NOT a cat person.  Can't stand them, but I have considered it.  Might could deal with it as long as it is an outside cat and never touches me.  Also would probably cut down on the amount of snakes we get...which I'm also deathly afraid of......yeah yeah, I know...I'm a whimp!

[DoctorBeaver]

Speaking of snakes - get a couple of pythons & watch the bird population dwindle before your very eyes.

[Carolyn (OP)]

Ok Carolyn.. put spinning wheels or spinners about your garden and along the top of your deck. Fill some decorative containers with cat litter or such and let the breeze spin them.. birds do not like spinners and whirly gigs!

I'll see if I can find some.  I have to be careful with those.  We have a homeowners association and lawn & garden ornaments are strictly prohibited.  They could slap me with a large fine, but I might could get away with it in the back yard....what they don't know won't hurt 'em.

Getting rid of birds is a regular problem for airfields, where birds are a liability to aircraft.  There are no easy options, although a number of partial ones.

One option (possibly not your favourite) is to get yourself a bird of prey (such as a Peregrine Falcon) to frighten them off.

Various load bangs (that sound like powerful gunshots) have been tried.

There is some evidence that birds are sensitive to the microwave radiation emitted by powerful radars, so they have tried using strong pulsed microwave radiation.

Alternatively, if you know what species you are dealing with, you could play recordings of the alarm calls for that species, so the birds believe there is imminent danger, and fly off.

Uhm, you're right George....I don't want a bird of prey...that would probably scare me even more and it would give Nic something else to laugh at me about!

I have no idea what species of birds they are.  They're small, black and look very mean!

[Carolyn (OP)]

Speaking of snakes - get a couple of pythons & watch the bird population dwindle before your very eyes.

Funny!!!

I'd have to trade one evil, scary animal for something even more menacing! [xx(]

[rosalind dna]

Buy a model of  peregrine falcon or hawk leave it in the middle of your
yard and the birds will vanish.
Or find some of the CDs that you and your family don't listen to anymore,
put some cotton through the CDs string them up on a washing line if you
have one. Even in the middle of your yard then the clattering noise and
the mirroring effect will get rid of the birds.

Have you tried to contact your local pest control services?

[another_someone]

Buy a model of  peregrine falcon or hawk leave it in the middle of your
yard and the birds will vanish.
Or find some of the CDs that you and your family don't listen to anymore,
put some cotton through the CDs string them up on a washing line if you
have one. Even in the middle of your yard then the clattering noise and
the mirroring effect will get rid of the birds.

Have you tried to contact your local pest control services?

I think there is one thing you might like to bear in mind about Carolyn - she lives in Florida.

This probably means that the local pest control people are more interested in rogue alligators than in small black birds (she did have them out for the black widow problem she had).

Secondly, peregrine falcons are not native to Florida, so I am not at all sure the local bird population would actually know what one was if it saw it (that might be a weakness in my proposal as well).  I suppose the trick is to find out what the natural predators of the birds that concern you are, and put a realistic model of one or two in the garden, and hope they are dumb enough not to know the difference.

[another_someone]

I have no idea what species of birds they are.  They're small, black and look very mean!

It might be an idea for you to take a photograph of a few, and post them - so we can see what you are talking about (and then, the more knowledgeable on the matter can laugh even louder as they exclaim "your frighted of that?" []).

[another_someone]

Incidentally, is not Benji interested in the birds - or can you not persuade him to be - what really is the point of owning a dog and barking yourself?

[Carolyn (OP)]

I have no idea what species of birds they are.  They're small, black and look very mean!

It might be an idea for you to take a photograph of a few, and post them - so we can see what you are talking about (and then, the more knowledgeable on the matter can laugh even louder as they exclaim "your frighted of that?" []).

 [!]I cannot believe you...my dear friend....are finding my misery so humorous!!  I was going to try and get pictures yesterday, but I left my camera in the car and there wasn't a snow balls chance in Hell of me going to get it!

Incidentally, is not Benji interested in the birds - or can you not persuade him to be - what really is the point of owning a dog and barking yourself?

My Benjamin is fearless!!  He would love to chase them away, but I can't let him out front because it isn't fenced in.  He's chased them while he was in the back yard as long as he was already outside when they came.  If he's inside, then I would have to open the door and the thought of one getting in the house makes me sick!

[Carolyn (OP)]

Buy a model of  peregrine falcon or hawk leave it in the middle of your
yard and the birds will vanish.
Or find some of the CDs that you and your family don't listen to anymore,
put some cotton through the CDs string them up on a washing line if you
have one. Even in the middle of your yard then the clattering noise and
the mirroring effect will get rid of the birds.

Have you tried to contact your local pest control services?

I think there is one thing you might like to bear in mind about Carolyn - she lives in Florida.

This probably means that the local pest control people are more interested in rogue alligators than in small black birds (she did have them out for the black widow problem she had).

Secondly, peregrine falcons are not native to Florida, so I am not at all sure the local bird population would actually know what one was if it saw it (that might be a weakness in my proposal as well).  I suppose the trick is to find out what the natural predators of the birds that concern you are, and put a realistic model of one or two in the garden, and hope they are dumb enough not to know the difference.

Around here pest control is only used for bugs,rodents, BEAVERS [] and termites.

I have called the Florida Division of Wildlife regarding the black bear infestation we have, but they say there's nothing they can do...we have to learn to co-exist with them and deal with the hundreds, or sometimes thousands of dollars of property damage they cause.  If they won't do anything about the bear I can't imagine they'll care about the birds.

So, we have to deal with the bear, a trigger happy neighbor with horrible aim and scary evil birds.

I'm in redneck Hell!

[another_someone]

My Benjamin is fearless!!  He would love to chase them away, but I can't let him out front because it isn't fenced in.  He's chased them while he was in the back yard as long as he was already outside when they came.  If he's inside, then I would have to open the door and the thought of one getting in the house makes me sick!

I would very much doubt a bird would come into the house (they do sometimes accidentally, but they have nothing they normally would want inside a house, except as nesting site - but they would do that when you are not looking).  Houses are places that are too easy to get trapped in, so getting deeply in would always carry risks for birds - they are creatures that like space.

Nonetheless, for the small chance one might come into the house by mistake, letting off a shot into the air should keep them from getting too close while the door is open.