[DoctorBeaver (OP)]

This is hilarious!

From http://shelleytherepublican.com/2006...y-tristan.aspx

Linux: A European threat to our computers

Like most things that are worth owning, Computers are an American invention. Look at any modern computer and you will see that the whole thing is the product of American brilliance.

For example, this rugged IBM laptop I am using was designed and built by an American company. It runs software built by Microsoft, one of America’s most productive organizations. My computer does everything I could possibly want: I can do my work, submit my taxes and even search the Bible.

Like all the greatest American engineering, it’s an example of innovation that makes a growing group of European and Chinese hackers jealous. They hate our lead in computing technology and will stop at nothing until they have control of all of our computers.

I’m talking about a project called ‘Linux’, something you may not have encountered, but might do some day.
It’s a computer program that was initially developed in Finland as a means of circumventing valuable copyrights and patents owned by an American company called SCO Group.

Unlike Windows, which is a mature commercial product which is normally included with every new computer, Linux is given away. Now it may not sound like much of a problem, after all there is very little profit in merely giving a product away.

This would be certainly true were in not for the Linux project’s seductive Marxist ideology and the effect that it has on ‘Blue-State’ liberals. Indeed, Linux is so pervasive amongst the blue states and many liberal universities that a leading computer expert Steve Balmer (from Microsoft) described Linux as cancer.

The American software industry is worth more than $7 Billion; Introducing a foreign product like Linux which is often copied for free could threaten that entire industry. A generation of computer users might get use to accepting foreign software hand-outs rather than paying for a superior American products. If only the danger were just to our economy:

These days computers control everything from TV stations to battleships; Our crucial information and defense infrastructure is built on computer technology. If we allow this cancer into our networks, there is no knowing what the effect might be on our infrastructure, but that is just what liberals are trying to do.

Imagine if the State of the Union address were hacked because the TV station decided to save money by using Linux? Imagine if a stealth-bomber crashed because it’s software was written by anonymous Chinese or European hackers. It would make as much sense as inviting the French to come over and take over the White-House.

And guess what software Osama Bin Laden uses on his laptop?

If you guessed it was Linux you would be 100% right. Osama uses Linux because he knows designed to counterfit DVDs, curcumventing the Digital Millenium Copyright Act, and defraud companies like Disney.

Next time somebody asks you how Al Queda agents pay for their rifles and rocket launchers, you can tell them that foreign hackers make software called Linux which helps them steal from Americans.

This Linux problem is a growing issue, and one that conservative Americans cannot afford to ignore. Fortunately Microsoft have prepared a great deal of information to help computer users get away from this menace. But there is something you can do to help keep American #1 in the computer business:

If one of your friends is using Linux or may be tempted to try it show them this article. Explain that Linux is a genuine threat and that by using it they may be opening their computer to Chinese hackers.

If you see a company using Linux, it may be that they have not paid for this software. Report them to the Business Software Alliance who have the legal authority to inspect any company’s computers for illegal programs like Linux.

Finally, remember to include Linux users in your prayers tonight. As individuals we may not be able to change people’s minds, but the Bible teaches that God can make any sinner repent.

[Bored chemist]

OMG! Osama is trying to defraud the Disney corporation!

[DoctorBeaver (OP)]

He took offence at Aladdin  []

[Bored chemist]

All together now...
Oh no he didn't.
Incidentally, I think this rant is even funnier.
http://shelleytherepublican.com/2006/10/13/apple-computer-the-homosexuals-favourite.aspx

[LeeE]

Surely this is all parody?  Anyone who seriously believes any of this stuff has serious mental illness/capability problems.

[DoctorBeaver (OP)]

Surely this is all parody?  Anyone who seriously believes any of this stuff has serious mental illness/capability problems.

Yes, it's called satire.

[BenV]

Have you heard of Poe's Law?  (not the one about poems)

"Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing"

[Andrew K Fletcher]

Imagine having America's missile capability hooked up to Microsoft's totally reliable Windows software.

Ok Osama hit the red button. "what's that, you have hit it already? Never mind we can run a system restore point. Damn it didn't work. I can run my Liynux software from a pen drive and rebuild the boot sector, lets try again one last time. Can anyone see a bright light. OMG Game over  Bleeeeeep

[LeeE]

Surely this is all parody?  Anyone who seriously believes any of this stuff has serious mental illness/capability problems.

Yes, it's called satire.

So it is parody.  In the light of the story of the school teacher who confiscated one of her pupils copies of linux install disks and threatened to have him investigated for possible crimes, it's difficult to tell sometimes.

[DoctorBeaver (OP)]

Imagine having America's missile capability hooked up to Microsoft's totally reliable Windows software.

You have pressed the Launch button. Please re-boot for this change to take effect.

[nicephotog]

Microsoft Saddam helper goes to the window and says,
Do you really want to do this?
OK CANCEL

[DoctorBeaver (OP)]

Please do not switch off or launch until updates are installed.

[Andrew K Fletcher]

Osama asks. "What exactly is the Blue Screen Of Death, Is this our latest weapon against possible threats?"

[DoctorBeaver (OP)]

Osama asks. "What exactly is the Blue Screen Of Death, Is this our latest weapon against possible threats?"

[Andrew K Fletcher]

Quote: "Windows is Fool Proof" George W Bush Junior

[erickejah]

Imagine having America's missile capability hooked up to Microsoft's totally reliable Windows software.

You have pressed the Launch button. Please re-boot for this change to take effect.

What about the "run as an administrator" window

[nicephotog]

(MESSAGE WINDOW Translated from russian)
To remove the demonstration missile launch software and have the full services of this software you must purchase a key
Please go to this URL.....

[Andrew K Fletcher]

How many of us use every function in windows? All the utilities and memory hogging useless add-on’s that are just there so the salespeople can convince us we are getting value for money perhaps?

How nice it would be to reverse engineer the windows software and take it back to a stable environment that allows the full potential of your hardware.

Why not take it back further still, strip it down, rebuild it, strip it down again build it again and again. Hang on a bit, are we talking about Linux here or windows?

Hackers:  Hackers used to be a clean word. All software relies on people who strip things down and make a better widget. In fact, the Internet was founded upon the minds of such people.

Motor racing enthusiasts have no problem with taking an engine to bits, boring out the pots, bigger higher compression pistons, lighten the crankshaft, add a better turbocharger. Play around with the fuel mixtures. alter the timing to compensate, mercilessly throw away most of the dead weight from the vehicle that holds the engine. And then test drive it to make sure it is reliable for the job.

Sending out a bog-standard car to race against the tweaked up version of the same car will not provide a winning combination. Yet this is exactly how Microsoft operate, sending out Vista, Windows XP, 2000, ME, 98 to the general public expecting them to report back problems so that they can be worked around later, with the usual bombardment of updates.

Linux on the other hand sends out the software for free asking people to rebuild it and make it better than before. Time to switch to Linux me thinks.

[Andrew K Fletcher]

To add to this.

Last night I had to copy over a new boot sector to my C: drive. Then run a scan disk from another drive which I keep as back up. Computer could not recognise the C drive. When I came back to the computer after watching a film, I was seeing my back drive only. So not only had the main hard drive been taken out by a possible boot sector virus, the computer had rebooted itself onto my other drive. Sorted now after running PCCylin free scan and then AVG scan.
Good job I was not about to launch a defensive missile strike at some incoming bogeys. Such is the reliability of Microsoft.

By the way. Not making this up!

[yor_on]

Yep, I've been somewhere near that too a long time ago:)
And I was rater impressed as microsoft stated that the boot sector needed to be othe first Hdisk 'c'.
And that's why I loved W98.
Yeah I know, most of you said it crashed to often, but it was f*ng innovative, with sooo many cool ways of doing the 'same thing'.
Today that's called 'redundancy' )

Well, sort of?