[MonikaS (OP)]

Ähem! It's FACT™, just like TRUTH™!

The mobile phones are truly evil! Let's not forget the evil rays those phones emit!

[stereologist]

Cell phones were actually the first attempt at producing multiple organ growth in what seem to be ordinary people. Unfortunately, the effects serve mainly to induce blatheritis, a once rare psychological condition in which the victim chatters endlessly about nil. That was the main reason for the technological switch to the bottled water industry.

[demografx]

I have allways wanted to found a religion, must be like a license to print money.

Monika, me too! Mine has been dormant for a while, you can be a partner.

Currently, all donations are requested to be sent to us at:

YouBeSaved
PO Box 1
Dallas, TX

Dallas is a very credible address for a new Answer From Above. And for asking for donations to help us fight evil!

[stereologist]

What do you propose for the new religion? Let's get some ideas rolling.

[MonikaS (OP)]

Great! I finaly found partners! I'll do the European branch of our religion.

Yeah we need ideas and a good name too!

[demografx]

Monika, is YouBeSaved from the previous page too lame?

[demografx]

What do you propose for the new religion? Let's get some ideas rolling.

Stereo, maybe you have the cart before the horse. Don't we first need a good scandal to attract people? Then we build from there...

Perhaps we need to appoint someone to head up a new Division of Extramarital Affairs and Larceny............

But I don't claim to know all (except in Matters Of The Universe and Right Living, as any Good New Religion Founder-Partner should know), so jump right in!......

[MonikaS (OP)]

A scandal is always good for getting a new religion started, or something juicy... What about making extramarital activites mandatory? <ponder> That would make marriage for all members mandatory too... Oh yes I've got an idea! We can do huge marriage ceremonies Moonie style! Do we want a jus primae noctis?

YouBeSaved sounds a bit lame... First Church of Naked/Stripped Salvation or something like that.

[demografx]

Wow, Monika, I second that FCN/SS name motion! Excellent.

My only concern with jus primae noctis is that we could wind up competing with other recent startups' promises of many virgins and perhaps we might get hurt in the process by.....zealots. We need to stay focused on greed, larceny and merely contemptible behavior and tactics.

After all, we're only out for fame, money and power, right? OK, illicit romance, too.

But I'm thrilled that you agree with the scientific pursuit of scandal!

[Vern]

Wow, Monika, I second that FCN/SS name motion! Excellent.

Hey; I like that; and once in power we'll have to dispense with normal legislative bodies; we can appoint our own shadow government and just ignore the old cronies.

Then we'll need to silence the opposition by cutting off their radio and TV access.

[] Oops; sounds kinda familiar.  []

[demografx]

Vern, I get shivers thinking of all the possibilities, they're endless! And to have government and mass media at our beck and call! I can't wait for my mailorder Pontiff hat to arrive, it's baby blue...

[stereologist]

What if the conspiracy is that clothing is used to deploy either mind control devices or drugs. Then we ask for the members of the Church of Stripped Salvation to remove their mind control devices. We'll poke loads of fun at silly 'taggers' that attempt to remove the mind controlling elements of clothing by clipping off the tags. We'll point to unreadable print on the tags where it is claimed there is a EULA with the citizen to become a tax paying slave to the system. We'll make further claims that Nostradamus predicted clothing mind control. Then we can claim that the mind readers such as John Edwards are false prophets and place a fatwa on them. Or we could claim they are renegade operatives that are using the mind control systems for their own profiteering (or should that be propheteering). For those that do not want to remove the mind control devices we'll sell expensive anti-resonance filter water that disables the devices.

We can try to unify the woo by getting crop circles, crystal power, and other baloney wrapped into this conspiracy by claiming they all evidence in favor of our pet theory.

[demografx]

                              

Brilliant, Stereo! I propose that each article of clothing have a patch sewn with our TPN (Trusted Psychic Nostradamus) prominently displayed!

[stereologist]

If it drugs, then we have to explain why they do not wash out in the laundry process.

I suggest that we make unwarranted claims that deep fried potatoes of various forms contain an 'adaptive response matrix' that forms 'pluristic recombinant nano-chains' channeling the mind control drugs to 'targeted response zones.'

Our only problem is stopping the diet food industry from stealing our ridiculous claims for capitalistic purposes.

[demografx]

Great unwarranted claims! And you have raised deep fried potatoes' mind control correlates to incredible scientific heights! NO ONE will understand your descriptors enough to challenge them. Brilliant.

The diet food industry will be hard pressed to steal ideas from you, as a Nobel laureate!

Well done, Stereo! Green Pontiff hat will arrive at your door shortly!

[stereologist]

Thanks. I have no idea what I was writing which is exactly the sort of rubbish that a good conspiracy needs to defend.

I love the line in the movie a Mighty Wind where the characters says something like, "Isn't it obvious that we're all colors on the 42nd harmonic?"

[demografx]

Yes. Maybe we should team up with the Moon Landing Conspiracy contingent.

My big concern is that we are a bit too rational. Doesn't bode well for a New Religion Of Lunatics.

[yor_on]

What's made me marvel is that you're all so right. It's true every word, you just have too realize that as you think, it will bifurcate. In fact you're all your own Gods, creating endless universes of evil intent with each and every statement made. Endless suffering can at last be ours, as evil overlords ruling our imaginary mindspace we can decree whatever pleases us. The only foreseen problem being agreeing on what that might be, pleasing us I mean.

I suggest ice cream..

[stereologist]

Ther eis actually a new website that has an online conspiracy generator. You fill in a few slots and voila a conspiracy du jour is ready for dissemination to the masses.

http://www.wired.com/magazine/2010/02/pl_print_conspiracy?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+wired%2Findex+%28Wired%3A+Index+3+%28Top+Stories+2%29%29

[Vern]

Internet just became sentient and is demanding sacrifices. It prefers old farts who have conspiracy theories failing that, virgins will do.