[neilep (OP)]

Dearest Itchyolohists,


As a sheepy I of course luff to scratch my itches !!..oh my !!...there's nothing quite like a good old itch being scratched eh ?

Check out Bertha the Elephump !

She's got the mother of all itches and is using a tree to relieve her itch !!

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Bertha's Arse Getting To Know A Tree Very Well !!

What Bertha does not know is that with careful application she could have enjoyed the wondrous benefits that come with the use of Calamine lotion !...
of course, it could be that she's just run out of the stuff !..Elephumps do get through a lot ewe know !

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But how does calamine soothe an itch ?....what does it do ?..what's in it that makes itch go away..?..or is the itch still there but suppressed by the lotion ! ? []


I wish I knew !!..oh boy..I so want to know !!...I am itching to know !!


Hugs & shmishes


mwah mwah mwah !!




Neil
I once knew a lady who had a little itch
But she turned out rather nasty the horrible little .....lady !
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[RD]

According to the FDA it doesn't ...

An Outdated Notion, That Calamine Lotion
... the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has ruled that the lotion's main components - a mixture of zinc oxide and ferric oxide - are useless for relieving pain and itching.

http://www.nytimes.com/1992/09/09/news/09iht-topi.html

[I suppose it could act as a sunscreen to prevent further sunburn].

[Geezer]

Well, yes. But it's a pretty good placebo as long as you don't know it's useless. It's also a pretty good source of income if you make the stuff.

BTW, we recently nickedobtained a large truckloadconsignment of calamine lotion and we are making this available as a once in a lifetime* special offer, only to NSF members.

For more information contact:

Honest Geezer @nsf.CON

Please have your credit card information available.




*(Minimum order 50 liters)

[Geezer]

Neil - I've been doing some research and I'm pretty sure Planty the plant is actually an Abyssinian Nettle.

That might explain your, ahem, "condition". I'd send over a few gallons of calamine, but as RD says, it's NBG.

According to our local medicine man, the only thing that treats the sting of the Abyssinian Nettle is the Abyssinian Dock. Unfortunately, as you might have already surmised, the Abyssinian Dock is really very picky, and it only grows at very low altitudes in Abyssinia, which is something of a bummer, because most of Abyssinia is at rather high altitudes. There are even rumours that the Abysinian Dock will become extinct next Tuesday.

[neilep (OP)]

According to the FDA it doesn't ...

An Outdated Notion, That Calamine Lotion
... the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has ruled that the lotion's main components - a mixture of zinc oxide and ferric oxide - are useless for relieving pain and itching.

http://www.nytimes.com/1992/09/09/news/09iht-topi.html

[I suppose it could act as a sunscreen to prevent further sunburn].

Thank Ewe RD. *sheepie cancels consignment of Calamine*

[neilep (OP)]

Neil - I've been doing some research and I'm pretty sure Planty the plant is actually an Abyssinian Nettle.

That might explain your, ahem, "condition". I'd send over a few gallons of calamine, but as RD says, it's NBG.

According to our local medicine man, the only thing that treats the sting of the Abyssinian Nettle is the Abyssinian Dock. Unfortunately, as you might have already surmised, the Abyssinian Dock is really very picky, and it only grows at very low altitudes in Abyssinia, which is something of a bummer, because most of Abyssinia is at rather high altitudes. There are even rumours that the Abysinian Dock will become extinct next Tuesday.

My word !!


Ewe are right Geezer !!

When I compare my plant to the picture of an Abyssinian....well...see for yourself..they could be twins !!

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I can't tell the difference..in fact..i forget which one is my plant !!


I await the shipment of null-and-void calamine but will also make plans for a trip to Lower Upper-Upper Lower Abyssinia


Phew !!

[FuzzyUK]

The original ancient Chinese philosophy was called I-Ching. The Western version of this is called Scratching.

Individuals gather on the edge of swamps to worship the great God Mosquito. Rituals of itching and scratching enable them to attain a high state of ecstasy.