[4getmenot (OP)]

When we r young we find a first "love" and we REALLY believe we love that person...yet we get a little older and decide that another person is loved more or differently and get with them...and this continues through our lives....does it mean that the first love was not really love? or does love change into other things? does it mean that the first love was not really love at all but that the last love was??? or was all of them really love? and if they all really were love then if u loved them y r they no longer part of your life????hmmm. what is love and how do u know it is real??

k

[another_someone]

This is a question I have asked myself since I was 10 years old.  I then came to the conclusion that love is a form of self delusion, and I am not sure to this day if I have a better answer than that.

Ofcourse, self delusion can be a very powerful and potent force, and can even cure some illnesses.

OK, I suppose the question of love is a very diverse one, since the word has been used to describe about half the human emotions one can be susceptible to.  In a sense, yes, it is a delusion, but it is also part of the illusion by which we create our place in our world, and by which we view how we relate the people closest to us.  In a sense, it is less important to us what it is, than that it provides the binding force that emotionally binds us to our closest points within our society, the people upon whom we choose to depend the greatest.  It is our imagined safety net (whether it actually works like that or not is another matter) that allows us to take the greatest risks with a few people.  Without it, we would not dare to take those risks.

George

[gecko]

love is not real. no one loves you.

[4getmenot (OP)]

when i have watched differnt shows about it, some say that......that love is a selfish thing, no one "really" oves another but for what that person makes" you " feel and claim as love. It is a good feeling you get to be around someone else that you call love...saying you love someone can be called false i guess because really what you are saying is " i love the way you make ME feel" therefore love yourself only right? or what someone can do for you or make you feel?

k

[moonfire]

Interesting point....4getmenot...

"Lo" Loretta

[another_someone]

What does it mean to be selfish or selfless.

Whatever love is, or is not, if both people feel good about it, then is it not both at once selfish and selfless for both of them.  It is only if one person feels good and the other is made to feel bad that you can ask who is being selfish and who is being selfless.

George

[Titanscape]

To love someone is different than to love a feeling or even just an image, and voice... You should see a person and their parts. Character, do you love it? Will, what is it about and their feelings and mind and heart too?

To love it means manners, so good manners, unselfishness, not self centred objectives and self interest only or at all. It involves kindness and patience in committment... I read 1Cor13.

It inovlves presence of mind, knowing the past and future, it has intelligence. If he is with a girl than to attract him is self centred in one angle and a misgiving generosity in another angle, to him.

If you have a first love, you could leave with him a piece of your soul, to varying extents, a lot if it involves sex.

Then your second love has a division too. Short of ideal, possibly conflicting.

Love can be possessive.

Lust can seem as love. It perhaps shows generaous affection but does not really care. A lustful person may lie though... really self centred.

Love involves committment so to leave the first love is not ideal. To take a second can possibly be cruel to the first and selfish to him.

You can hurt your love. Contradict it. You can be cruel.

Love is more than a feeling. Loving thought and discernemnt and committment should be. Use your mind and strength to avoid selfishness and cruelty.

Choose love, and think about how and who to love. Be faithful.

Titanscape

[moonfire]

After reading this, I want to fall in love again!  LOL Thanks Bren!

"Lo" Loretta

[4getmenot (OP)]

when i have watched differnt shows about it, some say that......that love is a selfish thing, no one "really" oves another but for what that person makes" you " feel and claim as love. It is a good feeling you get to be around someone else that you call love...saying you love someone can be called false i guess because really what you are saying is " i love the way you make ME feel" therefore love yourself only right? or what someone can do for you or make you feel?

k

[moonfire]

Interesting point....4getmenot...

"Lo" Loretta

[another_someone]

What does it mean to be selfish or selfless.

Whatever love is, or is not, if both people feel good about it, then is it not both at once selfish and selfless for both of them.  It is only if one person feels good and the other is made to feel bad that you can ask who is being selfish and who is being selfless.

George

[Titanscape]

To love someone is different than to love a feeling or even just an image, and voice... You should see a person and their parts. Character, do you love it? Will, what is it about and their feelings and mind and heart too?

To love it means manners, so good manners, unselfishness, not self centred objectives and self interest only or at all. It involves kindness and patience in committment... I read 1Cor13.

It inovlves presence of mind, knowing the past and future, it has intelligence. If he is with a girl than to attract him is self centred in one angle and a misgiving generosity in another angle, to him.

If you have a first love, you could leave with him a piece of your soul, to varying extents, a lot if it involves sex.

Then your second love has a division too. Short of ideal, possibly conflicting.

Love can be possessive.

Lust can seem as love. It perhaps shows generaous affection but does not really care. A lustful person may lie though... really self centred.

Love involves committment so to leave the first love is not ideal. To take a second can possibly be cruel to the first and selfish to him.

You can hurt your love. Contradict it. You can be cruel.

Love is more than a feeling. Loving thought and discernemnt and committment should be. Use your mind and strength to avoid selfishness and cruelty.

Choose love, and think about how and who to love. Be faithful.

Titanscape

[moonfire]

After reading this, I want to fall in love again!  LOL Thanks Bren!

"Lo" Loretta

[Grecian]

Originally posted by another_someone
  What does it mean to be selfish or selfless.

Whatever love is, or is not, if both people feel good about it, then is it not both at once selfish and selfless for both of them.  It is only if one person feels good and the other is made to feel bad that you can ask who is being selfish and who is being selfless.


I totally agree with George.

Love you lots

Helena   xxx

[moonfire]

Bravo little Helena!

"Lo" Loretta

[Grecian]

Why, thank you ma'am.


Love you lots

Helena  xxx

[moonfire]

You are welcome little Helena!!!

"Lo" Loretta

[Grecian]

I must've been away when it was dished out LOL


Love you lots

Helena  xxx

[moonfire]

yepperdoodle...

"Lo" Loretta

[neilep]

quote:Originally posted by 4getmenot

When we r young we find a first "love" and we REALLY believe we love that person...yet we get a little older and decide that another person is loved more or differently and get with them...and this continues through our lives....does it mean that the first love was not really love? or does love change into other things? does it mean that the first love was not really love at all but that the last love was??? or was all of them really love? and if they all really were love then if u loved them y r they no longer part of your life????hmmm. what is love and how do u know it is real??

k

Each love is different. No two loves are ever the same. they can not be...because it is different people who we are loving.

My first love was incredible....I had of course already poured out an abundance of love already to my family but this love...this First love was a new type of love...and that in itself makes it extra special....though, it does not set it aside as a love that one would never feel again.....the very fact that it's just the first is the uniqueness about it.

This first special love becomes for a lot of people not too long after puberty.....your body is literally oozing with the need to love...and to demonstrate that love....so...when the first love hits you...boy...does it hit you hard. And YES, it IS love...in every essence of the meaning of the word I have never found myself more torn to tears then the experience of this first love....so many landmark barriers may be fulfilled and accomplished in this first love.

The problem with the first love (s) is age...we do feel the love but we are not yet mature enough to deal with it adequately...so many mixed emotions going through your head for the very first time. First loves are notoriously fraught with short sharp shocks to reality...

This of course does not mean that love gets easier as one gets older....it can get quite a lot harder in fact.

Love DOES change....as mentioned....the love you have for one person is unique to that one person...it can not be ignored and will only be like that for that particular individual.

What is love ?....is that all ? []

I don't think anyone really knows....there are ways to define the consequences perhaps...the symptoms maybe......like...when all you can do think of that person....when your every waking moment is monopolised by the thought of that person to the degree when the journey continues into your dreaming world....it is an intense emotional attraction on a scale that is far removed from what you may feel for a friend.........However, these are the symptoms of falling in love.....establishing an atmosphere of complete trust and total understanding....one where you know you can tell that person anything but at the same time feel happy to retain some privacy of your own....

...getting inside someones head to the degree that you know what they are thinking....and likewise of course.....this is love...it is also familiarity and if one is in love then one would know what the difference is.

Is it an illusion ?...only in that it's not a thing that can be held or seen as a separate entity in it's own right....but when the heart beat stronger and faster and the adrenalin begins to rush...when the skin starts to perspire and urge for closeness overtakes then this is where love is NOT an illusion but a manifestation within yourself.

All your loves ARE apart of your life....the people who shared that love may no longer be there but the love you had will always be. It does not necessarily mean then that if you were to meet that person again later in life that one could just so easily run away with them...no no no...for they will be different and so would you be...but it does happen...and it is very easy for love to rekindle the spark...though for some...it may just be a hankering to an earlier time and one may find that the spark is no longer there...but the memory of the love is
.

I really do not know what love is...after all it just a term that is used in a language to communicate an emotional state.

But everyone who is a member of a family should already know a what a form of love is...look to your parents, your siblings, your children...how do you FEEL about them ?..you love them don't you ?

Men are the same as women, just inside out !