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He bought white ties, and he bought dress suits,He crammed his feet into bright tight boots –And to start in life on a brand-new plan,He christened himself Darwinian Man!But it would not do,The scheme fell through –For the Maiden fair, whom the monkey craved,Was a radiant Being,With brain far-seeing –While Darwinian Man, though well-behaved,At best is only a monkey shaved!
The Elements Song(This song is sung to the rhythm and tune of the Major General's Song from The Pirates of Penzance by Gilbert and Sullivan.) There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium,And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium,And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium,And gold and protactinium and indium and gallium,And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium. There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium,And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium,And strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and barium. There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium,And phosphorus and francium and fluorine and terbium,And manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium,Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium.And lead, praseodymium, and platinum, plutonium,Palladium, promethium, potassium, polonium,And tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium,And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium. There's sulfur, californium, and fermium, berkelium,And also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium,And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc, and rhodium,And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin, and sodium. These are the only ones of which the news has come to Ha'vard,And there may be many others, but they haven't been discavard (sic).