[Pseudoscience-is-malarkey (OP)]

I know you can count on an Anglican church, a pub and a World War One memorial, but is a football club another surefire thing?

[alancalverd]

At least one. In fact "wherever two or three are gathered together...." (Matthew 18:20) they will probably kick something around and challenge others to do likewise. Factory and pub teams are as numerous as factories and pubs. A better definition of a town is a habitation with a population large enough to support a rugby club.

[Bored chemist]

There are, of course, village rugby clubs.

[Petrochemicals]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_football_league_system

This is only a brief organised adult structure, there are far far more under 21 under 18 teams, then there are the youth teams of varying age ranges. Then the more informal football leagues.

[Pseudoscience-is-malarkey (OP)]

I think you guys also have a train station in every little town also. No people take more pride in their trains than the British. They invented them afterall.

[alancalverd]

I think you guys also have a train station in every little town also.

Until the Conservative government appointed Dr Richard Beeching (formerly quite a  competent solid-state physicist and engineer - his mongraph on neutron diffraction is still good undergraduate reading) we did indeed have a useful railway system. Beeching's infamous report on the railway system  closed hundreds of branch lines and small stations but,like every other railway system in the world, British Rail still runs at a loss. Subsequent privatisation has resulted in the highest fares per mile in the world*, with the taxpayer subsidising management bonuses and shareholder dividends even when no trains run at all.

*roughly 5 times the cost per passenger-mile or ton-mile of air transport, which runs at a profit. 

[jasonlava]

Football clubs can often be found in many communities, but it's not as guaranteed as a church, pub, or memorial. It really depends on the town or area you're in. Some places are crazy about football and have clubs all over, while others might not have a local team.

[alancalverd]

There are a few New Towns, mostly build after 1945 on green fields, which consequently do not have a war memorial.

[Bored chemist]

OK.
I searched for all the towns- and there's a lot.
https://www.townscountiespostcodes.co.uk/towns-in-uk/
So I picked Merseyside because I know it's an area that plays football.
And I looked for the first town (alphabetically); Ainsdale.

And looked for a club and found Southport and Ainsdale amateurs.

Does that count as Ainsdale having a club?

[Petrochemicals]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunday_league_football_in_England