Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx

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First lesson of the day:

Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
« Last Edit: 05/10/2015 20:49:28 by demografx »

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1 on: 18/05/2010 21:16:09 »
Second lesson

A castrated pig gets disgruntled
« Last Edit: 28/07/2012 02:45:31 by demografx »
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2 on: 18/05/2010 21:17:08 »
Third Lesson

If your boyfriend goes out, get a match and light him again
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3 on: 18/05/2010 21:18:52 »
Fourth Lesson

My hairdresser isn't cutting hair any longer, she is cutting it shorter though.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline LeeE

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4 on: 19/05/2010 13:05:56 »
If it's a funny old world, why isn't everyone laughing?
...And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!

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Offline Bored chemist

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #5 on: 19/05/2010 19:19:06 »
If it's true that "you are what you eat" why are we not all new and improved?
Please disregard all previous signatures.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #6 on: 19/05/2010 23:50:33 »
                                                

Thieves broke into New Scotland Yard last night and stole all the toilet bowls.

A police spokesman said that they have nothing to go on.

         
« Last Edit: 24/05/2010 23:16:07 by demografx »

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #7 on: 20/05/2010 20:48:28 »
A big hole has developed onthe M3. Police are looking into it!
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline Make it Lady

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #8 on: 20/05/2010 20:50:12 »
A man who stole a hold all in an airport asked for three other cases to be taken into consideration.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #9 on: 21/05/2010 06:48:43 »
You gotta be careful of corn at night. They can be early creepy with their husky voices and seedy appearance. Why, they even cob right out and tell you to shuck it right to your face.

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Offline LeeE

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #10 on: 21/05/2010 16:14:45 »
Latest news: Elevator sent down in controversial court case!
...And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #11 on: 22/05/2010 04:00:54 »
With hindsight, I could have been a proctologist.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #12 on: 22/05/2010 04:16:50 »
Does dark matter?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #13 on: 22/05/2010 04:24:59 »
If a door can be ajar, why can't a jar be a door?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #14 on: 23/05/2010 00:38:19 »
If a door can be ajar, why can't a jar be a door?

Because most of us are scotched by that type of pun
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #15 on: 24/05/2010 07:10:52 »

Scotched you say? She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #16 on: 24/05/2010 07:16:23 »

With hindsight, I could have been a proctologist.


And with foresight??

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #17 on: 24/05/2010 08:19:36 »

Scotched you say? She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.


That reminds me of another one.

"She was only an Admiral's daughter, but WOOP WOOP CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED WOOP WOOP"
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #18 on: 24/05/2010 20:20:23 »

She was only an Admiral's daughter...


She was only a statistician's daughter, but she knew all the standard deviations.

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Offline Bored chemist

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #19 on: 24/05/2010 20:58:36 »
...telegraphist's daughter... did dit dit dit
Please disregard all previous signatures.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #20 on: 24/05/2010 21:08:52 »

...clergyman's daughter...you couldn't put anything pastor.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #21 on: 27/05/2010 21:58:44 »


A big hole has developed on the M3. Police are looking into it!


Similarly, a hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #22 on: 29/05/2010 02:41:00 »

...clergyman's daughter...you couldn't put anything pastor.

Could you past 'er the peas?
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #23 on: 29/05/2010 06:43:20 »
                         

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #24 on: 30/05/2010 03:28:31 »

                     
« Last Edit: 30/05/2010 20:26:56 by demografx »

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #25 on: 30/05/2010 09:34:39 »
OK - you asked for it.

"Irish stew in the name of the law!"
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #26 on: 31/05/2010 01:53:17 »

Yup we asked for it, we got it. Your turn:

"Latin me in would be a nice idea."
 

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #27 on: 02/06/2010 03:50:56 »
Noun there, boys, get a grip.
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #28 on: 02/06/2010 04:43:03 »

Noun? We can't get a grip, it's VERBoten here!

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Offline Bored chemist

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #29 on: 02/06/2010 10:43:07 »
I decline to comment.
Please disregard all previous signatures.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #30 on: 03/06/2010 04:14:32 »

Oh c'mon, we all know you can ascent to it.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #31 on: 03/06/2010 04:35:10 »
Knock Knock
Who's there
Diesel !
Diesel who ?
Diesel teach me to start punning threads.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #32 on: 03/06/2010 23:58:26 »
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #33 on: 04/06/2010 02:40:45 »
Doggone it, Pavlov does - but WHY?

(And I can't keep my tongue in my cheek on this one, either.)
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #34 on: 04/06/2010 03:11:42 »
Pavlov was a dead ringer for his brother.
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #35 on: 04/06/2010 03:55:02 »
                             

                          "Doggone drooling brother!"




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Offline SeanB

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #36 on: 04/06/2010 21:35:00 »
Better a drooling brother than a ruling other!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #37 on: 05/06/2010 02:14:37 »

My vote, so far, goes to Geezer for his Proctology Pun. He certainly doesn't make an ass of himself!


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #38 on: 05/06/2010 02:25:26 »

Better a drooling brother than a ruling other!


This reminds me of a very cruel ruler called Pun-ara.

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Offline JimBob

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #39 on: 06/06/2010 00:04:41 »
or a ruling udder around the house - why I am still a bachelor
The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open.  -- A. Einstein

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #40 on: 06/06/2010 02:56:21 »

Hey, no fair, that's hitting below the bleat!

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #41 on: 06/06/2010 04:31:00 »
If your math teacher is Miss McClain, would her tests include some Miss McClaineous questions?
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #42 on: 06/06/2010 05:22:58 »
Lest we forget, there is also that old musical number,

"We're Sliding a Gong on the Breast of a Slave."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeWVbhusa7M&feature=related
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #43 on: 06/06/2010 19:12:34 »

If your math teacher is Miss McClain, would her tests include some Miss McClaineous questions?


Yes, but those questions are graded separately by assorted teacher-aides scattered about here and there.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #44 on: 06/06/2010 19:26:01 »

                            

             If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed!




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Offline geo driver

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #45 on: 06/06/2010 21:05:23 »
there is a difference between
merci beaucoup

and

merci beau cue
board of ignorance

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Offline geo driver

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #46 on: 06/06/2010 21:06:31 »
both pronounced .... roughly the same

can any one tell me what they meen, its got me into trouble b4 with the wife.  however a deep fryed mars to anyone who gets it

and io hope punning in a different language was permitted? [:I]
« Last Edit: 06/06/2010 21:08:45 by geo driver »
board of ignorance

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Offline LeeE

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #47 on: 06/06/2010 21:16:38 »
demografx: very nice pic indeed.

I hadn't heard of Dale Grimshaw before, so thanks for posting it.

It really reminds me of some of the stuff that Bill Sienkiewicz has done though, and that was my first thought upon seeing it.

However, DG's name has registered now, so I'll look out for more of his work.
...And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #48 on: 08/06/2010 20:53:54 »

                             


        She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

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Offline Geezer

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #49 on: 08/06/2010 23:42:29 »

                             


        She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.


Surely that's a matter of a pinion?
« Last Edit: 08/06/2010 23:45:30 by Geezer »
There ain'ta no sanity clause, and there ain'ta no centrifugal force Šther.