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  5. Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
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Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline demografx (OP)

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Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« on: 18/05/2010 14:56:41 »
First lesson of the day:

Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
« Last Edit: 23/05/2017 21:50:44 by chris »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #1 on: 18/05/2010 21:16:09 »
Second lesson

A castrated pig gets disgruntled
« Last Edit: 28/07/2012 02:45:31 by demografx »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #2 on: 18/05/2010 21:17:08 »
Third Lesson

If your boyfriend goes out, get a match and light him again
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #3 on: 18/05/2010 21:18:52 »
Fourth Lesson

My hairdresser isn't cutting hair any longer, she is cutting it shorter though.
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4 on: 19/05/2010 13:05:56 »
If it's a funny old world, why isn't everyone laughing?
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...And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #5 on: 19/05/2010 19:19:06 »
If it's true that "you are what you eat" why are we not all new and improved?
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #6 on: 19/05/2010 23:50:33 »
                                                

Thieves broke into New Scotland Yard last night and stole all the toilet bowls.

A police spokesman said that they have nothing to go on.

         
« Last Edit: 24/05/2010 23:16:07 by demografx »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #7 on: 20/05/2010 20:48:28 »
A big hole has developed onthe M3. Police are looking into it!
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #8 on: 20/05/2010 20:50:12 »
A man who stole a hold all in an airport asked for three other cases to be taken into consideration.
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #9 on: 21/05/2010 06:48:43 »
You gotta be careful of corn at night. They can be early creepy with their husky voices and seedy appearance. Why, they even cob right out and tell you to shuck it right to your face.
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #10 on: 21/05/2010 16:14:45 »
Latest news: Elevator sent down in controversial court case!
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...And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!
 

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #11 on: 22/05/2010 04:00:54 »
With hindsight, I could have been a proctologist.
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #12 on: 22/05/2010 04:16:50 »
Does dark matter?
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #13 on: 22/05/2010 04:24:59 »
If a door can be ajar, why can't a jar be a door?
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #14 on: 23/05/2010 00:38:19 »
Quote from: Geezer on 22/05/2010 04:24:59
If a door can be ajar, why can't a jar be a door?

Because most of us are scotched by that type of pun
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #15 on: 24/05/2010 07:10:52 »

Scotched you say? She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #16 on: 24/05/2010 07:16:23 »
Quote from: Geezer on 22/05/2010 04:00:54

With hindsight, I could have been a proctologist.


And with foresight??
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #17 on: 24/05/2010 08:19:36 »
Quote from: demografx on 24/05/2010 07:10:52

Scotched you say? She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.


That reminds me of another one.

"She was only an Admiral's daughter, but WOOP WOOP CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED WOOP WOOP"
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #18 on: 24/05/2010 20:20:23 »
Quote from: Geezer on 24/05/2010 08:19:36

She was only an Admiral's daughter...


She was only a statistician's daughter, but she knew all the standard deviations.
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #19 on: 24/05/2010 20:58:36 »
...telegraphist's daughter... did dit dit dit
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